Chapter Twelve
With Mom back, I didn’t feel so alone in the physical world anymore. I still spent as much time with Nancy and Paul that I could.
Mom came over most evenings when I worked the day shift. Then she would leave around nine, as she had to get up early weekdays for work. If Nancy and Paul were home, then I would go over to visit with them, especially on Mondays.
Monday is Satan’s day of the week, and we often did a little ritual for Father Satan to honor Him. Then we’d give thanks for all He had done and was doing for us. We especially appreciated Him at this time, knowing how busy He had to be with so much war and conflict going on in the world.
I was amazed that He had time for us at all. For every now and then, I would hear His wonderful voice clear as a bell in my head, answering a question I had.
Awesome wasn’t the word for Him. He is a true and loving God, one that actually answers prayers and questions no matter how busy. I cannot begin to express how much I had grown to love Him. It amazed me. What’s more, as awesome and hard to believe as it was, I loved Father more and more daily. One has to truly know Him to understand the intensity of His love for us and ours for Him. There is no way an outsider can comprehend this.
All the hate and fear and lies that have existed for centuries were just that – lies! Such injustice to such a sweet, loving and caring God! Yet, He chooses not to retaliate. He simply strives to get the truth out there, and hopes that as many souls as possible can be saved from the ugly lies and mental slavery that has gone on for far too long.
I had not ‘felt’ or heard anything from the incubus. I thought that perhaps he had moved on and found another human female. I hadn’t seen much of Cal either, but once in a while I would find something of mine in a strange place, where I knew there was no way I had put it there. One evening – it was a good thing I looked – just as I went to pee, I noticed my car keys sitting in the bottom of the toilet. I spun around, “Cal!”
Distinct giggling came from my bedroom.
“You little turkey!” I immediately fished out my keys and ran the hot water over them for a good ten minutes, and washed both my hands and keys with soap. By the time I was done, it was all I could do not to wet myself before I sat down to finally pee.
Relief at last, I went on into the kitchen, halfway expecting Cal to be gone, but he wasn’t. To my surprise, he was sitting at my little table spooning lots of sugar into a cup of coffee. It was fresh. I had just made it. He rolled his sparkling, bluish-gray eyes up to mine as if daring me to question his actions.
I didn’t even consider scolding him, though. I knew he was there for me. It was just his nature to have a little fun. I felt it was too bad that more humans weren’t like him. “I don’t mind if you have a cup,” I said and took an empty cup out of the cabinet and poured myself some. But when I sat down, he was still spooning sugar into his cup. I frowned. “What on Earth? I think you have more than enough sugar, Cal.”
He merely chuckled, delighted that I thought so and stared, unblinking at me, while he spooned in another heaping spoonful.
“Oh my God! You will be sick!”
With his mischievous eyes fixed on mine, he spooned in one more.
I couldn’t help it. I snatched up the sugar bowl. “Enough!”
He just laughed and took a sip of the now very thick coffee, still eyeing me daringly all the while.
I thought surely he would take a sip or two and discard it, but he didn’t. He gulped down the whole cup. I think my jaw dropped about a foot. “You actually finished it?”
“Cal likes sugar,” he said. “Thanks for the coffee!” He stood from his seat, set his cup in the sink, bowed graciously with a pleasant smile and vanished.
“Oh boy…” I wasn’t sure what to think. “Okay. Glad you enjoyed it,” I called out.
“I did!” was his response. There was a light laugh and then silence.
I sensed he was gone then.
The silence of the room was broken by a strong knock on my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I knew Nancy was at work and Paul was helping her. Mom had left early, as she wanted to go home and work on her bills. So, I was hesitant to answer.
Whoever it was knocked again. I pulled my white curtain back and peeped out – Greg!
He had learned where I lived!
He knocked again. I seriously thought of not answering, but then decided I might as well face him. Obviously, he knew where I lived now. I opened the door a crack, but kept the chain lock in place. “What do you want?”
“To talk.”
His face was stoic and hard to read. “There’s nothing for us to talk about.”
“We need to talk about our marriage.”
“We don’t have one,” I coldly replied.
“Brenda, please let me in?”
I blew out air. “Okay… But I am in no mood to argue with you.”
“I just want to talk. I won’t be long.”
I unlocked the chain and let him in. He looked around briefly. “Not bad for a small apartment.”
“Thanks.” I sat down on my little sofa but gestured for him to sit on the second-hand easy chair I had picked up from a neighbor who had moved out recently.
He nodded okay and took a seat.
I stared at him. “So, how did you find out where I live?”
“I saw your mother’s car pull in yesterday evening. I knew where her apartment was, so I figured it had to be you.”
“You could have come to the library, you know.”
“Not a place to discuss personal matters.”
“True.”
“Brenda, I want you back,” he suddenly said with pleading eyes.
“Greg, a part of me will always care about you.” He went to respond but I put up a hand. “Let me finish.”
“Okay.”
“We are not even on the same playing field anymore. It will never work. Even if you have changed a lot of your ways and thinking.”
“What do you mean exactly?” He sat forward. “Explain it to me.”
