_Three pleasant Companions, plaide a merry pranke with a Judge(belonging to the Marquesate of_ Ancona) _at_ Florence, _at such timeas he sate on the Bench, and hearing criminall causes._
The Fift Novell.
_Giving admonition, that for the mannaging of publique affaires, noother persons are or ought to be appointed, but such as be honest, andmeet to sit on the seate of Authority._
No sooner had Madam _?millia_ finished her Novell, wherein, theexcellent wisedome of _Piccarda_, for so worthily punishing theluxurious old Provoste, had generall commendations of the wholeAssembly: but the Queene, looking on _Philostratus_, said. I commandyou next to supply the place: whereto he made answere, that hee wasboth ready and willing, and then thus began. Honourable Ladies, themerry Gentleman, so lately remembred by Madame _Eliza_, being named_Maso del Saggio_; causeth me to passe over an intended Tale, which Ihad resolved on when it came to my turne: to report another concerninghim, and two men more, his friendly Companions, which although it mayappeare to you somewhat unpleasing, in regard of a little grosse andunmannerly behavior: yet it will move merriment without any offence,and that is the maine reason why I relate it.
It is not unknowne to you, partly by intelligence from our reverendpredecessours, as also some understanding of your owne, that many timehave resorted to our City of _Florence_, Potestates and Officers,belonging to the Marquesate of _Anconia_; who commonly were men oflowe spirit, and their lives so wretched and penurious, as they ratherdeserved to be tearmed Misers, then men. And in regard of this theirnaturall covetousnesse and misery, the Judges would bring also intheir company, such Scribes or Notaries, as being paralelde with theirMasters: they all seemed like Swaines come from the Plough, or bred upin some Coblers quality, rather then Schollers, or Students of Law.
At one time (above all the rest) among other Potestates and Judges,there came an especiall man, as pickt out of purpose, who was named_Messer Niccolao da San Lepidio_, who (at the first beholding) lookedrather like a Tinker, then any Officer in authority. This hansomeman (among the rest) was deputed to heare criminall causes. And, asoften it happeneth, that Citizens, although no businesse inviteththem to Judiciall Courts, yet they still resort thither, sometimesaccidentally: So it fortuned, that _Maso del Saggio_, being one morningin search of an especiall friend, went to the Court-house, and beingthere, observed in what manner _Messer Niccolao_ was seated; wholooking like some strange Fowle, lately come forth of a farre Countrey;he began to survay him the more seriously, even from the head to thefoot, as we use to say.
And albeit he saw his Gowne furred with Miniver, as also the hood abouthis necke, a Penne and Inkehorne hanging at his girdle, and one skirtof his Garment longer then the other, with more misshapen sights abouthim, farre unfitting for a man of so civill profession: yet he spyedone errour extraordinary, the most notable (in his opinion) that everhe had seene before. Namely, a paultry paire of Breeches, wickedlymade, and worse worne, hanging downe so lowe as halfe his legge,even as he sate upon the Bench, yet cut so sparingly of the Cloath,that they gaped wide open before, as a wheele-barrow might have fullentrance allowed it. This strange sight was so pleasing to him; asleaving off further search of his friend, and scorning to have such aspectacle alone by himselfe: hee went upon another Inquisition; Namely,for two other merry Lads like himselfe, the one being called _Ribi_,and the other _Matteuzzo_, men of the same mirth-full disposition as hewas, and therefore the fitter for his Company.
After he had met with them, these were his salutations: My honestBoyes, if ever you did me any kindnesse, declare it more effectuallynow, in accompanying me to the Court-house, where you shall beholdsuch a singular spectacle, as (I am sure) you never yet saw thelike. Forthwith they went along altogether, and being come to theCourt-house, he shewed them the Judges hansome paire of Breeches,hanging down in such base and beastly manner; that (being as yet farreoff from the Bench) their hearts did ake with extreamity of laughter.But when they came neere to the seat whereon _Messer Niccolao_ sate,they plainely perceived, that it was very easie to be crept under, andwithall, that the board whereon he set his feet, was rotten and broken,so that it was no difficult matter, to reach it, and pull it downe asa man pleased, and let him fall bare Breecht to the ground. Cheare upyour spirits (my hearts) quoth _Maso_, and if your longing be like tomine; we will have yonder Breeches a good deale lower, for I see how itmay be easily done.
