Chapter Eleven
Amelia
I couldn’t concentrate at school knowing that Nathan was voluntarily facing up to that werewolf. He had actually agreed to meet Ryan, the red werewolf that had first terrified me in the woods. What was he thinking? I already knew the answer to that. Like Kali, he didn’t care about the consequences. He was all about happiness in the now. Forget about tomorrow. He was practicing stupidity at its best, as far as I was concerned.
“You okay? You’re quiet today,” Ger said.
“Yeah, I know. Just thinking about Perdita.” No way was I getting into what exactly I was thinking about, but she stared at me expectantly. “I was thinking of going to see her at the hospital.”
“Cool. I’ll come with.”
“That’s okay. I mean, it’ll be boring.”
She flashed a grin and ignored my pretty obvious attempt to fob her off. “We’ll go after school.”
That told me. “I’ll try to get in touch with her. See if she’s up for it.”
“Great.”
I assumed Ger would forget about it, but after school, she and Julie waited for me outside.
“You did tell her, right?” Ger asked.
I had, or at least, I’d told Nathan to ask her if she wanted me to visit. She told him yes, but part of me was still terrified. I hadn’t told anyone about the way I reacted when her dad was hurt. I hadn’t spoken to her, and I was still a little mad that she had persuaded Nathan to do something pointless and dangerous.
But I missed her.
Julie yapped in my ear the entire way, but I couldn’t listen to whatever she was waffling about. What if Perdita read in my eyes what I was thinking? What if she sensed all of the things that were wrong?
“She’s over there,” Ger said, pointing at a bench up ahead.
“Yeah, I know.” I had known exactly where she would be without even knowing how. “Maybe you two should wait here. I have to talk to her about some stuff.”
“That’s cool. Take your time.”
I wished I were as laid back as they seemed to be. Nothing bothered Julie. Not even obvious apathy. As for Ger, she didn’t take no for an answer, but I kind of liked her for it.
My feet might have been stuck in quicksand for my lack of speed to find Perdita. The look on her face when she saw me served to overwhelm me all the more. She looked happy and relieved. She wasn’t angry; she was genuinely pleased to see me, which made my visit so much more difficult. A sudden lump made my throat ache, and I didn’t have a chance to hold back the tears burning my eyes. I had abandoned her when she needed me, and she didn’t hold it against me. She wasn’t like me, who wanted revenge for every perceived slight. What had I been thinking? She was my friend, but I hadn’t been acting as her friend for a second.
I reached her, and she gathered me in her arms, comforting me. The tears were cathartic, but the guilt felt like real needles piercing my heart.
“I’m so sorry about your dad. I don’t know what’s happening to us.”
The calm on her face soothed me a little, but my hiccups and sobs didn’t disappear.
“He’s going to be fine.” Her voice was steady, as though she firmly believed it herself. “He just needs a few days of rest.”
“Opa thinks he’s poisoned or something.”
“How would he know? Did something happen to Nathan and Jeremy?” She tensed up, and I drew away from her to reassure her properly.
“No, I haven’t heard anything yet. I feel really bad about everything, though, and I miss you at school.”
She gazed at me keenly. “No offence, but you look way more miserable than just missing me at school. Is something wrong? Did Tammie say something to you again?”
I laughed at the protectiveness of her tone.
“When she’s not ignoring me, she’s actually kind of nice. No, I’m a little stressed out. All of this family stuff and the dreams… it’s as if there’s something constantly weighing me down. I keep getting these migraines, but I suppose it’s because of the stress.”
“Wanna talk about the dreams?”
“They aren’t important. Not really. It’s how they make me feel when I wake up. As if I’m in the wrong place. And I’ve met a boy I kind of like. Except I care more about the people in my dreams than him.” I held my breath then, waiting for her reaction.
Her eyes widened with concern. “That’s a little… out there, Amelia.”
I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have known better. “Never mind! When are you coming back to school?”
She held my hand and made me sit on the bench. “Not sure. Probably soon, unless Dad signs me into a mental institution.”
Her lips twisted into a crooked smile, but something told me she was deadly serious.
“Why would he do that?”
“Because he thinks I’m losing it.”
