CHAPTER IX.
DRAWING A CORK.
"My ownest, I must to Hindustan."
This announcement came unexpectedly, hurriedly, one evening justbefore tea. The Mystic was evidently excited. Mrs. Vanderhook wasstartled. She said,--"Great Scott"--in tones of alarmed surprise.
"Be not alarmed, sweetest of mortals. It is nothing very dangerous.Nothing, only a very disagreeable trip. My body has been leftunguarded. There are some very large and unpleasant tigers in thevicinity, and should they strike the scent, you know,--I must returnand get into my body and have some one kill the beasts. Then I willtake some material refreshment, relocate my body more securely andback again to my Goo-Goo Eyes."
"But why should you bother about that old body?" pouted the lady."Ain't you all right as you are?"
The mystic laughed. It was a soundless convulsion of mirth.
"Why, my kitten, don't you see that even though we love, we are notupon the same--same--plane? That is to say, you're in the physicalbody, and I'm out of mine."
"Well, but what difference?"--she began.
"All the difference possible, in this particular world, my queen. Nowdon't you see my little scheme? When you succeed in this divorcebusiness I mean to resume my physical body, feed it up, cut its hair,and get it some good clothes, and then--why, then,--I intend to bringit back here in the regular way,--and then--we'll be regularlymarried."
It was now the lady who laughed.
"Well, if you ain't too cute for anything."
They had previously consulted a Chicago lawyer who assured them,statutes to the contrary, he not only would work the decree, butwould secure alimony in addition. He said he would base the suit uponcruelty and desertion and abandonment without "visible or tangiblecause."
This delighted the Gnani, for though himself self-supporting, the ladywould require physical sustenance for some time.
"And you'll hurry back, Lonnie Llama?" pleaded Imogene.
"But twenty-four hours at most, Sweet Thing, only tonight andtomorrow, and tomorrow I'll telep every sixteen minutes from sunriseto sunset."
"Well, if you must--you must,"--sighed Imogene. "I wish you didn'thave to stay but a couple of minutes."
"Well, it's good-bye sweetest,--until--until--" and the mystic sigheddismally; "until sunset tomorrow."
"No, no, I can't have it so. Linger--longer--Lonnie Llama. I'm allbroke up," and Imogene wept.
"I say, what's the rush?"
The lovers, startled, sprang to the extreme ends of the divan. It wasthe unhappy Bill Vanderhook who stood before them.
Unhappy? No. Surely this was not the face of an unhappy man, nor of avengeful one. He did not even appear to be out of humor. His face wasillumined with a benevolent smile. His hat was shoved well back on hishead and his hands were in his pockets, after the manner of extremejoviality.
He had entered unobserved and now stood surveying them with the mostgenial and conciliatory smile.
"What's this about leaving us?" he demanded of his old chum in the oldfriendly tone.
Unprepared for such treatment, the seer sheepishly explained theunpleasant predicament of his physical envelope in the caves ofGingalee.
"Well, do you mean to stay there then?"--anxiously, almost hopefully,from Bill.
"I should say not. I'll be back by tea time tomorrow sure. You know,Mrs. Vanderhook expects me to look after the decorations of herApril-Fool tea party. That's tomorrow, you know, so--"
Bill's brows contracted wickedly for an instant. Then he laughed.
"Then why in Sam Hill are you going at all?" demanded Bill; whichentailed another recital of the danger.
"But what if the beasts do eat up your old hide! It won't hurt 'emeven if it is a tough proposition. And you don't need your cuticle andcartilage any more, as I can see--and besides, I want you home todayspecially. I want you home tonight anyway, for, Leff and Genesy,too"--and Bill's voice dropped,--"suppose we let bygones be bygones.I've been a Tom-Fool to monkey with the irrevocable. I concede thesuperiority of the astral. I acknowledge your primordial claim uponeach other. But I'm tired of these strained relations in the house.Let's have peace and a good time. And now that I'm finding consolationin Science, why not let's call off the fight? Let's have a cessationof hostilities and a renewal of confidences."
"With all my heart," said Alonzo Leffingwell, which appeared morecordial than the fact really warranted. For in his state of being,"heart" was a very empty space. "I'm reconciled," he continuedlanguidly.
"Me, too," sighed Imogene, suspiciously and reluctantly.
"Shake," said Bill in a loud, glad voice, laying one hand over hiswife's and shaking the other cordially through the wrist of the astralgentleman.
"I say, let's celebrate. I'm dead tired of this lonesomeness down inthe coal bins--and--now, the fact is, Genesy"--and Bill went ongaily,--"I've anticipated our reconciliation and I want you both tocome down to my workshop. I've got a nice little layout for you in thelaboratory. Of course, I know Leff isn't much on vittles--but I doknow Genesy likes the pop of a cork. Don't you, old girl?"
"You better believe," assented Imogene. "And did you really get someExtra Dry?--I--"
"Well, you just come and see what I've got for you. As the French say,this is an ock-kazh-un. We'll just pop a few corks. Let's agree toswallow the past in a couple of pints of Mumm's best, and--come alongor the ice will melt." And he half pulled and half pushed Mrs.Vanderhook toward the inside cellar-way.
The Mystic followed slowly, haltingly, and then hurried on toImogene's side.
"I have a presentiment"--he murmured.
"Of what, Lonnie Llama?" tenderly.
"Alas, I know not what; but I am seldom left on these impressions.Let's not go into the cellar."
"Why, what can _he_ do to an _astral_ man? He couldn't hurt you if hetried."
In her eagerness Imogene spoke loud enough for her husband to hear.
Bill Vanderhook appeared to be smoking a cigar. In reality he wasgnashing his teeth. Alonzo said no more, but laid his handapprehensively over the region formerly occupied by a heart.
They were now in the cellar, and in another moment the trio had passedthrough the laundry--past the fruit closets and the coal bins, andwere now ushered into the partitioned corner which had been convertedinto a library and laboratory. They entered the library, which wascomfortably furnished, brilliantly lighted, well ventilated andaltogether a Cosy Corner for--a studious man.
Book-shelves encircled the walls, and many and musty were the ancientvolumes which jostled the modern authorities thereon. The furtherroom, connecting the laboratory, was now in total darkness. Butthrough the black open doorway came a soft musical burr-r-r-r-ing,whirr-r-r-r-r-ing. Now and then little sparkles of light crossed theblack aperture.
Bill beamed upon his guests. He tilted his hat back a bit further,then he took off his coat, his cuffs. He began to look like Business.
Out of the big, wooden pail he lifted a long, slim, dark bottle. Fromhis pocket he drew forth a corkscrew. The bottle he set on the table.The corkscrew he laid beside the bottle. Then he rangedthree-wide-mouthed, slim-necked glasses side by side.
"And here's to us--later,"--he lightly remarked.
But to such as Alonzo Leffingwell "Extra Dry" does not appeal. TheSeer viewed the spread with something like scorn. Then he turned hisattention to the connecting door. He riveted his gaze upon the opendoorway of the darkened inner chamber.
"I feel strangely drawn to that room," he murmured to Imogene.
"Well, I don't," she answered with emphasis. "Let's go straightback--after the Mumm."
"Well, I should say--_NIT_"--and Bill playfully pushed her toward theroom where the little sparkles flew across the blackness. "Come alongLeff, we're now ready to draw the first cork." And reaching up, BillVanderhook pressed a button in the door-jamb.
On the instant, in a flash, quicker than thought, without one word ofapology or glance of farewell, the Illuminat of Illinois shot from theside of his Soul M
ate, straight into that yawning doorway and wasswallowed up in a sudden, blinding glare of light.