After a long time, Jamie pulled her arms from around him, and his eyes locked with hers. “Axia,” was all that he could say, and he kissed her chin and nose. Then with great reluctance, he pulled away from her. “We must go.”
But Axia’s legs didn’t move, so Jamie swept her into his arms and carried her to the waiting horse, as usual, dropping her into the saddle. Within seconds he had mounted his own horse, and after urging her mount forward, they rode faster than Axia ever had before, and it was all she could do to stay in the saddle.
It was nearly sundown before they reached the end of the forest, and there was an inn where they could spend the night. During the hours of the ride, Axia had given her concentration to the horse and not to what had happened. In fact, she did her best not to think of it. But images kept flashing through her head: Of the man holding her, of his threats, of his malignant little eyes. She remembered Jamie tossing the knife and how close it had come to her head. But instead, it had sunk deep into the man’s throat, just inches from her own head.
It seemed that the farther they got from the scene, the more frightened Axia became with her thoughts of what could have happened. Maybe she was better off locked away in the Maidenhall estate. At least there she’d never had to contend with bandits with pistols.
As the hours wore on and she grew ever more tired and more hungry, the forest seemed more threatening and more horrible.
When at last Jamie pulled the horses to a stop and helped her dismount, he frowned at her. “You are pale. Come and I’ll get you something strong to drink.” Putting his arm about her shoulders, he supported her as they walked into the inn. “Axia, it is over. Do not think of it more. I will keep you safe.”
With that he pushed open the heavy oak door and went inside the warm, well-lit dining room, where a fat, cheerful-looking woman came bustling forward.
“Good evening,” she said cheerfully, then looked at Axia. “Oh, my, the young lady has been hurt. Come, dear, sit down, and I will see to you.”
Axia didn’t know what the woman meant, but then she turned her head to the side and saw the blood on her shoulder and neck. She was drenched in the man’s blood, blood that must have come from the knife that Jamie threw into the man’s neck. And in that moment everything that had happened became completely real to her. All the danger, all the risk and threat, came before her eyes, and it all seemed to block out the light.
As she crumpled in a faint, Jamie caught her in his arms.
Chapter 22
When Axia awoke, it was to Jamie sitting beside her on a bed in an unfamiliar room. It was dark, a single candle on the far side of the room, but she could tell that dawn was close at hand. She must have slept all night, and given how exhausted Jamie looked, he’d never left her side.
Opening her eyes more fully, she smiled at him, then startled, she tried to sit up, but Jamie pushed her back onto the bed. “Is it gone?” she whispered.
“Yes,” he said softly. “All the blood is gone. I cleaned it off myself. Even washed it from your hair.” As he Said it, he looked at her lying there with great masses of soft brown hair spread around her. During the day she kept her hair pulled back and covered so he didn’t see much of it, but now it lay about her like a soft, shining cloud.
“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you? I have been a nuisance to you, haven’t I? Ever since I met you I have been horrible.”
“Yes,” he said, reaching out to touch her hair. “Truly horrible. Before I met you my life was so calm and sensible, but now nothing is sane or logical.”
“Are you teasing me?”
He gave her a little smile. “Of course not,” he said as he leaned toward a table and picked up a bowl and spoon. “The landlady made you some soup, and I want you to eat it.” Carefully, he brought a spoonful to her lips.
Whereupon Axia burst into laughter. “Oh, Jamie, I’m not an invalid.” She was not going to allow him to see her embarrassment, for truthfully, no one had ever found it necessary to wait on Axia. She prided herself on never having been sick a day in her life, and it was she who nursed others, not the other way around.
“All right,” Jamie said, setting the bowl down. “You are healthy and well, so I will go to my own breakfast. I bid you good morning.”
She could tell by his voice that she had hurt his feelings, but she’d not meant to. Throwing back the covers, she leaped from the bed, then put her hand to her forehead and began to sway on her feet. “Oh, I think …”
When Jamie did not run to her rescue, she opened her eyes and saw he was smirking at her.
“Go on,” he said. “You may finish your faint. The bed is behind you.”
She laughed. “Oh, Jamie, I am starved. I do not want thin soup. I want beef and a couple of chickens and a great huge pudding. And—” She broke off as the images of that afternoon suddenly came back to her, and she sat down hard on the bed. “You killed them,” she whispered.
Sitting beside her, Jamie put his arm companionably about her shoulders. “It was the only way. I had to do it. I never like killing anyone.”
Turning her head, she looked at him. “I did not think you were capable of such a thing You are so very nice.”
“I am what?”
“You are very kind to everyone, such as Tode and Frances and your men. Everyone likes you.”
Jamie was smiling at her as he stood up. “But you knew I was a soldier, did you not?”
“Yes, but I thought you sat on a horse in pretty clothes and—” Jamie was laughing too loudly for her to continue.
“Get dressed and I’ll go see what the kitchen has to offer in the way of breaking our fast,” he said, still laughing as he turned to leave.
