CHAPTER XX
THE "IDEAL"
While Raymond Meredith convalesced at Darjeeling in the care of NurseDalton--the identity of whose name with that of the doctor beinggenerally understood at Muktiarbad to be a mere freak ofcoincidence--his family in Surrey waxed strong and healthy in theglorious summer weather. Baby Douglas, who lived out of doors, hadcheeks like a damask rose, while his mother gained gracious curves whichadded to her already radiant beauty. Even her pretty little sister whohad recently put up her hair, was eclipsed. But only in point of looks.
Kitty was not one to be overlooked in any company, by any means. Whatshe lacked in regularity of feature, she made up for in charm ofexpression, a delightful speaking voice, and a ready tongue. Bright eyesgiven to laughter, the gleam of white teeth, curving red lips mobile andpiquant, a dimpled cheek, laughter creases at the corners of thefull-lidded, soft eyes, that had a roguish trick of quizzing--eyes thathad borrowed their hue from the summer sky, with lashes like hersister's, and an indefinable little nose, made up a whole which waspositively unfair to the rest of her sex, judging from the fact thatevery other girl was superfluous when Kitty was on the scene. And shewas not blind to her own success, yet she was merciful out of thetenderness of her naturally good heart that never inflicted sufferingwantonly; and if it happened that, owing to her irresistiblefascination, she was the means of causing pain, to her credit be itsaid, that she was clever at healing the wounds she unwittinglyinflicted, which saved unhappy consequences to unfortunate victims, andbound them to her as friends for life.
"I am so afraid of your becoming a flirt," Joyce once saidreproachfully, after one of these instances was explained and apologisedfor. "You should think twice before you let yourself become toofriendly. It will prevent any foolish mistakes in the end. Of course Ispeak from bitter experience."
Kitty, who was aware of that experience, sighed repentently. "Why didn'tProvidence make me a boy? I love them all so much."
"You would then, with your thoughtlessness, have broken some poor girl'sheart. Half a dozen, perhaps."
"It is very difficult to know what to do," said Kitty with the roguishtwinkle reasserting itself in her eyes.
"You have to nip all silly sentimentality in the bud. The real thing isnever silly," said Joyce out of her superior wisdom.
"That's the difficulty. I never notice the bud till it is a full-blownpassion-flower! I think I should become a nun."
Joyce hugged her by way of appreciation, unable to resist the dimplewhich fascinated even a sister.
There is nothing so winning as an imperishable sense of humour.Vivaciousness, and an infectious gaiety which radiates like the sun anddispels the shadows of depression in a moment--these were Kitty's chiefassets. She had danced through childhood like a sunbeam. She had beenthe merriest of flappers and was now a sorceress to beguile with herarts in innocent and unconscious charm. Kitty's laughter, accompanied bythat irresistible dimple, was the most captivating thing. Tender smilesgreeted the sight of her from aged lips, and masculine youth felt drawnas by a magnet.
So it came to pass, that Jack Darling who was spending six monthsmedical leave in England, fell a victim to Kitty's charm shortly beforeMrs. Fox's decree nisi against her husband became absolute.
It was at the Victoria Underground station, near the booking-office,that they met. Believing that the wide hat and muslin gown could belongto none other than Mrs. Meredith who he knew was "at home," he pushedthrough the crowd and presented himself.
"Such a pleasure, Mrs. Meredith!" It is always such a pleasure to meetfriends in London with whom one has been intimate in a distant land.Especially is it true of friends from India.
But two remarkably beautiful eyes turned full upon him in blankamazement and a hint of a twinkle in their cerulean depths. They saidplainly, "You've made a mistake, bold Sir, but how delightful that youshould know my sister!"
Before she could speak, Jack was apologising profusely, hat in hand, andblushing to the roots of his shining, well-brushed hair.
Restored to health after a yachting cruise off the coast of Scotland,Jack was a splendid specimen of manhood to look upon, though stillinwardly depressed with the sense of the Inevitable awaiting him in theEast. ("Such a lamb!" was Kitty's description, which was her highestpraise.)
