“No. We…mustn’t.”
“You don’t want to kiss me?”
She tasted his breath, warm and tempting. The mere brush of his lips had started her blood pulsing, her heartbeat racing out of control.
“No.”
“Liar.”
“I’m not-”
His kiss swallowed her protest.
The last time he’d kissed her, he’d convinced himself that it was all a dream. And that the heat flowing like lava through his veins was a result of the fever. But this time there was no doubt. The kiss was real. The woman in his arms was real. And the heat flowing between them was the result of emotions too strong to contain.
He took her mouth, devoured it like a starving man. But it wasn’t enough. In a frenzy of need he rolled to his side, taking her with him. He wanted her, needed her. All of her.
She sighed as he lingered over her lips, as though he’d just discovered them and couldn’t get enough. But as she began to relax, he took the kiss deeper.
The silk of her gown was roughly torn aside. His mouth plundered her throat, her neck, her shoulder. But nothing would satisfy his hunger. It was consuming him. Consuming them both.
After her first moment of stunned surprise, she found herself caught up in a passion that ran roughshod over the rules. This was not as her tutor had described a carefully planned seduction or an erotic night of pleasure. This was passion. Need. Harddriving need that had somehow caught them up, then slipped out of control. The moment his lips began to weave their magic, she was lost.
He feasted on her lips. The more he took, the more she gave. But neither of them could get enough. There was a fever in their blood, driving them mad with heat. They dove into the kiss again and again, but nothing would satisfy the hunger.
Nevada knew he was taking her too far, too fast.
Struggling for breath, he lifted his head and caught her by the shoulders. Her eyes were wide, her lips swollen from his kisses. Her breathing was as ragged as his.
“I guess I’m not as strong as I thought.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then fell back against the pillows.
She tried to speak, but it took too much effort. Her pulse was still pounding, her chest heaving. At last she managed to whisper, “Why do you say that?”
“Don’t you know how beautiful you are, Jade? How tempted I am every time I look at you? If I was completely healed, we wouldn’t be talking right now.” He pressed the back of his hand over his closed eyes. “We’d be finishing what we started.”
She watched him struggle for control. Very carefully she slid from the bed and gathered the remnants of her torn bodice in her hand. She didn’t mind the torn silk. What she did mind was the flood of feelings she couldn’t seem to still.
He thought she was beautiful. And he wanted her. Was tempted by her. Her heart felt so light, she feared it would fly away.
When she turned back to study him, he had rolled to his side. His breathing was slow and steady, his eyes tightly closed, as if he were dead to the world.
But she felt more alive than at any time in her life.
“I see you managed to sleep,” Lily said as she swept into the room.
“Like an infant.”
“And Nevada?”
Jade touched a finger to her lips and led the way to the other room. “His fever has completely disappeared and his wound is healing. But he is still in much pain. He does not speak of it, but I see it in his eyes.”
A servant drew open the draperies before tossing a fresh log on the embers.
Within minutes another maid entered bearing a linen-covered tray. Jade ignored her food while she tossed the last of the soiled bandages onto the fire.
“We have servants for such things,” Lily said dryly.
“This is something I must see to myself.”
“I realize in the beginning you were grateful, but now that Nevada is healing, I think it is time you stepped back and allowed the maids to see to him,” Lily said firmly.
She had seen what was developing between the gambler and her young friend. And it alarmed her more than she cared to admit.
“It isn’t just gratitude.” Jade stood, smoothing her damp palms down her skirt, searching for the words. “We are linked now, he and I. It is because of him that I am alive. For I truly believe Virgil Trent would have killed me after he’d tired of…of the other things he had in mind.” She met Lily’s glance. “So you see, Aunt Lily, it is much more than gratitude. I realize now that my life is forever joined to his, in the ancient ways of my mother’s people.”
Lily’s mouth was a tight line of disapproval as she spread honey on a biscuit and handed it to her young friend. Jade refused, unable to think about eating.
“You are tired and emotional,” Lily said with as much control as she could manage. “It is to be expected that you would be confused after all that has happened. In the short time since you have returned home, you have been attacked, you have had to deal with a seriously wounded man and you have had the responsibility of selling your mother’s family business. No wonder you are so emotional.”
Jade gave her friend a quick smile. “I do not speak merely from emotion. I’ve had a great many hours to think this through, Aunt Lily.”
“And what have you been thinking about?”
“I think it is time I learned firsthand what goes on behind closed doors in a house of pleasure.”
The older woman found a chair and sank into it. Though she struggled to keep her tone light, she couldn’t hide the slight edge to her voice. “And Nevada is to be your teacher?”
Jade’s smile grew. “Can you think of a better one?”
Beneath the show of bravado, Lily thought she detected a hint of nerves. It was all she needed to drive home her point. “What we offer is a service. What you are considering is something far different.”
“What do you mean?”
“What you are thinking comes from your heart. And hearts are very delicate, Jade. They can be broken. Furthermore, as the proprietor of the Golden Dragon, it is not in your best interests to lower yourself to that of a common employee.”