That amused me. “Best not tell him I think I’m a reincarnated gypsy, then.”
She leaned back a little, as though taking it in. “You don’t… you don’t really think that, though, do you?”
I had to get it off my chest. I couldn’t keep holding in everything, but I wondered if she was the right person to tell.
“I don’t know what to believe, Perdita. But there are so many similarities between me and this dream girl. It’s freaking me out.”
“It’s probably just a dream,” she said at last.
“Yeah. I bet you said the same thing before we came along.”
She winced. “Try not to dwell on the dreams. If they mean anything, you’ll know when you’re meant to.”
Just like that. Avoid and sugar-coat. She was more of an Evans than I was.
“Wow. Way to sort my problems.” Why would she? My problems were at the bottom of an incredibly large pile. I still felt the bite, though.
“I’m sorry. I’m worried about Nathan. I hate the idea of him working with that wolf. She bit Dad. How am I supposed to stop seeing her as the enemy?”
I got that. Ryan would likely come with his pack mate, whether we liked it or not. I could never forget the way those werewolves had attacked us, so I didn’t understand how Perdita could find a way to trust the male just because he suddenly claimed to be on our side.
“How are we supposed to stop seeing either of them as the enemy?”
She shrugged. “I know. Trust me. But if you heard him… you’d see. You’d get it.”
Nobody ever expected me to understand. Right then, I didn’t even want to. We made small talk for a couple of minutes—I even told her a little about Ger and Connor—before I retreated to my new friends. Being around them was peaceful because I knew they would never reveal anything remotely life-threatening.
But I was dying to hear from Nathan about what happened during his enemy werewolf meeting, so I made excuses to leave them.
“Okay. Wanna hang around with us later on?” Ger asked.
“I don’t know…”
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Julie smiled reassuringly.
“Yeah? What are you all doing?”
Julie shrugged, frowning in confusion. “Just, you know, hanging around.”
I agreed to meet up with them later on, but first I had to hear the news from Nathan. I headed home, my head full of questions.
“I believe him,” Nathan said as we sat on the swings out back, our unofficial meeting place.
“Seriously? He’s a killer. Why wouldn’t he be a liar, too?”
“He’s not a killer, and he’s not lying,” he insisted. “And even if he was, I’d still be doing this because we can’t sit around wondering what they’re going to do next. We have to face up to this.”
He sounded different, as if he had accepted what was about to happen.
“What about her? The she-wolf. Was she telling the truth, too?”
He shook his head and gave a low whistle. “She’s crazy. Scares the crap out of me. There’s a piece of her missing. Ryan reckons that all of the bred wolves have something mis
sing. It’s weird.”
“Sounds like crap to me.”
“Amelia. Stop. I have to do something. Cut me some slack.”
I groaned. “I’m sorry, okay? It doesn’t feel right to me. If she’s really that bad, then we shouldn’t be using her, either.”
“I know,” he said in a low voice. “Want to hear something really weird? Jeremy did something to her. Something alpha. I think he wants to take over here.”
My laugh was harsh. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. I don’t trust him. Opa literally forbade Byron from talking back, and Jeremy laughed in his face. I don’t understand Jeremy.”
“I could say the same for Opa, although, sometimes he seems to be breaking down and getting back to normal.”
“Well, he’d better do it soon, or there’ll be nothing left here for him to get back to.”
He shuddered, and we fell silent for a few minutes.
“You saw Perdita today?” he asked, his voice brightening.
“Yep. Briefly.”
“Good. You’re staying with her all day when we persuade Opa to meet with the other wolves.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he wouldn’t hear it.
“Seriously, Amelia. All of us have to go to make sure you’re both safe, in case they really are trying to backstab us. Promise you’ll stay safe.”
“I promise. But I’m going out now.”
“To do what?”
I laughed, almost joyously. “To hang around.”
Hanging around consisted of sitting on a wall outside Ger’s house. The boys on one side of the street, girls on the other.
“This is kind of ridiculous,” I whispered to Ger as Julie whistled over at the boys. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Because it’s fun,” Ger whispered back.
I wasn’t convinced. Whistling back and forth seemed pretty lame; however, it was better than sitting at home, especially if I was going to be trapped indoors throughout the following day.
