I stepped around Jared and smiled, proud as all get-out that my shit was hanging tough. All those months of training with Sam had paid off. “Missed me.” I might also have been a little delirious at that point.
The old woman stepped closer to us, a porch light flicking on and illuminating her face. The cloak still covered much of it, but not enough. A giant, crooked nose, a pointy chin, and skin that looked like a rock wall were revealed. “You are unwise,” she said after a few moments of standing there like a statue.
I shrugged. “So they say, but I’m still standing.”
“All may enter save the pixie,” she said, totally switching gears and acting like it wasn’t insane to do that. She was still cranky, though, which made her sound even more like Maggie. They had to be related, which meant I was related to her … a scary thought. Is that what my future holds? Scoliosis and skin conditions?
I shook my head. “No deal. The pixie’s with me.”
“Yeah!” Tim yelled from behind me. “I’m with her! BFFs! Friends for life!”
I smiled at his enthusiasm, which I knew came from both his heart and his frosty wings. He wasn’t enjoying the cold any more than I was.
The old woman turned, looking up at her ogre friend as she passed. “All may enter save the pixie.” He nodded once and then turned to face me, his expression revealing nothing other than blind obedience. The old woman disappeared into the yellow light behind her.
“Operation sneak into the witch’s lair behind an elemental’s pony tail shall now commence,” Tim said. “Just let me out of this bubble, and I’ll join you up there.”
I didn’t want to talk to Tim directly and let the ogre know our plan, so I spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear. “The protection I have in place won’t stop any of you from joining us up here.”
Tony was the first to move, pulling Felicia along with him. They passed Tim by and stopped behind me. Spike followed and came up to take my hand, while the others came just after him.
“I can’t get past the stairs, Jayne!” Tim sounded freaked, and a freaked out pixie was not on my agenda for the night. All I had planned was a lot of snoring and drooling ahead of me for at least the next seven hours.
I walked back down the stairs and grabbed him out of the air, putting him on my shoulder.
He grabbed a lock of hair that had escaped my elastic and yanked on it once. “Giddyup, Mule. Take me to my chamber.”
Chapter Six
I GOT ONE STEP UP from where Tim was hovering and I heard his tiny hoot-n-holler and a tug on my hair. Taking a step back, I reached up and grabbed him off my shoulder. “Come on, stop playing around. We’re going in and you’re not hiding.” Another step forward and he yelled again, but this time it sounded more like an outraged scream than a giddyup kind of thing. I looked down and the first thing I noticed was his face. His nose and mouth were smushed to the side.
“Ba uh! Ba uh!” he yelled, his arms pinwheeling out behind him and his wings fluttering like crazy. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on; his ridiculous face and his panic finally clued me in to the fact that he was being pressed up against an invisible barrier. It was too funny to be scary.
“What?” I moved him away and pulled him up closer to my face. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you with your face all pressed in like that.”
The light on the porch wasn’t that bright, but it was illuminating Tim’s face well enough. He was pissed, his tiny little nostrils flaring and spittle flying from his lips. “I said ‘Back up’, Jayne. Back up! There’s a spell there keeping me out. You were about to turn me into a crepe!”
“Not a pancake?” I tried really hard not to laugh. The idea that someone would think pixies are rank enough to force them to sleep outside was hilarious to me, but only because I knew how offended Tim would be.
“No! Not a pancake, Jayne! Because pancakes are fluffy, and being stuck in your man-mitt and smashed into a spell would make me flatter than that! Like a crepe!”
I looked down at my hand, opening it up. His wings were a little crumpled. “Man mitt? I have man mitts?” That was the first time I’d heard that about myself. I wondered if I should start getting paranoid about having manly hands.
Tim stood and shook his wings out, working really hard at smoothing down the left one that still had a tiny kink at the bottom. His hair was a wreck, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I could see he was as tired as I was and at the end of his rope, and I didn’t want any of his butt dust flying up into my face. I hadn’t remembered to bring any of the antidote, and I doubted anyone else had, either. Time to get serious.
“I’m sorry I squished you.”
“Apology not accepted,” he said scowling up at me as he unzipped his fanny pack.
