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greatest plea sure before had been biting the heads off juicy fat bugs; this was an order of magnitude greater.
Then she left him floating in the darkness, obsessed with the sheer wonder of it all. He didn’t even get to bid her farewell. But he did remember that this was supposed to be a secret. He would certainly honor that, partly in the hope that he would see— rather, feel— Angie again.
In the morning it was Phanta who got him up. “But isn’t it one of the others’ turn to help me?” he asked.
“Wenda is a woodwife, with no indoor experience before this mission,” she explained. “Maeve is a maenad, ditto. We had to educate them similarly at the Bra & Girll. So it is up to Olive and me, because we have experience.”
“There is something else,” he said as he dressed. “When you kissed me, I freaked out. Why did that happen, and what is it?” Actually, he now had half a notion, but the other half still perplexed him.
“It is a power human women have over human men,” she said seriously. “They can flash their pan ties, or sometimes their bras, and the men freak out. Inexperienced men can be freaked out by kisses. You are thoroughly inexperienced. It relates to stork summoning.”
“Stork summoning,” he repeated, a fair light dawning. That was the bird Angie had referred to! “That’s what got Maeve into trouble.”
“Yes. So it’s not something carelessly done.”
No? His dawning understanding made him question that. “But you—
with Crater—”
“Sometimes it is possible to go through the motions without actually signaling the stork. If a girl knows how. I did it with him, then turned ghost, which nullified anything he had given me. But other girls can’t do that. So as a general rule, you don’t want to go through those motions unless you are serious about the relationship.”
He knew of another girl who could do it, though. Those had been phenomenal motions! The kind he would have been glad to do with Phanta, had she cared to go that route. But he wanted the final confirmation. “With you— when you— I felt— what was that?”
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“I vamped you, as I did Crater. To show you that there are potential rewards to being human. But you know I have no serious interest in you, because you’re really a spider. A nice guy, but a spider.” She paused. “If you should decide to remain human permanently, I might reconsider. But first we have a mission to accomplish.”
“We do,” he agreed, satisfied to end their discussion of this subject. Phanta made sure he was ready for public display. Then they went to join the others for breakfast. They were all there, with Haughty on a perch at the end of the table. Jumper was seated at the other end, facing her, with the four maidens at the sides.
“How was your night?” Olive inquired.
“It was a surprisingly pleasant night,” he said. “I would be satisfied to have every night like that.” He hoped Angie was listening.
“That’s good,” Wenda said. “We feared you wood have trouble sleeping in the human form. I did; I kept rolling on my backside and waking up startled. I never had a backside before.”
“I had to adjust to back side and front side,” Jumper said. “Both could be quite remarkable.” He hoped they didn’t realize he wasn’t talking about his own sides. “As well as arms, legs, and face.” Though he had night experience with only one woman, he was sure she was utterly remarkable.
“I slept very well,” Maeve said. “For the first time in days, I did not have to worry about being found by the stork.”
Jumper smiled with his human mouth. He was learning facial expressions too. “I did not worry about the stork either.”
They all laughed, assuming he was joking.
After the meal they went to the courtyard and trained him some more, teaching him minor human nuances like nodding politely when someone said or did something stupid, and not scratching his backside when anyone was watching.
Then they got serious. “You need not to freak out when any girl touches you or flashes you,” Olive said.
“Flash?” he asked.
“I mentioned it this morning. Remember? Pan
ties.” She turned
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around, hoisted her skirt, and showed him. He got a flash of olive-drab green. He blinked, keeping his feet.
“He barely freaked, if at all,” Phanta said. “Maybe he didn’t catch enough of a glimpse.”
Jumper had glimpsed them well enough, but was now almost immune, thanks to Angie. He nodded politely.
“Try again,” Phanta said.
Olive tried again. First she made sure he was looking, then she bent over and threw her skirt up over her back. Jumper got a full in-his-face sight of well-filled panty.
The impact knocked him back, but he retained consciousness. “Very nice,” he said.
“You just don’t have it,” Haughty cackled.
Olive glanced down at herself, evidently suppressing surprise and anger with a tinge of wonder. “Then let someone else try it.”
“Gladly.” Phanta stood before Jumper and flounced her skirt. Again he felt the impact, but it simply wasn’t enough to freak him out.
Then Maeve tried it, and also failed.
Finally Wenda tried it. At that moment Angie Ina appeared in a shadowed alcove beyond her and simply turned to face away from him, not even lifting her skirt.
Jumper found himself lying on his back staring up at the sky, where an afterimage of Angie’s backside lingered.
“Wenda did it!” Olive exclaimed as they helped him back to his feet. “Her pan ties freaked him out!”
“Who would have thought it,” Phanta said, not seeming entirely pleased. “The woodwife.”
“Maybe it’s because my backside is new,” Wenda said, surprised. Wira entered the courtyard, conducting two more maidens. One was fair as the morning sunlight, with bright red hair and green eyes, the other dark as the close of day, with black hair and eyes. Both were strikingly beautiful.
