“How’d you know to come here?” I asked, wondering if the Council might’ve alerted him—wondering just how much trouble I might be in. But it turns out it was nothing like that, Bodhi just shrugged and pointed at Buttercup, who gazed up at me, licked his chops, and twitched his pink nose.
“You know the Council will probably want to discuss this, right?” Bodhi said, and the way he spoke, I couldn’t tell if it was a meeting he dreaded or anticipated.
I screwed my mouth to the side and crossed my arms over my chest, saying, “Well, I guess that’s going to be pretty uncomfortable for you, then. So, my apologies in advance.”
He quirked his brow, looked me up and down, and something about that got me so riled up it felt like my head might explode and blast right off my neck.
“And while we’re on the subject of misdeeds,” I said, staring him down with all that I had. “Let’s not forget how you lied to me. You told me Dreamland was forbidden when it’s not.” I nodded vehemently, unable to remember if lying was one of the seven deadly sins, or just highly discouraged—but either way, I knew it was bad.
“I did what I had to,” Bodhi said, his gaze about as guiltfree as it gets. “And sorry, Riley, but I won’t apologize for that. You know, you’re not the easiest person to deal with. I have no choice but to exaggerate just to get you to listen. But, as you can see, it still doesn’t work. You do whatever the heck you want, regardless of what I tell you.”
I stopped in my tracks, taking a moment to glare at him before I said, “Yeah, and because of that, there are a whole lot of ghosts out there who’ve crossed over!” I shot him a scathing look—the stink-eye at its very worst. “So, tell me, Bodhi, doesn’t it bother you that I’m always the one who gets the souls to move on?”
I tapped my foot against the ground as his eyes narrowed even further, becoming two slashes of green.
“I mean, I hate to be the one to remind you, but let’s not forget I was the one who got congratulated by Aurora, who we both know is pretty much the Council’s president, or prom queen, or … whatever. Anyway, the point is, like it or not, I’m pretty much on my way to surpassing you. It’s just a matter of time until you’re stuck gnawing on your straw and squinting into my dust, wondering how you got left so far behind.”
“Riley—” He lifted his hand in a lame attempt to stop me, but he should’ve known better. I’d only just begun.
“You think you’re so cool, you think you’re so …” My voice broke, but I forced myself to continue. “You think you’ve got everything, don’t you? Just because you have a pretty girlfriend named Jasmine—just because you’re fourteen—that doesn’t make you better than me. Because you just wait, I’m about to turn thirteen any second now, I’m starting to figure it out, even though you’ve been refusing to tell me—even though you’re determined to keep me stuck where I am. And then, once I am thirteen …”
He was no longer listening. Instead, he motioned toward something he wanted me to see, something that made his gaze grow so sad and regretful he was reluctant to look at me.
And when I swung my head in the direction he was pointing, I froze in my tracks.
My words stalled.
My eyes nearly popped from my head.
My mouth hung silent and long.
Dreamland was in full swing, open for business again, and some prop guys were moving a mirror to a soundstage that must’ve needed it for a dream jump. They paused right before me, stopping to chat with some other prop guys who were leading a group of camels, two zebras, and one elaborately painted elephant in the opposite direction.
The mirror shining so clean and bright—causing my reflection to glint in a way I couldn’t deny.
I moved closer. Moved so close it fogged up in small patches when I blew on it. Tracing my fingers over my reflected contours, wondering just what exactly had gone so terribly wrong.
I’d survived a long night of terror, which had surely left its mark, but this had nothing to do with that.
It was my glow that left me speechless.
It wasn’t shining brighter. In fact, it was barely shining at all.
It had dimmed.
Significantly dimmed.
While Bodhi stood beside me, glowing brighter than I’d ever seen him. His usual green nearly edged out by blue.
And that’s when it hit me.
That’s when I knew.
The stubble on his chin—the aqua glow that surrounded him—he’d bumped up, surpassed me.
