“I won’t assume human form unless I have to,” he said. “I have many potions and counterpotions, but I don’t want to waste them.”
“That, too, makes sense.” She paused. “Are you really immune in this form?”
“Yes,” he said, glancing at her with two or three eyes. It wasn’t a lie, because he was immune in both human and spider forms, thanks to Angie.
And paused himself, for she was wearing only bra and pan ties. She was very pretty, for a human, and the items were nicely filled. But they affected mainly his memory: he would have loved to see them when in human form, when it might have been possible to do something with them. As it was, they were interesting but hardly freaking. As a spider he was limited to looking, not touching.
“Just testing,” she said, and in half a moment she was fully dressed again.
He had heard from one of the other girls that Dawn and Eve were two of the naughtiest princesses extant. He was beginning to believe it. They were both Sorceresses, but would they really help the mission? They encountered a man walking in the other direction. “Well, hello, lovely maidens,” he said jovially. “And hello, huge ugly spider.”
“He is Jumper, and he is knot ugly for his kind,” Wenda said firmly. Her flesh was much firmer now, instead of wooden; perhaps it contributed to her dialogue.
“I apologize,” the man said. “I am Michael, and my talent is to touch a picture, or draw one, and be transported to that scene. So I travel a lot, and see many interesting things, and tend to speak my mind openly.”
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The girls introduced themselves. “Could you draw a picture of the Ogre’s Den and enable us to go there instantly?” Haughty asked. Michael shook his head. “Sorry. It works only for me.”
“Ah, well,” Haughty said, disappointed.
“I don’t suppose one of you lovely creatures would care to—”
Michael began.
“No,” they chorused.
“In that case I’ll be on my way.” He sketched a picture in the dirt with one finger, stepped on it, and vanished.
They resumed their trek.
A peculiarly shaped mountain loomed ahead of them. It resembled two enormous wheels connected to each other by rods. What did this portend, if anything?
“Found something,” Olive called from ahead. “Not sure what it is.”
The others caught up to her. It was a small corral with several wheeled frameworks in it. Jumper had never seen anything like it, but of course this wasn’t his realm. The other did not recognize it either. Yet it was right beside the enchanted path, within its protection, so must be useful in some way.
Eve touched one of the contraptions. “It’s a bicycle,” she announced, using her talent to know about anything inanimate. “Made in Mundania for human transportation by a company named Playing Card.”
“But doesn’t look anything like a playing card,” Olive said. “It’s not flat, and has no hearts or diamonds or what ever.”
“They don’t care about what makes sense in Mundania,” Eve said.
“This can efficiently carry a person along a flat path.”
“I wood like that,” Wenda said. “I’m knot used to so much walking.”
“That is surely true for most of us,” Olive said. “But this doesn’t look much like a magic carpet, either. How does it work?”
“You sit on its seat and push on the pedals with your feet,” Eve said.
“I think I grasp the principle.”
“We don’t,” Phanta said. “What good would pedal pushing do?”
“Maybe I can demonstrate,” Eve said. She put her hands one one of the bicycles and wheeled it out onto the path. Then she put one leg over it, grasped the handles with her hands, set her feet on the pedals, and pushed. 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 101
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They stood amazed as the bicycle rolled forward, carry ing her along.
“See?” she called, turning her head to look back at them. “It’s easy!”
But the bicycle, not correctly steered during her distraction, veered into a tree trunk. Eve crashed, and fell to the ground, her feet over her head. She wore black pan ties, matching her hair. Jumper clamped down on his freak reaction, thankful again for Angie’s training. As it was, he needed all eight feet on the ground to maintain his balance.
“Ouch!” she exclaimed, scrambling to her feet. She had bruises and scrapes on her arms and legs.
“I have a friend!” Olive exclaimed. “A nurse.”
Her friend appeared, dressed in a white uniform with a cute white cap. She hurried to Eve and quickly applied salve on the hurts. Soon the injuries faded; the salve was magically healing.
“Thank you, nurse,” Eve said, flexing her limbs. “I’m feeling much better now.”
“It’s my job,” the nurse said, and faded out. It occurred to Jumper that Olive’s talent was more useful than he had thought. It had provided entertainment, education, and now healing. Eve returned to business. “Of course you have to look where you’re going,” she said. “I’ll try this again.”
She did, and this time rode the bicycle along the path without crashing. She stopped, turned it around, and rode back. It looked remarkably smooth. Jumper felt guilty for his continuing fascination with her briefly exposed pan ties. He wished he were a true human, and that he could be with her and— but he had to stifle that. He had no right to harbor such a desire. Angie had taught him not to freak out, but had not taught him not to desire.
“That could bee useful,” Wenda said.
She was right. Jumper, observing carefully, judged that the girls could travel forward about three times as efficiently on bicycles as on foot, and faster.
“That’s the mountain!” Maeve exclaimed. “It is shaped like a bicycle.”
“It’s a Mountain Bike,” Eve agreed. “That’s why the bicycles are here: they are a gift of the mountain.”
