CHAPTER X.
A PRIVATE EXHIBIT.
"Oh, Bill! Bill! Bill! What have you done?"--and a woman's wild screamrent the atmosphere.
And no wonder our heroine, standing there in the doorway, was upset.No wonder she clutched at her pompadour in frenzy. No wonder she shooklike several leaves. The suddenness of her admirer's departure was sovery--in fact--sudden.
After she had shrieked she leaned against the door-jamb, gazingincoherently at that which she saw.
It was now Bill's turn to laugh, and this he did, long, loud anduproariously. Then he shouted in a triumphant crescendo,--"Hi, there,my lady--catch onto the display. And well you may squeal at the sightof your old familiar pig-wheel. Dollars to doughnuts you nevershackled as slim a one as this at the yard. Say, watch him. He's inthe swim sure, ain't he? See him swing--round toward the sticker.That's me. D'ye hear, madam? I'm the sticker in this yard. And he'scoming to the knife in fine style. Now watch me close, for he's goingto land against the point this time, and then--Aha! ha! ha!--andthen--the last hot water plunge, and--"
"Monster! monster!" sobbed the lady.
Bill laughed again.
"Oh, my Lonnie, my Llama!" wailed Mrs. V.
And again Bill Vanderhook laughed.
"Aha!--your Astral Mate got a move on him that time. Go ask him if hehas any fresh data on affinities. Ask him how he likes this newest_attraction_."
"Brute!"--and, dashing past her husband, the distracted lady rushed tothe rescue of her primordial mate. She flung herself wildly into theworkshop from which she had been so long excluded.
The picture presented to her gaze as she crossed the threshold struckterror to her soul. All at once Mrs. Vanderhook felt weak as boiledwater. She clasped her hands in frantic protest.
"Get onto his curves" bawled Bill. "What d'ye think of your LonnieBird now? He's off his perch, ain't he? Never miss a Mystic when hemoults. And here's your Lonnie Lammie--at shearing time. Here's yourlittle piggy-wiggy on a hook. Here's your-r-r-r"--and the angryhusband wound himself up in a knot of words and spluttered off intomonosyllabic ravings.
Angry and frightened and bewildered by the very unusual scene, Mrs.Vanderhook staggered, moaned a couple of times, and crumpled up overagainst a big empty packing case.
It would have been a braver woman who could look unmoved upon therevenge of the Kankakee druggist.
In the center of a long, narrow room strewn with jugs, jars, bottlesand chemical apparatus, whirled a small and curious cylinder, alittle black machine that gave off a trail of glittering sparks uponthe brilliant atmosphere, a tiny monster that sang and purred andwhizzed in its dizzy revolutions.
It was not, however, this curious machine that attracted the attentionof Mrs. Vanderhook. It was neither the brightness, nor energy, norspeed, nor the whizziness of the things in the room that spellboundher. It was the novel attachment of that satanic cylinder whichriveted her gaze and temporarily paralyzed her vocal organs.
The ethereal despoiler of the Vanderhook home had, indeed, gotten amove on himself. He was "in the air," and no mistake.
At a distance of perhaps ten feet from the revolving cylinder swungthe gay Gnani of Gingalee. He was suspended in the air without visiblesign of support, and was following the rotary motion of the machine;which meant that he was appearing and disappearing through the floorand ceiling of the room with a rate of motion akin to that BillVanderhook was giving the machine. Even the woman, though unfamiliarwith theories of electro-dynamics, realized at once that this whirlingcylinder possessed electro-magnetic attraction for astral substance.
All at once she realized that the Mystic had been captured by theMayor; that the wise man was in the toils of the druggist.
Alas, and alas, the mystical lover was in the clutches of thescientific husband.
"You nasty thing!" sobbed Mrs. Vanderhook wildly. And as the awfulnessof the situation grew upon her, love lent her courage. She darted pasther husband's outstretched hand and flung herself forward to therescue of her Mate.
Mr. Vanderhook, however, was a true scientist. He was given to detail.He had provided for just that emergency. A fine wire, strung severalfeet from the floor immediately over a circular copper track which waslaid in the floor and around the cylinder, was to serve a verypractical purpose. The impulsive creature who would have plucked her"Lonnie Bird" from his unpleasant predicament, was instead, flungviolently backward into her husband's arms.
"Soul communion temporarily suspended, you will observe," grinned themaster of ceremonies as he seated his wife upon the packing case. "Hishunkey highness from Hindustan is now taking a whirl at physicalscience. He'll be able now to prove, as I have said, that all matterisn't illusion. Ah, there, Lonnie Lammie, how's this from an astralpoint of view?"
"Extremely unpleasant," admitted that gentleman, trying to smile. "ButI say, Bill, explain this cruel joke. I don't understand why youshould do this. I'm awfully anxious to know how you--that is--one notilluminated could--thus--thus--"
"Get the drop on you?" queried Bill pleasantly. "Glad you asked.Dee-lighted to explain. You'll appreciate the importance of thediscovery. It's a great addition to scientific knowledge"--and theexperimenter warmed to scientific enthusiasm, lessened the currentwhich was driving its prisoner relentlessly through floor and ceiling.