Rising, Axia caught his arm. “I have never had anyone take care of me before,” she said softly. “But you do. You see that I have hot water for a bath; you make sure I have paper for my drawings; you take care of Tode; you save me from bandits.” In a very natural gesture, she stood on tiptoe and put her arms around him. “Oh, Jamie, I—”
“Axia, please do not say it,” he said, and there was pain in his voice. “Please, I could not bear it. You do not know what is in my heart, the fight I have between duty and—and love. I must remember my obligations to others. Please,” he said again, then firmly took her by the shoulders and held her away from him. “Get dressed and come downstairs. I will be waiting for you there.”
With that he was gone. For a moment Axia felt bereft, but then she smiled as she leaned back against the door. It seemed that in the last weeks her mind had come to be filled with nothing but thoughts of Jamie.
Her dreaminess lasted only moments before she looked about the room and saw that Jamie had put clothes for her across the back of a chair. A dress of deep red wool with black embroidery all along the hem and up the front.
Dressing as quickly as she could, she flew down the steps and out the back toward the privy and nearly ran into Jamie where he was ransacking the great packs on his saddle.
“Couldn’t bear to be parted from me, eh?” he teased.
“Actually, you are on the path to the …”
Chuckling, he stepped aside. “There is partridge for supper.”
“Save me a dozen,” she called and closed the door. Moments later, when she emerged, she saw Jamie still taking things out, putting things back, so she went to stand by him.
When something dropped to the ground, without thinking, she stooped to pick it up. “My cap!” she exclaimed. “My mother’s cap! Wherever did you find it? I lost it in—” Suddenly, she remembered where she had left it: in Jamie’s tent the night they made love. Cutting herself off, she looked at him, hoping that he would not remember where the cap had come from.
But it was obvious from his face that he did remember, and she did not like what she saw, for Jamie’s face was a mixture of rage and—and, well, maybe murder. “Do not look at me so,” she whispered as she held the cap behind her and began to back up.
&
nbsp; “So, Axia,” he said, and she did not like the tone of his voice. It was as though he were trying to control himself from doing something awful to her. “What were you playing at? Did you want to taste what it was like to go to bed with a man just as you taste one cake after another?”
“I did not mean it to happen,” she said. “Truly I did not. I saw where you came over the wall, and I thought I’d—”
“You did not think. You tricked me and lied to me, just as you lied about your dragon cloth.”
“I did not lie to you. I told you I was a virgin.” He was still advancing on her, and she was still backing up.
“You said your name was Diana and that you had smallpox scars.”
“I was afraid you would beat me if you found me in your tent; it was the only thing I knew to do.” She tried to put as much reason as she could in her voice.
“You do not believe that lie. I gave you time and opportunity to tell me who you were.”
Axia was now up against the stable and could go no further. “I did not mean to trick you. I—I …”
“Yes? I am waiting for your answer.”
Axia put her chin up. “Seize the day,” she said defiantly. “I was there, you were there, and there was opportunity for a new experience, so I took the chance. Perhaps I will die tomorrow or my father will lock me away and I’ll never have such an opportunity again, so I took it.”
“Your father is dead, remember? Dissolved in lime, according to you, but then you lie so often I cannot tell what is the truth.”
Abruptly, he turned away and put his hand over his eyes, as though he were thinking about what to do.
Axia had seen how he worried about people under his charge, and she knew that his honor was everything to him. “I am sorry, really I am,” she said softly, then put her hand on his arm. “We shall forget about it. I already have. If it hadn’t been for the cap, you would never have known. You can go ahead and marry your heiress and—”
When Jamie looked up, his eyes were different. Without a word to her, he started toward the stables, Axia close on his heels. “Jamie?” she said, for she could tell by his expression that they were nowhere near the end of the matter. “Jamie, please say something. Tell me you don’t hate me. Or maybe you do, but I swear to you that it was all just a mistake.”
“Saddle that horse,” he said to a boy walking about the yard, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “And be quick about it.”
Axia saw that the horse he was having saddled was hers. “You are sending me away? Alone?” she gasped. “Oh, Jamie …” She sat down heavily on a wooden box covered with dirty bridles.
For a moment, Jamie glared at her. “What have I ever done to make you think that I am the kind of man to leave you alone and unprotected?” He didn’t wait for her answer but went to his own horse, threw a saddle over it, and led the animal from the stall.
“Are you ready?” he asked, holding his cupped hands for her to mount her horse.
“I—I guess so,” she said with resignation. She wanted to know where they were going, but she was much too frightened to ask. Better just to follow and leave her destiny unknown for as long as possible.
Thirty minutes later, Jamie reined into the pretty front garden of a lovely white cottage and told her to wait for him. Minutes later he returned and said, “Follow me.”
She could only nod as she saw a clergyman leave the house and start up a hill toward a big stone church that stood at the top. Oh, she thought, he’s going to make me pray for forgiveness for all my many sins. Her next thought was, If I do that, we’ll be here all night, and I’ll never get anything to eat.
At the church door, Jamie paused and looked at her, then removed a twig from her collar, smoothed her hair into place, straightened her little hood. “Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?” she burst out, very close to tears.
“Why to marry me, of course. What else can we do?” With that he turned on his heel and started into the church.
But Axia did not follow him. Instead, she collapsed onto one of the benches that ran on either side of the little porch over the church door. Moments later, Jamie came to sit beside her and took her cold hand in his.