No way could I tell him I was a Satanist. Something he would never understand, let alone accept. “I just don’t believe the way you do anymore.”
“What?” His face contorted in confusion.
“To put it bluntly. I have lost all faith in your God. I don’t care if I ever step foot in a church, synagogue or mosque ever again!”
His faced flushed instantly red and he stood. “What on Earth is wrong with you?”
“Traditional religion and dictatorial pastors are what are wrong with me, Greg!”
He was aghast. “You don’t mean that, Brenda.”
“Never been more serious. What’s more, I didn’t invite you here. And since you can’t hear the truth without getting all bent out of shape, it is time for you to leave.”
He shut his eyes briefly, and I could tell he was trying to calm himself. When he opened his eyes again, he said, “You’re right… About my coming without an invitation. But I can’t believe you’ve completely lost your faith in God.”
“Your God!” I said, realizing at the time I said it that way that it wasn’t a good idea.
“Okay. What is this bit about ‘your God’? Want to explain yourself?”
“I already told you. I don’t have to explain myself to you or anyone else.”
He stepped forward.
I could tell this could easily turn into an all-out fight. I lowered my voice. “You need to leave, Greg.”
“Just explain to me what you mean. Do you mean Wicca?”
“Absolutely not! That’s history now. And I don’t have to explain anything. We don’t live together anymore. I support myself. I have my own place. We don’t share a bed anymore. What I do and what I believe is none of your damn business!”
“Expletives now?”
I didn’t comment.
I could tell by his expression that he felt as though he’d been hit by a brick. “Then there is no discussing our marriage?
”
“You just proved to me that that is impossible. Where did this conversation end up? Religion! And I take the blame for that. However, there is no way we will ever agree on our beliefs. Therefore, I am saying no! No hope for our marriage. It is already over. I just haven’t bothered to file for divorce yet. Been busy working.”
He twisted his tongue around as though pondering what to say. “So, that’s it? You really want a divorce?”
I knew by his eyes that he wanted me to say no, but that wasn’t going to happen.
“Yes! I have every intention of filing for divorce. We have irreconcilable issues.”
His anger turned to sadness. I almost felt sorry for him but not quite. “Okay. I will file. I am sure I can afford it more than you can.”
“But the church will only accept adultery as grounds for divorce, Greg. I haven’t committed adultery. I don’t want our divorce on a lie. Irreconcilable differences will be good enough for the courts.”
“What am I supposed to tell the church?”
“Lie. Dad lied to the church. But I don’t want a lie on public record. Hasn’t he been excusing their divorcing on a lie? Mom hasn’t committed adultery.”
He thought it over momentarily and then nodded in agreement. “Okay. I guess if your dad can do it, then I can.”
“Of course you can.”
“All right.” He let out a weary sigh and moved to the door.
I did get up and go to the door too.
With a very saddened countenance, he said, “I do still love you, Brenda. This I did not want.”
“I’m sad too, Greg.” And I was a little. I still cared a lot about him. “But it will never work.”
Nodding in reluctant acceptance he made himself smile and went out. I closed the door behind him.
“Whew!” I breathed, glad that it was over.
Then I heard him yell and it sounded as though he fell to the ground. I swung the door back open. There was Greg sprawled out on the sidewalk rubbing the back of his head.
“What happened?”
He managed to pull himself up and stand to his feet. “Something gooey all over the walk here,” he said, lifting his shoe for me to see the sole. Sure enough, something brownish and sticky looking slowly dripped to the walk. I recognized it right away – slightly regurgitated, sugary coffee.
Cal! You little shit!
I ran in and grabbed a clean wet cloth for Greg to clean off his shoes. He quickly did, handed me the cloth and left. When I returned to the house, Cal stood there in the middle of the living room grinning like the cat that ate the canary. I shook my head. He snickered and vanished.
Though I felt kind of sorry for Greg, I couldn’t help but chuckle. Apparently Cal, the little stinker, had known Greg was coming. I couldn’t be mad at him, though. He did it for me.
It was Sunday night and Mom had gone home after having a pot roast dinner with me. She hadn’t gone to evening worship at the church. It was only eight when she left, and I wasn’t in any mood to go to bed so early. I walked down to Nancy’s and Paul’s apartment. Their lights were out though and I remembered then that they were out with some pagan friends. I had just forgotten. I glanced over at the park, as it was always lit fairly well along the sidewalk, and thought of going and sitting on the bench that faced Dad’s church, as services were in process there. “But why do I want to do that?” I asked myself. It hit me then that I was just lonely. Though Mom was back and I had a few friends, I was still very lonely. “Oh heck with it!” I went back to my apartment and decided to take a nice long hot bath instead of a shower. Afterwards, perhaps I would find a good movie somewhere.
I ran my water as hot as I could stand it and sank down up to my neck and just let myself soak. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of anything. The next thing I knew, I woke up with my water freezing cold. I got out as quickly as I could, shivering. I wrapped myself in my white, terrycloth robe and let the water out. I went on to my bedroom and there slipped into my shorty pajamas and climbed into bed. Still sleepy, I soon drifted off.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I dreamed I was in bed with this handsome blond-headed man. He had his arm around me from behind. He kissed my neck and my cheek and cuddled up to me. I know I reacted to his touch, letting out little sighs of pleasure. Then I was aware of his hand flat on my tummy, pressing gently.