An angry pixie forcefully opening one of those was more than I could take when I was as tired as I was. I had to turn around to keep from snorting in his face. When I could finally control myself and not risk accidentally laughing out loud, I raised my voice, hoping the witch wasn’t too far into her lair to hear me. “Um, hotel keeper person? Maggie’s relative? Ogre bodyguard guy? I need you to let my pixie friend in. He can’t stay out here alone. He’s liable to freeze to death.”
The ogre said nothing, but a quick little tap of my pixie-holding hand against the barrier and Tim getting his hair messed up as a result told me no one was cooperating.
Tim spoke in a very contained and calm voice. “If you do that again, I’m going to dust your sorry butt. I’m not kidding. I’ll double dust it.”
I lowered my voice so only he would hear. “Dust even a single hair on my butt and you’ll lose those wings. I’ll give ‘em to the innkeeper. I’m not kidding, either.”
“You wouldn’t!” he hissed.
“Try me.” I gave him my super scary stare down.
“You know you look deranged when you do that, right?”
“Shut up, no I don’t. I look awesome.”
“Jayne, are we going in?” Spike asked, sounding incredibly tired. He was the only one still out on the porch.
“Go ahead. I’ll meet you in there.”
He stepped over the threshold and the door slammed shut behind him.
Chapter Seven
“SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED to do?” I asked, looking around me. “They’re in there, and we’re out here.” I shivered as a cold breeze blew up into the sleeves of my sweater.
“Does it seem particularly quiet around here to you, or is it just me?” Tim reached down and grabbed a couple of my fingers, forcing them to wrap around him. I saved him the trouble of reaching for the rest of them and put him in a nice loose fist, bringing him up closer as I folded my arms across my chest.
“Yes, it does. Where are the crickets?” I shivered. “Maybe it’s too cold for crickets.”
“It’s not too cold for owls or other things that go bump in the night.”
I stared at the front porch of the B&B and then at its door, sure one of my friends would be coming out at any second to tell us to come in, that all was well, that there was just a little misunderstanding about an anti-pixie spell. The old lady probably hadn’t heard that all the pixies were playing nice now, since she was living out here in the boonies where even the crickets didn’t want to be.
“Where is everybody?” I asked, pissed that the door remained closed and our surroundings silent as a friggin graveyard.
“They’re inside with their feet propped up in front of a fire,” Tim said grouchily. “Typical fae. Treating the pixie like he’s a second class citizen. If they only knew what pixiekind have done for their sorry butts throughout history… ”
“I don’t think that’s it. Spike wouldn’t stay in there without me. Right?”
Tim tilted his head, thinking. “Hmm, you’re right. It’s not like him to let you out of his sight for longer than fifteen seconds. Why don’t you call to him?”
I nodded, the plan instantly coming to me in crystal clear HD vision. I would let him
know I was still out here and not happy about it, and he’d come running super speedy, incubus style to make it up to me and apologize for leaving me to freeze my butthairs off in the ice cold landscape of the Isle of Skye. I really loved that he did that stuff for me.
I smiled as I pictured Spike with his shirt off, smiling at me with bad intentions in his eyes. The cold trying to seep into my bones ceased to matter as I imagined his hands on me and the way he always held me close, making me feel like I was the most important thing in the entire world to him. Come to me, Spike. I need you. I’m out here all alone and I miss you… I opened my eyes, but the only thing keeping me company was a goofy ass pixie.
“Did you do it? You had a really strange look on your face. Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“Shut up.” I glared at the front door. “I called to him, but it’s not working for some reason. Maybe he’s in the shower.”
“Has that ever stopped him before?”
“Uhh, no.” He did show up soaking wet one time, and I had no doubt that he’d do it again if I asked him to.
“Then I think we have to assume that there’s something going on in there to keep them from coming out.”
I snorted. “I’ve heard that one before. Check out any time you like, but you can never leave?” Tim’s explanation made sense, though. Nothing had ever kept Spike from my side, other than a full-on demon possession; and even then, his demon possessor had latched onto me like velcro. “Whoever made our reservations at the Hotel California needs to be fired from the travel department, that’s all I’ve got to say.” At least I had the Green bubble around my friends. Testing it to be sure, I found the energy seamless and strong. I prayed that meant they were somewhat safe inside, even though temporarily unreachable.
