Savannah's breathing normalized. Straightening, she stared down at the group of boys huddled in the center of the clearing. "What you guys got there?" she said, moving toward them.
The boys pushed to their feet. Grinning, Joey showed her his treasures. In one hand was a long metal sparkler, and in the other was a small burlap sack.
"This one's called a Brilliant Star," he said, thrusting
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the sparkler toward her. "And I got tons of other fireworks
in the bag."
Fear spilled through Savannah in an ice-cold wave. The world seemed suddenly to tilt and throw her off balance. Her stomach lurched sickeningly.
She brought a hand to her mouth to stifle the scream that crept up her throat.
"Oh, God." The words came out in a strangled-sounding gasp. "No," she said, shaking her head. "You can't?"
"Come on, Vannah. Don't be such a girl." Laughing, the boys pushed past her and ran back down the path.
Toward the hall.
Savannah's inertia snapped. The hall!
She snatched up her skirts in shaking hands. Crying, desperate, she ran after them.
The last echoing notes of a waltz hung in the air. Jack and Tess came to a reluctant stop. She stared up at him, smiling broadly. She was just about to say, "I love you" when the world exploded with sound.
Tess leapt out of Jack's arms and looked wildly around. Streamers of light shot across the open doorway on their way into the sky. Red-gold sparkles glittered against the darkness in a flickering spray.
She let out her breath in a relieved sigh. "Fireworks," she said, smiling. "I never knew they were so loud."
Jack let out a bloodcurdling scream.
She spun around. Jack was standing about two feet away from her, his legs braced apart, his hands plastered to his ears. There was no color in his cheeks.
"Noooo!" he screamed.
The islanders began to slowly back away, muttering quietly among themselves and shaking their heads.
Fear coursed through Tess. "Get them to stop the fireworks," she yelled frantically. When no one moved, she
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grabbed hold of the nearest sleeve and whipped a frightened-looking woman around. "Please," Tess begged. "Please ..."
The woman's eyes bulged. "O-Okay." She turned to the man beside her. "Go stop that racket, Frank."
Jack screamed again and started to run. He shoved through the silent crowd as if he didn't see them at all.
Tess stared dumbly at him for a heartbeat. Her bones felt as if they'd been pulverized. Ice-cold fear rushed through her blood. What was happening? She brought a trembling hand to her mouth. Oh, God, what was happening?
Jack pushed through the doors and disappeared. Screaming, she ran after him. "Jack! Wait!" He stumbled across the threshold and half fell down the sagging steps. Righting himself, he kept running through the knee-high grass and disappeared into a stand of maple trees.
Tess ran faster, her arms pumping hard at her sides, her breath coming in hot, painful spurts.
Up ahead, there was a thunk, then a crash.
Tess burst into the trees and came to a shuddering halt. She was alone.
"Oh, God," she whimpered. "Jack?"
She heard a groan.
Tess yanked up her skirts and dove for him. He wrenched out of her grasp and started to stumble away.
Tess surged toward him and grabbed his wrist, hanging on with both hands. "Jack?" She tried to scream his name at the top of her lungs, but it issued past her lips as a frightened, trembling whisper. He didn't seem to hear her.
Tess stared at him in mounting terror. He didn't even know she was there. He was stiff as a board, and breathing hard. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and his skin
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was pale as death. He appeared to be having a psychotic episode.
Fear twisted her insides into a quivering knot. She'd seen breakdowns in psychiatric wards of hospitals, and they'd always terrified her. "Jack?" she whispered. "What is it? What's happening?" He didn't even look at her.
She stared up into his chalky face and felt a stab of fear so sharp, she cried out. A sob burst from her throat. "Oh, God, Jack ... what's happening?"
He screamed again, another bloodcurdling shriek of pure, primal terror. He turned, tried to run.
Tess clung to his wrist. He dragged her through the damp grass. "No, Jack," she cried, the words broken by tears. "Please ..."
