You could ask him, Shelby. Your mother may have read it all wrong. You’ve got to learn to talk to your husband. All you do is guess. You have no idea if you’re correct or not. If you’ll just talk to him, you might learn to love him as you should. You might even find a way to ask him about Yvette and tell him . . . Shelby shut down at that point. She didn’t want to think about the possibilities, although her heart was telling her that was just what she needed to do.
Shelby was still in the midst of these mental aerobics when she heard a noise. The bathroom door opened, and Shelby, who was soaking in a tub full of suds, sank a little further into the water.
“Shelby?”
“Yes,” she said as she tugged the curtain over.
“Hi,” Nikolai said as he came in and shut the door. “It smells good in here.”
“It’s the bubbles,” Shelby said, her red face peeking around the curtain. She watched Nikolai come all the way in and sit on the bench in front of her makeup table. He was in a perfect position to see her, but Shelby had pulled the curtain a little further forward and let the water cover her.
“How are you?” he asked, his eyes on her face.
“Fine.”
Nikolai studied her. “Are you really?”
“I think so. Why do you ask?”
“I’ve just never known you to take a bath in the middle of the day.”
“Oh, that. Well, I’m just a little achy.”
“Could this be tied to your cycle?” he asked, knowing she would be embarrassed but trying to take down more walls.
“It could,” Shelby said, her eyes averted.
“Shelby,” Nikolai said, waiting for her to look at him. “What can we do to help you not be so shy around me?”
Shelby made herself look at him. “Do you think it’s really that bad?”
Nikolai nodded. “You’re the most modest individual I’ve ever known. You like the lights out and your bathrobe close at hand when the lights come on. You even prefer me to be covered, but you can barely take your eyes from me when I’m not fully dressed.” He paused. “Right now, you’re nearly drowning yourself to stay under those bubbles.”
Shelby sighed. “We’re a very modest family. I guess I’ve never thought about it, but it’s true. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my father without his shirt.” She shrugged a little. “It’s so lame to say that’s the way I was raised, but in this case, it’s very true.”
Nikolai barely kept his mouth closed. That she had never seen her father’s bare chest was amazing to him.
“Nikolai?” Shelby called his name and brought his attention back.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I’m pretty?” Shelby forced herself to ask.
“No.”
Shelby nodded. She had figured as much, but hearing his admission was harder than she expected.
“I think you’re beautiful.”
All Shelby could do was stare at him, even when he rose, came toward her, and bent low over the tub, his hands on either rim.
“Very, very beautiful. And I’m a fool for never having told you.”
“Oh, Nicky, you’ve never said. You’ve complimented what I’m wearing but never mentioned me. I’m sorry it was so important to me.”
“Never apologize for needing that affirmation. I think it every day, and I’ve been wrong not to tell you.”
Shelby raised her face, eager to kiss him. Nikolai was just as eager to touch her.
“You are,” he said softly, his lips still brushing hers, “the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. And you always taste wonderful.”
Shelby smiled; he couldn’t know the balm he’d poured on her heart. “When you give compliments, you go all the way, don’t you?”
Nikolai only laughed and kissed her once again.
His touch was so soft. For an instant Shelby felt very cherished. Her heart told her to talk to her husband, to share her own heart and get close to his. But Shelby refused to do as she should.
“Thank you for meeting me,” Nikolai said to Daria and Josiah as they walked in Henley’s park. “She’s so quiet these days. I ask her what I can do, but she just doesn’t share.”
The Parkers exchanged a glance, and Daria spoke, signing as well to ensure that Josiah could follow the conversation.
“We were just talking about this, Nick, and although there are things from the past that have to be worked out, right now we honestly think it’s the baby. Shelby is even a little quiet with us, and we’ve just let—” Daria stopped when Nikolai came to a dead halt, his face mirroring shock and hurt.
Daria’s hand went to her mouth. “Oh, Nick, did she not tell you?”
“No.”
For a moment all three were silent.
“Come over here,” Josiah directed at last, leading them to a bench that had a little privacy under one of the trees. He motioned for his wife and son-in-law to sit down while he sat on the bricks at their feet.
“Shelby didn’t tell you she’s expecting?”
Nikolai shook his head no. Tears had come to his eyes. “I feel like I love her,” he said softly, “but she’s so distant these days; I don’t know how to tell her.”
Daria wanted to sob. Even Josiah’s eyes were suspiciously moist.
“She has to be the one to tell me about the baby,” Nikolai said. “It has to come from her. I haven’t gained her trust yet, that’s obvious. When she knows she can trust me, she’ll share.”
“I could be wrong, but I’m not sure it’s a trust issue, Nick,” Daria had to tell him. “She told me that she can’t stand the thought of this child knowing that he or she wasn’t a product of your love. She knows that she’ll love the baby and so will you, but the love between the two of you is missing. I tried to tell her love is a choice—she said Pastor Allen said the same thing when she went to talk with him—but she’s not thinking clearly right now.”
“She can’t be,” Josiah said, “or she would see how much you care. Does she know that you come here to see us?”
