CHAPTER III. HOW ALLEGRIGNAC, MARAGOUGNIA, PORC-EN-TRUIE, ANDMONT-ROGNON OPENED THE CAMPAIGN.
PORC-EN-TRUIE followed Ali, who conducted him to the first floor, wherethey entered a chamber that was shabby enough in appearance in allconscience.
"Are you silly enough to think of putting me to sleep here?"
"It is the best room in the inn. King Marsillus slept here the day----"
"Come! I hope you are not going to talk more absurdity of that kind tome. Learn to understand better those with whom you have to deal. Where'sthe bed?"
"Yonder, sir."
"That a bed! By the beard of Solomon! what you have the impudence tocall a bed would have horrified Job himself, and he passes for a personnot easily dissatisfied. What is all that hanging about the curtains?"
"Those are cobwebs," said Ali, with an air of satisfaction. "We takethem down when our customers wish it, but they never do."
"How is that?" asked Porc-en-Truie.
"Why, you see," said the other, quietly, "the spider is insectivorous."
"And you dare bring me here?" asked Porc-en-Truie, pale with rage. "Idare swear to your lordship there is not a better bed in the house."
"Let me see yours;" and the knight seized the landlord, and made himconduct him to his own bedroom. It was not palatial by any means, butall was clean and neat in the host's room, and the bed looked inviting.
"How, rogue! you would sleep in this lordly bed without a scruple, whileI am served as food for the spiders you rear! Leave the room, and thankHeaven that you leave it by the door instead of the window!"
The Lord of Machavoine thrust the landlord out of the room. He, poorwretch! gave up his apartment with a very bad grace, and strove toargue the matter, but he got no answer. The shooting of the bolts,the creaking of the bed, were soon succeeded by a loud snoring, whichdeprived the defeated wretch of his last hope.
He was going down-stairs in anything but a good temper, when he heardsome one moving cautiously at the bottom. The host of the "Crocodile"possessed the courage of those cowards who lie in wait to strike, butwho succumb before a hidden danger or an imaginary one, and shrinkfrom an open attack. Porc-en-Truie had kept the lamp--all was buried incomplete darkness.
"Who is that?" asked Ali, in a disquieted tone.
"A friend," answered a voice no less apprehensive.
The landlord drew from the folds of his tunic one of those formidableknives which are still the fashion in Spain, and, having opened it,softly descended the last few stairs.
"Who are you?--what do you want?"
"Don't speak so loud, for goodness' sake? Don't you recognise my voice?I am one whom you supplied with radishes an hour since."
"The knight with the black plume?"
"The same. Can I have a word with you in private?"
"We should find it difficult to discover a more secret and solitary spotthan this. What is it you wish?"
"I should like to stop here a month, unknown to my four travellingcompanions--why, I will tell you later."
"Nothing is easier. They will leave to-morrow."
"I want a very humble lodging, which I expect I shall occupy for amonth. But what I want more than all is your silence."
"I am as mute as my conscience, and I have a room that will suit youto a nicety." And Ali flattered himself that he had virtually let thelumber-room which had so distrusted Porc-en-Truie.
He retired for an instant, then returned with a light, and once moreascended the stairs, followed this time by Maragougnia. He opened thedoor, entered first, and putting his hand behind the flame to throw agood light on the scene, turned and said, with the tone of a man whofeels he had done the right thing, "There--that's the article for you."
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The sudden appearance of the light put to flight a myriad of littleblack specks, that, hustling, scrambling, and running to and fro overthe walls, finally disappeared in the hangings and wainscot.
"I want something more unpretending," said Maragougnia, shading hiseyes, dazzled by the light.
Ali could scarcely refrain from expressing his surprise in a shout."More unpretending!" said he to himself, utterly disheartened. "Thesetravellers are all alike--there's no satisfying them!" But the landlordof "The Crocodile" was not the man to let himself be beaten by such atrifle. "If you will follow me, I have exactly what you require. I canlet it you for next to nothing;" and he led the knight to a wretchedouthouse, without either air or light, except such as came to it byreversion from the stable.