He’d turned fifteen—while I was still twelve.
“It’s not fair!” I cried, my face a raging mess of crystalline tears and red cheeks, the reflection vanishing the second the prop guys shot me a worried look and hurried away.
“I’m the one who does all the hard work! I’m the one who at least tried to convince Satchel to stop weaving nightmares! I put myself at great risk—while you—you—” I could barely stand to say it, but I made myself anyway. “While you lounged around in a garden, reading poetry to your girlfriend!” I shook my head, my throat so hot and tight I had to force the words to come. “So tell me, oh mighty guide of mine, tell me, how is that fair?”
Instead of answering, Bodhi stepped away. Taking Buttercup with him, trying to give me some space. Then, once I’d calmed down enough, he circled back and said, “The glow isn’t solely determined by what you do, Riley.” His gaze fixed on mine, and there wasn’t a trace of triumph in it—at least I could be happy for that. “It’s not about what you accomplish. It’s never been about that—I thought you understood?”
“Then what is it about?” I said, my tone striving for venom, but landing on weak and pathetic.
“It’s about what you learn while you’re doing it. And, I hate to say it, but you’ve failed to learn one of the most important lessons of all.”
I sank to my knees, hiding my face in Buttercup’s neck. Overcome with embarrassment and shame, regretting my outburst in a very big way. It was the immature reaction of someone much closer to ten than the age I wanted to be—I’d done the opposite of what Balthazar had told me.
Instead of channeling my fire and passion and determination—I’d succumbed to them. I’d let my emotions control me. I guess understanding the concept and acting on the concept were two different things. Clearly I wasn’t thirteen, because I was neither worthy nor ready.
“For someone who’s so wrapped up in appearances, and don’t even try to deny it, because you know you judge people by the way they look all the time—what is it you called me when we first met?” He looked at me, wanting me to say it, wanting me to engage in some way. Wanting me to admit that, yeah, I did, and sometimes still do, refer to him as dorky guy. But I refused. I didn’t want to play. I wanted it to end. I wanted the whole humiliating talk to be over and done with so I could be on my way.
“Anyway, I think we both know what you called me, the point is—” He paused in a way that told me this next part was important, something he really wanted me to think about. “The thing that you really need to know is that appearances are really just manifestations of how we see ourselves.”
Huh?
I snuck a peek at him. He had my full attention.
“Thoughts create, right?” He waited for me to nod, to acknowledge him in some way, so I did. “And so, with that in mind, the way you see yourself, well, it has a direct effect on what you become, and how others see you.”
I squinted, not entirely getting it.
“Take Aurora, for example. Aurora sees herself as not just a member of humanity—but as a part of all humanity. She sees absolutely no divide whatsoever, no boundary of any kind, between herself and everyone else. That’s why you see the beauty of everything when you look at her. Her complexion is a mix of all the complexions, and her hair is the same, the way it transitions through the entire color spectrum and back again. But Riley, you’re so stuck on being eternally twelve—as you choose to call it—you’re so stuck in your anger, you’re so determined to find a shortcut to
get around it—that, in the end, you’re just dooming yourself. By obsessing over it, you’re keeping yourself stuck right where you are. The thing is, if you want to grow up, well, then you have to start seeing yourself as grown up. And, no offense, but you’ll need to start acting like a grown-up too. Which means no more outbursts or tantrums. The bottom line is, if anyone’s holding you back, Riley, it’s you.”
Ouch.
I’m not gonna lie, the words stung in a really big way. They also left me feeling really embarrassed, mortified, and ashamed—mostly because I could recognize the truth when it was jumping up and down and waving before me.
“You can’t force it, Riley. You can’t achieve it in the way you’ve been trying. In the Here & Now, there are no birthdays—you mature when you’re ready.”
