Putting his fingertips under her chin, Jamie made her look up at him. “Where is your ‘Seize the day’?”
“That motto is what got me into this mess in the first place,” she said in disgust.
He laughed. “True, but I am glad of it. So, let us continue to live our lives day by day. We marry now, and if your guardian finds some way to annul it later, so be it.” Inside, Jamie thought, My death will be the only way this marriage will be annulled, but he didn’t say so, for he could see that Axia was very frightened of something. “In the meantime, we will enjoy each other as much as we can.” His voice lowered. “Or perhaps I am mistaken, and you did not like making love with me.”
“Oh, Jamie,” she said, wide-eyed, “but I did. Oh I liked it ever so much. I like kissing and touching, and your body is very nice when you are naked, and I like—”
He gave her a soft kiss to shut her up. “It will be difficult enough to wait until the service is done, but do not make it more difficult. Listen, if we marry now, we can spend the night in the same bed together. If we do not marry, you will have to sleep on the floor tonight.”
As she looked up at him, her reason warred with her emotions. She should not marry him. She knew that. Without any doubt in the world, she knew that her father would annul the marriage even if Jamie’s baby was kicking inside her. Perkin Maidenhall was a law unto himself. But, truthfully, she didn’t think he would hurt Jamie and his family, not if she went docilely and did what he wanted her to, which was to marry a man who had paid for her. But in the meantime, before her father found out what she’d done, she would have these days, maybe even weeks, when she would be Jamie’s wife.
His wife! she thought, and a thrill went through her. She took a deep breath. “I hate sleeping on the floor.”
At that Jamie gave a one-sided grin. “Come on then, the vicar is waiting.” Standing, he held out his hand to her, and she put her small one into his. He clasped it tightly, and together they walked into the church.
Chapter 23
Smiling, Jamie watched Axia scurry about the chamber, straightening his clothes, making order out of chaos. Wherever she went, he thought, she seemed to think she had to buy her way into people’s hearts. Not with money, but with deeds, kindnesses, and help. She never seemed to believe that anyone was going to like her for herself. It was almost as though she felt she had to compensate for something that was wrong with her.
But now, watching her, he knew that nothing in the world was wrong with her. With every movement she made, her hips moved, and he could see the outline of her breasts.
“Come here,” he said huskily.
“But, Jamie, I need to get this mud off your clothes, and I need—”
“Here. Now.”
After their hasty marriage, they had returned to the inn only long enough to pick up their belongings and a cooked chicken, which Jamie had torn in half, and they’d eaten as they rode. Now, hours later, as the sun was setting, they stopped at another inn, where Axia had gone into the kitchen to see to their dinner. Jamie had not been surprised when, moments later, the landlord had firmly escorted her out of his kitchen, for Axia had told him ways of better management, none of which he appreciated. “Keep her with you,” the landlord had said with a jaw firmly set.
“Gladly,” Jamie had replied as he pulled Axia onto the bench beside him.
“He is losing money through mismanagement,” she muttered, but Jamie only laughed and kissed her forehead. He truly loved that she was taking care of him in the way he had seen her do for others.
So now, alone in their bedchamber, he pulled back the covers of the bed and held out his hand to her. Under the concealing covers, he wore not a stitch of clothing, and while he was undressing, Axia had turned her face away, blushing prettily at the sudden intimacy between them.
Hesitating, Axia looked at his outstretched hand.
“Come on, imp,” he coaxed. “Afraid of me? You’ve scarred me, burned me, cursed me. I am the same now as I was then.”
As always, Axia never did anything halfway, so she ran to him, flinging herself on him. “Oh, Jamie, I am so very frightened. I do not know how to be a wife. Even a temporary one. You have known so many women, and every one of them has been in love with you. Heavens, but how can I compete with French women and ladies of the court? I am only a merchant’s daughter, nothing more. I think this will be an impossible task.”
All the time she had been speaking, Jamie had been expertly removing her clothing, which wasn’t easy since she was cuddled into a ball in his arms. But he managed. And with each bit of skin he exposed, he kissed it.
Axia stopped talking. “Oh, but that is nice, Jamie. You kiss so very well. Have you had a lot of practice?”
He smiled, for all women asked about his other women, always wanting to know that they were special or at least different. “None,” he answered. “I am new at this, so if I make errors, you will have to tell me.”
“You are a liar,” she said happily, her eyes closed as his mouth moved down her arm.
“I learned how to lie from my wife.”
When Axia giggled, Jamie smiled as he pushed her to her back and pulled more clothing off of her, flinging it about the room.
Then Axia didn’t think anymore as Jamie’s lips were on her body, his hands seeming to be everywhere as he caressed her and touched her.
“Show me how to please you,” she whispered.
“You please me all the time, but you do not know it,” he answered, his lips on her neck.
He knew that she thought he knew everything about being in bed with a woman, but the truth was, he’d never spent more than one night with any woman. He’d never wanted the complications or entanglements that frequent lovemaking invariably caused. And never had extremely experienced women appealed to him. So perhaps what he’d told Axia about being new at this was true. Other men would have laughed at him, but as his sister Berengaria often said of him, he was a true romantic, and maybe he had been saving himself for the woman he loved.