"There!" said Ali, briefly.
"This will suit me admirably. The smell of a stable is good for thelungs, so this atmosphere ought to be very healthy."
"I let it to invalids," said the landlord, stopping his nose. "Sleepin comfort; the straw is this year's;" and Ali, taking the lamp, leftMaragougnia alone with his thoughts.
"Go," said the Count of Riom--"go, my dear fellow-travellers; go and getyour necks twisted, and your bones broken. Go and seek a castle in theair for the satisfaction of a royal vagary. I, more wise than you,shall stop here. Who knows but that fortune may not visit me here?" Thusmusing, he fell asleep, and dreamt that his squire had obtained for hima reduction of rent by turning the spit in the inn kitchen.
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When the host re-entered the supper-room he was astonished to seethe table overturned, with its legs in the air, and Allegrignac andMont-Rognon making a bed of it. They were sound asleep, far gone in thatstate of intoxication of which in after years the Templars afforded somany instances. Wrapt, up in the most brotherly way in the table-cloth,they reposed on a heap of odds and ends and broken crockery. The lamphad succumbed to the general disaster, and was sputtering and moulderingin the ruins of a venison pasty.
"Bravo!" said Ali, rubbing his hands. "These are the sort of customersI like. Furniture never gets faded with them, for one is always havingnew." With that he set himself to break whatever had escaped the generalsmash; he even brought in a few damaged chairs, and distributed themartistically in fragments all over the room. Then, having picked up somegold pieces that had fallen on the floor, he went and lay down in thestable till morning.
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Mont-Rognon, whose normal state was semi-intoxication, was the first towake next day. He gazed unmoved on the scene of destruction in the midstof which he had slept, and then went out into the yard to give himselfa washing at the trough. Ali Pepe, hearing him on the move, immediatelymade his appearance.
"Listen, landlord," said the Lord of Bourglastic, "I like your styleof cookery, and your wine suits my palate. I should like to stop herea month; but, for reasons best known to myself, I wish myfellow-travellers not to know that I have put up here. When that drunkenfellow who dined with me last night wakes up, you must tell him Istarted without waiting for him. You will do the same with that sluggardup-stairs, and when they are fairly off, come and let me know. I willtake your dining-room for a month, and I intend never to quit the table.I shall not stir out, and nobody save you must come near me. I willdefray the charges, including this last dinner, but I must insist onbeing well served. Recruit your forces, stock your larder and yourcellar, for by Bacchus! you have got a tough job before you. Only I warnyou, if you tell a single soul that I am here, you had better make yourwill, and order your coffin!"
"What an odd lot!" said Ali, as he went in-doors. "Must I send my stingycustomer of last night packing? Or must I tell my drunken friend of thismorning that he is here? Pshaw! They are both afraid of being seen,and won't stir out an inch. One ought not to miss any profits, howeversmall." With this reflection he went into the dining-room.
"Is that you, landlord? asked Allegrignac, without opening his eyes.'Can you tell me what has become of my friend?' It's no use for me tokick about--he's not in the bed."
"He is gone, my dear sir--gone quite an hour ago. He said to me, 'Tellthe knight I leave in your room on the ground-floor, that I am sorry Icannot stop to say good-bye, for the heat is coming on, and I don't wishto delay my journey.'"
> "Oh, so the drunken dog has gone--wonderful! I suppose he has paid?
"Not he, sir, truly. He told me you would see to that."
Allegrignac not only opened his eyes at this, but he sat up on end. "Atany rate, he paid his share?"
"He has not given me a penny piece; he told me he had won a wager ofyou." Before Ali had finished the sentence Allegrignac was on his legs."You're no better than a brigand, and I'll wring your neck for you!"
