CHAPTER II. THE SIGN OF THE CROCODILE.
THE innkeeper was a man of middle size, half Spaniard and half Moor,with a big body and thin leys, a brown skin and grey eyes. He hadacquired considerable reputation in the district for his mode ofdressing calves' feet with saffron, and his handiness in stabbing peoplein the right place. He made everything a matter of trade, and used toregret that he had inherited no religious opinions which he could haveabjured at a fixed price to be got either from the Saracens or theChristians. For the rest, he was a most obliging host, provided yourpurse was well supplied; and I believe I shall put the finishing stroketo the likeness when I say he was the biggest robber in all Spain, fromPontevedra to Girone.
Ali Pepe opened the door. One is always forgetting something, and Iforgot to tell you his name was Ali Pepe.
"Where's the landlady?" asked Allegrignac, twisting his moustache.
"I want a bed," yawned Porc-en-Truie.
"Some supper!" growled Mont-Rognon.
Maragougnia said nothing. He was absorbed in studying the inn, and theestimate he formed seemed far from satisfactory.
Ali Pepe stood on the defensive, blocking the entrance of the inn.
"Your lordships appear of too exalted a station for me to omit to informyou that you will find the accommodation here very unsuited to you."
"Here's frankness and disinterestedness! But where can we find betteraccommodation?"
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"My inn is the only one in the district."
"Then make way for us," said Mont-Rognon, catching up Ali Pope by thegirdle, and carrying him in at arm's length into the kitchen. "We shallbe able to converse better here!" Maragougnia entered last. He triedall the locks, in order to see whether the doors closed securely. Heexamined all the outlets, sounded the panels, and ordered his squire tobring him his arms.
"We want four beds," said Porc-en-Truie.
"In the same room," said Maragougnia, who had a horror of beingsolitary.
"First of all we want supper," bellowed Mont-Rognon; "don't let usforget the most important of our wants."
"A modest supper," suggested Maragougnia, who was afraid of the expense.
"A modest supper!" bellowed the Lord of Bourglastic. "Don't you doanything of the kind, landlord, or I'll burn the place about your ears.Empty your poultry-yard, drag your fish-ponds, uncork your bottles; setto work--kill, pluck, draw, and broach,--in short, make ready, to thebest of your power, a feast for an emperor or a sultan!"
"You will lay for me separately," said the Count of Riom, tearfully, "afew radishes and some wine of first-rate----"
"Cheapness," kindly suggested Allegrignac, with a smile.
"May I know whom I have the honour to serve?" said Ali Pepe, with a bowso respectful that Maragougnia was horrified to see it, fearing it wouldbe included in the bill.
"Nothing easier," said Allegrignac, returning Ali's bow. "The shortgentleman you see there is Purveyor-in-Chief to Charlemagne and all thecrowned heads of the civilised world, from Armenia to Lusitania, fromScandinavia to Tripoli. He travels from district to district in searchof new dishes to delight the royal tables. His dissertation on roasts isin everybody's mouth. He has proved satisfactorily that beef ought notto be taken from the spit until the meat begins to turn brown and showthe gravy; that mutton should be taken from the fire as soon as itbegins to redden; and that veal should not be dished up until the meatis quite white. This man, who seems so unpretending, has discovered thatthirst is fostered by currents of air; that the Scythians have stomachsan inch smaller than the Germans have; but then, on the other hand,deeper by seven times than those of the Cimmerians. He was the first whofried carp in rose-water; and he has, at last, after long and wearisomeresearch, found in an old manuscript the recipe for garum, which wasso highly prized by the ancients, but was thought to be lost. He hasconfided the secret to me, and I reveal it to you, in the hope that itwill incite you to give us a better supper. Learn then, profane wretch!that in order to prepare this dainty dish, you must let a hen-mackerellie in pickle with small mushrooms for seventeen nights at the full ofthe moon. The inside must be removed carefully, pounded, soaked, andbraized with religious care in a bag of rose-coloured silk--and mind, itmust be rose-coloured. The liquor thus procured is gathered in a silvervessel, when the weather is fine--or stormy. It must be left to settlefor three weeks and seven hours, after having been mixed with apreparation, of which I forget the composition, but which is the chiefingredient, and gives all the value to the dish. You see with whom youhave to deal: be sure, therefore, that the repast is worthy of thisgreat dignitary and of us!"
Ali Pepe bowed.
"That gentleman who is snoring yonder travels in the hope of introducingsome improvement into the royal sleeping arrangements. No one knowsbetter than he the wisest adjustment of counterpanes, quilts, blankets,bolsters, pillows, and valances. His comparative treatise, entitled'Lectus cubilaris, Lucubratorius, Emortualis, Genialis et Decubitorius,'has been engrossed on vellum by the monks of Monte Casino. To himbelongs the honour of superseding the sack of maize-straw by thedown-bed, which he imported from Cimbria; as also that of adding asecond mattress to the sleeping-tackle of Royalty, which used to consistsolely of a ticken, a pillow, and a bundle of straw. You see, therefore,that you must be careful to lodge us well for the night."