"I am so sorry--I--I do beg your pardon, but I would have sworn--in factany one would be ready to swear----"
"That I am my sister?" she laughed, showing the engaging string ofpearls and the irrepressible dimple. "Thank you so much. I alwaysappreciate a compliment when it is sincere, for I am a great admirer ofMrs. Meredith."
"Then--then you are Miss Wynthrop--_Kitty_?" he said, blushing stillmore furiously. "I beg your pardon," he added apologising for hisboldness in using her Christian name. "We used to talk so much about youat Muktiarbad. But you are even more--at least I was thinking of yourphotograph," he concluded lamely.
He had thought it a charming photograph of a girl, and now the originalin natural colouring, youth, and perfect health had thrown his mind intochaos. Fragments of forgotten verses he had composed to his "Ideal,"before the baneful influence of Mrs. Fox had drugged his senses andthreatened the ruin of his career, now returned to haunt his memory andjustify their extravagance.
At last she was before him in the flesh, not secretly reposing on apiece of pasteboard at the bottom of a dispatch-box left behind inIndia!
"Yes, I am Kitty," she answered with animation. "But you? I am sure Iknow you? My sister has a photograph of a Station group--ah, you are'Jack'! I can't remember the other name."
"Darling!" he prompted eagerly with a suspicion of fervour. To hear herpronounce his name was to listen to the most adorable music.
"Of course! Fancy my forgetting! And your chum in the police is TommyDeare? How perfectly priceless! I know you both intimately. You live ina little three-roomed bungalow near the Courts, all among weeds andsnakes, and never go to church unless you are caught and taken!"
"You've got it exactly!" he returned delighted. Was there ever such agirl before? _Why is a dimple in the left cheek like--nothing on earth?_he wondered ecstatically. _Because it is so absolutely divine!_ heconcluded, mentally, to his own intense satisfaction at the inspiration.
"Now what a pity I am not my sister!" she said mischievously. "What agreat deal you must have in common."
"I shall call on your sister if I may. At present--I am quite content,"he returned wishing his appointment at a fashionable club in Mayfair atJericho. For a dime he would let it slide and follow her to the ends ofLondon.
"I am sure my sister will be delighted," said Kitty cordially. Thenfollowed an exchange of addresses, Jack's being the name of a well-knownclub. "Mother always welcomes Joyce's friends from India. They come fora week-end and usually stay a week. The name India is a passport to ourhouse."
"Of course I led up to it," the minx said to Joyce on describing themeeting. "I couldn't dream of letting him vanish and be lost to us, whenhe is the most delightful boy I have ever met."
"A very naughty boy, I am afraid, though I have a soft corner for him,"said Mrs. Meredith, who considered the recital of Jack's misdeeds unfitfor Kitty's ears.
"It is the naughty ones that are generally so nice," Kitty said with asigh. "They are so human and attractive."
"Because they are naughty?" Joyce was shocked to hear such radicalsentiments from little Kitty.
"It always strikes me that if they are capable of great naughtiness,they are equally capable of much good. It is the force that I admire. Itonly wants proper direction." (Which remark proved that Kitty's mind wascapable of sympathetic understanding.)
Jack and Kitty enjoyed their chance meeting so much that they missedtheir respective trains repeatedly. Hers on the "West bound" platform,and his on the "East," might have rumbled in and out of the stationbeneath them, _ad infinitum_, had not Kitty recollected that she was dueto have tea with an aunt at Richmond, who was impervious to diplomacyand dimples and with whom no excuses concerning F
ate and an Affinity atthe Victoria Underground, would avail, if the kettle were over-boiledand the tea delayed. So Kitty reluctantly bade him adieu.
"You are surely not going all that long way alone?" asked Jack, whoseyoung sisters travelled the length and breadth of London unescorted.
