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Scene Four: (the set turns into a court room a Judge enters)
Judge: I open the proceedings of the central high court of justice and litigation. Bring in the accused.
Guard: The accused is here me lord.
Judge: How does the accused plead? Guilty, insane, deranged, ignorance of the law - which incidentally is no excuse…
Daisy Bell: I plead persecuted.
Prime Minister: I object! It's prosecuted not persecuted, persecuted is unjust, prosecuted is just.
Judge: Objection sustained. The State may present its case for the persecution, sorry prosecution.
Daisy Bell: I demand justice.
Prime Minister: Your honour, I ask the court to please ask the accused to refrain from throwing red herrings about in a court of law.
Judge: Daisy Bell you are overruled.
Prime Minister: The prisoner is accused according to statute seven thousand and forty two forbidding cattle from talking to human beings. If she is proven cattle she is charged with talking to a human, if she is proven a human, she is charged with talking to cattle.
Daisy Bell: There's no such statute.
Judge: Is that true?
Prime Minister: Yes your honour. I just made it up.
Judge: Go on.
Prime Minister: She is also charged under statute seven thousand and forty three for being in the vicinity where a known criminal escaped from prison a few hours previously.
Judge: Don't you think it's time to recess for lunch?
Prime Minister: I have only just begun, your honour.
Judge: Well alright but make it short. This case can't drag on for too long, it's already been going for five or ten minutes.
Prime Minister: I call the guard who is Daisy Bell's guard. Do you swear to answer all my questions as clearly, as thoroughly or as obscurely as I wish?
Guard: I do.
Prime Minister: Are you the guard of the accused prisoner, and do you verify that she is the accused who you have been guarding, and that she is the person who the previously stated charges have been laid against?
Guard: I verify everything.
Prime Minister: You may step down.
Daisy Bell: Your honour, I wish to cross examine the witness.
Judge: That would make the case very longwinded. You must understand that the tax payers have to pay our salaries. Justice must be quick. Objection overruled the persecution may continue.
Daisy Bell: Your honour it seems impossible for me to defend myself and get an acquittal at all.
Judge: An acquittal occurs when the accused is found to be innocent. This is very rare these days. In all my long service as a judge I can't recall giving one. You see, even if you are innocent or if you were arrested by mistake, we don't like to let the accused off scot free. The average person, you will understand is usually guilty of committing some crime or other at some time. There are so many crimes a person can commit nowadays that it stands to reason that everybody breaks the law more or less continuously. And I can't let people go unpunished for such flagrant lawbreaking. We generally find that a small fine or a short prison sentence spares all concerned any embarrassment. You must remember that if someone has had charges laid against them, their personal integrity can't be all that it should be.
Prime Minister: I call Barbara and Beverley to the stand. (Barbara and Beverley step into the stand) Do you swear to answer my questions with the pre-arranged answers?
Barbara & Beverley: We do.
Prime Minister: Have you ever noticed that the accused is different to us?
Barbara & Beverley: We have.
Prime Minister: Did you, let's say, on the night of the thirty ¬second see, or hear by word of mouth that someone else had seen or heard by word of mouth Daisy Bell the criminal standing here and the notorious outlaw Big Red together?
Barbara & Beverley: We did.
Daisy Bell: Are you aware that it is an offence to look upon cattle?
Barbara: We had our eyes shut when we saw them.
Prime Minister: You may step down. The case for the prosecution is closed.
Judge: I think I may speak for Daisy Bell here when I say the defence rests.
Daisy Bell: You honour can I ask you a question?
Judge: Yes I suppose that's all right but keep it short it's time for a tea break.
Daisy Bell: Your honour is there such a thing as natural justice or is justice just a fancy name for laws that are composed merely to suit the powerful and the prejudiced?
Judge: I really don't think that we can discuss such matters. The law is justice by definition.
Daisy Bell: I want justice not the law.
Prime Minister: Your honour, our laws are made by and for our people.
Judge: Look I don't think this case should be allowed to drag on I'm already late for tea. Will the persecution sum up their case.
Prime Minister: There are two possible conclusions that the jury can come to (he refers to the audience) and they are: guilty of being cattle and contempt of court or contempt of court and guilty of being cattle.
Judge: Has the defence anything to add?
Daisy Bell: Your honour I want to say that...
Judge: No, very good. Anyone else?
Guard: Your honour I would like to bring it to the court's attention that Big Red the notorious outlaw bull has offered everyone involved in this case ten thousand dollars if Daisy Bell's case is indefinitely postponed.
Judge: Case declared indefinitely postponed. Guard, clear the court. But I warn you Daisy Bell if you are not out of this city in twenty four hours you will be re-arrested.
(all exit)