CHAPTER XXI
THE REAL THING
Jack had come to the conclusion that it was impossible to part fromKitty Wynthrop with his love unconfessed. It was unthinkable that heshould go out to India, loving Kitty as he did, and marry--Mrs. Fox!Bah! he consigned the latter, remorselessly, to perdition.
Whatever befell, he would speak to Kitty that very night--dear littlegirl!--he had wasted too much time already over his confounded doubtsand fears, and had little enough time to spare. If she favouredhim--why, he would be the luckiest, as well as the happiest of men! Someday, when he was absolutely sure of her and her love, he would confesshis misconduct in the past, lest she should hear of it from others--shemight; there was no knowing, with all those meddlesome cats about!--andperhaps he would obtain her forgiveness, after which he would befaithful unto her as long as they both should live. How fellowscould--damn!
Jack was shaving at the time and had gashed his chin in his agitation.
He was confident, while he soothed the spot with an antiseptic, thatsuch a darling little girl as she, would never hold up against himanything he had done in pre-Kitty days. It would be unjust andunreasonable. Why, hang it all! who was there that was human who hadn'tsome little--or big--scrape to his discredit in his bachelor days?Unfortunately, fellows were not gifted with second sight to know howthey would feel when they came to be properly in love with the only girlin the world for them! The sickening sense of self-disgust----
Another accident with the razor, and Jack paid more attention for a timeto the matter in hand.
When he was putting the finishing touches to his tie, his fingersbetrayed by their unsteadiness, his agitated frame of mind.
The worst of it was the blessed uncertainty of the whole affair. Afellow could never be sure of a girl like Kitty, or at any time take herfeelings for granted. The least little bit of a liberty, and--hands off!Yet she was adorable and, often, sweetly encouraging. Certain littleconcessions had been treasured in mind and dreamed of at night, such asa dainty wrist held out to him for glove-buttons to be fastened; hisblundering fingers allowed to assist her with her theatre wrap; theirshoulders touching at a picture palace--a fact of which she had beenunconscious, but which had thrilled him to the foundations of his being.They were hopeful signs; but the indifference with which she could drophim for a whole day, so as to keep some idiotic engagement with gigglingflappers, was enough to send any lover crazy!
Jack hurried downstairs in time to hang about the hotel passage, waitingfor Kitty to arrive by the lift with her sister so that he couldaccompany them to the dining-hall.
On this occasion Kitty was alone, Joyce having confessed to a headache,and they dined at their little table _tete-a-tete_.
"I can't think what is troubling her," the little sister remarked, "forshe is fearfully worried, I know."
"Something, perhaps, in that letter you took to her a little while ago?"suggested Jack.
"It was from a friend of hers at Muktiarbad."
"Honor Bright?"
"Yes--a strange idea to name a girl 'Honor'!"
"Her surname must have suggested it."
"Perhaps I should call it a happy idea. But supposing her character didnot bear out the selection?"
"In her case, I should say it suits her admirably. She's a topping goodsort."
"Is she pretty?"
"My chum used to think so, but not I. She's good to look at, anyway, andthere's something straight and clean about her that does a fellow good.She has fine eyes and nice teeth which go far towards beauty."
"I wonder what she could have written about, to upset my sister socompletely?"
They wondered together, and grew more confidential over their mutualinterest in the subject. Jack enjoyed every minute of the meal, tryingto imagine he was dining with his wife,--an idea full of charm.
After dinner was over and Kitty had satisfied herself that Joyce was noworse, they strolled in the hotel gardens, at the corner of which was asummer-house. Jack who was trembling from head to foot with impatienceand longing, drew her suddenly within where the shadows were darkening,and blurted out his tale of consuming passion. "Can't you see it withoutthe need of words? I am mad for love of you! If you don't want me, inmercy say so, and I shall go out there and drown myself."
He would have said a great deal more, only there was no need, for Kittyconfessed that she wanted him more than anything on earth, and was onlywaiting for the initiative to come from him.
Her frank response enraptured Jack, and he caught her to his breastinarticulate with joy, while she, free of artificial coyness,surrendered herself to his embrace and gave him her sweet lips again andagain.
