Chapter Eight
SHE WALKED INTO MY DREAM with her hair a crazy mess.
“What happened to you?” I asked, laughing a little. Sam was pretty cool most of the time; I couldn’t remember ever seeing her look this nutty. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her she was totally channeling our grandmother, Maggie the witch.
“Fate happened to me. What am I doing here?” She looked behind her like she expected someone to be following.
“I compelled you into my dream.”
“Why?” She ran her fingers through her hair, looking distracted.
“Sam, wake up.” I raised my hand to give her a good slap, figuring if it worked on Tony, it could work on her. But she eyed my hand and narrowed her eyes. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Uhhh … I’m about to slap the shit out of you.”
“Touch me and I’ll spell you like you’ve never been spelled before.”
“Where are you right now, Sam?” I asked, leaving my hand in slapping position.
“I’m in bed asleep.”
“But where?” I pressed.
“In the fae compound; where else would I be?”
“Errrr! Wrong answer!” I slapped her really hard, hoping it would be enough to wake her up out of her silly trance.
Her head whipped sideways and then slowly came front again. An angry red mark stood out from her too-white skin. “You are so going to die for that.” She lifted a hand and slashed it out in front of her before bringing it up and stopping it in front of my face. Her fingers were bent up all crazy, like she was a hundred years old with a bad case of rheumatoid arthritis. She slowly twisted her hand clockwise, like she was opening a doorknob, her mouth warping right along with it. A wicked smile came to her face. “Feel my wrath, elemental.”
I stood there, waiting for the pain she was obviously trying to inflict, but the only sensation I got was one of extreme boredom. I yawned. “Sorry. Not feeling anything, except maybe a little bit of boredom. Are you done yet?”
She looked a little confused, but then started twisting her hand the other way. “Feel my wrath now, elemental!”
I started to giggle. I couldn’t help it. She looked so crazy angry with her hair all over the place and her hand crooked up like that. “Actually, now that you mention it, I do feel a little gassy.” Tim would have been so proud.
She dropped her hand and pouted. “I don’t understand. That should have torn you to pieces.”
“Nice. I compel you into a dream and you repay me by trying to tear me up. Love you too, cuz.”
“Someone’s taken my powers?” She sounded so lost and forlorn, I couldn’t stand it. I stepped closer, putting my hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll straighten this out.”
“Don’t touch me!” she screamed, grabbing my hand.
Lucky for me, my latest training had included a little commando dwarf martial arts action. “Hands off the merchandise, bitch!” I part yelled and part grunted. I was no ninja, but I could fend off the attack of someone trying to mug me. Niles had been convinced I’d be an easy target for a pickpocket out in the real world, so he showed me all his best moves and made me practice them until I could do them in my sleep. I grabbed Samantha’s hand, shoved it off me, bent it backwards and twisted it around her back. Sam was no slouch with at least two inches and ten pounds on me, but I had her powerless now, in both magic and physical strength. Booyah! I am so totally a ninja right now.
She was grunting with her attempts to get away and with the pain she had to be suffering. “Get off me! I’ll kill you, Jayne! I’ll kill you!”
I grabbed her in a bear hug from behind. “Not tonight, my little witchy poo, and not in my dream. This is my world, baby!” I was laughing and grunting at this point, trying like hell to keep a hold on her. Her arms and legs were flailing all over the place, reminding me of Spike when he got a hug from one of the daemons. It hadn’t happened in a long time, but it was always impressive when it did. I tried to remember how Scrum did that daemon thing he did, wrangling inccubi and succubi and showing them who’s boss. It was like he squeezed their air off or something. Sam was gasping for breath, so I figured I was doing okay.
“You give up yet?” I asked.
“Never!”
Something Scrum said flitted through my memory bank. He told me once that his will was stronger than Spike’s. That was how he was able to overcome a man who should have been able to beat him in a bear hugging contest.
I closed my eyes and imagined my own will — my will to keep my friends alive and safe, my will to do my job as the Mother to the fae and the companion to Biad the dragon in the Underworld. I could not screw this up, no matter what, no matter what kind of crazy black magic was trying to keep me from being who I had to be.
“Sam, you have to submit to me. Give it up. My will is stronger than that witch’s will. Do not let yourself be held by her.”
I started to feel a little desperate when she continued to fight me. Something was telling me that Sam was my last hope. My voice got a little weepy. “You are my cousin and my friend, Sam. We are together. No one can break up the Blackthorn line. No one. We’re family.”
As the last words washed over us, her struggles lessened and then soon ceased altogether. Her entire body slumped down and carried me with it. Together we collapsed on the floor in my dream room. My elbow hit the ground hard and instantly started to ache. Dammit. Should have imagined a wrestling mat beneath me.
“Why do I feel so weak?” she whispered.
