“She’s so big,” Amy said.
They were a little scared of the fillies too. It was the first time they had ever been close to animals, and they were still afraid they were going to get knocked down—good guess, because they tended to spread out and get too close and dodge into each other’s and the horses’ way when the horses shied. Even Catlin, who backed up and tucked her hands behind her, stiff and azi, when ’Stasi nearly bumped into her. Maddy yelped and nearly got it from the Mare’s backside, and Ari just dropped her face into her hands and looked up again, with the horses all off across the big barn arena and the kids looking a little foolish.
“You have to go a little slower,” Andy said from behind them. “They don’t want to step on you. But you smell funny to them.”
The kids looked at Andy as if they thought he was joking or they had just been insulted.
“Come on,” Ari said to Florian. “Let’s see if we can get her.”
“Wait, sera, I can,” Florian said, and walked after her.
It was strange finally to come out in the open, and pretend they were mostly friends of Amy’s, that everyone knew was her friend, and who, she figured, was safer from Disappearing than anybody else because her mama was a friend of uncle Denys and uncle Giraud. She didn’t think it would happen anymore, but the kids worried; and that was the set-up she had worked out with Amy—because the kids were still worried.
But, she told them, they could go to places like seeing the new babies together and not have anybody get onto the fact she had friends, the same way she could buy things for people and not have uncle Giraud know they saw each other more than at parties. Andy wasn’t in the House circuit, so Andy wouldn’t tell everything he saw and neither would the azi in the barn. So they felt safer.
Florian caught the Mare with no trouble. He brought her back and the fillies came right along. That impressed the kids too.
It was strange how the kids looked at Florian and Catlin now, too, since Florian had come back still a little stiff and sore, and she had had Florian and Catlin tell what had happened down there in the Exercise—it was all right to tell them, she had explained to Florian and Catlin, because they were CITs and they were in the House, except Sam, and Sam was all right. So Florian had started telling it, but when he got to the part where he went down the hall, he couldn’t remember past that point, and Catlin had to tell it, and about the hospital and everything.
It was the first time either one of them had said more than a sentence or two at a time to the kids, and it was something to get Catlin to tell a story; but once Catlin got warmed up, Catlin knew enough gory stories to get them all going, and all of a sudden the kids seemed to figure out that Florian and Catlin were real. That a whole lot of things were. That they had seen dead people That they really could do what she said.
—Not, really, she thought that they had ever doubted her, but that they had had no way to understand what it was like to walk down a hall toward an Enemy, carrying explosives which, thank God, had not gone off…or even that there were Enemies who could come right up on Reseune’s grounds and try to blow things up or shoot people.
They started wondering why, that was one thing that was different. They wanted to know what went on in the Council and why people had wanted to take things from her in Court—and they got to questions where she couldn’t give them all the answers.
“That’s something I’m still trying to figure out,” she had told them. “Except there are people who don’t want azi to be born and they’d like to shut Reseune down.”
“We do more than azi,” Sam had said.
“Florian and Catlin wouldn’t like not to be born,” Amy had said.
“They might be born,” Ari said, “but they’d bring them up like CITs and teach them like CITs. They wouldn’t like it.”
“Would you?” Amy had asked them, because they had started asking Florian and Catlin questions that didn’t go through her.
“No,” Florian had said, very quiet, while Catlin shook her head. Ari knew. Florian was too polite to say what he had said to her when she had talked with them about it before: that he didn’t like most CITs, because they were kind of slow about things; a lot of CITs, he had said, worked harder trying to make up their minds what to do than they did doing what they’d decided, and he hated to be around people like that. And Catlin had said, a depth of thought which had surprised her, that she figured CITs had made azi to run things like Security because they knew they couldn’t trust each other with guns.
“Do you like being azi?” ’Stasi had gotten far enough to ask, that time down in the tunnels.
Florian had gotten a little embarrassed, and nodded without saying a thing.
“I think he’s sexy,” Maddy had said outright, in school, not in Florian or Catlin’s hearing. “I wish I had him.” And giggled.
I’m glad you don’t, had been Ari’s thought.
That popped into her head again while Florian was leading the horses back: he was so neat and trim in his black uniform, you couldn’t see he was a kid if you didn’t know the Mare’s height. Florian and Catlin—were enough to make you jealous you couldn’t walk like that and look like that and be like that.
Because CITs didn’t take care of themselves like that, she thought, they ate too much and they spent too much of their time sitting down and, face it, she told herself, nature dealt Amy eyes that had to be corrected and made Tommy just average-looking, and didn’t give Maddy any sense.
While Florian and Catlin looked like that and were so good at what they did that they were out of Green and into House Security, because they were just better than their predecessors—because they were taught after the War, Denys had said, using modern-day stuff that made them work harder and use what they had, and because she was right, they had learned a lot of classified stuff up in the House that the Instructors down in Green didn’t even know about, that was different since sometime in the War, too. All of which came down to the fact that they started doing their tape in House Security, and that after this no Exercise with them involved could use a double-blind situation.