“But I want to learn about love, Aunt Lily. And who better to teach me than the man who nearly gave his life for me?”
“One cannot learn about love, Jade. There are no schools for such things. And no tutors.”
“Then how do people learn it? And survive it?”
“Some manage very well. Others merely muddle . through, or fail miserably. Look at your father and mother.” Her tone softened. “I have never seen two people more deeply in love. But despite what they felt, they never managed to live together. Except for a few joyous nights, they led completely separate lives. Even their mutual love for you could not keep them together.” She got to her feet and crossed to her young friend. “Are you willing to settle for what your parents had?”
Jade tried to dismiss the thread of fear that had suddenly slipped through her protective armor. “I don’t know. I only know that I feel things for Nevada that I never felt for anyone else. And I want him to feel the same way about me.”
“What we want in this life and what we get are often very different. You must decide if you will give your heart or merely your body to this man.”
“Why can’t I do both?”
Lily gave her a sad little smile. “Some do. They call it love and marriage. But it is not for women like us.”
Women like us.
The words stung.
“What we do in the Golden Dragon must never be confused with love, Jade. What I see before me is a very confused, very dishonest young woman.”
“Dishonest!” Jade was horrified at her friend’s use of such a word. Of all the things in her life, she was proudest of the fact that she had always been honest—about herself, her past, her future dreams.
“You alone know what is in your heart, Jade,” Lily said more gently. “You alone can judge the honesty or dishonesty of your motives. Now I will leave you to search your he
art for the answers. And I pray you make the right decisions. For they will affect the rest of your life.”
When the door closed behind her, Jade began to pace while Lily’s words continued to play through her mind. Could she give herself to Nevada and still have control of her heart? Or was she playing a dangerous game that might prove to be her undoing?
Suddenly she stopped her pacing and went very still. It didn’t matter. The truth was, nothing mattered except Nevada. She wanted him. Not out of gratitude. Nor out of a sense of duty for what he’d done. She simply wanted him. Wanted to lie with him in the big feather bed and feel his strong arms around her, while his kisses made her blood run hot. She wanted him to teach her the ways of men and women. Not the textbook lessons she’d learned from her tutor, not the deliciously wicked things the girls in the house often confided to her about pleasing men. She wanted him to lead her to that magical, wonderful height of passion that made two perfectly sensible people like her father and mother forsake everything but each other.
Suddenly overcome with anticipation, she ran from the room and went in search of Lily. Despite her friend’s misgivings, Jade knew Lily could be counted on to help her prepare for the most important night of her life.
Nevada lay very still. If he hadn’t heard it himself, he wouldn’t believe it.
Jade was his for the taking.
Since the first time he’d seen her, he’d dreamed of a hundred ways to seduce her. She was all he wanted. All he’d ever hoped for. The mere thought of her, warm and willing, coming to his bed like a bride, had him fully aroused.
And yet, despite the excitement, he couldn’t seem to put aside Lily’s warning. Was it love Jade was feeling? Or mere gratitude? His hand tightened at his side. Any gunman with a quick draw and a steady aim could have done what he had. As for her curiosity about men and women, he realized that he might have played some small part in her sexual awakening. But it was to be expected at her age. If he hadn’t come along, some other cowboy would have been happy to be her teacher.
But was it love?
He knew what was in his own heart. From the first moment he’d seen her, he’d wanted her. And somehow, without his choosing, it had become love. Whenever he was with her, he found himself thinking about love and marriage and forever after.
Forever after. The stuff of dreams. And in his case, foolish ones. He was all wrong for a woman like Jade Jewel. If she knew the truth about him, she would close her heart to him forever. Not very comforting, but the truth had to be faced. Before he did something they’d both regret.
He slipped out of bed and strode to the window, peering down at the activity in the street below. Jade wasn’t the only one who’d been doing some heavy thinking. All this time on his hands had helped him clear his mind. It was time to face some tough facts.
He’d come to San Francisco to see if his old life still fit. The truth was, it didn’t. He’d finally had his fill of this town and the life of a gambler and drifter.
The niche he’d carved for himself in Hanging Tree might have been based on a lie, but it had been a satisfying one. The problem was, once the citizens of that town knew the truth, they would have no use for him. Still, he owed them that much. Regardless of the outcome, he had to go back and face them. And reveal all his dark secrets.
He walked stiffly across the room to retrieve his shirt and boots. By the time he’d managed to dress and pull on his gun belt, his forehead and upper lip were beaded with sweat from the effort.
He hated this weakness. But he knew his strength would return if he was patient. He wouldn’t be able to travel more than a few miles a day. But at least he’d put temptation behind him. And maybe one night, if he lived long enough, he’d be able to close his eyes without seeing Jade’s beautiful face in his dreams.
Until then he’d consider it the price he had to pay to make up for a past riddled with shame.
Chapter Sixteen
“Oh, Lily. Be happy for me.”