I sighed. It’s pretty much exactly what Ever said during the dream, still I looked at him and said, “But you once told me that if I keep up the good work, then I’ll be able to transcend level one-point-five in no time! Was that another lie too?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t a lie. That was and is one hundred percent true. But the thing is, you used to care about the souls you crossed over. You may have put yourself at risk, you may have gone off on your own despite my warning you not to, but the Council was willing to overlook all of that because it was clear that you truly cared about seeing those poor souls move on. And while I’m sure you eventually started to care about Satchel too, if for no other reason than his story is pretty dang sad, I think we both know you were mostly in it for what you thought it would get you. Your motivation was selfish, Riley, and I’m sorry, but there’s no reward for that.”
I stared at my feet, remembering just what had sparked the whole thing. Not having any friends, seeing him with Jasmine—it didn’t seem selfish on the surface, but Bodhi was right. I’d only tried to help Satchel to benefit me.
“So that’s why my glow dimmed?” I asked. I looked at him, my face clean and clear of all anger.
Bodhi dug his hands into his pockets, looking at me when he said, “It’s the same as turning thirteen. It’s not about achieving—it’s about learning. You always see yourself as separate, like it’s you versus everyone else, and everyone else better watch out because you have something to prove. But the thing is, we don’t act alone Here, Riley. We work as a team—a community. A community you haven’t even tried to be a part of because you’re too busy looking for shortcuts and glory. And while your glow getting dimmer is not quite the punishment you see it as, mostly because there is no punishment Here, I’m sorry to say that, yes, your actions have caused your glow to regress. Though that’s not to say that you can’t get your glow on again.”
My body went shaky, my eyes started to sting, but instead of crying like a big, fat baby, I gave Buttercup a good, tight squeeze and then I let him go free.
Making my way toward the gate once again, when Bodhi reached out to slow me. The feel of his fingers causing my whole body to tremble, making me feel all weird, like I had when I saw him with Jasmine.
“Riley—uh, I think there’s more we need to discuss …”
I looked at him, saw that big, unbearable discussion sitting right there in his eyes, causing me to shake my head and wave it away.
No way, José.
No way would we talk about him and Jasmine and whatever they meant to each other.
It was stupid.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
He’d just turned fifteen. I was still twelve.
There was absolutely nothing to talk about.
I picked up the pace, finding my way to the other side of the gate. Knowing it probably wasn’t the most mature way to respond, but heck, it was better than a tantrum, and at least that was a start.
There was no doubt I still had a lot to learn. But there was also no doubt that I’d eventually get there. Sooner rather than later, that was for sure. I finally understood how it all worked.
Thanks to Balthazar, Ever, and Bodhi, the puzzle was complete—they had each donated a piece.
I had to channel my emotions—tend to the fire within so it wouldn’t blaze out of control.
I had to ask for help when I needed it, tackle only the assignments that were given to me, and instead of focusing on how I would benefit from convincing the lost souls to cross over—I had to focus on how crossing them over would benefit them.
I had to quit focusing on being eternally stuck as a flat-chested, twelve-year-old kid—and instead see myself as the mature and confident teen I wanted to be.
I had to be patient, be a good friend—I had to be happy being me.
Arranging those items in a neat little list in my head, I couldn’t help but smile at how good it felt to finally have a plan.
And even though I was still walking fast, there was no outrunning Bodhi when he was in one of his more determined moods.
He caught up to me, grasped my elbow again, and said, “Riley, listen, the other thing can wait, that’s fine. Though I do need to know if we can leave now, or if there’s anything you need to do first. Anyone you need to check in with, before we take off?”
I looked at him, staring into those deep green eyes. “What do you mean? Are we going somewhere?”
Seeing the way his face broke into a smile as he picked up a stick, tossed it high into the air, laughing as Buttercup leaped into the sky and flew after it.