"Do you think it unsafe?" asked the minx, seeing through his idea andencouraging the development of possibilities.
"One hears so much about girls mysteriously disappearing from London,you know," he murmured. "I couldn't bear to hear of such a thinghappening to you, so I'll come as far as Richmond station, if I may?"
"That will be charming of you! Are you sure it will not be taking youmuch out of your way?"
"Not at all," Jack returned with gallantry, breaking his engagementwithout compunction. Thereupon, he bought their tickets, and sittingbeside her on the crimson velvet seats of a Richmond "Non-stop," plungedrecklessly into love at first sight. The moral obligation oppressing hismind was swept away for the time being. How was it possible for it to beotherwise, when he had come into the presence of his "Ideal" in theflesh?
And Kitty, complete mistress of the situation, did not let him guess byword or look that she had been equally impressed. It was thrilling tothink that this godlike person had a photograph of herself tucked awaysomewhere among his goods and chattels. Naughty Joyce had confessed thefact to her long ago, and she was beginning to feel that she now had himin the hollow of her hand. She had no hesitation in improving theacquaintance begun in such an unorthodox fashion; a friend of hersister's was, naturally, a friend of hers. Such being the case, shecould afford to expand genially and to fan the flame her portrait hadkindled, experiencing for the first time in her life an answering glow.
* * * * *
Jack returned to London, deep in day-dreams and oblivious of hissurroundings. Kitty's face and Kitty's voice were with him all the way;and he groaned in spirit at the thought of his madness and folly in thepast.
It was inconceivable that he could have been such a fool; that he shouldhave allowed himself to forget the high standards of life he hadcherished, for a low intrigue! The idea of being tied for life to Mrs.Fox had been distasteful all along; but now it was intolerable! Afterthe vision of Kitty Wynthrop, it was impossible, any longer, tocontemplate marriage with a woman of Mrs. Fox's type! Whatever she mightthink of him, he would not do it. He would infinitely rather put an endto his life!
Of course, he was dishonourable. That went without saying. He had failedignominiously from the outset to behave as an upright and honourableman. Self-analysis laid his pride in the dust and made him writhe inself-condemnation.
If Kitty only knew, she would despise him as he deserved! She was sopure, so perfectly wonderful! What a wife she would make! and so on, andso forth. Jack endured agonies of remorse for a week, during which timehe was lost to the world; and then, with a temperamental rebound hecalled at Wynthrop Manor with the humble determination of laying himselfat Kitty's feet that she might walk over him as she willed. Big,ingenuous men, like Jack Darling, are happiest when doormats to thewomen they love.
Joyce Meredith was delighted to see him. His presence in England arguedthat he had shaken himself free of the toils of that scheming flirt,Mrs. Fox, and she was ready to help him to recover his forgotten ideals.She had never really believed Jack as guilty as he was reputed to be,and, like nine out of ten women, put all the blame on the woman. Anyhow,she was sure that gossip and scandal had exaggerated everything, whichwas the most charitable way to look at the affair. As a Christian woman,it was her duty to think kindly of the erring, and sit in judgment on noone. She, therefore, welcomed Jack with great amiability and earned hiseverlasting gratitude by putting no obstacles in the way of hiscourtship of Kitty.
About this time, she received a letter from Honor telling her ofMeredith being down with sunstroke, and was rudely awakened to the factthat she had been taking too much for granted where India and herhusband's health were concerned.
Though Honor wrote that he was out of danger and slowlyrecovering,--that a nurse was expected that very day,--the little wifewas beside herself with anxiety and alarm, and wanted to take the firststeamer sailing for Bombay that she might be with him, to leave him nomore.
"I should never have come away!" she cried inconsolably.
"I could never understand how you brought yourself to do so," said Kittyruthlessly.
"I have been a selfish wretch, thinking only of myself, and of myanxieties for Baby!"
"Well, you've got Baby, any way."
"But if I should lose Ray, what is Baby to me!"