"I shall undoubtedly appreciate this particular process"--and Mr.Leffingwell appeared to be catching his breath, as he felt himselfreleased from the terrific force generated from somewhere. "But praygo on. I'm deeply interested."
"Very good," responded Bill, holding his rival suspended that he mightconverse with him. "You are, of course, aware that, as an astralbeing, you've had enormous advantages over the man encased in thephysical."
"True, and yet, you--"
"Pardon me," interrupted the druggist dryly when the Mystic would havechipped in. "This advantage you've used remorselessly, to break up myhome. You broke the spirit, if not the letter, of occult law. You knowyou did. You ignored our agreement made before you left Kankakee. Youknew and you acknowledged my claim upon Mrs. V., for at least thispresent dispensation. I told you then that I was perfectly willing totake a back seat in a century or so. Apparently this didn't satisfyyou. You took advantage of your superior learning to sneak into myhouse like a thief. Oh, yes, of course, you came astrally. Of courseyou didn't use skeleton keys. But,--you got there just the same, andyou got in your work."
"But,--but,--" pleaded the man from Gingalee--"I never agreed not toseek her enlightenment, at such times and places as might beconvenient. I merely returned here to instruct her in theFifty-Seven-Fold-Path, and to discourse to her upon those several andsundry sheaths which do clothe her higher principles. And--"
"Oh, Bosh!" growled Bill. "All that sounds very fine, in your measlyold Sanscrit; but you stole her just the same, and that's plain UnitedStates. And now, Mr. Mystic,"--and the angry husband shut his teethwith a savage click--"you must know that outraged confidence will seekrevenge. That's your karma, ain't it, Mr. Alonzo Leffingwell, Gnaniof Gingalee, and Grand High Muckymuck of the Order of Nowhere? I'vegot you, and I've got you in your own trap. You're hoist by your ownpetard. You went in for Science, and so did I. Science is going tosettle this dispute, and you're about to learn that nature has_several_ laws. Oh, pusillanimous pirate of the air, you are about torealize that invention is the hand-maid of justice, and that scienceis--the--mother-in-law--of--doom."
"How,--what,--Bill,--I do not comprehend," murmured Mr. Leffingwellperplexedly, as he disappeared slowly through the ceiling in responseto the faint current with which Bill was now holding him.
"No?"--queried Bill sarcastically as the gentleman reappeared. "Thenthere are, after all, some few things you don't comprehend. Well,then--" and the druggist drew himself up with calm ferocity--"I willenlighten you. Hear then my pronunciamento. You've been weighed inthe balance and found wanting--everything that didn't rightfullybelong to you; and because of that I, your self-appointed judge andexecutioner, have resolved--upon
--your--complete--annihilation."
"A-n-n-i-h-i-l-a-t-i-o-n-!"
"A-n-n-i-h-i-l-a-t-i-o-n-!"
The mournful tenor of the Mystic mingled with the high C of hisprimordial Mate.
"Yes, just that"--burst forth the druggist savagely. "When Idiscovered that you were not only dead to the proprieties and deaf toappeals, but that you were impervious to boot-jacks and bullets, I setto thinking as to the best manner of dealing with the situation. WhenI saw you chipper as a lark when impaled on a carving knife, Irealized the insufficiency of brute force. It was then that I turnedto science and planned for this my long sought and well earnedR-E-V-E-N-G-E."
This last word came out in a long hissing whisper, the which is soeffective upon the stage.
The Seer was now staring at the druggist in open faced dismay. Imogenewas whimpering softly.
"To this end," continued Mr. Vanderhook, "I practically gave up mybusiness. I constructed this laboratory. I gave up Mrs. V.'s society.I permitted _you_ to entertain her while I buried myself to work out_my revenge_. During the past five months I've acquainted myself withall the great authorities on chemistry, electricity, alchemy,astrology, theosophy, and occultism generally. I've studied Darwin andHaeckel and Huxley and Tyndall. I've familiarized myself with all ofthe facts of all of the sciences. I've saturated myself with thetheories of all the philosophers, prophets and cranks. I've studiedthe body from monkey to man. I've chased the elusive soul down throughthe unintelligible symbolism of Buddha, on down to the ultimate atomof Huxley--and I've made a Great Discovery. Your school of mysticism'sa fake. I've smashed your occultism to smithereens, and I can bearwitness to the wisdom of that eminent materialist who said,--'I havetried the soul in the crucible and found it Protoplasm.'"
"You--you--deny the soul?" broke out the Mystic in astonishment.