Laying their heads together, plotting and contriving severall wayes,which might be the likelyest to compasse their intent: each of them hadhis peculiar appointment, to undertake the businesse without fayling,and it was to be performed the next morning. At the houre assigned,they met there againe, and finding the Court well filled with people,the Plaintiffes and Defendants earnestly pleading: _Matteuzzo_ (beforeany body could descry him) was cunningly crept under the Bench, andlay close by the board whereon the Judge placed his feete. Then steptin _Maso_ on the right hand of _Messer Niccolao_, and tooke fast holdon his Gowne before; the like did _Ribi_ on the left hand, in allrespects answerable to the other. Oh my Lord Judge (cryed _Maso_ outaloud) I humbly intreat you for charities sake, before this pilferingknave escape away from hence; that I may have Justice against him, forstealing my drawing-over stockeings, which he stoutly denyeth, yet mineowne eyes beheld the deed, it being now not above fifteene dayes since,when first I bought them for mine owne use.
Worthy Lord Judge (cryed _Ribi_, on the other side) doe not beleevewhat he saith, for he is a paltry lying fellow, and because hee knew Icame hither to make my complaint for a Male or Cloakebag which he stolefrom me: hee urgeth this occasion for a paire of drawing Stockeings,which he delivered me with his owne hands. If your Lordship will notcredit me, I can produce as witnesses, _Trecco_ the Shoemaker, with_Monna Grassa_ the Souse-seller, and he that sweepes the Church of_Santa Maria a Verzaia_, who saw him when he came posting hither._Maso_ haling and tugging the Judge by the sleeve, would not suffer himto heare _Ribi_, but cryed out still for Justice against him, as he didthe like on the contrary side.
During the time of this their clamourous contending, the Judge beingvery willing to heare either party: _Matteuzzo_, upon a signe receivedfrom the other, which was a word in _Masoes_ pleading, laide holdeon the broken boord, as also on the Judges low-hanging Breech,plucking at them both so strongly, that they fell downe immediately,the Breeches being onely tyed but with one Poynt before. He hearingthe boards breaking underneath him, and such maine pulling at hisBreeches; strove (as he sate) to make them fast before, but the Poyntbeing broken, and _Maso_ crying in his eare on the one side, as _Ribi_did the like in the other; hee was at his wits end to defend himselfe.My Lord (quoth _Maso_) you may bee ashamed that you doe me notJustice, why will you not heare mee, but wholly lend your eare to mineAdversary? My Lord (said _Ribi_) never was Libell preferd into thisCourt, of such a paltry trifling matter, and therefore I must, and willhave Justice.
By this time the Judge was dismounted from the Bench, and stood onthe ground, with his slovenly Breeches hanging about his heeles;_Matteuzzo_ being cunningly stolne away, and undiscovered by anybody._Ribi_, thinking he had shamed the Judge sufficiently, went away,protesting, that he would declare his cause in the hearing of awiser Judge. And _Maso_ forbearing to tugge his Gowne any longer, inhis departing, said. Fare you well Sir, you are not worthy to be aMagistrate, if you have no more regard of your honour and honesty, butwill put off poore mens suites at your pleasure. So both went severallwayes, and soone were gone out of publike view.
The worshipfull Judge _Messer Niccolao_ stood all this while on theground; and, in presence of all the beholders, trussed up his Breeches,as if hee were new risen out of his bed: when better bethinkinghimselfe on the matters indifference, he called for the two men, whocontended for the drawing stockings and the Cloake-bag; but no onecould tell what was become of them. Whereupon, he rapt out a kindeof Judges oath, saying: I will know whether it be Law or no heere in_Florence_, to make a Judge sit bare Breecht on the Bench of Justice,and in the hearing of criminall
Causes; whereat the chiefe Potestate,and all the standers by laughed heartily.
Within fewe dayes after, he was informed by some of his especiallFriends, that this had never happened to him, but onely to testifie,how understanding the _Florentines_ are, in their ancient constitutionsand customes, to embrace, love and honour, honest, discreet worthyJudges and Magistrates; Whereas on the contrary, they as much condemnemiserable knaves, fooles, and dolts, who never merit to have any betterentertainment. Wherefore, it would be best for him, to make no moreenquiry after the parties; lest a worse inconvenience should happen tohim.