Ali Pepe made another low bow.
"I don't like talking about myself," said Allegrignac, "but for thisonce I will yield to your importunity, ami inform you who I am. Youmust surely have heard of the great giantessAlcomiroziropoulopilousitounitapignac!"
The landlord eyed the Count of Salgoon askance for awhile, then,resigning himself to his fate, he made an assenting gesture.
"She was my mother," said Allegrignac. "She perished after six: years ofmarried happiness, murdered by my unhappy father, who was never tiredof beating her. Disgusted with matrimony--and not without cause--shedetermined to live single. I came into the world within twelve monthsafterwards, and chose the profession of arms. My fortune, my noblebirth--everything assured me that I must owe everything to my ownprowess. I cheerfully accepted my lot, and crossed the Alps to avengemy father. I laid siege to Toulouse. Need I continue to relate mymisfortunes?"
"Not on my account, my lord. The particulars you have just relatedsuffice to inform me with whom I have to deal. I have only to ask youwho the fourth warrior of your party is?"
"This weeping willow----"
"I am a poor devil of a wanderer in search of fortune," hastilyinterposed Maragougnia. "My wants are as modest as my means: I know howto be satisfied with little."
"I treat my customers according to their tastes and their purses," saidAli Pepe. "You have, noble sirs, asked for a good many things. I willnow give you a sketch of the accommodation I have to offer. I have butone room and one bed to let----"
"I'll take it, then," said Porc-en-Truie, promptly: "I wouldn't sleepout of doors to-night for the world. I shall not resume my journey tillto-morrow. In the meantime, though, if either of you wishes to have halfthe bed----"
"Thanks, I shall push on to-night," said Maragougnia, as he left theroom to find his squire, and tell him not to give the horses a feed."They will find grazing on the road," he remarked.
"As for me," said Mont-Rognon, "I give up the room to you with all myheart. I intend to spend the night in eating. I shall not start tillto-morrow morning."
"I'll keep you company till then," said Allegrignac; "we have a fewbottles and an old dispute to settle. You owe me a dozen, and I'll betyou that you'll be under the table by the ninth. I feel just in thehumour for the trial to-day."
A scornful smile was the only answer vouchsafed by Mont-Rognon, whoturned to the host, and asked, "What soup do you think you can give us?"
"Can your lordship put up with pomegranate soup?"
"Let us see the pomegranates."
Ali ran to his larder, and returned with a basket-full of fruit.Mont-Rognon selected a dozen.
"Don't forget to serve it up war
m, and with a slice or two of orange init. What next?"
"If your lordship will leave it to me, you shall have no reason tocomplain. I have been head cook to the King of Mesopotamia for tenyears, and His Majesty told me, only eight days since, that he has nopleasure in eating now I have left him. I would suggest, for soups,pomegranate, water-gruel, and ortolan; for entrees, calves' feet andsaffron, and fillet of venison with sweetbreads. For the next course,chicken _farci a la Madame Rapee_, heron garnished with woodcocks, roastsucking-pig with cameline sauce."
"I should like well enough a quarter of whale served up on a layer ofeggs," said Allegrignac, carelessly.
"You might have had it this morning. Unfortunately, they had the last ofit for King Marsillus to-day."
"You will give us, instead, a peacock. You will stuff it with chestnutsand saffron, and serve it up with fennel and powdered sugar."
"I can also offer your lordships dory with orange-juice, and lampreyswith lily sauce."
"Is that all?"
"Yes, sir. The bill of fare is simple, but select!"
"Now, by Lenten fasts! you want to starve us to death," saidMont-Rognon. "You must improve this poor fare, Master Head Cook of theKing of Mesopotamia. Let us have ragout of venison, salt quarter ofhare, preserved cabbage, puree of foreign figs _a la Sardanapale_, pigs'chitterlings with sweet wine sauce, and ribs of beef in honey. Now, beoff to your kitchen, and if we want anything else, we'll let you know."
Ali made a low bow, and was about to leave the room.
"One word more," said Allegrignac. "Don't forget to send up the roastson the spit, and, above all, be particular about the wine Don't beafraid of sending up plenty of bottles."
"And, stay, landlord!" said Porc-en-Truie, "as you go you can show me myroom. Farewell, Allegrignac! Your hand, Mont-Rognon! Good luck to you,Maragougnia! I shall be asleep, no doubt, when you start. I trust youwill succeed, and take back to the Emperor what he wishes."
"We shall be sufficiently fortunate if we take back a whole skin!"sighed the Count of Riom, preparing to depart.
In the next chapter you will see how the four knights set about theaccomplishment of Charlemagne's wishes.
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