"Quite the contrary," said Mr. Vanderhook. "I'm convinced that thereis a soul, or more scientifically speaking, an astral man. But thisastral man is nothing but a duplicate of the physical man, consistingof highly attenuated substance. This soul man, or astral man, undercertain conditions, can separate himself from the coarser body and cutup just such didos as you have. But"--and Bill's voice assumed thepatronizing intonation of the pedagogue--"now the fact is,confidentially, this astral man is nothing but a mere emanation of thephysical, and is governed--that is, ultimately--by the same physicallaws. Now, for instance, you talk of a soul, and a spirit, because youdon't know any better. In reality these phenomena of the astral planeare only material phenomena of a higher grade or quality than we canordinarily get at through our physical senses. But, and again,"--andBill Vanderhook sniffed disdainfully--"you're no more immortal(because you can't be seen by everybody) than a wiggle-tail is. Now wecan't see nor feel the millions of baby tadpoles nor wigglers inwater. But that ain't saying they're spirits, nor that they haveimmortal souls. Now, Mr. Mystic, a soul or an astral man is just asnatural as flesh and bone. He is in no sense independent of the finerphysical forces, and he is subject to natural law just as much as ifhe were going around wearing his body."
"You have certainly studied to some purpose," admitted Mr.Leffingwell.
"More than this," continued the materialist enthusiastically, "I havestudied and completely mastered this principle of soul mating."
The Mystic started--but he did not get very far.
Mrs. Vanderhook looked up eagerly, hopefully.
"Yes, I admit," continued Bill genially, "that I find your oldOriental fakirs were mainly right. I, however, have been able to provethat your soul affinity is just plain chemical affinity--just plainchemical affinity without any frills. It's an affinity that dependsupon whether you're made up of the kind of chemical substances thatnaturally combine. F'r instance,--I can take any two people and feed'em both on pie or pig or potatoes, and produce the same kind ofaffinity you talk about."
Alonzo Leffingwell shuddered. Mrs. V. looked at him questioningly.Bill's unexpected wisdom was making an impression upon his wife.
"Fact," continued Bill, delighted with the impression he wasmaking--"now I don't deny"--turning to Alonzo exclusively--"that by aproper course of diet and an ultimate arrangement of particles, mywife might coordinate with you; but I do say, and you hear me, thatshe has been, and is, and is likely to remain, much nearer to me thanto you. Chemically speaking she has not attained to you. She quitelacks the refinement, attenuation and imponderability you haveachieved. In short, she is not yet quite as swift as you are, andtherefore much better suited to my condition than to yours."
Continued Bill--"When once I had established the 'Immortal Soul' ofthe occultist and the 'Atomic Energy' of Science as identical, I had areasonable basis, a sound hypothesis upon which to proceed. You, Mr.Gnani, representing this 'Soul' became the material for a rareexperiment. And you are now, at this hour, as it were, my workingcapital."
"And now, having satisfied yourself that certain scientific methodsmay be applied to certain astral phenomena, what more would youhave?"--ventured Mr. Leffingwell nervously. "Now that you have madeyour point, I implore you, Bill, to let me out of this."
The Honorable William K. Vanderhook (with his hand still on the lever)cocked his head to one side. He gave the Mystic one long look out ofone eye. The other one he closed.
"As you must know," he continued serenely, "primordial matter, whichis astral matter, results from a condensation of ether substance intohelium, or biogen. It is of this attenuated, gaseous matter that youare composed. This being true, it is easily possible to convert orreduce you back into a semi-material state of hydrogen. Catch on?"
"I do," admitted the Seer sorrowfully as he passed slowly downwardstill swaying along the circle of attraction. "But now"--heimplored--"as you have no further use for me, can't we take a spelloff for further discussion? I'm getting pretty tired, Bill."
"I never did see such a kicker," said Bill. "When I've been soconsiderate, too. Why, you see, Leff, that the chrysalis of attractionin which you move is so cunningly tempered as to swing you in aperfect circle about twenty feet in diameter. So, you see, you are inno sense exposed, as it were, publicly. You are so adjusted as not tobe dragged through the roof, over the damp grass, through the sewerpipes nor yet across the clothes-line in the back yard. In thus makingyou a strictly Private Exhibit I've paid the deference due to yourprofession which you yourself have so disgraced. I wonder, now, Leff,if you haven't guessed what I've been up to all this time?"
Alonzo shook his head dejectedly.
"No?"--interrogatively. "Well, then," said Bill--"I've just reachedthe delicate point of practically solving the problem of astralsubstance; or, of reducing astral substance to visible, tangible,physical substance. And the proof which is necessary depends now onlyupon the nicety of modern mechanical construction. In short, I believethat I am about to demonstrate that in electro-dynamics lurks thesecret of the 'Soul.'"
"But, Bill, I say,--Bill, old fellow. Surely you are not going toexperiment on ME? Surely you are going to release me from thisuncomfortable situation?"
"Why, my dear boy," said Bill Vanderhook good humoredly, "would youbalk such an experiment on the very threshold of success? Permit me toassure you that the performance is only half over and the best of thefeatures are yet to come."