“Because some witch bitch sucked the life out of you.” I stared up into the blank space above me and then imagined some stars being there, just to make it interesting. Suddenly my dream room looked like the night sky over the Infinity Meadow back home in the Green Forest.
“That’s nice,” Sam said, a smile in her voice.
“Glad you like it. Can we talk about you being a prisoner with all our friends now?”
“If you want. You know I have no idea what you’re talking about, though, right?”
“I figured. You’re being held captive by a witch and an ogre, maybe other fae I didn’t see too, in a B&B on the Isle of Skye.”
“Why are we on the Isle of Skye?”
“We’re on our field trip to go be with Biad in the Underworld.”
“When did we leave?”
“I don’t know. Yesterday? Today? About eighteen hours ago. And Tim and I are outside the house because he got blocked by some sort of anti-pixie spell. I’m sleeping in the car.”
“Aren’t you worried they’ll come out to get you?”
“Yes. But I don’t have the keys to the van, and it’s dark as a dragon’s butthole outside, so I’m not going to go wander around in the woods. Besides, it’s really quiet outside. Too quiet.”
Sam’s voice got serious as she moved into witch-mode. “She has a spell on the entire property. I wonder how you didn’t get pulled in.”
“Pulled in? What do you mean?”
“If the spell is what I think it is, it works like a magnet. The witch decides who she wants in and who she wants out. The ones she doesn’t want get repelled. The ones she does want get attracted. That’s why you wouldn’t hear any wildlife. The spell repels everything, even bugs and birds.”
“I was able to put The Green around you guys before you went inside.”
“Good. Maybe that will help.”
“Help what?”
“Help us not get killed.”
I reached over and took her hand. “Are you serious?”
“Unfortunately. A magnet spell is not something any witch can just do. It takes an immense amount of power and … well, shit you don’t want to know about.”
“Tell me you weren’t about to say mimickers.”
“I’m not telling you anything about the spell’s components, so don’t ask me that. All the world needs is Jayne Blackthorn playing with magic. Just do me a favor and go. Leave here and go back to the Green Forest. The cou
ncil will know what to do.”
I sat up and stared down at her. “I’m not going anywhere. That’s exactly what this witch wants. Someone’s been trying to keep me from getting to Biad for some reason that I don’t know, but I’m sure it sucks big donkey dong whatever it is, and I’m not gonna go down like that. And neither are you.” I got on my feet and then pulled her up to stand with me. “Come on. Time for you to go back into the B&B.”
“But what if I lose my memory again?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to lose mine. And I’ve got Tim.”
Sam grabbed my hands and pulled me to her, staring into my eyes. “There’s a reason she wanted to block the pixie.”
Fear struck me in the heart like a dagger. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s dangerous for her. Maybe she just hates pixies, but I’m guessing it’s more than that. You have to figure it out and do it soon. Witches don’t like to keep company around for long, especially not the ones who act as Fates.”
I instantly pictured all my friends in a giant cooking pot over a fire, and my heart dropped into my stomach as Jared’s words came back to me. Fates do what needs must. “She’s a fucking Fate?”
Sam nodded her head. “I think she must be.”
I gritted my teeth and took a step toward Sam. “Okay, Sam. I’ll see you later. I won’t leave you guys behind, though, I promise. See what you can do from the inside.” I pushed her on the chest and yelled, “Ass!” but not with the force I normally did. I just didn’t have the heart, knowing I was probably sending her back into hell.
Chapter Nine
I WOKE UP WITH A start to find Tim staring down at me from the back of the headrest. He was sitting with his legs crossed, his wings still flitting in neutral. When he saw my eyes open, he rose up and then gently floated down to hover just in front of my face.
“Talk to me, Goose. What’s the deal? Are they all … dead?” He swallowed loudly. Very dramatically, in fact. I didn’t think it was all for show, either.
I frowned at him. “No, they’re not dead.” His words made a heavy cloak of dread wrap itself around my heart, even though I knew he was kind of joking. I sat up suddenly, causing him to smash into my cheek.
“Hey! Watch it, lady! These wings are fragile!”
I stared out the front windshield from the middle of the back seat. “We need a plan. I talked to Tony and Sam.”
“What’d they say?” Tim went to stand on the dashboard, turning sideways, keeping one eye on the front door and the other on me.
“They were both really out of it when they arrived. Tony was in a trance, telling me to go away, to keep away from the witch. Sam arrived disoriented. She said it was probably a magnet spell. Something that would draw certain fae in and repel everything else, including birds and bugs. And pixies, I guess.”
He nodded. “That explains the silence.”
“But what I don’t get is how Tony came to me warning me away, and then after I slapped him, he didn’t remember anything, including where he was or why he was here.”
“You slapped him? Sweet. Wish I could have seen that.”
“When did you get so violent?”
“I told you, Jayne. I’m a spy pixie. I’ve seen things.”