“Please meet the final two members of your party,” Wira said. “The Princesses Dawn and Eve.”
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“P-p-princesses?” Olive stuttered.
“We thought they were ordinary girls,” Phanta said.
“We are ordinary girls at heart,” Dawn said, with a smile that brightened the courtyard.
“Who happen to be Sorceresses,” Eve said with a frown that darkened the courtyard again. “Grounded for the duration for no par tic u lar reason.”
“Well, if you hadn’t tried to steal my boyfriend—” Dawn flashed.
“Your boyfriend?” Eve retorted darkly. “My boyfriend. You’re always stealing mine.”
“Can I help it if they prefer sweetness to gloom?”
“Sickly sweetness!”
“They’re right,” Olive murmured. “They are typical teens, quarreling over boyfriends.”
“Not for much longer,” Dawn said brightly. “We’re nineteen. Soon we’ll be out of the teens.”
“And ungroundable,” Eve agreed darkly.
“And these are the other members of the mission,” Wira said firmly.
“No need to introduce them.”
No need? What was this?
Dawn stepped forward to shake hands with Olive. “Olive Hue,” she said. “Whose talent is to generate imaginary friends, one of whom is watching us now.”
“Oh!” Olive said, chagrined. “I forgot to terminate Angie!” She looked around. “Where are you, Angie?”
But Angie did not answer.
“I can’t do it until I touch her,” Olive explained. “She must be out of hearing.”
“Or maybe doesn’t want to be terminated,” Phanta said. Jumper was sure that was the case. How could Angie explore her life if it abruptly ended? H
e was glad she would remain, especially if she came to him again at night.
Dawn shook hands with Phanta. “Phanta, whose talent is to become a ghost,” she said.
“How did you know that?” Phanta asked.
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“It is my talent,” Dawn replied. “I know anything about any living thing I touch.”
“And I know anything about any inanimate thing I touch,” Eve said.
“We have complementary talents.”
“You didn’t seem to be complimenting each other just now,” Olive said.
“ComplEmentary,” Dawn said, capitalizing the E.
“They fill each other out,” Eve said.
“You are both well filled out,” Olive agreed, her mouth quirking. Jumper suspected he was missing something, again. Dawn went on to Maeve. “Maeve Maenad!” she exclaimed, surprised. “I took you for a girl!”
“I’m a fake girl,” Maeve said.
“To escape the stork,” Dawn agreed. “That’s unusual. But of course that scoundrel tricked you. In fact he raped you.”
“He what?” Jumper asked.
“He tricked her into a love spring, then had his way with her. That was rape, because it was fraudulent.”
“I wish I could chomp him,” Maeve agreed.
“And Wenda Woodwife, another surprise,” Dawn said, shaking hands with the next. “Well rounded.”
“I wanted a rounded backside,” Wenda confessed. “Men like it.”
“They certainly do,” Eve agreed. “It is the foundation for effective pan ties.”
“And Haughty Harpy,” Dawn concluded, touching a talon. “Together with Hottie Harpie.”
She had proven her talent: she did know everything about anyone she touched.
Now Dawn came to Jumper. She took his hand, then her pretty mouth rounded with surprise. “You’re a spider in human form!” she exclaimed. “Distant descendant of the Jumper who traveled with Grandpa Prince Dor to ancient Castle Roogna. An honorable lineage!”
Jumper was taken aback. “Thank you. I just want to return to my form and my realm.”
She laughed. “Not entirely. I will keep your secret.”
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She knew about his liaison with Angie! “Thank you.”
“For one thing, it gives you reason to complete this mission, doesn’t it? The secret pleasures along the way.”
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Are you two princesses really going to travel with us?” Olive asked.
“Yes we are,” Eve said. “It’s our folks’ way of getting back at us for fighting over a man.”
“You can’t share him?”
Dawn shook her head, her hair flouncing brightly. “We are princesses. We don’t understand sharing.”
“Couldn’t he choose one of you?” Phanta asked.
“He’s making us choose,” Eve said darkly.
“But you’re princesses and Sorceresses,” Olive protested. “How can he make you do anything?”
“We wonder about that ourselves,” Dawn said.
“But if you can touch him and know all about him,” Phanta said,
“then you surely know how to handle him.”
“We both touched him and still couldn’t tell,” Eve said. “We’re not sure whether he’s alive or dead.”
“This is weird!” Olive said.
“Yes,” Dawn agreed. “But he’s some man.”
They let that be, and went back to training Jumper. By the end of the day he was almost sharp enough to fool anyone who wasn’t a Sorceress.
“Tomorrow you should be able to revert to your own form,” Wira said. “Then the group of you can start your mission.”
“That will be a relief,” Jumper said.
Dawn shot a sidelong glance at him. She knew he was hoping for another night with Angie.