The others decided to try it. They got bicycles and tried riding them. 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 102 102
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There were many false starts and several falls, but in due course all of them managed it.
They rode on, and now were able to keep Jumper’s pace. They moved rapidly along the path.
Until Olive’s compass indicated that they had to diverge from the enchanted path. The bicycles needed smooth land for their wheels; they could not be used in the rough forest.
They parked them regretfully in another corral and resumed footing it, following the compass. Now they would have to be on guard, because their safety was no longer assured. They set off afoot, with the two princesses leading the way so they could spot anything dangerous, alive or not. Jumper brought up the rear, again, to make sure no predator attacked them from behind. Haughty was tired, having kept up with the bicycles well enough, but at the expense of her energy, so she perched on Jumper’s back.
“I never would have thought I’d ever be friends with a spider,” she remarked. “But you’re satisfactory, Jumper. When you were in manform you were positively handsome.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Well, now you know. That’s why the girls have been eager to help you adjust. I daresay one would have joined you in your bed at night, if you had asked her.”
“I wouldn’t ask.”
“Maybe one invited herself.”
What was she after? “Why do you think so?”
“Because someone pretty thoroughly defused your freak index. That surely didn’t happen on its own.”
Now he knew: she was after his night secret. “Why do you think so?” he repeated.
“Because when Eve crashed on the bicycle and upended, you didn’t freak. She’s a princess, a Sorceress, and a d**ned pretty young woman. Any man should have freaked, yet you didn’t. You saw the color of her pan ties and took it in stride.”
“Black,” he admitte
d. “Matching her hair. Most appealing. Perhaps it was fortunate I was not in human form.”
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“Don’t give me that, you sn**k. Once a man, always a man. I’m a harpy; I know base motives.”
“I have no base motives.” Base desires, certainly, but not base motives. She dismissed that with a laugh. “Was it Olive? She took a shine to you the moment you assumed manform.”
“No!”
“Phanta? She’s a willing wench.”
“No.”
“Maeve? She certainly knows what it’s all about, having run afoul of the stork.”
“No. You are insulting these fine maidens.”
“Then it must have been Wenda. Woodwives are notorious, and now she is fully fleshed. She must have been eager to try out her new backside.”
“No!” he said, disgusted.
“Now this intrigues me. You have just eliminated all the prime suspects, because the princesses weren’t on the scene then. Yet I don’t think it would have been Wira, and I strongly doubt it would be MareAnn. Are you trying to deceive me, Jumper?”
“It was Angie Ina,” he snapped. Then realized that he had given it away just when he had her stymied. She had halfway tricked him into revealing it. It seemed that harpies were good at that sort of thing.
“The imaginary doll,” she said musingly. “That was dangerous and irresponsible of her. You could have dropped dead.”
“She was careful. It was something I needed to learn. Please don’t tell the others.”
“Dawn surely already knows. You can’t keep anything from her.”
“She knows,” he agreed. “But I promised Angie to keep the secret.”
“And Olive knows,” she continued inexorably. “Because Angie was a creature of her imagination, and what ever she learned would have reverted to Olive once they re united.”
He hadn’t thought of that. “Maybe she does. Still, it’s supposed to be secret.”
“When three of the seven know it? Jumper, they’re women. The others will fathom it by osmosis.”
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“But at least I would not have betrayed my trust.”
Haughty shook her head. “A spider with honor. Well, in that case I’ll let it be.”
“Thank you.”
The folk ahead had paused, and Jumper caught up to them. They were gathered around an old woman working with a huge pot on a low fire. The pot was bubbling vigorously. “That looks good,” Olive said.
“Is it some sort of soup or stew?”
“Not at all,” the woman replied, dumping an armful of foliage in. The broth bubbled up, absorbing it.
“Because if it is, we might like to share it with you. We are travelers, and it is about lunchtime. Is there anything we might trade for it?” Actually they had small backpacks with sandwiches and tsoda pop provided by MareAnn for their journey, but it made sense to forage when they could, extending their supplies. It might be a long journey.
“Nothing,” the woman said, tossing in a few mossy stones.
“Exactly what are you cooking, then?” Phanta asked.
“I am cooking up a storm,” the old woman said with half a cackle.
“You had better get under cover soon. It’s going to be a drenchpour.”
At which point a huge puff of steam rose from the pot and floated toward the sky. Little jags of lightning flashed from it, followed by burps of thunder. It was indeed a forming storm.
“D**t!” Haughty said. “It was bad enough when Fracto chased us.”
“That piker?” the woman asked. “He has no taste at all. I brew superior storms. Mine are boiling hot, of course.”
It certainly seemed to be threatening. “Is there anywhere we can seek temporary shelter?” Jumper asked.
The woman glanced at him. “My, you’re big for a spider! You might try for the old abandoned music shop. It’s right down the path. But beware of the luters.”
Jumper would have liked to learn more about the luters, but fat drops of hot rain were starting to fall and they had to hurry. They ran on down the path, and soon did spy the shop. Its front sign said ye old abandoned music shoppe. 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 105
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The door was unlocked, and they piled in just as the boiling rain got serious.