My eyes popped open. The hand was still there. I slowly slid my hand down and felt his – Wasn’t imaging it! I gasped and sat up, turning to face him in the darkened room. I could barely make out the luminous outline of his perfect frame.
He spoke softly, “Hello, Brenda.”
“Paleo?”
“None other.” He then made himself more visible for me, shining in a soft, radiant bluish white. “I sensed your loneliness again. You are lonely, aren’t you?”
He was right. I was damn lonely. As beautiful as he was, I was still a little leery. Had to admit, though, that the mere touch of his hand was nothing short of wonderful. “A little,” I admitted.
“Still unsure of me, aren’t you? But that’s okay. It takes time.”
“I’m not sure—.”
“Of having a sexual relationship with a demon,” he finished for me.
He was partly right, but that wasn’t all of it. “I’m actually not sure I want a relationship with any male right now.”
“Would you prefer a succubus?” He asked matter-of-factly.
My jaw dropped. “Oh! No! I didn’t mean that at all.”
An amused chuckle came from deep in his chest. “Good! Because I would hope you would choose me, if you decide you want a physical relationship.”
I feasted my eyes over his perfectly formed body – though luminous blue was a bit distracting – and peered into his sparkling even bluer eyes. “Your head’s perfectly shaped,” I suddenly blurted, not sure why I did.
He laughed. “Is that all that you take notice of?”
“Oh! No! I… I actually have never seen anyone so beautiful,” I quietly replied, feasting my eyes over him – no armor this time – the smoothness of his off-white skin, and the perfectly formed muscles, resembling a living statue of marble. I was really wondering what sex would be like with him. And here he was, apparently more than willing to teach me.
“I’m not going to push myself on you, Brenda. I want you to want me too.”
I am not sure why, but I knew he spoke the truth. It was just something I felt. “I trust you.”
“Good.” He stood, towering over me. He lowered his face down to where our lips were very close. “Would it be all right if I kissed you?”
I was beginning to feel that tingling sensation all over my body. I remembered the energy thing, but this time it didn’t seem as strong as before. “I… I guess so.”
“Is that a yes?”
I bobbed my head in the affirmative. “Yes!” I waited in anticipation, as his eyes studied mine, and he slowly pressed his oh-so-soft lips gently to mine. They were warm, and his kiss was sweet and unhurried – and buzzing! Kind of tickled. I couldn’t help but respond. We kissed for a good minute before he pulled his face back.
“Okay?” he inquired.
“Very.” The energy, the tingling, was stronger. In fact, my body was buzzing pretty much all over, especially in my private areas.
He knew this. “The buzzing is perfectly normal. It is because we are so close. Any demon standing so close will make you buzz, especially one of the opposite sex.”
“Okay… That’s nice to know.” I was excited, amused and apprehensive all at the same time.
“Tell you what. I’ll let you think about it some more.”
“…Okay.” I appreciated his consideration, but I was uncertain if I wanted him to go or not. Part of me was still hesitant to go any further with him, but the other part was really kind of needing him. And not just sex. It is hard to explain. But I suddenly needed to have sex with him! I knew no human male could satisfy this need I was suddenly feeling.
“What’s happening to me?” I asked.
He understood perfectly. “Your body’s energy is increasing with your meditations, making it easier for you to tolerate the presence of demons.”
“Yes. Go on please.”
“Demons can satisfy humans in ways that other humans can’t. I believe you sense that. I can reach parts of you a human male can’t… It is the same with a succubus and a human male. I can satisfy you without you ever physically climaxing.”
“Oh?”
“Yes! When we climax it is spiritual. It is a blending of our souls. It is the most beautiful feeling, sensation you could ever possibly experience.”
Somehow I knew he wasn’t just saying it. “Okay…”
“But I don’t want to pressure you. I want to be one with you… and only you, for as long as you live… And then some. However, if you wish to be able to have a physical relationship with a human too, I can abide by that. Not what I prefer, but I can accept what is natural for you.”
“I’m not sure, Paleo. I think I kind of understand. Can we just leave that part open for now? I mean…”
“I understand. Leave the option open for you to have a human partner as well. I can do that.”
“I’m thinking that I want children.”
“I also understand that. And it is okay.”
“Right now, there’s no one else though.”
“I know.”
“You said until I die. What happens after I die? Will I see you then?”
“Yes! But you will no longer be human, and our relationship will be a little different, but there’s no point into going into that now. If you are reincarnated, we can be together again. In fact, we can be together for many lifetimes, if we want.”
“Wow! I had no idea.”
“Tell you what. I will leave you for now and let you think about everything.”
“Okay. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to go, but I also wasn’t sure I was quite ready.”
He kissed the tip of my nose then and vanished, but I heard him clearly in my head. “I won’t be far, sweetheart.”
“All right!”