***
“You going somewhere?”
I closed the lid on my bottle of water and shoved it back in the fridge. “Yep.”
“Where? Who’s going with you?” Nathan demanded.
“Do you actually care?” I cocked my head and studied my older brother.
“Of course I care! I think you should be more careful, though.”
“Why? What else could possibly happen? Someone might die? Someone might hate me? Think we’ve covered all of those. This is the bottom of the barrel, brother dearest. Don’t patronise me about being careful—as if I’m anybody’s priority.”
Nathan physically recoiled, and a small part of me warmed with power. I liked warning off people or making them listen to me. I stalked off, high on the adrenaline rush of standing up for myself, but the tears came as soon as I slammed my bedroom door behind me. I took deep calming breaths, wiped the smudging of my eyeliner clean, and prepared to leave.
A soft rap on the door made me pause. I knew it was Nathan, but I didn’t feel like speaking to him. He belittled me as much as the rest of our family, and I was beginning to have my fill. I knew he didn’t mean it. I knew deep down he cared, but talking to him would provoke the anger I could hardly contain anymore. I would go out and have fun. And I would forget all about the damn curse.
Nathan was waiting outside my room when I left. I made a frustrated sound, and he gave me an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, okay?” he said. “I’m worried about you. These dreams, the headaches… everything is all adding up to trouble, I know it.”
“That’s no reason to get bossy with me. I’m allowed to leave the house.”
He shrugged. “I know that. But maybe you shouldn’t be. Oh, don’t look at me like that,” he added hurriedly. “I’m nervy because of what happened today.”
“What happened?” I couldn’t help myself. I pretended I didn’t care, but I so did.
“Perdita told me that the wolf came to her in the hospital. The red male.”
“What? Is she okay? Why didn’t anyone…?”
“Relax. She’s fine. He turned up to talk to her to tell her he’s been looking out for you and her.”
“Looking out for… he attacked us!”
“That’s what I said. But Perdita reckons we can trust him.” He shrugged. “I don’t know what to do. He told Perdita that the alpha Opa told us about has his daughters, so he’s making him do all of this stuff. He’s on our side, he claims.”
“I don’t know about that.” My stomach squirmed. Why would Perdita believe him? Then again, why would he risk speaking to her? He could have killed her then. He had protected her from the other wolf, but what if it was all a trick?
“She wants me to meet him. Opa won’t be impressed.”
My mouth gaped. “You’re not seriously thinking of going ahead with that, are you? That’s insane.”
“I can take care of myself,” he insisted, but his shoulders sagged. “I don’t know. I’ve been acting… let’s say I need to make it up to Perdita. I need to show her I have faith in her.”
“By risking your life? That’s ridiculous. Even for you two.”
He held out his hands. “You don’t understand. She really believes he’s telling the truth.”
“And what if she’s wrong, Nathan? What then?”
He looked away. “Maybe you shouldn’t go out tonight.”
“I’m going out. I’m not going to keep hiding. I’ll be with people, and if you think this other wolf is actually protecting us, then I’ll be fine. And you better not follow me. I swear to—”
“Relax. I won’t follow you. And if you’re really worried about me meeting this other wolf, then I’ll ask Jeremy to back me up.”
I stared at him. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Good.” I walked off before he could change his mind. Everything was getting screwier by the day. By the time I reached town, my nerves were so on edge that they went into overload when I saw the gang of giggling teenagers waiting outside the cinema. I was about to turn back when Connor caught my eye and said something to Ger. Ger turned around and jogged over to me, a grin on her face.
“Hey, we thought you might not show.”
“Sorry I’m late. I had… stuff to do.”
“Doesn’t matter. The show we got tickets for won’t start for another hour. Here.” She pressed a ticket into my hand.
“Oh, I’ll pay now,” I said, flustered.
“Pay for me next time,” Ger said with a smile. “Means you’ll have to show next time, so don’t forget.”
Unsure of what to say, I obediently followed Ger back to the others. Ger discreetly pushed me away from Julie and toward Connor, who took one look at me before turning away. Confused, I glanced at Ger who was pointedly looking the other way. Great, more weirdness. The whole point of going out was to get away from screwy behaviour.
We hung around an arcade for the next half hour, and I consistently found myself wedged between Ger and Connor.
On the way back to the cinema, Ger pulled me back, allowing Julie to basically slobber all over Connor.
“You sit next to Connor in the pictures, okay?”
“Erm, why?”
“I think he wants to meet you. That’s why!”
“Meet me? What are you on about? We met at school.”
Ger giggled loudly. “Not that kind of meet. Meet, meet.”
I stared at Ger blankly, finding every hour more confusing than the last.
“You know. Meet. Oh, God. What’s that horrible word you lot use? Snog? Yeah, that. We say meet. You say snog. Whatever. A proper kiss.”
I covered my mouth to hide my smile. “How do you know that? And what, I’m supposed to snog him in front of everyone? Erm, no thanks!”
“Oh, so the only problem is doing it in public?” Ger winked at me knowingly.
“I think Julie likes him.” I nodded ahead at Connor and Julie.
