Minutes passed and Victor soothed me with his fingers tracing against my ribs, and his head ducked down slowly against my brow.
Silence fell around us.
His lips quietly puckered against my skin. I closed my eyes. I tried to settle my excited heart, wanting to sleep and yet now awake.
I was gripping slightly at his chest as I was relaxing, and then uncurled my hands so my palms were against his chest.
Victor’s head ducked. He slid his lips over until they were by my cheek. “Sang,” he whispered.
“Victor,” I breathed, surprised. Were my movements keeping him awake? I blinked repeatedly, my eyelashes traced against his collarbone.
His palm brushed back my hair that had fallen against my face. He shifted and tilted his head until his lips met my cheek, close to my jaw. “When we get home, I’ll take you to the spa again. Want to do that?”
In his arms, I would have agreed to anything. He understood me.
I remembered the time we’d gone to the spa. “If we go, let’s do something we can do together. Last time we went, Adam did my hair and everything. It was nice but I hardly ever saw you.”
“Sang,” he whispered, breathing against my face. His lips moved again, but he didn’t say anything I could understand. His fingers traced my face, sliding until they caught the edge of my mouth. His thumb slid over my lower lip.
Out of instinct, I kissed the tip of it.
I could barely see anything other than the outline of his face in the dimness, but watched as he brought his thumb to his own lips, kissing where I had just a second before. I stared at him, confused though I sensed it meant something to him.
He reached down inside the sleeping bag for my hand, finding a forefinger. He brought it to his mouth. I was tempted to draw it back, thinking of Nathan and how he wouldn’t like anyone to bite my fingers like he did.
Instead, Victor simply kissed the tip of it. He kissed it again before pulling it away, guiding it and pressing it to my own lips.
He leaned in and then whispered. “I won’t be able to kiss you this week with other people around, not directly, but maybe we could get away with this.”
My heart raced thinking of this week and the Academy and wondering if us kissing fingers would be sneaky enough to get away with. Maybe, if we were careful.
He’d been thinking about how to kiss me. The thought of it thrilled me through to my heart.
I feared we were already being too loud and I wanted a quick kiss before settling in to sleep. I wanted to thank him for being good to me when the others had teased. I drifted a hand up to the back of his neck, catching the gentle waves of his hair in my fingers as I held him and drew him closer.
He leaned closer at my bidding, lowering his face. His lips missed my mouth, kissing my cheek, his mouth warm on my skin. He cupped a hand under my chin, drawing my face up.
The cot creaked.
“Victor,” Kota called.
Victor remained dead silent, his face an inch from mine. His breath fell against my face.
“Victor,” Kota said. “Go find North.”
“He’s not lost,” Victor said. His lips were so close. I held my breath, waiting, wanting the kiss a moment ago and now frozen.
My heart thundered. Had he just told Kota no? What was worse was that if Kota was looking at us, he might be able to tell Victor was hovering so close over me.
Did he know? Could he see?
“Please go get North,” Kota said. Even though he’d said please, there was the tone of command behind it.
Victor lifted his head, looking over mine. I was sure he was looking at Kota. As if in protest, Victor landed a kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger.
My heart exploded, sure Kota would have seen if he was looking this way at all. We were supposed to be getting Kota on our side. Why was Victor acting so defiantly?
“Victor,” Kota said.
Victor grunted, released me, and sighed. I had to shuffle to the side so he could yank the zipper open. I pulled myself out of the way, but still got a waft of cold against my skin.
Victor started to zip me in, but I touched his hand, urging him on and not worry. He stumbled over me, stuffed his feet into shoes, and walked out into the night after North.
“Sang,” Kota said after Victor’s footsteps faded away. “Come here.”
I blushed in the darkness, so hotly I was sure my cheeks would glow. He’d told Victor to go away. If Kota was really worried about North, he would have gone himself, or he could have sent anyone else. He had sent Victor for a reason. I could only assume he knew what Victor had been doing, and had seen that last kiss.
Guilt sent a gentle shudder through my body. Could Kota understand? Maybe I was too late.
I took forever to go to him.
The silence in the tent was thick and too quiet. I had a feeling they were all awake and knew. They were all waiting to hear what Kota would say.
When I finally reached Kota, he held open his bag. When my legs were inside next to his, he zipped us up and settled in next to me.
I started to turn toward him to look at him, ready to face the consequences, when he stopped me by grabbing my arms. “Nope. You’ve done enough tonight. You turn that way,” he said.
My heart was going a thousand miles a minute, but I obeyed him, afraid to do anything else. He nudged me until my back was against him. When I was settled, he turned himself, so his back was against mine. It was obvious he wasn’t going to talk to me about anything.
I stared off at the wall of the tent, doubly embarrassed. I was angry again with Gabriel for breaking my tent and drawing me into theirs. I blamed Silas and Nathan and Luke for not telling me my bag was heated, and North for running out.
I couldn’t blame Victor at all. He was the one who had understood and tried to make things better but had made a mistake with Kota.
Embarrassment blazed through me, heating me from the inside. Was Kota was angry with me?
