OMAN doesn't recognize him, at first.)
OMAN (CONT'D) — You fucking beggar, out! There is nothing for you in my store!
(Finally, ANTHONY reveals himself.)
ANTHONY — It's me, Omar!
OMAN — My name is/
ANTHONY — I know your name.
(OMAN hangs up the phone.)
OMAN — What are you doing here? Rico is in the back! He can't see you in my store!
ANTHONY — Don't worry. I've checked. He is sleeping as usual.
OMAN — (angrily) That fucking Mexican son of a bitch!
(OMAN takes a look at the rags that ANTHONY is wearing.)
OMAN (CONT'D) — Why are you wearing these clothes, dressed like a bum?
ANTHONY — I'm working in disguise , Oman.
OMAN — There are better looking disguises than those of a beggar. Mickey Mouse, for example.
ANTHONY — Really?
OMAN — I've just called you. How did you come so fast?
ANTHONY — I was in the neighborhood.
(OMAN doesn't buy it.)
OMAN — (suspicious) I think you are spying on me.
ANTHONY — (enthusiastically) Of course we are! I'm on a mission to get rid of all those heretic sinners, atheists, nonwhite and non-Mormon immigrants! By the way, I saw Carlos leaving your Deli.
OMAN — I don't like him. He's a very dangerous man. I just hired his brother because you forced me to.
ANTHONY — We've been trying to catch Carlos for many years without success. He has many illegal businesses and now, we know Carlos is dealing with a big scheme to bring aliens to the U.S.. And we are close to catching and putting this fucking son of a bitch in jail!
(ANTHONY looks at the ceiling.)
ANTHONY (CONT'D) (automatically) God, forgive me I've cursed!
OMAN — You're right and I'll probably have to turn in some aliens to you.
ANTHONY — You don't have to tell me. I know. I've heard everything, Oman. We bugged your store five years ago.
OMAN — (surprised) Have you been listening to everything I say?
ANTHONY — Every word. Every curse.
OMAN — Oh, my God.
ANTHONY — Don't put the blame on God. You should go to church and pray for your soul.
OMAN — I go to church every Monday.
ANTHONY — (preaching) I mean the LDS church.
OMAN — (offended) LDS?! I don't use drugs.
ANTHONY — Latter-Days Saints! It's the Mormon Church! The only church that can save you. You should accept Jesus Christ in your life. Read the book, Oman! All the truth is there!
(ANTHONY moves toward the counter and extends his arm.)
ANTHONY (CONT'D) — Now, gimme that money.
OMAN — What?
ANTHONY — Don't fool me. I know about the money. It's evidence! Give to me! Now.
(OMAN puts the wad of bills on the counter. ANTHONY grabs it and puts it in a plastic bag.)
ANTHONY (CONT'D) — You will testify in court that Carlos tried to bribe you.
OMAN — I won't do that! Carlos is going to kill me!
ANTHONY — Don't be afraid! You're under the U.S. Government protection!
OMAN — Listen... I'm doing my best to collect all the information about those criminals... And you know what I'm doing is very dangerous. I'm risking my life here. I'm kind of a hero. In fact I think I deserve a reward...
ANTHONY — You're not in jail, that's your reward.
OMAN — OK... No reward for me.
ANTHONY — Despite being a Muslin, you're doing a good job, Oman.
OMAN — I'm a Catholic! And I'm a Republican! I voted for Bush twice!
ANTHONY — You keep doing the right thing and maybe you'll win a medal, someday. Take care!
(ANTHONY leaves the stage.)
OMAN — Yes!... Of course I'm doing the right thing... I'm on the right track... I pay my taxes, I pray the Lord, I brush my teeth... But I'm not white, American or Mormon. That's the truth, that's my real problem!
(OMAN stares at the audience.)
OMAN (CONT'D) — (upset) Fucking Americans. They think they rule the world! (pleased) Fucking Brazilians... They think they are smart, but they are only stupid. Fucking Mexicans! Because... They were born in Mexico! Maybe in Brazil, Mexico or any fucking Latin American country those kinds of criminals walk freely on the streets. But here, in America, things are a little bit different!
(THE OLD KOREAN LADY walks in. She's waving a debit card receipt.)
OLD KOREAN LADY — (strong accent) I was here five years ago and your clerk made me pay twice! Charge and then cash.
OMAN — (surprised) Fuck!
OLD KOREAN LADY — I have moved to Jersey and I won't leave your store until I get all my money back with interest or I'll call the police!
OMAN — (turns to the audience) Damn immigrants!
(BLACKOUT)
(THE END)
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IT'S ILLEGAL, BUT IT'S OKAY is a comedy about intolerance, racism and prejudice. Fagner is a Brazilian young man who lives illegally in New York City. He works for Oman in his "Down by the Nile River” Deli. Oman is Iranian but he is often mistaken for any other person from the Middle East, which makes him very angry. Fagner meets Rachel, a beautiful American blonde and falls in love with her. But Rachel dates Tony, an immigration inspector. In order to impress Rachel, Fagner deceives his Mexican friend Rico and puts himself in jeopardy.
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Cast of Characters
FAGNER, a Brazilian young man about 25 years old.
OMAN, an Iranian, about 40 years old.
RACHEL, a beautiful American blonde, about 25 years old.
TONY, a handsome Italian American immigrant inspector, about 30 years old.
RICO, a Mexican pothead about 20 years old.
OLD KOREAN LADY, a customer.
CARLOS, Rico’s twin brother, drug dealer.
Set
A small deli like any other in New York City. Nothing special to say about it.
Time
2014.
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EMILIO BOECHAT is a Brazilian playwright, TV writer and screenwriter. His career started in 1991 when he wrote his first play Camila Baker, Lives in Concert. Since then he has already written around thirty plays, ten soap operas (including MOSES AND THE TEN COMMANDMENTS), three TV shows, two screenplays (LASCADOS, O FILME) and one miniseries (KING DAVID). He has been working for RECORD TV NETWORK since 2006.
Other books by Emilio Boechat
Connect with Me:
Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/emilioboechat
https://twitter.com/itsillegalbut
Website: www.emilioboechat.com
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