***
My hand shakes violently as I reach for the controls. Most of the settings are meaningless to me. I flip switches randomly until the board lights up. Anything with a dial or a slider, I move all the way to the right. Power hums through the cording, surging into the metal arm. The electrode helmet rattles. I stare at it, and swallow. Am I really going to do this?
There is only one answer. If I don't, the balance of power will tip enough for Matt to openly attack Jonas. My friends will die. As for me, I'm dead already. Whatever way this goes, Matt intends to kill me. His words, spoken so softly, come back to me. You don't have to suffer. I walk around the console, and head for the helmet. Just holding it between my fingertips sends a buzz up my arms.
I take a deep breath. This will be quick. It will. There will be nothing to regret. Simply nothing. I can't help but think of everyone else, though. Of Matt, finding me. My friends. Jonas. I close my eyes for just a moment and think of his green eyes, his scent; think of all the questions we will never answer.
A noise outside the door sets my heart fluttering. So soon? I raise the helmet toward my head, willing my hands to go faster, but they are as slow as drips of cold honey. I'm shaking so intensely now, I almost drop it, but I grip tighter, and raise it above my head. The door opens. I glance toward it, expecting that Matt will be the last thing I ever see before I drop the helmet into place.
"Eden!" Miranda's eyes are wide. She has a gun in one hand, and she's pointing it at the guy who was supposed to be guarding the door. We look at each other with wide eyes. Her mouth opens as she sees the helmet, follows the humming lines back toward the console. "God, no!"
I cast it aside and point to the other door. "Put him in there."
She nods, and Matt's thug heads for the box, probably thankful that he's being confined, not killed. He'll feel differently when Matt gets a hold of him. We lock him in, then run out the other door, closing it behind us. The tunnel is black. Miranda has brought no light. I swallow down my fear. I'm alive. I may yet live to see the open sky once again. Fate is so fickle. She can't decide what she means to do with me.
We walk slowly but steadily through the darkness. Miranda leads us a different way than I expect. Eventually, we stop walking and climb up some footholds in the wall. We come up in the middle of an alleyway. It's dark out, and quiet. The sky is a vast expanse above us, a world without endings. I take deep gulps of the snow-sweet air as we replace the metal grate and cover it with debris. We slip off into the shadows.
Convincing Miranda to return with me to the safe house is not easy, but she has nowhere else to go. Eventually she concedes. Apollon and Jonas will have wanted to move on to a new location, but they will wait for me. We trudge through the snow silently, except for the rubbery crunch of our footprints, and slip through a hole in a wooden fence, then in through the back door. It's an old structure made mostly of warped boards, with gaps in between that let too much wind come in. There's no light, and no sound but our footsteps. It only takes a moment to realize that no one else is here.
"Where are they?" whispers Miranda.
I shake my head. Did they leave without me? Did they hear what happened? Do they think I'm dead? Or is this place no longer safe? I grab Miranda's arm and pull her toward the back way. We jog for the fence, and Miranda slips through first.
"Where will we go?" she asks, turning back as I begin to climb through, then she starts suddenly. A hand over her mouth muffles the scream.
“Quiet," hisses Apollon, his large silhouette looming behind her.
The tension runs out of my body. "Trying to scare us to death," I whisper as I squeeze on through.
He glances off toward the end of the fence, where there is movement. This time, I start. Then I recognize the smoothness of the gait. Jonas is walking toward us. I have to restrain myself from running to him. I take a deep breath, feeling emotion wash through me. Life. Being alive. And I have felt dead for so long.
"Neveah thought she saw one of Matt's men outside. We had to move," Jonas murmurs as he stops in front of us.
I nod, still floating in the high waters of emotion. Maybe it's the relief of escaping. Of being found. Being with the people who matter to me. Now is definitely not the time, but tears are pressing against the backs of my eyes. My throat is tight.
"You OK?" Jonas asks, placing one hand on my shoulder.
Again, I nod. It's all I can do, so I nod, and blink, and start moving, even though I'm not sure where we're going.
It doesn't matter, because they fall in beside me, and together, we walk the path to our new safe house.
This one is not much more than a shed, but it blocks the wind, and hides us, and that's really all I can ask for. Neveah is there waiting for us. There are hugs now, to celebrate our reunion. Miranda is welcomed in without chastisement, no questions. She and Neveah sit against the wall together, arm in arm, looking for all the world like a mother and daughter.
It's a thought I should not have allowed myself right now, because it brings to mind images that are still too fresh, too raw. I choke off a sob, hand flying to my mouth to try to smother the noise, but it's too late. Jonas and Apollon, on either side of me, turn to look at me. I press my back against the wall and slide down, closing my eyes, holding my breath. They crouch beside me, touching my arms, saying my name. I clamp my eyes against any further tears, shaking my head. I'm so tired of crying all the time.
There's a long silence. Eventually, I open my eyes, and stare at my lap. My breaths are even now. I will not cry. But they're still looking at me, studying me.
Jonas turns his face to Miranda. His voice is soft, dark. "What happened?"
Miranda's eyes widen slightly, then dart between us. She shakes her head ever-so-slightly, her lips parting.
Jonas' eyes harden as he looks at her. "What happened," he repeats. His voice demands to be answered.
"I'm fine," I mutter, hoping it will be enough. Hoping I won't have to explain everything. Hoping Miranda will not tell them what she walked in on when she rescued me.
Jonas rubs my arm soothingly, encouragingly. "Where were you," he asks softly. "We've been looking for you since we heard about the Sentry."
I look up at him, now. He heard? It must be all over the Outpost. I am a giant-killer. But still, I don't want to tell this story. I'm tired. I haven't really had time to think about all that's happened. I just want to sleep it off.
"Matt got her," Miranda says, matter-of-factly, apparently deciding that she'd better spill. "He thought she killed the damned thing. Like actually killed a Sentry." She laughs bitterly, wipes her hand over her forehead and down her cheek, rolling her eyes. "Wouldn't that be great," she adds. "Imagine if Matt suddenly got rid of all the Sentries."
Jonas' eyes narrow as he looks from her to me. "So... you didn't kill it?"
My face is already turned downward, but I lower it more.
"Of course she didn't kill it," Miranda says. "They're not killable. It malfunctioned, OK? Probably corrosion in the conversion stream or something. Lucky as hell, Eden."
Jonas says nothing, still looking at me. Finally, he nods. He moves a touch closer to me, like he's closing the rest of them out. He leans in, touching my face, and asks in a whisper, "Did Matt hurt you?"
I close my eyes, and manage to shake my head. "Just tired," I say.
He lets go of me. I allow my body to slump to the side, leaning against Apollon, who puts an arm around me. I rest my head on him, letting myself sink into restfulness. On the other side of me, where my feet are now, Jonas sits against the wall, knees up, head back, eyes closed. He's maybe two inches from touching me, but it feels like he's on the other side of the world. I long to be leaning against him, instead, but I stay where I am. I stay, thinking I'm going to sleep, but I don't. So I'm still awake when he gets up and slips out the door, heading off to command his tro
ops, or plan his attacks, or whatever it is that will lead us all to our quickening doom.