“I think so.”
“Someone ought to tell her,” Josiah went on, “that a man who will visit his in-laws in an effort to love his wife is very special. Shelby needs to understand that.”
“Please don’t tell her you’ve told me about the baby,” Nikolai requested. “I want it to come from her. When we’ve talked it all out, I can tell her I knew, but not now.”
“So you won’t talk to her when you get home?”
Nikolai shook his head. “No. At least not for a while. If she waits too long, I’ll need to say something, but my hope is that she’ll come to me.”
“We’ll be praying for that very thing.”
“Has she seen a doctor?” Nikolai asked.
“No. She did a home test and said it took only a few seconds to show positive. Beyond that, she says she feels different.”
It didn’t sound as though there could be any mistake. Nikolai thanked the Parkers for telling him. He desperately wanted to be alone, but he took some time to tell them how much he appreciated their efforts and support of him. Their conversation ended on a positive note, as their talk ranged to Brice’s activities. By the time he said goodbye, Nikolai had his emotions under control. His plan to swing by Ryan’s and talk with him, however, was changed. The prince just wanted to go home.
I have to remind myself that You knew all about this. I’ve dreamed of having children my whole life, and now my baby is here and I can’t even share in it. I don’t know when I’ve been so confused. I’m trying to show Shelby I love her, but she’s not seeing it. She still holds me at arm’s length. I’ve got to find out what I’ve done to cause that. Something is wrong here, Lord. Please show me what it is, or help Shelby to open up to me. The prince laid his head back, thinking that would be the sweetest thing of all.
He prayed all the way home, giving his wife, baby, and marriage over to God. Each time he worried and took them back. He debated about going to his father or Pastor Allen but decided to wait. The
only person he really wanted to hear from was Shelby, and he thought the best way to promote that would be to spend time with her. Nikolai was forming a plan, even as he was let off at the front door and making his way inside the palace.
Two days later, Shelby walked onto the deck at the lake house and stood still in the crisp morning air. She hadn’t bothered to make coffee or have anything to eat. She found she wasn’t hungry at all—only hurting and confused. That most of her hurt was her own fault was not something she wanted to deal with.
As she’d been doing, she pushed all thoughts of the baby away. Looking out at the water, she realized that as soon as Nikolai woke, he would look for her. Without leaving a note any more specific than “Going for a walk,” Shelby left the house and headed to the beach, all the time denying the knowledge of what she must do.
Nikolai wouldn’t have said that he could wait a week, but so far he had made it. As soon as he had arrived home, he suggested to Shelby that they head to the lake for the weekend. She hadn’t been thrilled but had gone and, although she had slept a lot, seemed to have a good time. She had even seen and played with Jenny and Monty Stevenson and their baby brother, Ricky, but still she had not shared the news with him. He prayed all the way home that she would come clean, but it was not to happen. Nikolai thought he would give her a few more days and then make some gentle hints. Even if he hadn’t known the facts, he would have started to wonder. Shelby’s appetite had changed, and she was fatigued all the time.
He knew she was too tired to attend the dinner they were invited to that night, but when he suggested that they stay home, or at the very least, she stay home, she declined.
“They’ll understand if you’re tired, Red,” Nikolai said gently, referring to the hosts.
“You’re right, Nick, but they’ve both been so kind to me. I’d really like to go.”
“We can make it an early night,” Nikolai suggested, and Shelby was more than willing to comply with that plan.
What neither of them counted on was the man driving the large truck. He didn’t see the red light as Ivan, taking the royal couple to dinner, crossed the intersection. The truck was on Shelby’s side, and she spotted it just moments before impact. After that, she knew nothing for several hours.
Shelby struggled out of unconsciousness and squinted at the woman bending over her.
“Nicky,” she tried to say.
“It’s all right, Princess Shelby. You’re going to be all right. She’s awake,” the woman said to someone else, and Shelby told herself to fight the pain and speak. A man had just bent over her when she found her voice.
“Where is my husband?” she whispered.
“He’s being looked at right now, but he’s fine. We’ll bring him to you as soon as the other doctor finishes his examination.”
“Ivan?”
“The driver? Not a scratch.”
“I need to see Nick.”
“You will.”
“I have to talk to him,” she said, working to lift her hands to plead with him. “It’s so important.” But Shelby’s hands didn’t come up; she only imagined they had. She was too weak and too full of tubes to realize. Sleep was crowding in, and she couldn’t fight it. Somewhere in her mind she knew they were lying to her. Nikolai was dead, and she would never see him again. She began to cry just as she fell back to sleep.
Daria and Erica sat side by side next to Shelby’s bed, their eyes on her white, bruised face. She’d been admitted to a regular room, not intensive care. The prince was in only for observation. Shelby had lost a great deal of blood and would be in the hospital for some days. The two mothers hadn’t spoken much; they were content to wait for signs of life. Almost an hour passed before Shelby’s lids flickered. The women stood as one.
“Shelby?” her mother spoke softly.
“Mother?”
“I’m right here.”
