* * *
Lewis’s eyes were filled with wonder as he marveled at the kayak that hung from the wall of the sporting goods store. He felt his uncle’s hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t take his eyes off the vessel.
“The boots are over this way,” his uncle said. Ever so reluctantly Lewis turned away from the kayak and allowed himself to be directed to the footwear section. The salesman brought out a stool for him to sit on and, at Luke’s request, pulled a size 7 pair of nearly every brand of hiking boot off the shelf.
The thought of trying on all those shoes would have depressed Lewis if his mind hadn’t been elsewhere. As his hands worked to untie his shoestrings he thought about rattle snakes and mountain lions. His heart began to beat a little faster. He saw himself with the other boys holding a hatchet in his hands while an enormous mountain lion crept closer. All the other boys were scared, even James Guthrie. Especially James Guthrie. He was the only one who didn’t run and hide.
He wondered if it should be dark and decided that night had just come, and that it was raining also. His hair was wet and he could feel the water dripping down onto his nose. He could hear the low rumbling of the thunder mixed with the guttural growling of the puma. Lightning would flash and he would see the enormous outline light up against the mountain as it descended closer and closer to him. He stood firm, gripping the hatchet in his right hand, as he knelt down ever so slowly to pick up a rock with the other. He never took his eyes off the beast that crept ever so slowly toward him.
“How do those feel?” Luke asked. The boots were too tight and his toes were cramped.
“It’s okay I guess,” Lewis said.
“Is there room for your toes?” Luke pushed down on the end of the boot.
“Not really,” Lewis confessed.
“Let’s try a 7 ½. It’s really important that you have boots that fit well or you’ll get blisters.
The employee left to look for a 7 ½ and Lewis returned to his struggle with the mountain lion. It was almost upon him, and there he stood with a rock in one hand, a hatchet in the other, and a steely expression on his face. He tried to imagine what to do when the beast pounced on him, how exactly he would fight it off, but he couldn’t think of anything. Even in his fantasy he couldn’t see how something so small and weak could actually survive against something so large and so powerful. He saw himself cold, and wet, and in the dark, staring down an animal that he couldn’t hope to defeat. He tried to make himself look big, and he imagined flailing his arms and yelling in the hopes that it would leave him alone. The mountain lion didn’t pounce, but it didn’t go away either. It just stared at him and slowly crept closer and closer until finally the employee returned with a size 7 ½. Lewis tried it on and told his uncle that they fit perfectly.
“Okay, what’s next on the list,” Luke said and scanned the list that Lewis had brought home. “A poncho. Where are the ponchos?” Luke asked. The employee pointed to the opposite corner of the store. “Come on Lewis.”
Lewis caught up with his uncle who was already heading in the direction that the employee had indicated. He walked past the kayak again and his eyes lingered. It was for two people. He thought about what it would be like for him and Tommy Johnson to be together in it out on a lake or an ocean, surrounded by water, fighting the waves together, or maybe he would be with Summer Wallburn paddling down a river. She’d said yes after all, and, while Lewis wasn’t sure exactly what that yes had meant, he felt certain that it had to be a good thing. He tried to imagine Summer with him in the kayak instead of Tommy, but it didn’t seem right. Still she’d said yes, and that was good, unless it meant that he was supposed to spend recess on the monkey bars instead of playing basketball. That was something he’d have to ask his sister the next time he saw her.
He was trying to figure out how long it would be until Julia would come by to see him when his uncle called out, “Lewis? Where are you? I found the ponchos.”
Lewis let his uncle drag him to the ponchos and then all over the store until they’d accumulated every item on the list. He waited impatiently at the checkout counter while Luke filled in the dollar amount on the signed check that Hannah had given him earlier.
* * *
Peter walked out of his interview knowing that he hadn’t gotten the job. But even if for some reason they did offer him the position he still would have felt ashamed for going. He knew that it was pointless, but he’d gone to the interview anyway. He hated that world, but he’d gone groveling back to it so it could reject him one last time. He took the tie off and started to throw it on the paved sidewalk. He wanted to throw it on the ground and forget about it, but instead he folded it and tucked it into his inside pocket.
He drove to Murphy’s, sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer. When the bartender brought him the drink, he stared into it, looking at his silhouette of a reflection in the dark liquid, as if he hoped to find meaning and purpose if he stared long enough. He needed to find something so he could justify waking up in the morning. Lewis, his son, surely he was reason enough to get another job, to get his life back together. He resolved to only have one drink. Then he’d go home and look for another job interview and he’d do it all for Lewis, because Lewis looked up to him—still loved him. He finished off his beer, and really intended to leave the bar after just one drink.
* * *
Julia offered to drop Sara off at the church on her way to the nursing home. “Are you sure you won’t come in?” Sara asked as she got out of the car. Julia looked at the enormous steepled building that towered over the parking lot. It looked so big and so empty. “Just for a little while?” Sara prodded.
