Chapter 54
“What’s with breakfast at five? What is he, crazy? And the way he just walked off without a hug or anything.”
“I guess we’ll just have to hug each other. Goodnight, Si... Jessie. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Cory.” She sounded normal, but suddenly the giddiness hit her again. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this’s happening!” She shivered with excitement.
“I know what you mean. It just blows my mind. Two days ago, I had no idea, and then we thought the world was going to end.” I sighed. “This has been a good day. A really good day. G’night and sweet dreams. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” One more kiss... and one more, longer kiss... and one more really long kiss.
I took her hand and walked her down the hall, past her room. She sat down in my desk chair.
“Let’s practice our vows,” she said.
“Okay, you first.”
“No, let’s do them together.”
It took us a couple times through until we were satisfied.
“Okay. That’s good. Kiss me goodnight?”
She leaned in, running her hand up my thigh.
“Cory, I can’t wait. I want tonight to be the night.”
Adrenalin flooded my whole body, but after the rush had passed, I shook my head.
“Not yet. I want to wait until after we say those words for real. But…” My heart hammered in an effort to escape my chest. “Jessie, stop me if I’m out of line here.” She looked at me a little cautiously. “We really need to get some sleep, right?”
Her shoulders slumped.
“I know.”
“Um, Jess? You know what always helps me sleep?” She was silent for a second.
“Okaaaay… I think I know what you mean.”
“Dad’s right, this stuff is really difficult to talk about. Okay, I’ll just say it. Masturbating helps me sleep.”
“Do you mean now, like, right now?”
“Yeah, right now. So we can sleep.”
“Cory, I’m nervous...”
“We don’t have to, it was just a suggestion.”
“No, I’m interested. I just don’t know what you want me to do.”
“Let’s keep it simple. Um, how about I’ll show you what I do, and then you can show me what you do.”
She nodded.
“You have to say it.”
“Say what?”
“You have to say yes.”
“Oh, yeah. Yes!” she whispered. “You have my enthusiastic consent, but only that far tonight, okay?”
“Good.”
“But we’ll… do more. Soon, just not tonight, right?”
She sat in the chair as we silently pulled off our boots and socks. We stood, hesitating for a moment, and then I unbuttoned my shirt and slid out of it, and pulled the t-shirt over my head. I looked up as she wriggled off her sports bra. My hands shook as I unbuckled my belt and stepped out of my jeans.
“Let me,” she said. Kneeling, she took the waistband of my boxers and pulled it out toward her. Then, palms flat against my skin, she slid the garment down my thighs to my ankles. I stepped out and stood naked in front of her, feeling very vulnerable.
Then it was my turn. The fabric was soft and thin, almost nothing at all. As I leaned close, I inhaled the scent of her warm skin.
We stood for a moment, admiring each other. My God, she was beautiful. She pulled back the covers and we scrambled into my bed. When our skin touched it made me dizzy. We pushed the covers down so we could see everything.
I went first. I was overexcited and it wasn’t very romantic. I was done almost before I started, but it was jarring.
“Huh,” she giggled in my ear, “That was just like I had imagined, but faster.”
“It’s like that sometimes,” I gasped, reaching for a tissue.
“No need to explain. Now shut up and hold me tight...”
I slid my arm under her shoulders, cradling her.
“Ow, you’re on my hair… no, lift your arm.”
“Sorry.”
“That’s better.”
I watched her abdomen rise and fall, and felt her breathing get deeper. She was in as big a hurry as I had been. Her body twitched as she leaned her head back, coughing and sniffling. Concerned, I lifted my head to look at her face. Her chin and lips were trembling. Streams of tears rolled down both sides of her face.
I loosened my grip on her shoulder.
“Jess, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” I whispered.
She shook her head no, but just continued to sob. There was nothing else I could do. I held her shaking body in my arms. Her breathing eventually slowed, and her diaphragm quivered less and less.
“Are you okay, Jess?”
“Just hold me.”
So I did.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because for the first time, I’m not alone; I’m so happy… I ran out of words. I had to make do with tears.”
We lay next to each other for a long time, just holding hands, relieved to hear Dad snoring down the hall. Suddenly it was silent and we Jessie looked at me in panic. After several long minutes the sound resumed.
“I’d better go,” she whispered. After a few rushed kisses, she gathered her clothes and tiptoed out of the room.
There was no way I could sleep; my body was full of adrenaline and my brain wouldn’t slow down. I relived the evening over and over in my mind. I thought about Jessie, and how I couldn’t remember a day without her in my life. I thought about the day we met, how the leaves smelled, and how she just latched right onto Mom.
Mom. Whatever was bugging me had to do with her. I had nursed my rage for so long; it had become an integral part of me. I had been through hell because of her fantasies, but now I wondered if they were more than fairytales in her mind. I wasn’t even sure if I should be angry anymore.
What she had done was... weird. But she had obviously believed in it very strongly. Even when it had pissed off Dad. Had she done it out of love or insanity? Bad question – the answers weren’t mutually exclusive. In a way it didn’t matter. As long as we’re happy, who cares?
But I didn’t like feeling manipulated. Maybe that was it. It made me question Dad’s motives. His response to the whole thing was really strange – he’d been so adamant the day before. I’d caught him looking disturbed when we kissed. Was he really supporting us out of love, or just pragmatism? But again, did it really matter?
I drifted off with these questions spinning in my head. I dreamt that Jessie was holding that plastic flower. There was joy in her eyes, and she laughed that high, silly laugh I loved so much. “Oh, Cory, we chose each other.”