Jack felt that he would have liked to have kicked himself all roundEastbourne for imagining that he had ever before known what it was tolove! This was the real thing, and the bliss of it was unspeakable.
"And why didn't you give me the least bit of inkling that you had a softcorner in your heart for a blighter like me?" he asked when it waspossible to indulge in connected conversation.
"Why did you take so long to know your own mind?"
"My mind was made up the instant I found out that you were not Mrs.Meredith the afternoon I met you in front of the booking-office atVictoria. You surely have not forgotten our very first meeting? I couldtell you in detail what you wore!"
Of course she had not, though she feigned to seem retrospective.
"I believe you were wearing a shot brown tie," she ventured, perfectlyaware that she was correct.
"You remember that?" (An interlude of ecstasy.) "I went all the way toRichmond just to be able to look at you for a bit longer. I have been inlove with you for quite a year!"
Doubt being cast upon his veracity, he explained his possession of herphotograph, which fact she had long been aware of.
"I used to write poems about your eyes and your lips which I thought themost alluring in the world. Did I dream I should ever see and kiss themin reality?"
Silence again for a further interval of rapture.
"Now you will know how I have been feeling about going out to India! Howis it possible for me to leave you behind? Can't we be married in aweek?"
"We could," said Kitty, "but you forget there are others who will havesomething to say to that."
"Your parents?"
"Undoubtedly. One daughter in India is enough for Mother. I am not atall sure she will consent." It was very mischievous of her to distresshim for the sake of delighting in the proofs of his abject slavery toherself, but Kitty was nothing if not human, and realising thecompleteness of her own surrender, was pleased to get back a little ofher own.
His woe-begone look was almost melodramatic. "If they refuse theirconsent, what will you do?"
"I suppose I shall have to obey. I'm not of age, you know," said Kittyknowing full well that she was bound to have her own way, her parentshaving long ago resigned themselves to her strength of character anddetermination.
"Then I'll desert and enlist under another name that I might be killedby a German bullet," he said gloomily.
"But you mightn't be killed. You might just be smashed up instead,invalided out without a limb, or, worse still, be made unrecognisable!"
Horrible prospect! Jack's military ardour cooled visibly. "Anyhow, itwould be their fault."
"And I should chase after you and beg of you to marry me, all thesame,--limbless and unrecognisable as you may be!"
"You would? You said just now you would have to obey."
"Of course I would obey, but only for a time. Do you think I shall evergive you up, even if the skies were to fall?"
That finished it. Jack was in heaven again, and the time passed withamazing rapidity.
Meanwhile, Joyce had been to see Baby Douglas asleep in his crib and wasweighing the pros and cons of her problem with agonised uncertainty. Hewas now as healthy as any normal infant of his age, and was in the careof an experienced and trustworthy nurse. At Wynthrop Manor he would bein the lap of luxury, wanting for noth
ing, and his grandparents would besure to bring him up in the way he should go, till she and Ray came hometogether on his next furlough ... (after the War!--whenever that mightbe!). But all her baby's pretty ways and unfolding intelligence would befor others to enjoy! She, his devoted mother, would be thousands ofmiles away!
The thought brought forth a flood of tears, and expressions of sympathyfrom the nurse. "If it makes you feel so badly, I wouldn't go if I wereyou."
"It breaks my heart!"
"There now, don't take on so. Give up the idea. You will feel easier inmind to leave him when he is a bit older."
"It will be just as bad--perhaps worse!" cried Joyce, thinking of thepossibility of a loveless reunion with Ray, if she stayed away too long!In that case she would have no compensation for her act ofself-sacrifice.
"Then take him with you, I have no objection to the voyage, or servingin India which I have often wished to see."
"Oh, no. Baby is best here, for his own sake. In India I have all sortsof anxieties. I would have to go alone."
"But there are many ladies who stay in Europe for the sake of theirchildren, leaving their husbands in India. In my last place, mymistress, whose husband was a Forest officer living in lonely placesamong the blacks, spent most of her time with her people in England asshe could not abide the natives, and the climate upset her nerves. Only,occasionally, she visited him in the East, and sometimes he came home."