Like adult Security. Because their reactions had gotten so fast and so dangerous there was no way to make it safe if they got surprised, and they could push other teams past all their training.
She was damned glad Maddy didn’t have their Contracts. Damned glad Maddy didn’t have her hands on Florian and didn’t have any chance to mess with that partnership, because she understood now beyond any doubt that it was life-and-death business with them. She had made Florian late for one study-session, Florian and Catlin had thrown everything they had into their Exercise, afraid they were going to fail it; and that had made them overrun the course and push another team to the point it got rattled and made a mistake, that was what had happened, so that three azi had gotten killed was, at least remotely, her fault. Not blamable fault, but it was part of the chain of what had happened, and she had to live with that.
She was terribly glad she hadn’t done anything with Florian that would have put any more strain on him. Because he could just as well have been dead, and it would have been her fault, really, truly her fault.
Maddy was right. He was so damned pretty. She wanted so much to do with him exactly what Maddy wanted to do.
And Maddy would have no idea in her head why she couldn’t.
She wished to hell Ari senior could talk back and forth, because she had tried to ask Base One if Ari had anything to say about Florian being in hospital or about whether it was safe to do sex with her azi, if they were Security. But Base One had said there was no such information.
She was so desperate she even thought about getting Seely off in a corner somewhere and asking him that question. But Seely was as much Seely as he had ever been—and not even sex could make her that desperate.
Yet.
x
Her twelfth birthday, she had a big party—a dance in the Rec hall, with every kid in Reseune who was above nine and under twenty—uncle D
enys begged off and said he had work, but that was because he hated the music.
He missed something, because Catlin learned to dance. Catlin got the idea of music—it’s a mnemonic, Ari said, when Catlin looked puzzled at the dancing: the variations on the pattern are the part that makes it work.
Florian had no trouble at all picking it up—but he was too self-conscious to clown with it in public: that was the funny thing; and it was Catlin who shocked everybody, by trying to teach Sam a step he couldn’t get—an azi out on the floor with a CIT. Everybody got to watching, not mad, just amazed, and Catlin, in a gauzy black blouse that covered just about what it had to with opaque places, and black satin pants that showed off her slim hips like everything,—smiled, did three or four fast steps and showed what you could do if you could isolate muscle groups and keep time with the music.
After that every boy in the room wanted to have one dance with Catlin, and it was funny as hell, because all the girls in the room didn’t know whether to be jealous of an azi or not.
So Maddy Strassen flounced over and asked Florian, and the other girls started asking him, and the few older CIT kids who had azi their own age began showing them the steps, until the thing got all over the House by the next morning.
“You know,” uncle Denys said about it at breakfast, “there are azi that could bother. You really ought to be careful.”
“Seely was there,” she said, tweaking uncle Denys just a bit. “And a lot of Security. They could have stopped it, anytime.”
“Probably the music paralyzed their judgment. They were there to stop Abolitionists with grenades. They needn’t have worried. They couldn’t get past the noise.”
“Well, none of the azi got pushed. Some would dance, some wouldn’t, nobody pushed anybody. Florian said Catlin thought it was interesting. She’s supposed to protect me, right? And she’s not as social as Florian. But she can imitate anything physical and she can act like anybody. So she was having a great time out there. She was psyching everybody and getting the feel of how they moved and they never knew what she was doing. Want to know what she said?”
“What?”
“She said they were all soft and they were generally real vulnerable in their balance. That she could take out any one of them with an elbow.”
Uncle Denys sneezed into his orange juice.
xi
More shots. They brought her period on. She swore she was going to get Dr. Ivanov. A call at his door at night and blam! a gift from Florian.
He probably had enough of her blood to transfuse most of Novgorod.
“I think I want a different doctor,” she said to uncle Denys.
“Why?” uncle Denys asked, over his reports, at the supper table, which was the only place she saw him—at breakfast and at supper.
“Because I’m tired of getting stuck with needles. I’m going to be anemic.”
“Dear, it’s a study. It got started when you were born and it’s a very valuable study. You just have to put up with it, I don’t care what doctor you have; and you’d hurt Petros’ feelings. You know he’s very fond of you.”
“He smiles very nice, right before he gives me something that makes me want to throw up.”
“You know, you have to watch, dear, your voice does tell what’s going on with your cycles. That’s something you don’t want to make that public, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know why not! I don’t know why they don’t put it on the news! Why don’t you hand the news-services the tapes from my bedroom? I bet I can give them some real thrills if I work at it, I bet the Security techs just love it!”
“Who said we were taping? That’s a Security system.”
“Florian and Catlin are House Security, remember?”
Uncle Denys put down his reports, suddenly very serious.
So was she, not having intended to bring it up. Yet. Till they found out some other things. But he was off his balance: she had her opening; she Got him with it.
Good.