Tim was shaking his head, hands on hips. “It was a trap. I knew it.”
“You knew it was a trap and didn’t say anything?”
“No, I knew it had to be a trap after I hit that spell with my face. Anyone who doesn’t want a pixie in her house is obviously evil.”
I wasn’t about to debate pixie politics with him, so instead, I walked over to the car and slid the side door open, taking the first bench seat and shutting the door behind us.
“What’s the plan?” Tim asked, flying out of my hand up to the headrest of the seat in front of me. He was standing with his legs spread, his hands on his hips, and his wings fluttering in neutral, ready to kick some serious butt. Super Tim to the rescuuue!
“I’m going to sleep.” After locking all the doors, I grabbed Spike’s sweatshirt that he’d left on the seat and bunched it up under my head. Stretching out as best I could, I tucked my legs up and closed my eyes, resting my hands under my head.
“You’re going to sleep? In the middle of our crisis? That’s not the Jayne I know! You need to call up your elements and send that witch into the Otherworlds! Knock down her house! Show her who’s boss!” I could feel the tiny air currents kicked up by his wings just by my face. “At least mess up her hair a little bit.”
I was instantly drowsy, my words slurring together. “Did you see her hair? It’s already messed up.”
Tim landed on my cheek. “Did you get spelled? Is that what this is all about?” I felt my eyelid being pried up. “Hmmm, pupils reacting to dim light, that’s a good sign.”
I shook my head to get rid of him and felt his body leave my face, but decided to offer up an explanation to head off the pixie tantrum I knew I was about to suffer. “I’m going to compel one of them into my dream, see what’s going on.”
There was a moment of silence followed by a tiny pixie toot. “Okay. That could work. I’ll stand guard, then. Go ahead, sleeping booty, do your thing. I’ll sing a beautiful pixie lullaby to you that always works for Willy.” He cleared his throat and then in a crazy falsetto, Bee Gees voice began singing.
“Go to sleeeeep, Baby Beeeee, go to sleeeeep right noowww, or your momma and your papa will tie up your wiiiings, go to sleeeeep, go to sleeeeep, go to sleeeeep my darling, go to sleeeeep, go to sleeeeep, or you won’t fly anymore…”
The rest of that nightmare lullaby was lost on me as I fell into that weird space between sleep and wakefulness, the place I knew I could force people to join me in. No one had ever been able to explain what this dreamworld was, where it actually existed, or how it really worked, but over the past few months I’d gotten kind of good at using it. And since no one seemed to suffer any side effects from it, and that was kind of a rare thing with me, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot.
The space inside my dream world was dark, so I reached out and flicked on a light switch. I liked to make it easy on myself in my own head; need a light … imagine a light switch. Need a friend … imagine him there with me. Boom. For some reason, the first person I thought of wasn’t Spike. It was Tony. Probably because he was the smartest fae in that B&B, and I knew if there was something going on, he’d be the most likely person to know how to get out of it. Being a wrathe who hung out with gray elves made him kind of a badass brainiac like that.
“Tony, come in here with me. Come to me. Join me in my mind.” Nothing happened, and I got a little panicky. My voice sounded a little shrill to my ears. “Tony! Stop fucking around and get your ass in here!”
Tony appeared out of the darkness, his arms raised toward me.
“Oh, thank the elements,” I said, reaching to take his hands in mine.
“Go, Jayne,” he said, his face white, his voice barely above a whisper. His fingers were ice cold.
“Go? Go where?”
“Away. Away from here.” He tried to step back, but I held tight.
“No, I’m not going away!” No one leaves my dreams until I’m damn good and ready for them to leave. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t come inside, don’t talk to the witch, don’t do anything to make her angry. Just go! Go home! Never come back!” The urgency in his tone made me both scared and pissed at the same time. I squeezed his hands hard and when that didn’t seem to have any effect, I reached up and slapped him hard across the face.
He blinked a few times and then looked around him, a curious expression on his face. “Where am I?”
“You’re in my dream, dumbass. What the hell is going on with you?”
He looked down at our hands. “I’m not sure. I … I don’t remember getting here, actually. Did you compel me in?”