"What a life!" sighed Joyce. "I know it is done, but it isn'tright"--she was thinking of Honor's letter. "Both go different ways, andwhat love and happiness is there for them?"
"But that is always so when ladies have husbands in India!"
"It need not be so. It makes me wonder why men marry when they know therisk they run of broken domestic ties, and the burdens they have tobear! It isn't worth while, if a man is to become only the means ofproviding money for the comforts of his family, and keeping very little,or none for himself--poor dear!"
Decidedly, Joyce Meredith's views had undergone a change.
The questions pressing on her mind were--Where was she most needed? andwhere, most, lay her heart's desire?
In her case, duty and desire were no longer in conflict. Clearly, herplace was beside her husband as long as she was capable of enduring theclimate, and her heart was sick with longing for him.
"I shall be going out almost immediately--as soon as it can possibly bearranged," she said coming to a sudden decision. "Pack the trunks earlyin the morning, and we shall return home in the afternoon to fix thisup. It will be a great comfort to me, nurse, to know that you will staywith Baby."
"I'll stay as long as you want me, ma'am, and you need have no fears,"said the woman who was sincerely attached to her charge, and who wasaware that her devotion received ample recognition.
On her way to her own room, Joyce met two embarrassed and happy peoplewaiting to waylay her with their news.
"Take us into your room for a little while, do, there's a darling, we'veso much to tell you!"
Joyce was hustled into her own room by her little sister with Jack's bigform looming in the rear, and the wonderful tale was told and hercongratulations solicited.
"Of course I saw it coming," said Joyce kissing them both. "You werelike ostriches with your heads in the sand----"
"In the clouds, rather. I have been seeing a little bit of heaven, Mrs.Meredith," said Jack.
"Now please come back to earth, and tell me your plans, for I havedecided to join my husband as soon as it is possible to get a passage."
"You?--with Baby?" from Kitty.
"No. Baby must stay behind."
"Then that was what gave you a headache? You ought to be ashamed ofyourself to have a headache at the prospect of going back to Ray!" Kittyteased.
"Say, 'at the prospect of leaving Baby.'"
"Can't you take him?" said Jack. "There are crowds of youngsters of hisage getting rosy and fat in the hills all the summer."
"I shouldn't feel safe about him. He'll be best with Grannie."
"Bravo!" cried Kitty. "Jack's got to go very soon, so we can all threego together." Jack's face showed intense appreciation.
"You don't mean to say you are thinking of marrying at once?"
"Why not?" from him.
"Of course not," said Kitty ruthlessly. "But as it is not good for youto travel alone in these exciting times, you _must_ take me withyou--engaged to Jack--and to be married when we have time to lookaround. Has anyone any objections?"
"You darling!" gasped Jack.
"Well, let's see what Mother has to say about it," said Joyce. "MeantimeI shall pack a few things before getting to bed."
"Then you won't be so heartless as to turn us out. Come Jack, and let ustalk it over"; and Jack, nothing loath, drew her on his knee in the onebig chair by the window, and for some little time Joyce had ceased toexist for them. Neither seemed to mind the fact of her presence; it wassympathetic and that was quite enough, so they felt at liberty tocontinue to enjoy their mutual delight in the knowledge that they hadbecome engaged.
Joyce suffered a pang of jealous longing for her own dear lover-husband,when she saw the look on Jack's face while he held Kitty to his breastand kissed her yielding lips. And Kitty, with her arms wound about herboy's neck and her face uplifted to his!--It was her hour, and Joyceknew that her own was yet to come. She had indeed been the SleepingBeauty who had slept too long under the kisses of her Prince. She hadnever really understood her own heart, or realised love till now. Couldthere ever be a moment more wonderful on this old earth, than that inwhich two lips met in mutual passion?--two souls fused in divineecstasy?
"Blessed darlings!" she murmured to herself, turning aside not tointrude on their sacred joy yet conscious of the fervour of the clingingkisses, the incoherent whispers, the bounding hearts! It was all as Godhad meant it to be when he created Man and gave him Woman for his mate.
"My place is indeed with my husband," she muttered to herself.