“Dear, all right—yes. There are tapes. They go into Archive, no one accesses them. They’re just a historical record.”
“Of me having my period.”
“Ari, dear, don’t be coarse.”
“I think it’s coarse! I think it’s a damn coarse thing to do to me! I want that system shut down, uncle Denys! I want it off, I want those tapes destroyed, I want Florian and Catlin to rip out that entire unit, at the control board.”
“Dear me, they are observant, aren’t they?”
“Damn right they are.”
“Ari, dear, don’t swear. You’re not old enough.”
“I want that unit off! I want it out! I want those tapes burned! I want to move up to my apartment and I want Florian and Catlin to go over that and have access to all the control boards in all the secret little rooms in Security!”
“Ari, dear, calm down. I’ll have them turn it off.”
“The hell! You’ll just relocate the board somewhere else you think Florian and Catlin can’t find it.”
“Well, then, you’d have a problem, wouldn’t you? You have to believe me.”
“No, I don’t, because I’ll know if that unit is running.”
“How?”
“I’m not going to tell you. Ask Seely. I’m sure he can explain it.”
“Ari, dear, your temper is running a bit high today, I’m sure you’ve noticed. And I really, really don’t want to discuss things with you when you’re on like this. I’m very, very fond of you, but no one likes to listen to a cultured twelve-year-old swear like a line soldier, and no one likes to be called a liar—as you once said in a very public place. So do you think you could lower the volume a little and discuss this rationally, or shall we say I’m sure Seely is still a little ahead of Florian?—If I wanted to continue the surveillance against your wishes. I appreciate the fact you’re not a little girl anymore. I know there are very good reasons why you don’t want to be taped in your bedroom, and the fact that you’ve objected is enough. We can’t get any value out of a study if the subject is acting for the cameras, now, can we? So the taping will stop, not because you have the power to take out the units, but because it loses its value.”
“I want the tapes burned!”
“I’m sorry, not even we can get at them. They’ve gone into the Archive vault, under the mountain out there, and they’re irretrievable as long as you’re active in the House computer.”
“You mean while I’m logged in?”
“No, as long as you’re an active CIT-number in the files. As long as you live, dear. Which is going to be a long, long time, and then you won’t care, will you, whether somebody has a tape of a twelve-year-old girl in her underwear?”
“You’ve seen those tapes!”
“No, I know the twelve-year-old, that’s quite enough. The taping will shut down. Florian can verify it, if you like, and Florian can remove the unit himself, with, I trust, some reasonable care not to damage the rest of the system.”
“Today.”
“Today.” Uncle Denys looked very worried. “Ari, I am sorry.”
He was acting with her. Working her. The way he had been Working the whole situation and trying to get her to believe him. The way she Worked him.
He was probably good enough to spot that too. If Seely was ahead of Florian, uncle Denys was still ahead of her, she thought. Maybe.
But she could Work him right back by using her upset and letting it go on long enough to let him do the Shut on her, and do it a couple of times so he thought he Had her.
Then she could do what he was trying to get her to do and see where it led, without being led.
“I’m sorry, Ari.”
She glared at him.
“Ari, this is a very bad time for this. I wish you’d come to me earlier.”
Dammit, he wanted her to ask. She wanted to Work him to have to tell her whatever he was up to, but that would give it away for sure that she was onto him Working her. Which he might know anyway: you never
knew how many layers there were with uncle Denys.
“You know there’s a bill up to extend you the first Ari’s Special status.”
“I know.”
“You know it’s going to pass. There’s not going to be any problem with it. There’s no way the Centrists can stop it.”
“That’s nice, isn’t it?”
“It was the one thing the Court didn’t hand you with Ari’s rights. The one thing they held back. So you’ll have that. You’ll have everything. You know Reseune is so proud of you.”
Flattery, flattery, uncle Denys.
“You are going to be on your own in a few years. You’ll leave this apartment and move to yours, and I won’t be with you: I’ll go back to being a fat old bachelor and see you mostly in and out of the offices and at parties.”
Saying bad things on himself; humor; trying to get her to think about missing him.
She would. So you didn’t let people Hook you, not when they were uncle Denys.
She didn’t say a thing. She just let him go on.
“I worry, Ari. I really hope I’ve done all right with you.”
Trying to scare her. Trying to talk like something was going to change. Another maman-event. Damn him anyway.
I hope you do Disappear, uncle Denys.
That wasn’t quite the truth, but it was a real low move uncle Denys was doing and she wasn’t about to show how mad it made her.
“We get along all right,” she said.
“I’m very fond of you.”
God. He’s really pushing it.
“Ari? Are you mad?”
“I sure am.”
“I’m sorry, sweet. I really am. Someday I can tell you why we do these things. Not now.”
Oh, that’s a hook, isn’t it?
“You know Amy’s mother invited you and Florian and Catlin to come over this evening.”
“I didn’t know that. No.”
“Well, she did. Why don’t you?”