Julia gave in and turned off the engine. She followed her friend into a room that felt like a mixture of a coffee shop and a living room and sat down next to Sara on one of the couches. She recognized a few of the faces that floated about the room but still felt completely out of place among them. The room was alive with a myriad of conversations. Nobody seemed to take much interest in her, and Julia was content to be alone on the couch with her friend. She leaned over, and in a whisper asked, “You remember when I went off on how ridiculous that whole story about Noah is?”
Sara nodded.
“I read it again. Well I skimmed over all that boring stuff about how long and wide and high the ark was supposed to be, but I read the important parts.”
Sara didn’t respond so Julia continued.
“I really like that God was sad and hurt to have to flood everything, even though all the people were so evil and deserved what was coming to them. If he wasn’t hurt by what he had to do I couldn’t respect him.”
“So you’re saying that you believe in God?” Sara asked.
“I don’t know if I believe in all that. I’m just saying that I like it that God, or the character of God, was sad for what he had to do. Julia looked up and noticed a boy she’d never seen before waiting to hand her a stack of papers. She took them and without thinking she took one off the top and handed the stack to Sara.
“What are these?” she asked.
“They’re for the people going to Mexico over spring break,” Sara explained.
“You’re building some houses, right?”
Sara nodded.
“I want to go with you if it’s not too late to sign up. I mean, where else would I stay over spring break?”
Sara looked shocked.
“Am I allowed to?” Julia began. “I mean is someone like me allowed to go on that sort of thing?”
“I guess, I just never thought, but I don’t know why not.” The words tumbled out of Sara’s mouth. “I’ll ask,” she finally managed to say.
Julia flipped through the pages that listed a code of conduct and everything she should bring. “I’d really like to go if it’s okay,” Julia said as she stood up from the couch.
“Where are you going now?” Sara asked.
“To visit my grandfather. Do you want to come with me?”
Sara hesitat
ed.
“Just for a little while,” Julia added, and then I can bring you back here on my way home.”
“I’d like that,” Sara said and stood up from the couch. Nobody seemed to notice them as they walked out of the room.
* * *
“Hello?” Thomas said as soon as he heard her voice. It wasn’t her though, and he waited for the beep.
“Jessica, it’s Thomas, and I know I haven’t called in a while, and if you’re still upset with me I understand, but I’ve been thinking about us, and I was hoping you could come over. You haven’t seen my new apartment yet, or we could go out or do something. It’s just that I finally finished my big paper for my nihilism class and I’ve had all afternoon to miss you. So if you get this please call back, even if it’s just to say no. Please at least call back. Bye.”
Thomas hung up his cell phone and set it on the bookshelf next to his bed. He spent most of the evening pacing back and forth waiting for it to ring. He wished that he hadn’t mentioned finishing his paper. As the hours passed, and the phone didn’t ring, he felt more and more sure that she wasn’t calling because he’d mentioned the paper.
When he got tired of pacing in his room he wandered into the kitchen and opened the pantry door. He pulled out the peanut butter and bread, but put them back when he realized that he wasn’t hungry. He closed the pantry and opened the refrigerator. It was empty, but Thomas remained unfazed because he wasn’t hungry. He walked back to the bedroom, sat at his desk, and waited for the phone to ring. Nothing.
* * *
“Grandpa?” Julia asked as she crept into his room. Sara stayed in the hallway.
“I’m awake,” Abraham said softly without opening his eyes or turning his head.
“There’s someone I want you to meet.” Julia motioned to Sara and she entered the room. “This is Sara,” she said pointing to her friend.
Abraham turned to look at Sara, and in a gruff voice said, “I’ve heard ’bout you.”
Sara didn’t say anything.
“Sit down,” Julia said and pulled the chair out from the corner of the room for her friend. Once Sara had taken her seat, Julia then sat on the foot of the bed. Abraham waited until the girls were settled before asking, “So what is it you girls’re doin’ here?”
“I wanted to tell you that I’m going to Mexico with Sara,” Julia said.
Abraham didn’t respond.
“We’re not going for vacation,” Julia added. “It’s a trip to build houses for people who need help.”
“I see,” said Abraham. His voice seemed distant.
“I wanted to let you know because of what you said about giving me all your money, because you thought I’d use it to help people. It’s not that I want to show you that I’m trying to be a good person, but I thought you should know that I’m going to at least use it to help people.”
“I had a house once,” Abraham said.
“I remember it,” Julia replied, a bit unsure of her grandfather’s statement.
“It kept the rain out. At least the kind that fell from the sky, but it didn’t do anythin’ ’bout the kind that comes from inside.”
“I don’t understand,” Julia said.
“I’m just an old man ramblin’.”
“You know that I don’t believe that.”
“I’m just sayin’ that you should build them the kind a’ house that can keep the other sort a’ rain outside. That’s what people really need shelter from. I had a good house that never let a drop a’ water get in, but look where it got me. But don’t worry ’bout what I’m sayin’ ta you ‘cause I’m just an old man talkin’ nonsense.”
“I’ll build a good house,” Julia said.
“What do you know ‘bout buildin’ houses in the first place?” Abraham asked.