“Horrified at the idea of marrying me, are you? I can understand that.”
“Jamie, do not joke,” she said in barely more than a whisper. “You must know that I cannot marry you.”
“Axia, the only thing that would prevent our marriage is if you truly did hate me, and I don’t think you do. Do you?”
She looked up at him, thinking of all the time she had spent with him, how he had changed her life. Maybe she’d fallen in love with him that first day. Maybe she had lied about being the Maidenhall heiress because she wanted him but desperately needed to know that he wanted her and not her father’s money. And just maybe love for him had been the motive behind everything she’d said and done since she met him.
“No, I do not hate you,” she said, looking into his eyes, and he smiled at her in such a way that she thought she might possibly melt into the bench and puddle on the stone floor.
“Nor do I hate you, so let us go. The vicar wants his breakfast and so do we. Let us not hesitate,” he urged as he stood up.
Still holding her hand, he pulled, but Axia did not move, so Jamie sat back down. “Do you not want to marry me? You have said yes to half the men of England, but perhaps I am the only one you do not want to marry.”
“It is not that, it is—Oh, Jamie, it is money.”
“I see,” he said stiffly. “I am not rich enough for you. Ah, then of course we will not marry. How presumptuous of me to assume.”
When he started to get up, she flung herself on him, her arms about his shoulders, her cheek against his chest. “It is not that you don’t have any money, it is that I do not. When my—my guardian knows that I have married without his permission, he will disinherit me. I will be penniless.”
“You do not know that for sure,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders, holding her tightly. “If you were his daughter, I could understand your fears, but you are just his ward. I do not think his judgment will be so harsh as all that.”
She pulled away to look at him. “If I were his daughter, would you still want to marry me?” she whispered.
“I would want his permission, but yes, with or without his permission, I would be forced to marry you—under the circumstances.”
“You mean … ?”
“Yes, dear almost-wife, that night in the tent.”
That did not make her feel better, for Jamie was admitting that he was marrying her because she had tricked him into making love to her. And he’d marry any woman who tricked him, and love or feeling made no difference. Obviously, his honor meant more to him than money.
“What else?” Jamie asked. “Tell me what else is on your mind.”
“You do not know Perkin Maidenhall as I do. Money gives power, and if he wants it, he has all the power on earth. He will have the marriage annulled, then he will bankrupt you for having dared touch what is his.”
“For all that Maidenhall is rich, there are laws in the land. Axia, you have been locked away most of your life, and your major contact has been with him and people who work for him. He is a rich man but not as powerful as you think. He cannot annul the marriage without a reason. And perhaps by the time he learns of us, you will be pregnant and that will hinder him.”
“A baby?”
At her look of disbelief, he laughed. “It has been known to happen. Now, what else?”
“He will hurt you and your family when he takes away all that you own.”
“There’s not enough to hurt. If he takes away everything, it will be nothing.”
“Oh, Jamie,” she said, putting her head in her hands. “How will you live?”
“We,” he said, emphasizing the word, “will live with my relatives. The Montgomerys are a nice lot, sometimes rather noisy, but they have much money and more houses and castles than they know what to
do with, so I’ll ask them to give me one or two.”
“For me. You are forced to do this for me. Because I sneaked into your tent one night, you must give up your own lands and estates and go begging on your knees to your relatives for charity.”
Jamie smiled at her. “It is not as bad as that,” he said, although it was exactly the way he saw it too. “It is not as though my relatives earned the land they have. They conquered no countries and so were not given estates as rewards, but they married rich women. It is a talent my family has for marrying into money.”
“Except you,” she said. “You planned to marry some pockmarked girl you tumbled with in a tent.”
“Yes,” he said, looking at her face, touching her cheek. “I have been haunted by that girl since that night. Do you know that I carried that cap over my heart for days? I had it the morning you attacked me, remember?”
“Which time?” she asked seriously.
He chuckled. “The morning after I spent the night with Diana. When I awoke and she wasn’t there, I was furious. I turned the place upside down. I thought she was but a girl destined to be a prostitute, but there was something unique about her. I found the cap, wrote a message to my family, and left money for her. And later, I had the cap next to my heart, looking at maps, and for some reason you attacked me.”
“You said I couldn’t go with you.”
“Ah, yes, that was it. I remember now.” He caressed her cheek and down her neck. “How different my life would have been if I had left you behind.”
“Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! If you had not taken me, you wouldn’t be forced into marriage with me now.”
“Axia, I am not being forced into marriage with you. No one is making me do this. See? No one holds a sword on me. Axia, please listen to me. I want to marry you. I want to. Do you understand that?”
Truthfully, it was difficult for Axia to believe that anyone wanted her. All her life she’d been surrounded by people who were paid to be near her. Not one person had been her friend because he wanted to be. And now Jamie was marrying her because she’d given him her virginity and he felt that he had to. His honor was so important to him that he’d give up all hopes of an heiress wife—which of course Axia would be no longer after her father heard of how she’d disobeyed him. Would Jamie hate her when he found out that she used to be the Maidenhall heiress?