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Scene Three: (Prime Minister's Office)
Prime Minister: (on the telephone) I just haven't got time! See my press secretary or somebody, ring up for an appointment. Don't you realise there's a cattle crisis? My political career depends on its outcome.
Guard: (enters) Sir, I have urgent news for you.
Prime Minister: Well, what is it?
Guard: That is, I was sent here to convey urgent news to you.
Prime Minister: Let's have it then.
Guard: Firstly you must understand it's not my news.
Prime Minister: Right.
Guard: In a way it is though, because you see I'm the one who's bringing it.
Prime Minister: Yes, yes.
Guard: But in another way it's not, because I didn't make the news, I'm just conveying it.
Prime Minister: Well convey it man, convey it.
Guard: Let me start by pointing out that I wasn't on duty at the time that the particular bit of urgent news I'm conveying occurred, and even if I was on duty when it happened, I wasn't there.
Prime Minister: Are you going to tell me the news today or tomorrow?
Guard: Well if you put it that way tomorrow if that's all right with you.
Prime Minister: This is your last chance, either tell me the news or I'll ram this telephone down your gullet.
Guard: Well seeing as you put it that way. It was like this, I personally handcuffed Big Red, put his legs in irons, all four of them, chained him to a wall, and put a ball and chain around each of his hoofs. He was locked safely inside his cell, a recently renovated job with five foot thick reinforced concrete walls, double armour plated sliding door and the latest in surveillance cameras. And this was all inside a maximum security prison. Finally two heavily armed guards wearing bullet proof underwear sat outside the door of his cell.
Prime Minister: Playing cards no doubt.
Guard: No, not at all. Suddenly a whirly wind blew up inside the jail. Well it was more like a hurricane or perhaps a tornado.
Prime Minister: Get on with it.
Guard: Where was I?
Prime Minister: A whirly wind.
Guard: Oh yes, it spun around faster and faster and faster and one chap had his hat blown off and the newspaper was blown away and we lost the sports pages.
Prime Minister: And this is what you came to tell me.
Guard: Well there was one other minor consequence.
Prime Minister: And what was that?
Guard: When the wind died down Big Red had flown.
Prime Minister: Escaped? What about my political career? Everybody knows that we arrested Big Red it was all over the television. We have advertised his trial, tickets are selling out fast, I was going to be the star and personally handle the prosecution, we were negotiating film and novelisation rights and you go and lose him. Let me say this if that bull's not located I wouldn't be in your shoes.
Guard: As they say sir, you can't pull your socks up if you haven't got any.
Prime Minister: What are you talking about?
Guard: Well we weren't beaten, no sir, we were certainly not beaten. We put our top minds on the case right away, our greatest criminologists. And it wasn't so very long before I noticed a bucket, just an ordinary old every day cleaner's bucket, and an ordinary old everyday cleaner's mop. Ha, ha, I cunningly thought to myself it was the cleaner. So we staked out the prison, hiding in every cranny, corner, crevice and crack in the concrete and we waited for the criminal to return to the scene of the crime. This time we punched each other to keep awake and nobody played cards. Suddenly a whirly wind blew up again. I gave the word and fifteen of us simultaneously charged. We pounced on the criminal and landed in a great heap on the floor. And down underneath all the guards lay a much crushed criminal. I am personally responsible for the apprehension of one Daisy Bell, a superb piece of detective work on my part.
Prime Minister: A woman?
Guard: I'm afraid she's all we could manage.
Prime Minister: Well don't stand around talking. Bring her in. She'll go on trial immediately. (the guard brings Daisy Bell in) And what's your name?
Daisy Bell: You know my name.
Guard: Er, Daisy, that is, Daisy Bell. Bell's her surname and Daisy's her Christian name.
Prime Minister: So you're the infamous Daisy Bell?
Daisy Bell: Is that a question?
Prime Minister: You have committed a very serious offence, Miss Bell, and if I was you I wouldn't try to be smart, I would cooperate.
Daisy Bell: I'm guilty of nothing.
Prime Minister: This attitude of yours will do you no good. Now if you would admit your offence we can perhaps ask the judge to be lenient in your case.
Daisy Bell: What offence have I committed?
Prime Minister: Ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Daisy Bell: Laws are not supposed to be made to trip people up, but to protect people.
Prime Minister: The laws my government enact are the laws of the people. Enacted by them, through me for their protection and welfare.
Daisy Bell: What about my welfare?
Prime Minister: Those who try to break down the order of a state come to an unhappy end.
Daisy Bell: As a member of the people for whom you enact laws to protect, I demand that you enact a law to protect me from the laws you enact.
Prime Minister: The law is the highest authority.
Daisy Bell: The law is the lowest common denominator of a government that has its handcuffs around everyone's wrists.
Prime Minister: If people want to be free they must accept the discipline of freedom.
Daisy Bell: You seem expert at saying with high sounding phrases 'Obey'.
Prime Minister: Those who criticise laws because they have broken them and have been caught are not impartial judges of those laws.
Daisy Bell: Laws that are broken before they are made are not impartial laws.
Prime Minister: Let's stop arguing and come to some agreement.
Daisy Bell: I shall proclaim my innocence to the end.
Prime Minister: If you would plead guilty…
Daisy Bell: Never.
Prime Minister: I can get the judge to give you a suspended sentence.
Daisy Bell: I shall expose you, I shall talk, everyone will know what I have to say.
Prime Minister: You're looking at everything from the wrong angle. The State has an excellent case against you. No matter how much you blab what can you blab, the truth is the truth and I'm not afraid of it.
Daisy Bell: The truth has many faces and they don't all smile.
Prime Minister: Any outburst will simply be detrimental to your case. Now will you consider my offer calmly.
Daisy Bell: I reject it out of hand.
Prime Minister: As you will.
Daisy Bell: I demand to be released.
Prime Minister: I tried to help you I can do no more.
Daisy Bell: Will I be allowed a lawyer?
Prime Minister: Of course…not.
Melissa: You will have a fight on your hands.
Prime Minister: Look, how about a compromise.
Daisy Bell: Never.
Prime Minister: Quack (he puts his hand over his mouth and looks around in embarrassment)