Kitty, who had not the heart to add to her beloved sister's agony, didher best to comfort her. "He was out of danger when Miss Brightwrote--let me see--that was about three weeks ago, or nearly, and, asyou have had no cable since, it follows that he is all right by now."
"But I ought to go straight to him!"
"And they might be sending him straight home to you!"
It was not at all an unlikely possibility, so Joyce cabled to herhusband to inquire his plans.
The answer came from Darjeeling that, in view of the great heat in theRed Sea at that season of the year, he was recuperating in the hills.
She was then persuaded by relatives and friends to possess her soul inpatience and adhere to her original plan of returning to India in theautumn,--the best time for arriving in the East. By then she would beable to decide whether to take her baby out to India, or leave himbehind in the care of the grandparents and a capable nurse.
A slight indisposition to the infant owing to the disturbances ofteething, decided her to remain, and to pour out her heart to herhusband in a letter telling him of her longing to be with him during hisconvalescence.
Somehow the written words did not adequately convey her depth offeeling, and Joyce was dissatisfied, especially with the passage whichreferred to the baby's indisposition:
"If Baby were not teething and in uncertain health, I would leaveimmediately for India,--but I am advised to hold on till the autumn whenI can better decide whether I should leave him behind, or not. I am, ofcourse, comforted to know that you are getting better, and, perhaps, itwill be as well on account of the heat in the Red Sea and of theunhealthiness of the rains if I do exercise a little patience and wait.However, dearest, cable if you are not quite well by the time thisreaches you, and I shall take my passage at once."
"It sounds rather as if I am placing the baby before him," she said toKitty.
"And haven't you done so all along?"
Joyce looked perplexed. "If I have, it is only because it seemed to methe wee darling needed me more than Ray did."
"I wonder!" said Kitty out of a new perception of life and the needs oflove. "After all, there are many to look after Baby if you must leavehim in England. If I were in your place, and if there was nobody to takecharge of him, I'd keep him out there, somehow. There must be goodplaces in the hills, you have such a choice of stations,--and evenbabies have to take their chance, same as their daddies! It must beterribly lonely for a man when his wife, whom he adores as Ray adoresyou, leaves him and comes away home for the sake of the child!Personally, I couldn't do it."
Kitty's candid views carried conviction and aroused reflection.Gradually Joyce became aware of a great longing to be again with hersplendid husband and feel anew his love and devotion.
As no answering cable arrived from Darjeeling requesting her presence inIndia, and as the weekly letters mentioned that he was convalescingsatisfactorily, Joyce was beginning to nurse a creeping fear that herhusband had, perhaps, learned to do very well without her. But pridesealed her lips and her letters to him contained no reference to anysuch thought. His, to her, since his illness, had become erratic andbrief. He would begin by expressing a great distaste for the pen, alludeto a feeling of incurable lassitude, curse an elusive memory, and, aftergiving her news of little consequence to themselves, would conclude inthe manner that had become a formula of late:--"Your affectionatehusb
and, Ray."
However, Joyce was determined not to borrow trouble. When they cametogether again it would surely be all right. Sunstroke was a paralysingillness and recovery from its effects was slow, she was assured; so, fora while, she must expect his mind to feel lethargic. With therestoration of perfect health his old tenderness would return, for truelove could never die!
* * * * *
To Jack, the summer months were paradise, for the beautiful environs ofWynthrop Manor gave him many opportunities for uninterruptedcompanionship with Kitty. They walked, fished, golfed, and played tennistogether. He was in love in the wild tempestuous way of youth, andready, if need be, to die for the object of his adoration.
But Kitty was not too easy to win. The more attracted she felt, the moreelusive she became. She would surround herself constantly with girlfriends, that Jack might have no doubts concerning his choice; clevergirls, and pretty girls were invited there for tennis and tea duringJack's lengthy visit to the Manor, till he was nearly distracted withimpatience. Yet he hesitated to speak from an overwhelming sense of hisutter unworthiness.