"I swear to you I have not received a farthing this blessed morning!"
"Well, well," said the Count of Salencon, recovering his good humour,"I'm well enough off not to bother myself about a trifle like that. Soyou tell me my bed-fellow is really gone?"
"He is."
"And the one who was here last night, too?"
"You saw him go yourself."
"True. Then, if I calculate rightly, there's only one more of us left."
"The one who is snoring in my bed," sighed Ali, spitefully.
"Very well, then; open your ears wide, and listen attentively to whatI say. If you let a syllable escape you, you and I shall quarrel.For reasons that I need not state, I wish to put up at your inn for amonth."
"He, too!" thought Ali. "What is going to happen to the house?"
"You will choose me apartments opening on the garden. I shall not goout, and nobody must have access to me save you and the sun. You willhave the room adorned with flowers. I never grumble at the accountswhich innkeepers present to me. I satisfy myself with the explanationthat they are not strong in their arithmetic; I am not myself, either.But I insist on being treated well. One word more: you give me the ideaof a man who is rather proud of his ears. I always respect people'stastes, but I shall be compelled to deprive you of those ornaments ifyou mention to a single soul that I have stayed here. You understandme?"
"Clearly!"
"Then lead me to my prison!"
It was not long before Allegrignac was duly installed. His furnitureconsisted of a bed, a table, some flowers, and a guitar. He orderedbreakfast, and desired to be left to himself.
"I am curious to learn what these strange people want here," saidAli, as he went up-stairs. "I only hope the fourth knight won't takepossession of my bed for an indefinite period. Let us try and get himout of it at once."
The host gave a vigorous push at Porc-en-Truie's door.
"Sir! you bade me call you in good time. The sun has been up some hours.Are not you going to start?"
"Come in!" said the Lord of Machavoine. "I want to have a word withyou."
"But, my dear sir, I can't come in. You shut yourself in when you turnedme out, and I know from experience that one cannot break in the door."
Porc-en-Truie was reluctantly compelled to get out of bed and open thedoor, jumping into bed again, however, immediately, and turning his faceto the wall.
"Do you know this bed is delicious! I have slept splendidly in it, and Iam not such a fool as to go scouring the highways while I can get a goodrest here. Listen to me attentively, and don't let me have to repeatanything, for I'm dying for sleep. You will place beside me on a table avenison pasty, two cold dishes, some preserved fruit, and thirty bottlesof wine. Thirty--you hear?"
"Only too well!"
"Once a week you will come in on tip-toe, and lay the repast afresh. Iam going to take a nap--you may call me in a month's time."
"I trust you won't think of doing so--keeping me out of my bedroom for amonth-"
"I warn you that I do not know how much money there is in my purse, andthat I sleep so soundly, you might rob me of it without my openingmy eyes. Ah, by the way, I forgot! As I don't wish to be disturbed, Icommand you not to tell a soul that I am here. I don't care a bit ifyour inn is on fire, if the enemy is coming, or an earthquake happens.I mean to have my sleep out. Above all, don't let my fellow-travellersknow of my determination. Nothing less than your life or death dependson that. Now, set everything out properly here, and don't let me hearany more of you for a month."
"Sir--sweet sir--dear sir--great sir!" sighed the host, little elatedat the prospect of sleeping for the next thirty nights in the stable,"can't you choose some other resting-place? I can assure you, thatif you go nearly as far as Montella--about half a day's journey fromhere--you will find a magnificent hotel, where you will be infinitelybetter lodged than here. Are you listening to me, my dear sir?"
A vigorous snore proved to Ali that he was simply throwing away hiseloquence. To make quite sure the knight was asleep, the landlord beganto inspect his purse, but Porc-en-Truie did not stir.
"Well, this is sleeping like a nobleman," said Ali, not half satisfiedby the self-appointed award of a handful of gold pieces. "For thisamount I can afford to let him finish his nap!"
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