And when he was alone in the dark, Angie came. “Thank you for keeping my secret,” she said.
“Princess Dawn fathomed it. She said she would keep it too.”
“She must have fathomed many secrets, so has become tolerant.”
She joined him on the bed and soon made him float in ecstasy. It was another great night.
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“Will I see— I mean, meet you again?” he asked as the night weakened. She kissed him. “I think not.”
“But you’re so much fun to be with! If I have annoyed you in any way—”
“No, Jumper. It has been wonderful with you. You truly appreciate me, and I have enjoyed showing you how not to freak when you are near a woman. But my time in this realm must be limited. Olive can’t summon another imaginary friend until I fade, and your party will surely need other friends.”
“The sight of pan ties still freaks me some,” he said desperately.
“You just want me to stay with you longer.”
“Yes,” he said, doing a human blush in the darkness.
“You’re so sweet. But you need a real woman, not an imaginary one. So let’s see if I can shore you up against pan ties, and then I really must go.”
“Yes, shore me up,” he agreed. He had discovered that freaking out, or coming close to it, was actually a pleasant experience.
“You understand, what ever you do with me is not really real,” she said. “It’s like a dream: it may seem real, but it’s imaginary, because I am imaginary.”
“It does seem real,” he agreed eagerly.
“However, imaginary actions can have real effects. Your education is real, and your growing immunity to freaking is real. Even if our relationship is unreal.”
“I hate to think of it that way.”
A pale ray of moonlight was coming in a window. Angie went to stand in it, in her underwear. When the light struck her pan ties, Jumper almost freaked, but managed to hang on to consciousness.
“You are doing well,” she said. “Maybe your spider nature helps shore up your immunity.”
Then she lighted a candle and tried it again. This time he did freak, but recovered fairly quickly. They ran through it again, and again, until he was able to look at her and retain his composure, though severely buffeted.
“If you can handle my pan ties, you can handle any pan ties,” she said. “I suggest that you conceal your ability, however.”
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“Conceal it?”
“Fake freaking out. That way no one will know you have become relatively immune. It could save your life or sanity, if a hostile nymph vamped you.”
“Wenda and Maeve aren’t hostile nymphs,” he protested.
“True. But if you ever encounter another maenad, she may try to nullify you long enough for her to get within tearing and biting range. If you fake it, then you can bite off her head when she attacks you.”
He nodded in the human manner. “I could do that.”
“You are ready, Jumper.”
He feared she was right. “Could we pretend I’m not, one more time?” he asked timidly.
“Ah, Jumper, you are miscast as a spider! You could make some lucky woman a marvelously submissive human husband.” But she came to him, and they made love one more time, in the flickering candlelight. It might not be real, but it was delightful.
Then she dressed and went to the door, and he knew he would not see her again. “Thank you, thank you, Angie Ina,” he called after her.
“You truly make my heart throb.”
“Welcome, Jumper. It’s nice to be so sincerely appreciated.” She was gone, leaving him both fulfilled and desolate. Jumper got up, cleaned, dressed, and was ready when Olive came to fetch him. “You’ll never believe what happened,” she said. “I found my imaginary friend Angie Ina. It seems she had gotten lost. Now she’s back in my mind where she belon
gs.”
“I do believe,” he said, with mixed feelings. At breakfast Princess Dawn took one look at him. “You are ready,”
she said. “So it’s time to start the mission.”
“It is time,” he agreed, slightly sadly.
“Where dew we start?” Wenda asked.
“Well, the Magician says to emulate the ogre,” Olive said. “So maybe we had better consult with the ogre. Ogres are justifiably proud of their stupidity, but he might know something.”
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OGRE
For a good two and a half moments it felt weird being a spider again, with eight eyes and eight legs and no concern for pan ties. Then Jumper settled comfortably back into his natural role.
Except in one respect: he discovered that he retained his memory of, and appreciation for, certain manform activities. He did now have an interest in pan ties, and in the activity they suggested. Angie had left her mark on him.
“It’s good to have yew back, Jumper,” Wenda said.
“Thank you, Wenda. But I was always Jumper, and value your friendship what ever my form of the moment.” More than that: he now could see that in her filled-out form she was a luscious nymph, one who would be pleasant to hold and kiss. But for at least two and a half reasons he could not say that.
In fact, all six and a half of the girlform companions were appealing individuals. The half, of course, was Haughty, who lacked the human lower portion.
The Good Magician painted a compass on Olive’s wrist that pointed toward the Ogre residence, and she checked it every so often. The first part of the trip was on an enchanted path, so they had no concern about 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 99
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safety. They walked along in a loose group, still getting to know each other.
Dawn fell in beside Jumper, who was at the rear. He was able to travel much faster than the humans, so was not setting the pace. “That was smart of Angie,” she murmured. “To immunize you against pan ties.”
“She said it could save my life or sanity.”
“She’s right. Also it makes sense. You’re immune as a spider, so this extends it to your human form.”