*
We were really busy at the library for the next week, giving me little time to think about Paleo, but think about him I did anyway, when I had a free moment. More shipments of books had come in. Also, we were clearing out a lot of old books that were being replaced by new copies and were having a book sale, and Miranda put me in charge. We were selling books for as low as twenty-five cents each.
We started off with two tables loaded down, but by afternoon it all fit on one table. I was so busy I barely had time to eat lunch.
When five o’clock rolled around and it was time to get off, I was exhausted. Mom had texted earlier that she was picking up some Kentucky Fried Chicken and she would meet me at my apartment.
I wasn’t home fifteen minutes and she knocked on the door. I let her in and she rushed into my little kitchen with the chicken and sides of mashed potatoes, biscuits and coleslaw and sat them on the table. I already had our iced tea, plates and silverware ready. I thanked her and told her that it would be my turn next to buy dinner.
With a grin, she agreed and pulled out a chair and settled down in it. I handed her a napkin and we filled our plates. She was in a very good mood, and I questioned her about it. I thought maybe she had met some nice doctor that was single, but that was not the case. She was just really happy with her new job, and felt blessed that we were together again.
She did say that she had seen Dad earlier, had gone by to pick up some clothes that she had left there, hoping he still had them. He did, and she was happy about that. She let me know she had seen Greg too. He was polite and all, but it was pretty obvious that he was depressed. She admitted that she almost felt sorry for him. “I really do not believe he is as bad as your father, Brenda,” she said, as she blotted her face with a napkin and set it aside.
“I know, Mom. But he is still of the mindset that women should ‘obey’ their husbands, etc. And I don’t… can’t live with that anymore.”
“I know, sugar. He does still love you. I honestly question if your father ever really loved me, though.”
“Oh I think he loved you as much as he could love anyone.”
She kind of chuckled and looked down, playing with her napkin. “But not the way I needed him to love me.” She turned her eyes back up to me. “Greg does love you that way, you know?”
“Mom, are you trying to tell me something here?”
She scrunched up her lips momentarily before replying. “Yes. I suppose I am.”
“You don’t seriously want me to go back to him, do you?”
“That’s just it… I’m not sure. But seeing how much he loves you… and you do love him, don’t you?”
“Not like I used to. But yes, I still have feelings for him. Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s just that you did marry him. And you really haven’t been married that long. He loves you so much. I just can’t help but wonder if maybe it could work?” She eyed me kind of sheepishly. “I know it sounds really kind of ludicrous coming from someone who didn’t want you to get married right away, but, fact is, you did marry him.”
“I know, Mom. And believe me I have thought about it a lot. When I see him look at me with such hurt, it does bother me… immensely.” I shook my head. “But I know now that being married to a preacher is not what I want! Not anymore. I have changed too much.”
She pushed her napkin aside, brow furrowed. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’ll come out and say it. I don’t believe in the church anymore. I don’t believe what is taught. Mom, I’m not a Christian anymore!”
“What?” Even for her, this was shocking. “But you were raised a Christian? I admit that we were strict. Too strict. But surely you haven’t lost your faith in God?”
I pushed away from the table. “Mom, I don’t want to discuss this now.” Shaking, I stood and went to the window over the sink and looked out. It was clouding up outside. Looked like rain.
“You do believe in God, don’t you?”
“Let it go, Mom.”
“Come back and finish your dinner, hon.”
“I can’t…won’t… discuss it anymore.”
“Okay. I guess you feel that I have betrayed you. I left you because you wanted to marry Greg, and now I’m suggesting you go back to him. I am sorry! I’ve had a little time to see things from a different perspective. So, I was just telling you my viewpoint now. Please come back and finish your dinner. I promise to not talk about it. Please?”
I let out a long sigh and turned around. “All right. Tell me about your work.”
With a smile of relief, she said, “I’d love to.”
The air was still a little tense for a while, but as we talked about our jobs the hurtful feelings fled away.
After Mom left, I wondered if she was having second thoughts about having left Dad. She did tell me that the divorce had not been finalized yet. There was still another month before she had to appear in court. She also admitted that though it wasn’t the main reason she had come back, she also had to come back to be there for the divorce. I was glad she told me. Had I found out without her letting me know, and had I not seen how much she seemed to have missed me, I might have thought that it was the primary reason she had returned.