Could he dare to ask her to be his wife, and allow her to believe himall that a young girl's fancy might paint him? Would she consent tomarry him if she were aware of the peculiar situation in which he stoodwith regard to Mrs. Fox whose letters still arrived at his chambers, andto whom he still wrote, only to keep her from following him to England?
She had threatened to do so at all costs, if he neglected to keep intouch with her, and the fear of bringing about such an undesirableclimax had obliged him to temporise.
* * * * *
Early in August, when the Great War broke out, and all England was inthe turmoil of mobilisation, and the manhood of the nation was flockingto join the Colours, Jack complied with the demands of his conscienceand called at the India Office for permission to resign his service thathe might join the Army. But the Secretary of State flatly refused hisapplication and he was told, instead, to hold himself in readiness foran immediate recall to his duties in the East. No civil officer of theIndian Government was eligible for a commission in His Majesty's Forcesexcept with the sanction of that Government alone. Thereupon, Jack,deeply depressed in spirit at his impending exile, joined Joyce andKitty at Eastbourne whither they had gone for a change.
For the time being, civil life and economic conditions weredisorganised. All England was in a turmoil of preparation for theTitanic struggle on the fields of France. People were becoming alive tothe fact that even a democracy has its obligations to the State whichguarantees it freedom; for freedom can only depend upon victory overautocracy and militarism. Private property was commandeered for theneeds of the Army; public buildings became hospitals; motor cars andhorses were requisitioned and carried off. Self-sacrifice became theorder of the day. For weeks, no dependence could be placed upon railwaytime-tables, and all personal and individual concerns were forgotten inthe overwhelming needs of the hour. A peace-loving people, averse towar, aware of all the horrors it entailed, yet rose to the supremeoccasion, mindful of the great traditions of their forefathers, andstood ready for any sacrifice in the cause of honour, freedom, and theRight.
When Jack was asked to describe the state of London, he felt that itwanted more than words to paint its state in those historic days. Thepeople having spent their feelings in a great outburst of loyalty andpatriotism, were beginning dimly to realise the gigantic task to whichthe nation was pledged,--a nation, which, but for its Navy, was totallyunprepared for war, and yet ready to withstand a formidable EuropeanPower that had secretly and thoroughly organised and planned for overforty years to strike a blow for world-domination. Right was in conflictwith Might, and the end no man could then see; yet London was confident;but London was also very grave.
About this time, Joyce, to her great dismay, received a cable from herhusband forbidding her to travel on the high seas till security thereon,for passengers, was assured. She had not realised till she received themessage, how much she had been depending for happiness on the prospectof their reunion in the autumn. If the war was to stand in the way ofher return to India, it might then be years before she should see herhusband again--which would be unthinkable!
In the presence of Kitty's romance she was learning to comprehend theextent of her own loss,--her deplorable lack of appreciation in thepast;--and she recognised that she had only herself to blame. Ray hadloved her greatly; how greatly, she was only now beginning tounderstand, and her very soul hungered for that love with a nostalgiathat was making her ill. If, by her folly, she had sacrificed thatdevotion--if he had ceased to love her altogether, and had met anothermore responsive and appreciative than she had been, she would not wantto live; for even her beloved babe would no longer suffice to fill herlife.
Memory recalled for her torment, certain words of his at parting. He hadbeen wounded at her determination to leave him so soon after theirmarriage, and being ignorant of the true cause of her nervousbreak-down, he had expressed little sympathy, and had accused her offailure of affection for him. "Remember, a big breach between husbandand wife may be mended, but never again is there restored what has beenlost!" he had said. Also: "You are straining the cord that binds ustogether; the strands will presently be so weak that they will snapaltogether. Then all the splicing afterwards will never restore it toits original strength. It will be a patched-up thing; its perfectiongone!"
Had she done this terrible thing by her own shortsightedness and folly?