“Yes, I compelled you in. But it wasn’t you who actually arrived. It was some sort of zombie-Tony.” I let his other hand go and leaned in to look into his eyes. “Are you sure you’re in there?”
He smiled wearily. “It’s me. I’m fine. Tired, but fine.”
“Tell me the name of our World History teacher.”
Tony frowned, but answered anyway. “Mr. Parks.”
Relief flooded through me. “Phew. I never thought I’d be happy to hear that name again.” I gave Tony a quick hug and then went back to staring him down while holding one of his hands. I left my sword hand free, just in case someone decided to act stupid; I didn’t trust what was going on here completely. “Zombie-Tony told me to go and to stay away from the B&B and the witch. He told me to go home.”
Tony’s face screwed up. “I did? I don’t remember that.” He scratched his head. “What B&B?”
I rolled my eyes and stomped my foot. Erased memories? Jesus Effing Buttknuckles, not this shit again. For the first time in a long time I felt alone out here in the middle of nowhere, and I really, really didn’t like that feeling. “Ergh! Tony, are you friggin kidding me?” I threw my arms up and let them drop and slap my legs.
“Jayne. Relax. Take a breath and tell me what’s going on.” It was the first time Tony sounded at all like himself, so I was encouraged to do as he said and take the time to explain. Patience was still not my strong suit. I had to breathe in and out a few times before I could continue with any speck of control. I sounded like a bull ready to charge.
“We’re on our road trip to the Isle of
Skye. We got here a little while ago, to the B&B the fae set us up in, and all of you went inside except me and Tim. You’re now a guest at the Hotel California.”
His eyebrow went up, a hint of humor in his expression. “I can check out any time I like?”
“Yeah, jerk, but you can’t ever leave.”
He laughed. “Why am I the jerk?”
“Because you went inside without me! You left me and Tim out here in the friggin dark in the middle of Bum Fuck Scotland with no keys to the car or anything!”
“Why didn’t you guys go in?”
“There was a barrier keeping pixies out. He was in my hand. He couldn’t pass, so I didn’t pass.”
“And the rest of the group is in the B&B now too?”
“Yes. Everyone but me and Tim.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jayne, but I have no memory of that. I wish I did.” He stood there at a loss, shrugging his shoulders, not nearly as upset about the whole thing as I was.
“Okay, so first you come into my dream like a zombie telling me to leave, now you’re telling me you don’t remember our trip or anything. So that means that witch erased your brain and tried to scare me off?” I shook my head, getting more and more pissed by the second. “That’s it. She’s going down.”
“Jayne, maybe you should wait.”
“Wait for what? For her to put you in a giant crockpot with a bunch of carrots and celery and cook you for dinner? I don’t think so.” Tony was going to try and convince me to do the responsible thing, and I didn’t have time for that crap. I took a big step forward and slammed my hands into his chest. “See you later, ass.” I still hadn’t figured out how to un-compel anyone out of my dreams without calling them an ass. Oh well. It still made me smile, and I’ve always been told not to fix what ain’t broke, so ass it is and will remain.
I was about to wake myself up from my half-sleep state, but then I decided I’d better give the compelling one more shot. Then I could say I kind of followed Tony’s advice, which was never a totally bad thing. I chewed my lip, mulling over my choices. Who to compel … who to compel … Jared? He was the boss and the oldest of us; he’d probably know what to do. But he was pretty much powerless unless it came to a need for brute strength or the need to sense danger. Duh. A little late for that. He hadn’t noticed a damn thing wrong this time, and he walked right into the trap. Nope. Sorry, Jared. Spike? I missed him and worried about his safety. What if I never saw him again? Wouldn’t I want to see him one more time? I shook my head. Not as a zombie who might suck the life out of me before I could wake him up. Scrum would be a waste of time, as would Felicia. They were both too young and just as clueless as Tony probably, and Felicia was dangerous with that succubus appetite of hers. Becky would probably just cry and then disappear. Finn didn’t have his weapons, and he’d be more worried about Becky than anything else, so that would be a waste of time. That left one person: Sam. I prayed she wouldn’t show up as a twisted version of herself and spell my ass with some kind of transformation charm. I really, really didn’t want to live the rest of my life as an ogre or a toad or whatever she might come up with.