“She had her chance last year. She met Martin behind Connor’s back. He doesn’t forgive people very easily.” She shrugged as if it didn’t mean much, but so many people in my life didn’t forgive easily that I couldn’t help seeing it as negative.
“Yeah, well, I’m not interested,” I said a little too loudly, hurrying on in front of the others. I was pretty sure Connor heard me, but he didn’t say anything. I could only assume he didn’t care at all.
Not that I cared. After all, I had more important things to worry about. Such as killer werewolves and the fact that my entire family seemed to hate me, yet I knew my cousin was stalking me from a distance to keep me safe because my brother made him. Oh yeah, my mistakes helped get my grandmother killed. Plenty more important things to worry about.
I fidgeted with the charm bracelet hanging on my wrist, which seemed slimmer. I hadn’t been eating enough, but I hadn’t really had much of an appetite. After my conversation with Ger, I’d been hiding my weight loss under baggy clothes. I would deal with that problem some other time.
Despite everything I’d said, Ger made sure I sat between her and Connor in the cinema. Okay, so maybe I cared a little. Maybe I even used my family stuff to avoid the scary but normal stuff that everyone else had to deal with. Perhaps Connor would be the person to take my mind off the werewolf crap. Both nervous and excited, I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. He didn’t look at me at all, and perhaps that was for the best.
But part of me longed for something similar to the companionship my brother and his girlfriend had together. For the history Tammie and Joey had built. For the love Kali and Andriy shared, in my dreams. Even though I knew their love was forbidden, I longed to at least experience love like they did.
The dreams were becoming more troubling. As the gypsy girl in the dreams, I was growing fonder of Andriy all of the time, and those feelings were spilling over into real life. That was probably why Connor attracted my attention in the first place. His almost Slavic eyes reminded me of Andriy, the for
bidden man.
Was Kali attracted to him because she couldn’t have him, because she was smothered by rules? Did she hope, instead, that he would free her? I couldn’t forget the things she had said about curses and werewolves. She was a curse-maker, but she would be the mother of werewolves. How did that fit? It was a dream, I reminded myself.
“Are you okay?” Connor’s whisper barely reached my ears.
“Fine,” I replied, embarrassed as I realised I’d been shaking my head. Never again. Never. Again. No way was I going out with normal kids again. Nathan was right. I should stay away unless I could put on a mask and hide my feelings. Not fitting in or being scared of my heritage had never bothered me before, but now… now everything was different.
I gave Connor a sideways glance and saw he was again immersed in the film. Sighing quietly, I sat back in my seat and waited for the film to end so I could get home. Then again, home wasn’t exactly the nicest place to be, and I could do with annoying my new stalker, Jeremy, by keeping him busy a little longer. So, when Ger invited me to get something to eat, I quickly said “yes.”
The fast-food place was crowded, but we all squeezed around one small table. With someone’s knees pressed into my legs, my temperature rose rapidly. Again, sweat dripped down my back, and I wondered if I might be coming down with something. My hormones were completely out of whack and making me crazy. I’d been ready to scream at my grandfather numerous times. What was wrong with me?
“I have to go,” I said abruptly.
“Go? Why?” Ger asked. “We can all head back together in, like, half an hour, tops. Where are you going?”
“I’m… I need to go. I’ll see you in school. Thanks for inviting me.”
Hurrying from the restaurant, I bumped into numerous strangers as I ran toward the bus stop. Being alone freaked me out even more than being around so many others. I couldn’t see Jeremy anywhere, and I wondered if he knew I knew he was hanging around. I hoped he wouldn’t come near me. I didn’t fancy being alone with him.
Before I could panic, I sensed someone else behind me. Connor.
“Connor, I…”
Turning around, my sentence cut off as I realised he was way behind me. Way, way behind me. He wouldn’t hear me if I spoke, yet I’d known he was out there, which was the strangest thing ever. How had I known? Was it a happy coincidence or something else? Had I smelled him? I didn’t think so. He wasn’t my mate, and I wasn’t a werewolf, though I might be, one day. Still, I hadn’t dreamt about him, so we weren’t exactly meant to be together, even if I was supposed to change some day.
He caught up with me before I could figure out what to make of the situation.
“I needed to leave,” he said.
“Okay.”
“Sorry if you wanted to be alone.”
For a second he looked like an awkward kid, unsure of himself. Then the impression was gone, and the cool exterior returned. I tried in vain to remember if I had seen him much at school. Why hadn’t I noticed him? I’d been so preoccupied with everything else that I probably hadn’t noticed a whole lot of things.
“It’s fine,” I said, wondering if he was waiting on an answer.
“Good. Should be a bus in the next five or ten minutes if you want to hurry.”
We walked together without speaking much, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, I felt calmer than I had in a while. I didn’t worry about making conversation or trying to act normal. The silence helped me maintain some sort of control. It was… soothing to be around Connor.
The bus arrived, and Connor laid his hand gently on the base of my back as if to push me ahead. I stiffened at his touch, and he dropped his arm immediately.
“Sorry, I…”
He shook his head. “I get it.”