He screamed again and dropped to his knees. "Johnny ..." The name was a twisted, rasping fragment. Tess took a deep, shuddering breath and clung to his hand. The warm, solid feel of him calmed her down, reminded her that he was here, beside her, and as long as they were together, there was hope.
She grabbed him by the shoulders and tried to will him to look at her. He stiffened and stared past her, his eyes still glassy and unfocused.
"Jack, I know you can hear me. Please ..." She said the words over and over again, until her throat ached. With each repetition she felt him drifting that much further away from her.
Desperation slid into her fear, giving it a razor-sharp edge.
"Please, Jack, look at me. See me. Please ..." A sob
shook her body, slipped past her parched lips as a silent
hiccup. Her fingers dug into the soft chambray of his shirt.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Memories twirled through
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her mind. The next time we kiss, Jack Rafferty, you'll be the one to start it....
My Katydid. No one's ever dried her tears, or stroked her hair, or told her she was loved. If you can change anything, Lissa, change that.... I love you, Lissa.
Love you, love you, love you. The words circled through her brain in a kaleidoscope of agony. He was leaving her; after everything they'd done and not done, after all the promises of love, he was leaving her....
"No!" She screamed the word, suddenly angrier than she'd ever been in her life. "No, goddamn it," she yelled, shaking him hard. "I won't let you do this. You promised." The word broke in half. Pain ripped through her. Clinging to him, she bowed her head and cried. The fight whooshed out of her, leaving in its place an aching, pain-filled void. "You promised, Jack," she said between sobs. "You said we'd dance forever...."
Tess had no idea how long they sat there, clutched together, Tess crying quietly, Jack staring straight ahead. Cloud after cloud swept past the nearly full moon, plunging them now and again into the utter blackness, then tingeing the clearing in blue-white light. "Lissa?"
The word was spoken so quietly that at first Tess thought she'd imagined it. Willed it. Tiredly she lifted her head.
"Lissa?"
She clamped a hand over her mouth. Relief spun through her in a dizzying wave.
He blinked down at her.
Tess threw her arms around him and clung to him, crying out with relief and joy. "I'm here, Jack," she crooned, rocking back and forth, "I'm here. You're safe."
He pulled back and looked down at her. There was a
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bleakness in his eyes that shredded Tess's heart and brought more tears to her eyes. "I'll never be safe, Lissa." He closed his eyes. "Never."
"Don't say that. Please. We can work through this together. I know we can."
He shook his head slowly, with infinite sorrow. "I thought . . . with you . . . with things the way they were ... I thought I was getting better." The words were spoken with no emotion whatsoever.
Tess swallowed convulsively. "Don't you do that, Jackson Rafferty. Don't you dare."
He stared through unfocused eyes at the shadowy grass. "Do what?"
"Don't you dare give up." She took him by the shoulders and shook him hard. "I love you." Her voice cracked with emotion, with all the desperation of a woman who'd found love too late and saw it slipping between her fingers. "I won't let you give up. We're a family, goddamn it, and we need you. / need you."
He flinch
ed at every word. "You don't need anyone. You never did."
Hot, aching tears burned her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Once again she felt it all slipping away, slipping through her fingers. She tried to close her hand, tried to fist it tight, but the harder she tried, the faster it fell away. "You're wrong," she whispered desperately. "Before you, I was always alone, always afraid. I've waited for you all my life." "Lissa ..."
Her name was a sigh of defeat. Tess felt the softly spoken word like a fist to the throat. Tears streamed down her face and burrowed onto her tongue. They tasted like all the things she'd reached for in her life and never quite attained, all the missed opportunities and forgotten dreams. "Please, Jack," she said brokenly, "don't shut me out."
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It was a long time before he spoke. When he finally did, his voice was shaky and weak. "I don't want to."
Tess felt a rush of relief so strong, her knees buckled. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared up at him. "Promise you'll always stay with me." Her voice broke. "Promise me you won't give up."