For sure, he knew that he’d never had the time to enjoy a woman as he was now enjoying his lovely Axia. He wanted to touch all of her body, to get to know it as he knew his own, and as he ran his hands over her from her scalp to her toes, he liked to think that no one else had ever touched her but him. He even liked that she had grown up isolated, few men having seen her, and his possessiveness surprised him, as it was a new emotion to him.
Now, on their wedding night, the first time he made love to her, he was too fast, but then he’d wanted her too much to allow any hesitation. So the second time, he took his leisure, toying with her breasts until she was arching under his body in a most provocative way. But he continued feeling her passion build, enjoying giving her pleasure, and when she began to give little biting kisses on his neck, he turned onto his back and pulled her on top of him.
“Oh, Jamie, aren’t you clever,” she murmured, her eyes closed as she instinctively moved up and down on him, and he thought he might perish from pleasure when her hips met his. Helping her with his arms, she moved fast and hard against him, until he threw her to her back and came inside her with a violent explosion that felt as though part of him died.
Collapsing against her, his sweaty body limp, she hugged him with glee. “I like this very much. Jamie, you haven’t fallen asleep, have you?”
Laughing, he turned his head to kiss her. “we shall see who begs for sleep,” he said as he put his hand on her stomach.
Yawning, Axia tried to mount her horse, but her eyes were so blurred from lack of sleep that she couldn’t quite focus on the stirrup. After she’d missed it three times, Jamie shoved her foot into it, then put his hands under her seat and pushed her up into the saddle. She was still yawning when he handed her the reins.
Turning away, he couldn’t help smiling. As a soldier he was used to fighting for days with no sleep, but Axia was accustomed to regular hours and sleep every night. But for two nights now he’d made sure she had no sleep a
t all.
And he had enjoyed every minute of their nights. For all that she was tired all day, even falling asleep during supper once, when they closed the door to their chamber, she was as wide awake as he was. Their clothes were off within seconds, and they ran at each other with arms open.
Jamie was delighted to find that Axia was anxious to try anything that he could devise, and as her body was as flexible as a willow wand, he rejoiced in figuring out new ways to make love. They twined their bodies about each other as though they were two snakes, twisting and turning, but above all, never letting go one of the other.
Somewhere about dawn, they’d fall asleep in each other’s arms, but the sun and the noise of the inn would wake them. With great reluctance, they would pull out of each other’s arms, dress, and go down to breakfast.
On the morning after their first night together, he had awakened to find an empty place beside him, and after his first moments of panic, he saw Axia curled up asleep on the only chair in the room. Beside her a candle sputtered, burned down to a nub, and all around her were pieces of paper covered with drawings. Curious, Jamie quietly got out of bed and held the sketches up, one by one, to the early morning light just coming through the window. All of the drawings were of him, but Axia had portrayed him as a man greater than life. He was atop his home, controlling it as it reared dangerously. There were many pictures of him fighting the bandits, leaning over to draw the dagger in his boot, then she’d caught the knife flying through the air toward a leering criminal. There was Jamie thrusting his sword through the man; Jamie lifting Axia as she swooned in his arms; Jamie as he put his body between Axia and danger.
At first incredulous, then smiling and feeling bigger and stronger, braver and wiser than he ever had before, Jamie carefully stacked the drawings, then gently picked up Axia and carried her back to bed. And as he fell back asleep, he thought that she was right about one thing: he would give up his life to protect her.
But now Jamie knew that their “honeymoon” was nearly over. Today they would reach his home, and they would no longer be alone. As much as he loved his family, Jamie did not want to give up having Axia to himself. Even knowing it was the sin of jealousy, he still didn’t want to share her.
Now, riding slowly, he glanced back at her, and when he saw that she was half asleep in the saddle, he smiled. In the last days she had called a truce with the horse she rode. As with everyone and everything she considered under her care, she asked Jamie after its welfare, making sure the animal was fed and watered, but she was not going to give the animal any love. And, he had to admit, she was never going to make a great horsewoman. At the slightest bump, she let go of the reins and grabbed the saddle, and if he increased the pace above a walk, she flung her arms about the horse’s neck and held on with her eyes closed.
Bending, he caught the reins of her horse, and Axia was so hard asleep that she didn’t awaken when they slipped from her hands. To his left was a field covered in daisies, and he knew that this land and all that they had passed for hours belonged to his Montgomery cousins. A narrow dirt path, barely wide enough for a horse, led through the field and up a hill to a beautiful glade where some Montgomery ancestor had built a tiny stone house. The roof was gone now, and one of the walls had fallen down, but when they were children, Berengaria had said it was the most romantic spot in all the world. Right now Jamie could not think of a better place to take his bride.
Axia did not awaken as he led her horse down the little path and up the hill. And she remained asleep when he halted the animals and pulled her down into his arms, carrying her into the shade of the ruins, where he sat with her cradled in his arms.