“Whatever. We can’t leave them in there.”
“Obviously. So what’s the plan?”
“I have no idea. But Sam said that either you’re dangerous to the witch or she’s anti-pixie or whatever, because there’s got to be a reason you were repelled while we were all attracted.”
“Of course she fears the pixie. Who wouldn’t? No one in their right mind, that’s who.”
“Okay, so, fearless scary pixieman, what are you going to do? What do you think this witch doesn’t want you to do?”
He shrugged. “Pixelate her raggedy ass.”
“Maybe you could mess up her spell. Maybe your butt dust is the de-spellinator or whatever.”
He lifted a brow. “You really want me to unleash the beast out here? With no antidote handy?”
I thought about it for a few seconds. “Well … I did put a Green bubble around everyone. Maybe I can take you out of it and make sure none of your dust gets into the bubble?”
He nodded, his eyes narrowed. “That could work. Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of an evil genius?”
I grinned. “No. But I like it.”
“Okay then, Dr. Evil, let’s do this.” He flew over to the window, his hands pressed up against the glass. “Open the door and let me at ‘em.”
“Wait,” I said, my hand on the button that would open the van up. “Let’s make a more detailed plan.”
He slowly turned. “Jayne, have you been spelled?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then what’s this nonsense about detailed plans? Where’s my fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants elemental roomie? The take no prisoners chick from Brooklyn?”
“I’m not from Brooklyn.”
“I know, but saying you’re from West Palm Beach doesn’t have the same ring, does it?”
“I guess not.” I was still waiting to see where he was going with this.
“So let’s just go. Talk to The Green, tell it to protect our friends from the dust of death and let me go to work.” He was rubbing his hands together like some kind of maniac.
“Now who’s channeling Dr. Evil? Just relax, would you? We have to get this right. If we fuck it up, I’m going to piss off the dragon and then she’ll probably let all the orcs free, and one of them will decide to try and impregnate me to make that king of the underworld baby or whatever.” The memory of the Torrie demon sharing that little bit of loveliness with me will never totally go away, I was convinced of that.
“All right, but hurry up. You have no idea what she’s doing in there right now.”
I nodded. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”
“You’re asking me? You’re the plan maker! I’m the attack pixie!” He turned to the glass again. “Just open this up and let me fly, Jayne. Set me free.”
I knew a cabin-fevered pixie when I saw one. “Okay, fine. I’m removing you from the bubble, though, so be careful. And wait until I say go before you start spraying any of that buttdust.”
He sighed heavily. “It’s body dust, Jayne. Body dust. Not buttdust. You do not want to see the dust that comes from my butt.”
I started giggling just imagining it.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
I closed my eyes. “Just one second.” I tapped into The Green, locating its pulsing light all around me. I was still inside the bubble I had created earlier, but its presence was gossamer, barely there. Okay, Green bubble of awesomeness … I need you to take the pixie out of the mix and let him fly free of your protection. And my other fae friends need you more than ever, so let’s ramp this up a notch … or eight notches. Let’s do eight. I pictured the green light around my friends growing brighter, thicker, and stronger. I imagined Tim breaking free and his dust flying out in the air behind him. Keep that pixie dust from touching anyone inside the bubble. No pixie dust for anyone. Neutralize it, block it, tamp it down, send it out into the ether. Do whatever is necessary to keep my friends or me from being pixelated. Since my communication with The Green depended on me being able to picture something and not just say it in my head, I then imagined the dust hitting the bad guys and making them sing and dance, and then showed the dust bouncing off the bubble and everyone inside it remaining very sober. I prayed The Green would understand me; now was not the time for me or any of our friends to dance ourselves to death. I’d save that kind of merrymaking for after I spent a week or two with the dragon and was safely home in the Green Forest again.
I opened my eyes. “Okay, it’s done. You’re out of the bubble.” I pushed the door open and slid out onto the ground. “Be careful, Tim. I don’t want to have to go back to the Green Forest and tell Abby that you were killed in the line of duty.”
“Never fear, Tim is here,” he
said. “And I’m pretty hard to kill if you hadn’t noticed.” He flew off toward the front porch and I walked quickly after him.
Chapter Ten
IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FULLY APPRECIATE a pixie splat until you’ve seen one in person. I’d stood witness to one before but not one with this degree of awesomeness. Tim was zooming out toward his prey one second, and the next, he was flattened like a bug on the windshield of a car going fifty miles an hour. I swear, when he slid down the spell’s barrier, I could hear the squeaking sound of his skin against its smooth surface.
I ran over and picked him up off the ground, holding him up in front of my face. He was dangling by the back of his tunic, the one part of it that rested between his wings. I was trying not to laugh but wasn’t succeeding very well. “Holy shit, Tim, are you okay? Talk about an epic face plant.”