He looked at her then, and in his eyes she saw how fiercely he loved her. Her throat constricted so tightly, she couldn't talk. Please Jack, just say it. Such a tiny, nothing little word ...
"I can't." The words sounded ragged and ripped from his soul.
Tess felt as if she'd been struck. She wanted to shake him or rattle him or something?anything. Just something to break through the distance he'd encased himself in.
But there was nothing she could do. He was sitting right beside her, touching her, and it felt as if he were a million miles away. Oh, God ...
He took her into his arms, holding her so tightly, she couldn't breathe. She clung to him. Their tear-streaked faces were cheek to cheek, and then, slowly, they drew apart just far enough to gaze into each other's eyes.
The kiss he gave her was desperate and frightened and tasted of their tears.
That night, Jack stood at the bedroom window and stared at the shadowy farm. His body felt taut, as if his skin were stretched to the breaking point. Frustration lay like a thick, angry fog in his mind. He'd been so close. So goddamn close to having it all.
For a few precious moments, he'd forgotten his past.
He let out his breath in a ragged sigh that clouded the windowpane.
"Come to bed, Jack."
He stiffened. Behind him, the bed planks creaked be-
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neath Lissa's weight. Please don't come over here, he prayed desperately. He knew that if he touched her, even once, he'd be lost. He'd never have the strength to turn away. To protect her from the darkness in himself.
"I ... I'm not tired. I think I'll just?"
"Come to bed."
He didn't move. She did.
Jack tensed, feeling her every step like a blow to the
gut.
Behind him, she stopped. He could feel the whisper-softness of her breath at the back of his neck.
He stood stock-still, afraid even to breathe.
She whispered his name and touched him at the same time. Her arms curled around his waist and locked. He felt the soft, rounded mounds of her breasts against his back, and he groaned. A yearning ache settled in his heart. Sweet Christ, how he wanted to turn around, take her in his arms, and forget about everything....
"Jack ..." His name slipped from her lips. "Come to
bed."
He shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. If he tried, the words would come out mangled and rasping, and she'd know how scared he was. How terrified. And if she knew that, it would start again. She'd remember why she'd hated him for so many years, what he'd done to ruin their lives. She'd remember that he was a coward who couldn't forget what he'd done. And not done.
The fantasy they'd been living in for the last few weeks would vanish. And again he'd be an outcast, alone and lonely and achingly afraid.
Her hands flattened against his stomach and smoothed slowly upward. Her thumbs hooked his suspenders and flicked them away. They swung alongside his arms in useless black loops.
"W-What are you doing?" he managed to ask.
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Her hands glided downward again, passed the thin wooden buttons one by one, until she reached the waistband of his pants. There she paused for a single, heart-stopping moment, then she flicked the top button open. Then the second.
Jack drew in a ragged breath. The thick twill fabric of his pants gaped open. "Lissa, don't ..." The words came out as he'd feared: rasping and weak. The third button popped free. "Lissa, don't. I can't ..."
Her hand pushed the gaped fabric aside and slid beneath the thin linen of his drawers. Her palm felt hot and damp against his flesh. He shivered in response. Her hand moved downward.
Jack's throat went dry. He tried to swallow but couldn't form enough saliva to do it. Instead he pursed his lips together and tried to remain still.
Her hand eased through the crisp hair and crept downward, closing around his hardness. Jack gasped, shuddering at the intimacy of her touch.
She pressed up onto her toes. Her breath was hot and inviting against his ear. "I think you can, Jack."
She slid back down. Her heels hit the floor with a muffled thump. Her hand began to move slowly up and down. Each finger felt like a curl of fire around him.
"Ah, Christ." He spun around and grabbed her shoulders, jerking her toward him. "Don't do this, Lissa. Don't you know I'm dangerous?" "Not to me."
Her answer defeated him. Longing spilled through him again, taunted him with how good it would feel to just give in. "How can you be so sure?" "I trust you."