I wanted to fix it and yet I didn’t have the guts to say anything now. And if I did, what would I say?
He’d brought me into his sleeping bag, so he wanted me near him, but since he was turned away, I had no idea what to do. Maybe he was only angry that I had made so much noise he couldn’t sleep. He was the one who’d said we all needed sleep if we were going to make it through tomorrow.
And if that’s all he was concerned over, then did he not care that Victor had kissed my forehead in front of him like that?
I told myself over and over again that I was too stressed out to understand anything. I tried my best to sleep, staring until my eyes closed. I didn’t hear North and Victor return, but I must have dozed for a few minutes because, at one point, I turned onto my back to get comfortable and saw their forms on their cots.
Through my tired frustration, I ended up facing Kota’s back, cuddling close for warmth but trying not to make it obvious. My body was still, but inside, I was agonizing over everything that had happened today, at my own silly pride and then Victor’s kiss and how Kota probably thought I was ridiculous like he said.
I could have insisted I stay near him. I could have asked him for a minute and talked to him. Was it too late now?
When he turned over some time later and faced me with closed eyes, I remembered what I was supposed to be facing away from him.
“Sorry,” I whispered, starting to flip over.
His hand found my arm, holding me and preventing me from moving. “Relax,” he said.
I settled on my back stiffly, afraid to do anything. He wrapped an arm around my stomach, his hand holding my side. He drew his other arm around, tucking his bicep was under my head. He snuggled in close until his nose was nuzzled against my cheek.
His breath tickled the side of my face. I stayed still for as long as I could but wanted to turn toward him. I did it slowly, unsure because before he wanted me the other way and now it felt like he wanted me close. If I turned my head just right, we would have been nose to nose.
>
But he didn’t move. He was letting me choose where I wanted to be now. Why had it been a problem earlier?
When I was finally facing him, I could see his eyes were half open. He gazed down at me, his lips curled up in the corner. Without his glasses, his face was softer, losing his commanding expression. This was just Kota now: human, my friend...or something closer.
I wanted to ask if I’d upset him, but he didn’t seem upset now. I looked at his nose, his lips, his cheek. I wasn’t looking for anything particular; I was avoiding his searching glances, him silently asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to. I couldn’t stand how he looked into my eyes for so long, seeing right into every corner of me.
“Are you ever going to sleep?” he whispered.
Now that he’d asked, I realized I’d been hopping from bed to bed, disrupting everyone and unable to rest. While I was tired, I was too wound up to sleep.
I sighed softly, shaking my head. Maybe camping wasn’t for me but the least I could do was lie still for him so he could sleep.
Kota’s lips shifted, almost a smile. He leaned in, nuzzling my nose. “You silly, beautiful girl,” he said.
My heart lifted at his words. Wasn’t he angry? What had happened?
He nudged me again until he could move his arms. He unzipped the sleeping bag, then dropped his head until his lips were near my ear. “Find some boots and a coat. Follow me.”
I wondered where he was taking me.
I climbed out of the cot. Somehow I found a pair of boots, too big for my feet but ones I could easily stuff my feet into. I picked up a coat by the door, smelling North’s musk. I peeked over at him, back in his cot and still. Was he paying attention now? Victor was still, as well, in his own cot and sleeping bag.
I wrapped it around my body to stave off the chill and to try to keep the warmth I had for as long as possible.
Kota put on a pair of boots and his own green coat. He opened the zipper to the tent and nudged me out.
THE STARS, THE BEACH, THE WAVES, THE SHORE
There was a dark gray haze overhead. It wasn’t sunrise, but the moon was masked by a thin layer of cloud. The cold threatened to steal the warmth from me, but North’s coat was long on my body and covered my upper thighs. My legs got a little cold, but my feet were protected. As long as we weren’t out here too long, I’d be fine.
After Kota zipped up the tent, he found my hand held them in his and held up a flashlight with the other. His glasses were on, though his hair was a little messy. In a green coat and boots, he led the way toward the paved road and then headed east along it.
We walked quietly together, his fingers intertwined with mine. He kept his eyes forward, scanning the darkness. For the others? For bears?
I took the opportunity to study him, trying to gauge if he was upset, but he didn’t appear to be. He was holding my hand. That was a good sign, right?
With the moonlight casting a blue-gray glow down, his face had a pleasant expression. The angles of his jaw and cheeks stood out, and I thought he looked incredible.
He walked quietly and turned off the road onto a sandy path.
I breathed in the fresh salt air, hearing the waves before I ever saw them. They were softer now, rolling smoothly across the shore closer to the dunes, covering the areas we had used for dancing and soccer.
I thought he’d want to get closer to the water, and was going to head toward the benches, but instead, he stopped well back from the beach. He turned off the flashlight and tucked it into his pocket.
He sat down on top of the dune and tugged me down next to him where we sat, still holding hands.
We looked out at the dark water that occasionally sparkled when the moon shone out from the clouds.