“It might be abandoned,” Olive said, “but its wares remain.” Indeed, there were all manner of musical instruments laid out on shelves. There were drums, violins, flutes, brass instruments, harps, and many others.
“A harp!” Haughty exclaimed. She fluttered to the nearest, set herself at it, and drew her legs forward to touch the strings. The tips of her talons plucked at the individual strings. Lovely music sounded. The others stared, amazed. It had never occurred to any of them that harpies had anything to do with harps.
“Well, we don’t advertise it,” Haughty said, picking up on their reaction. “Bad for our reputation as totally gross creatures. But I couldn’t resist.” She finished the melody and stepped away from the instrument.
“We will keep your secret,” Dawn said with a halfway obscure smile. The others laughed.
“What are these luters we were warned about?” Phanta asked.
“Maybe I can fathom it,” Eve said. She put her hand on a wall, paused, looked surprised, then spoke. “This is one of those private minor tragedies that needs to be corrected. The shop proprietors were called away several years ago on a family emergency, putting a spell on the shop to protect it from theft. But they never returned, and the spell is wearing thin. Soon it won’t be effective anymore, and then everything will be stolen.”
“But that’s not about the luters,” Phanta said.
“I’m getting to that. The luters are neighboring folk who aren’t very honest. In fact they are thieves; they steal anything they can. The first night the proprietors left, the luters came and stole everything. The protective spell is passive; it won’t take direct action. That’s because the proprietors are pacifists; they don’t like violence. So the robbers aren’t hindered. But when morning comes, it draws the instruments back to their places in the shop. So the luters come again in the night to steal them again. This has been happening for three years.”
“How much longer can the spell do that?” Phanta asked.
“Maybe another month. The luters know that, so they keep stealing, 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 106 106
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wearing it out, knowing that eventually they’ll get to keep and sell their ill-gotten gains. By the time the proprietors return, the shop will be empty.”
“This is a nice shop,” Haughty said. “It is giving us shelter from the hot rain. We need to help it.” She glared around, but no one disagreed.
“Then we’ll need a plan,” Dawn said. “And a leader to implement it. Anyone volunteer?”
The girls sent a glance ricocheting around their faces. It caromed back and forth, split into fragments, and finally caught seven of Jumper’s eight eyes, beating him back half blinded. “Ungh!” he exclaimed.
“Very good,” Eve said. “Jumper has volunteered.” She turned to face him with a smile that looked disarming from one angle, and somewhat predatory from another. Highlights reflected from her dark eyes, in the shape of pan ties. She knew he had seen!
What could he do? “Uh, okay.”
“And what is your plan?” Dawn inquired sweetly. Her eyes reflected the shape of bras. It seemed she was the higher twin, while Eve was the lower. But both knew his secret, and were threatening to reveal it if he did not cooperate. They were Sorceresses, and acted with the assurance their powers gave them. He should have done what Haughty recommended, and come clean about his liaisons with Angie. Now he had to come through.
Then a bulb flashed. It illuminated the entire plan. He scrambled mentally to collect all the details be
fore the light faded. “We will stay the night. We will ambush the luters when they come, and scare them so badly they will never return. Then they won’t steal the instruments, and the spell won’t have to work so hard to protect the shop until the proprietors return.”
“Brilliant!” Wenda said, and kissed him on the carapace. He was ashamed to admit how much he liked that. She was the first friend he had made in this realm, and the most innocent, and in that sense was his favorite.
“We don’t want to actually hurt anyone,” he continued, “because the shop proprietors don’t want that. But the luters won’t know that. So I will threaten to bite the head off one, and Maeve can threaten to chew 039-40892_ch01_4P.qxp 7/30/09 12:35 PM Page 107
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the hands off another, and Haughty can threaten to p**p on the face of another. Phanta can turn ghost and scare the s**t out of others. Olive can summon a friend, maybe Angie, to threaten to make them drop dead. Wenda can ask them what kind of wood they’d prefer to have jammed up their backsides. And the princesses . . .” Here he faltered. He hadn’t quite secured their roles before his bulb faded.
“We are Sorceresses of Information rather than action,” Dawn said.
“And we prefer to be anonymous to outsiders. But I can touch the luters and find out what will scare them most, so that you can assign the most effective threat to each one.”
“And I can touch their clothing and find out more about them,” Eve said. “Between us, we should know their names, homes, friends, and possessions. That may help lend verisimilitude to the threats.”
“Lend what?” Wenda asked, perplexed.
“Make it all seem realistic,” Eve clarified. “That counts, if we want the scare to last.”
“Very good,” Jumper said, pleased. “Now we should eat, and rest, and perhaps sleep, so as to be wide-awake when night falls.”
The girls agreed. They ate their sandwiches, drank their tsoda, and lay down on the chairs and floor to sleep. Haughty, tired, found a canvas form to lie down on. Then she screeched.
“What’s the matter?” Olive asked, startled.