“Where’s Nicky?”
“He’s right down the hall.”
Shelby focused on her mother.
“Tell me he’s not dead—please, Mother, just tell me he’s all right.”
“He’s fine. The doctor just wants him to rest until you wake up.”
Shelby tried to swallow, and Erica helped her with an ice chip. Shelby nodded her thanks before her eyes flew back to her mother.
“The baby!”
Daria quickly shook her head no and then watched Shelby’s eyes go to the window. Although not crying, she lay very still for a time, staring unseeingly across the room. Neither of the older women knew what to say to her. As they sat together waiting, Daria had shared some of the past events with Erica. For this reason the older women allowed the quiet to continue.
“Mother,” Shelby spoke at last, her eyes still distant.
“Yes, dear.”
“May I get up and go see Nicky? Please.”
“No, love. You’ve lost too much blood.”
“He’s aching to see you, Shelby,” Erica put in. “Rafe and your father are with him, but he only has to stay in bed until you’re ready to see him.”
“I couldn’t wait that long,” said a voice from the door.
Shelby’s eyes flew to the prince, scanning his person as best she could to see if he was all right. As he came forward, the mothers slipped from the room. Shelby didn’t even wait for the door to close before she began to speak.
“I’ve done something awful, Nicky, just awful.”
Nikolai came close, pulling up a chair to sit down. He was still weak and shaken.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” he asked.
Shelby nodded, thinking he was too nice.
“You deserve better than me for a wife, Nicky. I’ve just realized it.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth, Red. And no matter what you say to me, I’ll still feel that way.”
Shelby licked her lips. “I’ve sinned against you, Nicky. I don’t know if I can ever make it right.” She paused, but Nikolai did not interrupt. “I was pregnant and didn’t tell you,” she said softly, making her eyes meet his. “I’m sorry. I never let you share in our baby, and now he’s gone.”
Nikolai smoothed the hair from her forehead, careful not to bump the gash over her left eyebrow.
“Is there a reason you couldn’t tell me?”
“There is, Nick, but it’s nothing but an excuse.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Shelby’s eyes went to the ceiling again. “If it had just been us, Nick, I would have told you, but I wasn’t willing to share our baby with Yvette. You still keep her picture in your closet, and one night you called for her.” The princess looked at the prince, her eyes flooded with tears. “I’ve had to share you, Nicky, but I wasn’t going to share our baby.”
“Oh, Red,” he whispered, “I’m sorry. So very, very sorry.”
“You’re sorry? No, Nicky, I—”
But Nikolai would not let her continue. He put his fingers over her mouth.
“I put Yvette’s picture away a few weeks ago, but obviously not soon enough. And I do think of her, but she’s not filling my dreams as it must have seemed.”
Shelby shook her head. “I told you that was just an excuse. I’ve sinned against you, Nicky,” she cried now. “Don’t you see how wrong I was?”
Nikolai stood and bent over so he could take her in his arms. He moved ever so carefully, the position awkward, but he had to hold her as she cried.
“We’ve both made mistakes,” he said in her ear. “I’m sorry, and I know you are, but we survived the accident, Red. God is giving us another chance.”
Nikolai backed off a bit to look into her eyes.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Shelby sniffed as she nodded.
“I don’t deserve to be forgiven by you.”
“That’s not true,” Nikolai responded with deep conviction. “I’ve sinned against you as well. We need to learn from this, not let it tear us apart.”
Shelby sobbed then. His forgiven
ess had seemed so unreachable. She had been disoriented when she first woke, but stark reality had not been long in coming.
Please help me, her heart cried out silently to God as she tried to hold Nikolai with bruised arms and hands. Nicky’s knowing about the baby would not have stopped the accident tonight, but at least I would have been blameless. He’s so willing to give me a second chance. Help me not to take that away from us with my selfishness, fear, and pride. Shelby could not go on. She wanted to cry and pray some more and hold onto Nikolai forever, but everything was fading.
“I can’t stay awake,” she just managed before her eyes closed and her arms went limp.
“It’s all right,” Nikolai told her. He was spent as well. Moving carefully, he withdrew his arms and sat back down. He reached over and brushed the damp hair and tears from her face.
“It’s all right, Red,” he repeated, knowing she could not hear him. “And as soon as you’re ready to hear it, I’ll tell you just how all right it’s going to be.”
Nineteen
“There’s someone here to see you, Prince Nikolai,” the nurse said quietly the next morning. Nikolai had just showered and finished his breakfast. “He says his name is Peter Owens.”
Nikolai nodded. “Please tell him to come in.”
Peter entered the hospital room moments later, his eyes huge and wary. That he was nervous about being back in this place was clear. It was also clear that seeing the strong, able prince of Pendaran in a hospital bed was not something that put him at ease.
“Hello, Peter.”
“Hello.”
“Come in and sit down,” Nikolai said as he slowly swung his legs to the edge of the bed. “Who brought you to the hospital?”
“Toby. He came over while I was getting ready for school, and Pam,” Peter continued, referring to his oldest sister, “said I could come.”