The simple sentence, one he'd waited half his life to hear, ripped through the rest of his resistance. Groaning,
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he pulled her close and kissed her, a hot, hard, demanding kiss that was filled with dark, desperate need. He clung to her like a drowning man, planting kisses on her cheeks, her nose, her eyelids. "God, I love you," he murmured against her hair.
She looked up at him through moist eyes. "I love you, too, Jack. Now, come to bed. In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to seduce you." She gave him a trembling smile that betrayed her own need.
She took his hand and led him to the bed. Candlelight turned the faded, gray sheets into a magical bower of rumpled gold. The huge coverlet hugged the back of the bed in a series of welcome shadows. They stood silently by the bedside, staring at each other. Slowly Tess began unhooking her dress.
"Let me," he said.
Tess felt his every breath like a caress across her bare shoulders. Shivering, she turned around, presenting her back to him. He moved closer.
His hands curled gently around her neck, his thumbs stroked the sensitive flesh of her nape. The warmth of his touch set off a flurry of goose bumps. Slowly his hands glided down her bare back and onto the textured silk of her gown. One by one the hooks and buttons gave way. The gown fell open.
He eased the sleeves downward, freeing her arms. The dress dropped to the floor in a whoosh of pale blue silk. Her undergarments followed until, in no time, she was naked.
She started to turn around, but he wouldn't let her. Moving closer, he let his hands roam gently across her weighty breasts, toying at her nipples until they hardened. She brought her hands up and locked them behind his neck. The roughened pads of his fingertips breezed across her
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flesh, lingered on her nipples. He kissed her bare throat and shoulders.
Tess shivered at the heat building slowly inside her. She moaned quietly and turned around to face him.
He was bathed in the shimmering glow of candlelight. As she stared up into his handsome, life-hardened face, Tess felt something huge and achingly hard settle in her heart.
Love. For the first time in her life, she understood the magnitude of the simple word. It was more than she'd ever thought it could be. She couldn't imagine how she'd lived without it, and yet, even now, in the midst of its grip, she could see its darker unde
rside. The heartbreak and pain that shimmered beneath its surface like hidden evil beneath a smooth, calm lake.
"What is it, Lissa?" he asked quietly. She shook her head, unable to force anything past the lump in her throat. How could she tell him? Even if he was able to understand what this moment meant to her, what he meant to her, how would he ever understand the newness of her emotion?
She loved him so damn much. Yesterday it had seemed as if they had everything, that love was everything. Now, suddenly, their love seemed fragile, a bond too easily broken.
Fear brought a tremble to her parted lips, and for the first time she wished she'd come to this century without her memories intact. Right now she wanted desperately to be Lissa, only Lissa. She wanted a lifetime's worth of happiness to bind them. They hadn't had enough time together. They needed more. So much more.
"Love me, Jack," she said brokenly. "Love me." He swept her into his arms and eased her onto the bed. Quickly stripping out of his clothes, he stretched out beside her.
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Tess lay naked next to him, feeling the minuscule distance between them swell into a huge, icy chasm. She looked at him, saw that even now, in the midst of a burgeoning passion, there was sadness in his eyes. It ripped at her heart.
Something bad was going to happen. She suppressed a shudder of apprehension.
She slipped her arms around him and huddled close. Their bodies fused, creating a heat that banished the last icy tendrils of fear. Desire and need and desperation coiled together and washed through Tess in an electrifying wave. Suddenly she had a deep, primal urge to mate with him, to merge their bodies and souls into a single, unified whole that could never be ripped apart. She wanted to use her body to drive away his fear. For now, she wanted him to think about her. Not secrets or nightmares or even Amarylis. Just her.
"Lissa?" he whispered against her ear, and there was a world of silent fear in his voice.
She pulled back and looked up at him. "No more being afraid, Jack," she said earnestly.
"It's not that e?"
She kissed him. He held back for a heartbeat, then shuddered hard and held her tightly. Their tongues met, mated, twined in a moist, fervent dance.