“The boys are all dying to talk to you,” Ger said, glancing sideways at me.
“What? Why?”
“Think it’s your accent. Bit of strange.” Julie winked, but her smile seemed forced.
“Well, I’m not interested. We’ll probably end up moving on soon anyway.”
“Really? To where?” Julie perked up.
I shrugged, feeling awkward all of a sudden. “Who knows? Wherever the road takes us.”
“That’s so cool. I would love if my family upped and left whenever they felt like it. I’d go everywhere, see everything, and I so would not be taking any stupid exams.”
“Everything catches up with you,” I said, but she wasn’t listening anymore. I looked over at the boys again. Julie ventured over to them, gaining the attention of everyone except Connor. His eyes remained on me. He was a constant. The silent figure I couldn’t ignore, and didn’t want to ignore. I wanted to hear him talk and laugh. I wanted to know what he was really like, and I realised too late, I wanted to see if he could compare to Andriy.
Suddenly, the act of bringing Connor out of his shell felt like a game to me, and I sauntered over to him, surprised by my own bravery.
“Hi,” I said when I stood directly in front of him, ignoring the whispers and giggles around us.
He didn’t blink. “Hey.”
I felt awkward then, not quite knowing what to do next, so I turned and walked away. If he followed, cool. If he didn’t, I’d tell everyone I had decided to go home. Real mature.
Luckily, he followed. I could sense him, even before I heard his footsteps. I led him toward the woods but didn’t know why I was moving toward the place my grandmother had been murdered. I usually took the long way around to avoid the woods, but there I was, heading straight for the trees, daring something to come for me.
As he reached me, his hand slipped around mine, and he led me among the trees and away from safety, straight into the darkness.
The thought occurred to me that he had something to do with the werewolves, and that he might be leading me into danger, but he pushed me against a tree and kissed me roughly, instead. When our teeth collided, I thought I might die of embarrassment, but he didn’t stop and instead, wrapped his arms around my waist.
He tasted like mint, and his kiss was a little sloppy. But I liked being in the woods and having something to think about other than death. I needed to make memories that didn’t involve loss or grief. I drank in his scent, feeling dizzy as it overwhelmed me, and I clung to him tighter than before. I was afraid to let go, but I was more afraid of letting the bad thoughts arise. I shivered, and he pulled away before I could stop him.
“You okay?” he whispered, his lips redder than usual, and that calm expression wiped off his face. I nodded, staring at him, wondering why I wasn’t afraid or embarrassed anymore. Everything I had imagined about him had blown up in my face. Now he was ordinary and like everyone else. Yet, I didn’t leave.
I didn’t wander into woods to kiss boys I barely knew every day, but I felt as though this might be the right thing to do this time. A little of the ache in my chest dissipated while he held me, the pain flying away at the normality of it all. Not the perfect kiss or the perfect boy, but definitely, the perfect time.
I kissed him again, and he held me closer than before, his hands travelling across my body until I pushed him away.
“I have to go,” I said.
Without protest, he nodded, and moved to follow me.
“I don’t need to be walked home,” I insisted. I needed to catch my breath.
“I know,” he said once again, falling into step next to me.
We walked in silence to my home, and the awkwardness came back with a bang. We lingered outside my house, and though he moved to kiss me, I pulled back and glanced warily at the house.
“My family…”
“I don’t care,” Connor said before kissing me briefly on the lips. “Can I see you Saturday?”
“Oh, I can’t. I promised my brother…”
“The day after, then,” he said before I could think of a reasonable excuse.
“Oh.” I fidgeted at my bracelet as I considered the question. Did I really want to see him on the weekend? Yes. Did I want to kiss him again? Maybe. Was it better than sitting at home with my family? Definitely.
“Okay,” I said after a couple of seconds. “I’d like that.”
“I’ll knock for you, maybe.” He kissed me for a moment longer before heading off, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. Watching him leave, I was baffled by the way I had acted. I needed to get inside before one of my family members sniffed me, and him, out. That would be embarrassing.
Inside, Nathan pointedly didn’t say a word about Connor, even though I could tell he knew what was going on.
I almost smiled.