Chapter 28: Almost Anything
I AWAKE TO the sound of explosions. Scrambling to my feet, I realize I have been sleeping with my face on the cold floor. Apollon is gone. Miranda and Neveah are standing at the door, though it's closed.
"What's going on?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes.
"Grey's men must be attacking the Outpost," Miranda says, her voice reserved. "They're battling at the wall."
I blink for a few seconds and try to focus. I have a headache like a big spike in my head. "What about the Sentries? Won't they attack anyone in the battle?"
Neveah tilts her head at Miranda curiously.
She shakes her head. "Grey was probably counting on that," she says. "But I wired the weapons so we could fire them remotely. From under cover. Had to sacrifice our aim a bit, but I think they'll still be OK. At least, until the wall falls. But by then Sentries picking us off won't really matter."
"No wonder Matt let you live even after what I did."
She shrugs, a modest gesture with no modesty in it whatsoever. "Well," she says, "that, and I wasn't finished making the adjustments to his big gun for the gate."
"Big... gun?"
She nods and frowns. "Damned big gun, really. Lasers, too. Dan built it special."
"I bet." I take a moment to lean back against the wall and close my eyes. My heart pounds in my ears, and each time it is like a mallet driving the spike deeper. "So what do we do now," I whisper. "Wait and see who wins?" I open my eyes, and Miranda is looking back at me. We share our despair for a moment across that open link.
Finally, she shakes her head and looks away, at the floor. "This sucks," she says. "We're done for, either way, now."
She's right. If Matt wins, we're on the chopping block. If Jonas wins, we fall under Grey's control, and things just get worse from here. Living in hiding. Probably just scraping by each day, struggling to eat. To stay alive. I laugh softly through my nose, remembering. It really is pointless. For a long time, we're silent, listening to the boom and rattle of explosions and guns. We sit against the walls hugging our knees, looking at each other. At first, I expect that all the noise will resolve itself, and then someone will come, and we will know, finally, what our fate will be. But it just goes on and on. For hours, it goes on.
Finally, in a span of quiet between booms, Miranda asks, "Did you kill it?"
I stare back at her. I lick my lips. "Yeah," I say quietly. "I did."
Neveah sits forward suddenly from beside me, turning to gaze in awe at my face.
I look from her to Miranda, and sigh. My mind wanders over what happened, as if perusing the pages of a book. I remember sinking my hand into the internal workings of the Sentry, grabbing the crystal. I didn't know what I was doing, but it was so familiar. Familiar, because I did it to the Sentry that was forming in my mind, when I was in the chair. I remember now, the same feeling, reaching into the midst of the antlike creatures that were still writhing into the shape of the Sentry. They were letters, first, before they were ants. Letters in my own handwriting.
"I don't..." I begin, and falter, then try again. "I don't really understand it all. Just... I must know something. I mean, I must have known something. Before. Like, it's still there. When I was in the VR machine, I saw all this weird stuff. Sentries. And I killed one, but it was different. I was going to..." My voice breaks. "I was going to save Oscar." I close my eyes. "I was going to save him, but I couldn't. You woke me up. I mean... Matt woke me up." I wipe the tears that spill hotly over my eyelids, smearing them into my hair.
Miranda moves from across the room to beside me, and puts an arm around me. "Oh, Eden," she whispers. "You couldn't have saved Oscar. He's gone. It wasn't real. He's gone, now."
I close my eyes and lean into her, stifling a sob. She's right, of course. He is gone. But it felt so real. I really felt like I was going to save him. Even when the real Sentry had me, even when I pulled that thing from its chest, I thought it was about saving Oscar. But then, it wasn't. It was just a pile of metal, and hating it could not bring him back.
Neveah moves over, places one arm around me, and one arm around Miranda, and we huddle together, hanging on to each other. I still feel the darkness of what is coming for us, but today, for the first time, I realize that I will not face it alone. It's a small comfort, but enough. Enough to get through another day.