Turning to me, a ghost of a smile still haunting his lips when he said, “I spoke with Aurora. The Council is sending us to Italy. Apparently there’s a very stubborn ghost that’s been haunting the Colosseum for several centuries. And since they know you’ve been itching for a challenge, they figured it was the perfect Soul Catch for you.”
also by alyson noël
THE RILEY BLOOM BOOKS
Radiance
Shimmer
THE IMMORTALS SERIES
Evermore
Blue Moon
Shadowland
Dark Flame
Night Star
Everlasting
Faking 19
Art Geeks and Prom Queens
Fly Me to the Moon
Laguna Cove
Kiss & Blog
Saving Zoë
Cruel Summer
Coming in Winter 2012
Riley’s adventures continue in Whisper
The first thought that popped into my head when we entered the Roman city limits was: Hunh?
I squinted into the wind, droopy blond hair streaming behind me, feeling more than a little deflated as I soared over a landscape that was pretty much exactly the same as all the others before it.
My guide, Bodhi, my dog, Buttercup, and I had flown a great distance to get here, and even though flying was hands down our favorite way to travel, there was no denying how after a while, the scenery tended to get a bit dull—fading into a continuous blur of clouds, nature, and man-made things, all piled up in a row. And though I’d grown used to it, I guess I still hoped that Rome would be different, but from where we hovered, it all looked the same.
Bodhi looked at me, his green eyes taking note of my disappointed face, he shot me a quick grin and said, “Follow me.”
He thrust his arms before him and somersaulted into a major free fall as Buttercup and I did the same. And the faster we spun toward the earth, the more the landscape below came to life—blooming with such vibrant color and detail, I couldn’t help but squeal in delight.
Rome wasn’t boring. It was more like the opposite—a city chockful of visual contradictions practically everywhere you looked. Consisting of a maze of crazily curving, traffic-choked streets that curled and swooped around newly renovated buildings and crumbling old ones—all of it looming over dusty old ruins dating back a handful of centuries—reminders of a long-ago history that refused to go quietly.
Bodhi slowed, his hair flopping into his face, when he nodded toward the ruin just below him as he said, “There it is. What do you think?”
Buttercup barked with excitement,
wagging his tail in a way that made him spin sideways, as I gawked at the massive old amphitheater, marveling at its size and finding myself suddenly sideswiped by doubt.
I mean, yes, I’m the one who’d practically begged the Council for a more-challenging Soul Catch—I wanted to glow brighter, and also turn thirteen more than anything else in the world, and I wrongly believed that excelling at my job was the one and only way to speed that along. But the longer I gazed upon that massive stone structure with its arches and columns and sturdy old walls—the more I took in its sheer size and scope—the more I thought about the activities it was known for: barbaric cruelty and slaughter, blood-soaked battles fought to the death—well, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d maybe been a little too ambitious, if I might’ve overreached.
Not wanting to let on to my sudden fit of cowardice, I gulped hard and said, “Wow, that’s um … that’s a whole lot bigger than I thought it would be.”
Continuing to hover, my eagerness to land all but forgotten until Bodhi yanked hard on my sleeve and got us all moving again. But instead of leading us to the middle of the arena, he landed on the balcony of a very fancy restaurant, its all-white décor serving as the perfect backdrop to what may be one of the earth plane’s most spectacular views.
He perched on the balcony’s gray iron railing, gazing down at the landscape that loomed several stories below, while I sat alongside him, hoisting a not-so-cooperative Buttercup awkwardly onto my lap, his legs flopping over either side, as I said, “Do we have a dinner reservation I don’t know about?” Knowing the joke was a dumb one, but I couldn’t help it, nerves made me jokey.
Bodhi gave the place a once-over, taking in the spacious terrace filled with well-dressed diners enjoying elegant candlelit dinners and a sunset-drenched view that bathed the Colosseum in a glow of orange and pink—all of them blissfully unaware of the three ghosts sitting among them.
Then turning to me, he got down to business and said, “Okay, here’s the deal, this ghost you’re supposed to deal with—his name is Theocoles. No last name that I know of. And, please, do yourself a favor and call him by his full name. No shortcuts, no Theo, or T, or Big T, or—”