Did he? I didn’t even “get it.” He was a perfectly nice boy. Okay-looking, quiet, and normal. Nothing that sparked off any red alerts. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I like him or at least try to be normal?
We sat at the back of the bus, both of us occupying a double seat of our own. I wasn’t sure how to react to Connor. As much as he calmed me, his silence could unsettle me, too, because I didn’t know exactly what he wanted. If he wanted to talk… or more.
I twisted my hair around my finger, agitated by the light in the bus. I felt exposed—as if I couldn’t hide anymore. Funny how much it bothered me, considering how annoyed I was at home for being invisible.
“This is my stop,” I said as the bus turned the corner close to my home.
Connor stood.
“It’s okay,” I said hurriedly. “I don’t need to be walked home.”
“This is my stop, too.”
“Oh.”
We got off the bus in silence. I felt my face blush deeply, in the dark. Of course it was his stop. He had to live close enough to me. I’d made a complete fool of myself how many times now? I couldn’t wait to go home and forget about the whole evening.
“I’m this way,” I told him, pointing ahead. He walked alongside me. “I… where do you live?”
“The other way.”
“Like I said, I don’t need…”
“I know. And I’d rather not think about you walking home in the dark on a creepy old road.” He took a deep breath. “So, can I walk you home, Amelia?”
“I… okay.” I shrugged slightly, trying to act as though his asking me wasn’t important, instead of incredibly appealing. That apologetic manner was so similar to Andriy, and I felt goose bumps rise on my arms as he tipped against me accidentally. Feeling that I had a choice was unusual for me. Any member of my family would have told me how it was, and that would be it. No discussion. No asking nicely. I wondered what he would have done if I had said no.
He didn’t speak again until we got to my house. “You should hang around with everyone again,” he said as we stood at my gate, both of us fidgeting.
“Yeah, maybe.” I risked looking at his eyes again, which were probably his best feature. He wasn’t ugly, but his eyes were the only thing that really stood out to me. He looked… scared. “Amelia! You okay?” Nathan called from the doorway.
“Yes!” I snapped. “Go away!”
Connor rubbed his face, blushing. “’Night, Amelia.”
Embarrassed myself, I stormed into my house, barging past my suddenly protective older brother.
“Thanks a bunch,” I practically snarled.
“What’s that about?”
“Oh, come on! Did you really think I couldn’t handle saying goodnight to him?”
“Amelia… I was worried. I didn’t know who he was, and…”
“Nathan! You can smell a werewolf from a mile away now! You know he’s a normal kid. And don’t act as though you didn’t have Jeremy following me around.”
He had the grace to look embarrassed, and I strode up the stairs, shaking with annoyance and frustration. I didn’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t my family chasing away any new friends I might make.
“I’m trying to keep you safe,” he called after me.
“Safe from what? From having friends? A life? Fun, maybe? I don’t need your help. I’m not one of you, so let’s leave it at that, okay?”
In my room, I lay in bed and mulled over the entire day. I felt as though everything had changed. I badly wanted to speak to Perdita, to look for something, advice… anything. But how could I face her? I needed my family to get together, to sort through all of the things that had gone wrong. Yet they couldn’t all be in the same room for longer than five minutes without all of the pain in their hearts seeping through and multiplying. I wanted normality and real friends that had nothing to do with curses or werewolves, but I was an awkward mess around ordinary teenagers as I constantly worried I’d spit out words I wasn’t supposed to say. Most of all, I wanted to know more about my dreams. I needed to see where they would take me and where they would end. I needed to know why I wanted to sleep so I could be with Andriy for a few more minutes.
That
thought jerked me upward. I genuinely wanted to spend time with a dream man. A man with a wife and responsibilities. He was a teenager, but probably the most forbidden kind of man for me. Or rather, for Kali. I wished Kali would get out of my head so I could be sure of what I was feeling again.
I needed guidance and reassurance and somebody to steer me on the right path.
My eyes fell on the spirit board again. One more time, I promised myself, busily lighting candles to prepare. I said the usual and called out for Mémère, hoping for the best.
The windows shuddered, and I had to make a conscious effort to keep from wrapping my arms around my body. My voice shook a little as I called out for my grandmother again, laying my fingertips on the cup.
It moved, only slightly, but still, it was movement.
I called out again, as dread filled the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know why. I tried to pull my fingers away, but they stuck fast, as if something was holding on to me. I struggled to get away, but the cup moved, and my body stilled immediately.
I can give you guidance.
“Is that you, Mémère? I’m so glad you’re here. I need you. I need help. What do I do? How do I fix everything?”
Take my place.
“What? What do you mean? Take care of everyone? I’m a bit young for that.”
So was I when it all began. Take my place, and everything will fall in line again.
“Okay… I’ll try. I mean, I…”
Sleep. I’ll be with you. You’ll see everything soon. The time is approaching, heart of mine.
The cup fell over. I crawled backward, disturbed by the event. The atmosphere and presence hadn’t felt like Mémère. The scent was familiar somehow, but it was nothing like my grandmother’s. I fell asleep with little effort that night, but my dreams were a nightmarish mess of violence, and darkness, and shadows creeping over me and pulling me under.