CHAPTER II.
THE HUSBAND OF THE WIFE OF ANOTHER MAN.
The breeding-thaler was not of much use to me, for I was in a regionwhere there was nothing I cared to purchase.
I was with the French camp in front of the city of Lille, where I hadbeen assigned to the artillery, because I had admitted that I knewsomething about the management of cannon.
It was a miserable existence: crouched day and night in the trenches;or, on the lookout for the grenades, which were hurled into our campfrom the city we were besieging.
But I could have endured all the hardships if I had had enough to eat.The French general would not allow any vivandieres with spiritousliquors to enter the battery; the gunners, he said, must remain sober;and that they might not want to drink, they were given very little toeat, as eating promotes thirst. If I sent a sapper with a jug to thecanteen for beer, he would invariably return with the empty jug, andswear he had lost the thaler I had given him on the way--which wastrue; for, no matter how often I tried it, the coin would be back inmy pocket before the messenger had been gone five minutes. Theconsequence was I was in a continual state of hunger and thirst.
The officers, on the contrary, had plenty to eat and drink. They werealways feasting and making merry in their tents.
My captain had in camp with him a companion of the gentler sex, whowas not his wife, nor was she his sister, daughter, or mother--nor yethis grand-mother. This lady would sometimes accompany him on his toursof inspection, riding by his side, in a long silk habit, with a plumedcap on her head. She was a beautiful creature.
One day the general, who had got tired seeing so many women about,gave orders that every one not having a legal husband among his troopsshould leave the camp within twenty-four hours. That day my captaincame to me, and after making believe he was come on business about theguns, said: "By the way, gunner, you look to me like a chap who wasused to something better than loading cannon and sleeping on theground--"
"And gnawing dry bread," I ventured to append.
He laughed, and said again:
"I've half a mind to appoint you my adjutant--how would that suityou?"
"I shouldn't object."
"Will you do me a small favor in return?"
"Whatever I can, sir."
"I should want you to keep a well-supplied table, and invite me todine and sup. I, of course, will pay all expenses."
"That doesn't sound like a very hard task, sir," I replied.
"It isn't--only there's a condition goes with it. In order toentertain properly an officer of my rank, there will have to be a ladyto do the honors of the table."
"But, where can I get the lady, sir?"
"I'll find one for you--the lady you have seen riding with me. She haslong possessed my deepest respect."
I scratched my head back of the right ear:
"If you respect the lady so much, sir, why don't you marry her?"
"Stupid fellow!--because I already have a wife."
"Look here, sir," I said after a moment's deliberation, "I have eatenall sorts of ammunition bread during my experience as a soldier; Ihave cheated and stolen; but I have never occupied a position so lowas the one you want me to accept."
"But, my lad, consider the advantages: Plenty to eat, and drink, andnothing to do--that is one alternative; the other: in the trenchesnight and day, bread and water! I will give you half an hour to thinkit over; if you refuse I shall offer the position to some oneelse--some one who is not so squeamish as you."
That was a long half hour!
I thought over what I had to lose if I accepted the position: Honor? Ihad very little left; but, if I had squandered it I had done so withmy sword and musket, idled it away in a hundred ways--though never inthe despicable manner suggested to me by my captain.
But I had been persecuted and cursed for trying to do good--what useto try again? Besides, I hadn't anything to lose: I might as well eatand drink away the little self-respect and honor I still possessed.
At the end of the half hour, the captain came for my decision. I said:
"I accept your offer, sir--here's my hand on it!"
I held out my hand, and so did he; but, before they came together,each of us drew back--each prompted by the same thought: "Thisfellow's hand is more soiled than mine--I cannot take it!"
But, I married the donna that afternoon, bestowing on her one of mynumerous names; and after the chaplain of the regiment had performedthe ceremony, this thought involuntarily suggested itself to me:"Hugo, my lad, you are not the only one cheated in this business."
From that hour it went well with my body--and luckily one's stomachdoes not possess a conscience! In addition to a well-filled larder andcellar, I had a title--I was called "adjutant."
I saw my bride only at table; how frequently the captain visited myquarters I cannot say. When he was obliged to absent himself on dutyconnected with the campaign, he would always try to surprise her by anunexpected return.
One day she was more than surprised when her lover was brought back tocamp minus his head; he had had the misfortune to get within range ofa cannon shot from the enemy's lines.
My situation now became anything but agreeable. I ceased to be anadjutant, but I was still the husband of my wife--a role I found itexceedingly difficult to continue. The woman had been accustomed toevery luxury; but, as money does not fall from the sky, I found greatdifficulty in providing her with the bare necessities of life. Oneafter another of the costly ornaments she had received from thecaptain were disposed of to supply her numerous demands, until allwere gone. Then she began to quarrel with me and accused me withtrying to starve her.
I bethought me of the magic coin I had carried in my pocket all thistime, merely as a souvenir of the demon-assembly in the Black Forest.I said to it: "Now, thaler, show what you can do!" and gave it to thewoman to buy what was necessary.
I did not know then that if a breeding-thaler were given away it wouldnot return; and when I placed it in the woman's hand I believed, ofcourse, I should find it again in a few minutes in my pocket.
But I never saw the thaler again!
When, at the expiration of several hours, it did not return to me, Iconsoled myself with thinking it must be in the woman's pocket. But ithad not returned to her--she had given it to an ensign who had been anadmirer of hers for a long time. So, the magic thaler was gone forgood, and I had nothing but the woman I had married to please mycaptain--and he was dead!
What was to be done? Should I run away from my wife, and myflag?--become a two-fold deserter? I pondered over this question forthree days; for three long days I endured the taunts of my wife, andthe ridicule of my comrades, and on the third I fled--
"I should have run away the first day!" emphatically exclaimed theprince, giving the table a thump with his fist.
The mayor's eye twinkled as he added:
"Consequently, desertion may also be stricken from the register!"
(_Quod dixi dixi._)
PART XIII.
THE EXCHANGE OF BODIES.