We cuddled close and my free hand found sand to shift between my fingers. While he didn’t speak, my heart continued beating intently as I was scared and wanted to please him, too. I wanted to say I was sorry and find out what he was upset about, or if he was upset at all.
Kota remained focused, eyes intent out on the water.
Maybe he didn’t want to say anything. Maybe he just thought I couldn’t sleep and listening to the waves might help make me get sleepy.
With the chill starting to seep into my bones again, I shivered. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, inviting me to lean against him.
He pressed his cold nose against my forehead. “Enjoying the time off yet?”
“I was enjoying it last week,” I said, with a small smile, even though he couldn’t see. “Not sure if I’ve gotten the hang of camping yet.”
He grazed the tip of his nose across my hair, pressing his mouth to the top of my head, not kissing, just resting his face against me. “You’re doing fine. You should come tell me if the others a being a little rough. But maybe you should listen a little more, too? You can bet most of the time, they’re only trying to help.”
I said nothing, but I did agree with him. I needed to also ask more instead of assuming.
“Nervous about tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. Wasn’t it obvious?
“You didn’t do too badly today with the other team members,” he said. “Although I heard you didn’t talk to any of them.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“I know you’re shy, but they’re all family. You can trust them.”
That wasn’t the problem, or I didn’t think that it was. “It just takes time...” I knew I was shy. I was learning more about myself thanks to them. I just needed to get to know someone more before openly talking.
“I know,” he said and rubbed my arm, warming me through the coat. “Although...although I’m second-guessing you staying in the big tent with us.”
I sat up sharply, suddenly ready with the million excuses I’d made up in the tent about Victor and North and how I hadn’t known about my sleeping bag. “I was trying to sleep in my own tent, but Gabriel and...”
He tightened his hold around my shoulder. “No, sweetheart, I don’t mean that. I was just thinking how it would look when we brought you here, and you’re in the big tent with our team. A team of all boys. And what if someone had walked in while you were in my sleeping bag? It’d be hard to explain, for teenagers...I guess.”
I’d gotten so used to being around the others that I’d stopped questioning it. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“I didn’t until today,” he said and then pulled away from me gently, wrapping his arms around his own body, leaning forward into his thighs, and looking out toward the water. “Maybe if you don’t want to sleep in a tent alone, one of us should stay with you. We can go get another two-man tent.”
That would be good enough. “You think other people, the Academy, would accept one of you staying with me?”
“Yes,” he said. “They trust us, but since we’re trying to put you on a team with all guys, we should work on looking more...normal than we seem to be sometimes.”
Normal. He felt we weren’t normal. Adults in the Academy, like Dr. Roberts, might question the group if we all slept in the same tent. I should have been more aware of that as well. There’s a lot of things I hadn’t thought through lately.
However, Kota didn’t know about the plan yet. Would Mr. Blackbourne want us to pretend and be different than how we normally were or was Kota right by being careful? “If you’ think it’s best.”
“At least until we get other things squared away,” he said. He paused. “So I guess you should pick someone to stay in the tent with you.”
Pick one? “We could switch out,” I said, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings.
“I mean for the whole week,” he said. “Just in case.”
Wasn’t I supposed to be showing I got along with our whole team very well? I wondered what Mr. Blackbourne would say about this later.
Still, maybe this could be my chance to talk to Kota this week. We’d be really busy in the next few days with the rest of the Academy, so at night, when it
would just be him and me, I could talk to him about the plan. “It can be you, right?” I asked. “Do you have to stay with the others because you’re family lead?”
“I don’t have to sleep in the same tent,” he said. He looked at me over the bulk of coat on his arm. “But are you sure you want me?”
My eyebrows rose. The question stilled my heart, and I knew he was asking something much more meaningful than who would sleep in the tent. I ducked my head, partially covering my face with the collar of the coat. “I mean, if you want to...”
“I thought you might want to pick someone else. Like maybe Victor.”
He had seen. How much did he know? “I think...”
“Or Nathan,” he said at the same time. He looked out at the ocean again. “Or North? Gabriel?”
My heart began to thump harder at each name.
Did he not want to stay in the tent with me? Why was he asking about the others? I didn’t want to force him. “I...don’t know...”
He turned slightly, looking at me. “I think any of them would if you asked.”
I bit my lip. Maybe he saw me interacting with them and was confused. Maybe he thought that I was playing with their feelings, or worse, doing things behind backs and being selfish.
I couldn’t risk choosing one of the others. If the plan was going to work at all, I had to choose Kota, and hopefully get him to understand. “Do you mind sleeping in the pink tent? I bet we could fix it, even with the hole in it. We could fit in the tent, right?” I asked quickly, trying not to reveal anything I felt about the others at this point. I needed to focus on him and then find a way to talk to Mr. Blackbourne about the situation. “It seemed kind of small with the cot inside.”
He didn’t answer my question for the longest time but just looked at me, searching, calculating. “We could fit in an air mattress. The double should fit in and still give us some room.”
“We could give the cot back to the others,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. I had to prove to him how important he was to me. “When the heater was running, it warmed pretty well, too. And now that I know the sleeping bag heats up, we should be fine.”