“Not much,” Julia confessed. “But I’ll build a good house that can keep the rain out,” she said, still unsure of what her grandfather expected of her.
“I know you will. Now if you don’t mind I feel like I need some rest today an’ I don’t feel like talkin’ all that much.”
Julia got up and left. Sara followed her without saying a word.
“I never know what to say in that kind of situation,” Sara whispered when the door had shut behind them.
“I’ll take you back to the church,” Julia suggested.
“I just see them lying there, and I get nervous and freeze up.”
“Sick people are still normal human beings. They’re just like the rest of us. Come on, I’ll take you back to the church.”
Sara looked back at the closed door and then hurried to catch up with Julia who was already walking down the hall.
When they arrived at the parking lot beneath the shadow of the massive steepled edifice, Julia pulled up to the front door so Sara could get out of the car.
“Remember to ask about me going with you to Mexico,” she said as Sara stepped onto the pavement.
“You’re not coming in?” Sara asked.
“I’ve got homework to do,” Julia lied. “You can get a ride home can’t you?”
Sara shrugged her shoulders and said that she wouldn’t have any trouble getting a ride.
“It looks so empty,” Julia thought as she watched Sara walk through the enormous double doors. When she got back to the house Mr. and Mrs. Peterson were on the sofa talking. The television was on but there was a commercial break.
“Are you sure?” Mrs. Peterson was saying.
“That’s what I heard,” her husband responded.
“Surely not Julia.”
“That’s just what I heard,” Mr. Peterson repeated.
“If it’s true we wouldn’t want her to think that we condone that sort of thing by putting her up in our house.”
“It might not be true.”
“No. I’m sure that it’s just talk,” Mrs. Peterson said.
“I’m sure you’re right.”
“Even if it were true, I guess we could still let her stay. We have a responsibility to that sort of person too,” Mrs. Peterson conceded.
“Of course. We’ve especially got to help that sort of person,” her husband echoed.
“I just don’t want her to think that we’re condoning that sort of thing by letting her stay here.”
Julia didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. She tiptoed to the guest bedroom that felt even less like her room than it had that morning. As she closed the door behind her she felt trapped between the four walls, but chose the cell over the smug religiosity of the living room.
“How can I stay in a house with people who despise me? How can I eat their food when they only give it because they pity me?” she thought. She buried herself in her headphones, letting the music wash over her and drown out the rest of the world.
* * *
Thomas pounced on the phone the first time it rang.
“Hello?” he asked as he pulled the cell phone to his ear.
“It’s Jessica. I’m returning your call.”
“So do you want to go out sometime? Maybe on Friday?”
“I’m leaving with some of the girls from the sorority on Friday. We’re going on a road trip for spring break.”
“Oh.” The dejection was obvious in Thomas’s voice.
“But that’s what I’m calling about. I’m going with Mary and Amy. They’re both taking their boyfriends, and I’m the only one who doesn’t have a date.”
“You want me to come with you?”
“If you don’t already have any plans I was kind of hoping you would.”
“No.” Thomas tried to hide his excitement. “I don’t have any plans, nothing at all. Let me know what time you’re leaving and I’ll meet you there.”
* * *
“Do they know?” Julia asked as soon as Sara came home.
“What are you talking about?” Sara asked.
“Your parents, do they know about me and, you know?”
“I didn’t say anything to them.”
r /> “But do they know,” Julia asked again.
“Word does get around,” Sara admitted.
“I can’t stay here anymore.”
“Just stay,” Sara pleaded. “Do it for me.”
“Maybe. But if I do stay it will only be because of you.”
* * *
When the taxi dropped Peter off at his apartment he was just sober enough to pay the driver and stumble up the stairs.
Chapter 9
“Come on Thomas. Let’s go,” Jessica called out from the minivan where everyone else was waiting. Thomas crammed his duffel bag into what little space remained behind the back seat. Jessica was sitting in the back seat. Thomas hopped in and made his way past Mary and her boyfriend, Robert, who were sitting in the middle seat. Jessica slid over so that he could sit down next to her.
“Potato chips?” Robert asked, offering the enormous bag of barbecue flavored potato chips to Thomas and Jessica. Thomas wasn’t particularly hungry, but he accepted the bag and pulled out a handful before passing it to Jessica.
“We’ve got Dr. Pepper too,” Clint shouted from the driver’s seat.
“Lots of Dr. Pepper,” Amy added holding up one of many six packs. Clint started the van, and Robert turned around to face Thomas, “We’ve got chips we’ve got candy bars, we’ve got soda, if it’s bad for you we’ve got it,” he explained. “So don’t be shy about anything because it’s all on Clint’s parents; even if we trash the van they’ve got insurance. Your parents have insurance right Clint?”
“I sure hope so,” came the response from the front seat. Thomas sat in the back seat wondering what he’d gotten himself into. He’d hardly spoken to Jessica since what had amounted to their falling out before Thanksgiving, and he only knew Mary and Amy from one of Jessica’s sorority parties, and, while he’d never met Robert or Clint, they already represented everything he’d hoped to leave behind when he got out of the Greek system.