Jamie had slept in rain and with cannons going off near his head, so a small wife in his arms and a stone wall to his back did not hinder him from sleeping now. Snuggling Axia to him, he was asleep in an instant.
When he awoke, it was nearly sundown and growing cooler by the minute, so he held Axia closer to him, allowing her to continue sleeping as he looked out over the daisies.
“Still think I was trying to kill Frances by smothering her with daisies?” she murmured.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“Yes and no. Jamie, these last days have been the happiest of my life. You are so good to me. Do you think your family will like me?”
“They will love you,” he said with confidence.
“They won’t be disappointed about the money? That I’m not an heiress?” Or no longer an heiress, she thought but refused to allow herself to think of that. Jamie smiled. “They will love you as you are.”
She kept her head against his shoulder, wanting to stay there with him forever. But Jamie had to ruin it.
“What is it that you hide from me?” he asked softly.
“N-nothing,” she said, unprepared for the question. When she felt a change in Jamie’s body, she could have cried for it.
“There is something that you and Frances and Tode know that I do not. I can feel it. I have seen the three of you exchange looks; I have seen the way Frances has threatened you.”
“Threatened me? Whatever could you mean?”
At that Jamie nearly dumped her from his lap, but she clung to him. “Please do not be angry with me. Please, I beg you, Jamie. I love you. I love you very much. I told you so even when you thought I was Diana.”
He was sitting beside her, but his body was half turned from hers. “Always, even from the beginning, you have lied to me. I did not know who you were that night in the tent, but I knew that you were unique, unlike anyone I had ever met before. Perhaps I should have figured out who you were because both Diana and you are—”
“Are what?” she whispered, suddenly acutely aware that he had never told her that he loved her.
“Close to me,” he said. “I do not know how to describe it. I have felt close to you since I met you, as though you were mine. To answer your question, no, I do not think you tried to kill Frances. I did not think so then. Yes, yes, I know that I said so, but truthfully, I felt betrayed by you.”
Turning, he put his hands on her arms, looked into her eyes, and continued. “You have no idea how I have felt about you from the moment I saw you. I sneaked over the wall and ran through the garden to the hedges, and for a long while, I stood there watching you paint. You were so very good at it, I was amazed. I must have watched you for an hour as you took a person’s face and made it appear on canvas. Every movement you made was so quick and sure and so very perfect.”
She was astonished, as she’d had no idea he’d watched her that day.
Moving one hand, he caressed her cheek. “I do not know how to describe how I felt about you, but I sensed that I had met a woman I could live with. Not just marry or even love, but a woman I could share my life with. I thought, This woman would understand if I told her about my father and brother, about my mother, about Berengaria, even about Joby. I felt I could talk to you about anything, and I had never felt that way about any other woman before. Nor about any man. I have never felt that I could …”
He looked deep into her eyes. “I have never felt that I could fully trust someone before, not Rhys nor Thomas, nor any of my family. I tell them only half-truths, only what I want them to know. But as I stood there watching you, I knew that there was something so sensible about you that I could trust you.”
“You can trust me, Jamie,” she whispered. “I would die before I betrayed you.”
“Betrayed. That is what I felt that day when you lied to me about the daisies.”
“I did not know—” she started in protest, but he cut her off.
“I know you did not. I knew then that you had not tried to kill anyone, but I felt so betrayed by you. I had cared about you so much, but you—”
Dropping his hands from her, he turned his face away. “And that is how I feel now.” He looked back at her. “Axia, you are betraying me.”
“I have never touched another man! You are the only one.”
“Do not try to
misunderstand me!” he said with anger, glaring at her. “What is the secret you are hiding from me?”
“I …” She wanted to tell him the truth, but if she did, she knew that the few days they had together would be shortened. He would be very angry with her, for it was not a small secret that she had, but a huge one, a great, enormous secret that the moment it was out of her mouth would change their lives. If she were to tell him that she was (or used to be) the Maidenhall heiress, no doubt he would toss her onto that hated horse, and they’d run galloping away to try to find her father. would Jamie apologize to her father for being so presumptuous as to marry his daughter without permission?
“I can see that you have no intention of telling me what it is that you withhold from me.”
“It is nothing, Jamie. Just childish secrets that mean nothing to—”
She stopped because Jamie had risen and gone to his horse. Following him, she clutched his arm. “Can you not accept me for what I am?”
“Do you mean accept you for the liar that you are?”
“No, of course not. I mean—” She halted when she saw his face, then drew herself up. “I am no more or less than what I am, and I have never meant you nor anyone else any harm. I ask you to accept me as who I am, nothing more.”
“And I ask you to trust me.” Turning, his eyes were pleading. “Axia, please tell me what it is that is between us. I feel it in you all the time. You live each day as though it is your last. Why? What fate awaits you? Are you ill? Is death imminent? I cannot believe that, as I have come to know your body well and I can find no symptoms. You always refer to our marriage as temporary, but I cannot see that your guardian will object to the daughter of a poor merchant marrying a peer of the realm.”