Little did he guess at the time of their parting that she was sufferingtortures of self-contempt and nervous dread of his scorn, were he toknow all that was on her mind!
And now, after this lapse of months, she was longing to make fullconfession and atonement. With her in his arms and their love fullyrestored, he would surely forgive her her foolishness and the silencewhich he had mistaken for lack of affection.
But, the war!
She would not be able to go to him now, and he would continue to believethat she had failed him! Her affectionate letters had not convinced him,for actions speak louder than words. Gradually an icy atmosphere ofindifference had breathed forth at her from his letters, and she hadbeen filled with secret uneasiness and fears. He was indeed learning todo without her.
Possibly the cord that had bound them together had snapped!
Upon this, came a letter one day, from Honor Bright.
Honor had been spending the hot months at Mussoorie in the Himalayas,which the Brights had always preferred to Darjeeling; and, after themonsoons had broken, her mother had joined her there till the middle ofJuly, when they had returned together to Muktiarbad. For months Joyceand Honor had corresponded, fitfully, so that it was no surprise to theformer when the Indian mail brought her a letter in her friend'shand-writing, the contents of which were acutely disturbing. Joyce readand re-read the letter, filled with alarm and foreboding.
What was Honor hinting at? and had she any grounds for hinting at all?
Honor was evidently perturbed about something in connection with Ray, orwhy this strange appeal to his wife to let nothing come in the way ofher returning to her place beside her husband, no matter what thedifficulties? "'It is not good,' we are told, 'for a man to live alone,'and please remember that there is no such thing as infallibility inhuman nature. Sometimes temptations are so strong that one needs to besuperhuman to withstand them. Why expect too much of Life?" stared up atJoyce from the page.
"I would not write as I am doing, believe me, dear Joyce," the letterconcluded, "if I were not so fond of you both that I feel your marriedhappiness a personal concern. It is the biggest thing in the world;don't therefore, I implore you, gamble with it. If you will only lookahead and think a bit of the future without the love of yourhusband,--the grey years deprived of his tender devotion,--you willrealise how lonely will be your life! Dearest, hold on to the blessedgift while it is yours and do not let it pass out of your possession. Ihave watched it happen bef
ore! 'That what we have we prize not to theworth whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost, why, then we rackthe value, then we find the virtue that possession did not show uswhiles it was ours.' This is so true also of love which, so often, isnot appreciated while it is ours! And love can starve and die for wantof sustenance, which is propinquity and a proper response. You see, Ihave kept my eyes open and am a silent student of human nature! I havecome across a few devils in society; but in my experience, 'The femaleof the species is more deadly than the male,' and I believe the Lord'sprayer is directed chiefly against her. She goes out of her way to digpitfalls for the unwary and the best have been known to succumb. That iswhy a wife's place should be beside her husband throughout life, as thewhole fabric of their happiness depends upon their unity. Separationsmake for misunderstandings and division; so, whatever happens, come out.Men and babies want looking after, and to my mind, Man is the greaterbaby of the two, for he wants more than a nurse to care for his bodilywants. He needs a wife with a combination of virtues, the chief amongthem being _tolerance_. My mother's life has demonstrated this to mewith beautiful clearness, hence my understanding.
"You might be anxious at having to travel alone at such a time, but inyour place I would take any risk to be with my husband, if I loved himdeeply. That is the crux of the matter. Later on, conditions may becomestill more difficult. Cable when you are leaving, and _don't hesitate_."
The appeal was very sincere, and thrilled Joyce with apprehensions. Tobe urged to travel at the risk of capture by German raiders at large onthe high seas, that she might rejoin her husband without loss of time,argued that something was seriously wrong. Honor was her true friend andwould not counsel such a step without reference to that husband, unlesssomething was decidedly wrong. Whom was she to obey? Her husband, whohad cabled to her to stay where she was? or Honor, who was urging her togo out at once?
* * * * *
While Joyce pondered over her dilemma, the fate of two people dear toher was being decided elsewhere.