With a quick hug, Jade spun away. Her green satin slippers hardly made a sound on the carpeted floor as she danced along the hallway toward her suite. When she reached the door she paused and smoothed her damp palms down her skirt.
After voicing her initial protest, Lily had listened to her young friend’s arguments in silence. Then, realizing she could not change Jade’s mind, she had behaved exactly as Jade had hoped. She had taken charge, not only of Jade’s physical appearance but of her mental state, as well—calming, soothing, coaching.
An army of servants had been summoned to prepare a bath. Afterward, Jade’s hair and skin were perfumed. Dressed in her finest green silk gown, the young woman had wriggled impatiently as a maid arranged her hair in a smooth coil of black silk, pulled to one side to cascade over her breast.
“What will I say?” She lifted imploring eyes to her old friend.
“Words are not necessary. When Nevada sees you, he will know.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Oh, Jade.” Lily turned the young woman toward the looking glass. “Look at your eyes. The love you are feeling is there for him to read.” She caught her friend’s hand and placed it over her heart. “Feel how your pulse races. Like you have been running up Nob Hill. It adds color to your cheeks and puts a sparkle in your eyes. You need not say a word. Nevada will know.”
Jade had studied her reflection, but could see none of the changes Lily described. No matter. She didn’t want to look at herself. She wanted to look at Nevada.
Now, at the door to her suite, anticipating all the pleasures that awaited her on the other side, she touched a hand to her necklace and whispered a prayer.
“Honorable Father, I know you understand all the fear and confusion, and the anticipation and love that is in my heart at this moment. Please give me your blessing on what I am about to do.”
She stepped into the room, then paused in consternation.
Except for the light of the fire, the room was in darkness. There were no lanterns lit. No candles gleamed in sconces along the wall.
As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she could see that the bed was empty. Her heart seemed to stop.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
At the sound of Nevada’s voice, she spun around. He was seated in a chair in the corner. The tip of his cigar glowed red in the darkness.
She swallowed, then found her voice. “When I saw the empty bed I was… I was afraid you’d left.”
“I thought about it. But I couldn’t leave without seeing you.”
Her smile returned. “That’s good.” Then she remembered Lily’s advice. Approach him slowly, seductively, like a tigress. Let your body say all the things your mind is thinking.
Jade moved toward him, her hips unconsciously swaying in the way of a woman who knows she is beautiful. She noted that his hand holding the cigar halted in midair. A good sign. She slowed her walk even more.
He was mesmerized. With each step his throat closed until it was impossible to breathe. She was a vision in green silk. Her gown molded to her body like a second skin. And hers was a body like no other. Slim and lithe and perfect.
“I’m glad to see you out of bed. That must mean you’re feeling stronger.”
He tossed the cigar into the fire and got to his feet. “Not nearly strong enough.” Especially now that she was here with him, looking like something out of a dream.
Her smile was radiant. “I have a surprise for you, Nevada.”
As she drew close, he breathed in the exotic fragrance of Oriental flowers and spices. It was like no other perfume he’d ever known.
“Before you tell me your surprise, I think I’d better share my news.”
She paused, blinked. This wasn’t part of her plan. “News?”
He’d had hours to think this through, but the look of confusion on her lovely face was like a knife to his heart. If he wasn’t so convinced that it was for her own good, he’d back down right now and take the pleasure she was offering. Instead he plu
nged ahead. “I’m leaving San Francisco.”
“Leaving! When?”
“Now. Tonight.” He saw her sway, as though struck, and forced himself to continue. “I was just waiting for you to return so I could tell you goodbye.”
“Goodbye…” She caught hold of the back of the chair for support. “Where are you going?”
“There’s a job waiting for me. In Nevada.”
“Nevada.” She was babbling like a parrot, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. The pain was so blinding she couldn’t see through the blur of tears. “That’s where you got your name, isn’t it?”
“About that name.” Her smile was gone. The smile that had been brighter than a hundred candles. In its place was a trembling in her lips that she couldn’t hide. With every word he hated himself. Hated what he was doing to her. But it had to be done. Quickly. Cleanly. Like the bite of a razor-sharp hunting knife. And he knew all about knives. And guns. And cruelty. “The name Nevada was a lie. I made it up. Like everything else in my life.”
“Everything?” Her head came up, reminding him of a wounded deer. “Was everything you said to me a lie, as well?”
He reached a hand to touch her, then seemed to think better of it and took a step back out of reach. His voice was thick. “No, Jade. That may have been the only truth I’ve ever spoken. You’re very special.”
“So special that you have to leave me.” There were no tears now. Her eyes were hard, glittering chips of onyx, and her voice had gone flat. “At least tell me your real name before you go.”
It was tempting. She was tempting. What he wanted was to pull her into his arms and beg her to forget everything he’d just said. To take what she was offering and lose himself in her. Instead he turned away and crossed the room.
As he walked he said, “You don’t want to know my name. It’s better if you just think of me as Nevada.”
At the door he paused, but refused to turn around. He couldn’t afford to look at her. Not if he wanted to make it out of here.