And then I felt selfish.
Tristan deserved so much better than me. He deserved the same kind of love Seth and I had when he wasn’t trying to lob my head off. He deserved a woman that loved him just as much.
He deserved someone that wasn’t in love with another man.
He had already climbed back in my room and through the open screen. I could hear him walking down the stairs. Tristan was leaving me so I could go be with Seth.
The moment felt unreal, but also… right.
This was what was supposed to happen.
I stood up and walked to the edge of the roof overlooking my front yard and the long, gravel drive that led straight to the highway. I took a step off and floated to the front porch step. With one last glance at Tristan as he came out the front door, I took off like a bolt of lightning toward the barn.
The door was already open when I got there and one of the overhead lights turned on. Seth sat on a work table with his feet swinging back and forth. For a moment he looked so young and vulnerable that I wanted to scoop him up and cradle him against me. This wasn’t a soulless man prone to reaching for his blade so he could play with the tip against my jugular. This was a man wrestling with a demon he didn’t understand and bound to a girl he couldn’t be with. This was a man fighting with everything that was in him to sit where he was sitting and keep his thoughts pure so the blessing on this property wouldn’t destroy him.
Afraid my nearness would set off his evil side; I leaned into the doorframe and crossed my arms. He gave me a small smile and I wrinkled my nose at him.
I meant to keep my surprise that he’d been able to cross the property line a secret from him, but apparently I didn’t know how to keep my mouth shut. “I’m impressed you got in.”
Heat washed over his body before he suppressed it with some kind of impossible strength I would forever be in awe of. He didn’t glow like he once had, but the grayish-charcoal Light that blurred his hard lines rippled over his perfect body and handsome face.
“Are you?” he asked quietly. “You underestimate what I would do to get to you.”
For a moment I thought that was a threat, but he nodded his head toward the spot next to him and it reminded me so much of his old self that I couldn’t help but feel safe. As I crossed the cement floor to accept his invitation, I belatedly realized I hadn’t bothered to grab a weapon.
Stupid.
But I should be safe here.
I hopped up on the table and tucked my hands under my bare thighs. My jean shorts barely covered the very tops of my legs when I sat down and did absolutely less to protect the backs of my thighs from the rough wood of the table.
I didn’t let it bother me though. I finally had some peaceful moments with Seth; I was so not going to let a few splinters ruin that.
We sat in silence for a long time before he bumped me with his shoulder and murmured, “Happy birthday.”
I grinned at him. “Is that why you’re here?”
“That and this,” he replied quickly and produced a dripping Ben and Jerry’s pint.
I took the sticky, wet cardboard container and let the smile that was begging to be let go free. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Gosh, did this boy know me or what?
“I only grabbed one spoon,” he admitted while peeling off the soggy top. “And it melted just a little bit on the way over here.”
“Just a little bit?” I laughed.
“Ok, it might be more like ice cream soup, but obligation fulfilled.” He dunked the spoon in the soupy goodness and I tried to ignore the way he’d used the word “obligation.” Was that what I was to him?
Or did the word just happen to fit the context of a bet?
I hated that I didn’t’ know.
But I hated that I cared more.
Seth was hardly responsible for his word choice these days; especially when instead of finding offensive, passive/aggressive words to use with me, he’d much rather use his blade and end this quickly.
The spoon came at me fast so I reflexively opened my mouth so Seth could feed me. My tongue darted out to catch the few drops that started to drip down my chin before I gave up catching them and used my palm to wipe them away. Seth stared at me absolutely transfixed with all the movement of my mouth.
“What?” I laughed. “Is there more?”
He just shook his head. “You got it all.”
“Good, because I’m ready for round two!” I opened my mouth exaggeratedly wide and closed my eyes before tipping my chin up to him. I held back a laugh when Seth returned with another bite, making airplane noises the entire way to my mouth.
The bite he gave me was ridiculously big and puffed my cheeks out to keep it all in there. The warmer ice cream started to trickle out of my mouth. I didn’t want to use my shirt or shorts to get this off, but he was giving me less and less options here.
My eyes popped open as I tried to contain the amount of ice cream in my mouth and I made a move to wipe the ice cream off my chin with my hand again but Seth caught my wrist and stopped me. Leaning down slowly, so, so slowly… so very carefully… the tip of his tongue hit my skin first and he licked and kissed his way all over my chin, cleaning up the wayward drops and leaving me deliciously sticky.
I tried not to choke.
When he pulled away, I thought I might die from the separation. He grinned down at me, knowing exactly what a tease he was being.
Brat!
“Remember those chocolate chip pancakes that first morning?” he asked with his adorable grin still in place.
“Yes.” Annabelle had been over “babysitting” me while my parents were gone on a mission. She always made me chocolate chip pancakes when she came over. And that morning she’d made an entire plateful- an entire plateful that Seth had eaten in one sitting.
It had started our relationship off on a sarcastically rocky road.
“That’s when I knew.” His mood shifted drastically from playful to serious and I struggled to keep my head from spinning. “That’s when I knew you were going to make an impact, Stella. I couldn’t… I couldn’t not be swept away in you. You were so much more than I hoped for… wished for. You were everything I wanted but so much more. That first morning, I knew we were going to be good together.”
I felt so utterly speechless. It had taken me so much longer. And there were moments I still doubted the rightness between us.
“Are we?” I asked gently.
“Good together?” He lifted his hand again and rubbed his thumb along my sticky bottom lip, adding a little pressure to the touch. “Yes.” And there was no room for doubt in that single, heavy word. “It’s hard now. But we’re still good. And things are… I’m more physical than I think I would normally be but we’re good together. We will always be good together. We were made for each other.”
“Is that enough for you?” I whispered the question, too afraid to give the words strength or credence.
“At one time it was more than enough… it was the reason I lived, the reason I was so willing to die… the reason I gave up my soul.”
I sunk against him and carelessly let the pillar of his body hold mine up. I was too weak to fight this. Too weak to be afraid of him.
I felt like too much of a coward with everything else. I didn’t want to include this moment too. I wanted to keep him apart from all my other fears.
Seth continued, “Now it’s the only thing I can cling to. I don’t feel hope but the faith I put in that single fact is the only thing I have left.”
“You have me, too,” I promised him.
“That’s why I’m here.” He stiffened and pulled back from me. Immediately I knew something was wrong. I’d been lulled into this moment by his almost normal behavior but I knew I wouldn’t like what he was going to say next. Foreboding trickled through my blood like a slow poison, working against my muscles and tightening my joints. My head felt fuzzy and my mouth went suddenly dry. “I am finished with you, Stella.”
I swiveled aroun
d on the table so I could look at his face and decipher his words. They didn’t make sense. He didn’t make sense.
“What do you mean, you’re finished with me?” I clenched the edge of the table and let the harsh wood stab into my palms.
“I did this to save you,” he reminded me needlessly.
“I know.”
“And I can’t save you if I’m the one that kills you.” His golden eyes turned the saddest shade of brown, as if whatever remaining Light left in him completely extinguished. “I’m cutting all ties with you. Whatever this is between us is only destroying me and I can’t take it anymore. It’s you or me and I’m not in any position to be generous these days.”
He hopped off the table and took a few steps back. “But without me you won’t stand a chance against the Darkness.” He wouldn’t look at me, even as I begged him to reconsider.
“I know.” He repeated my earlier statement.
Fear and dread bubbled up in my stomach and my eyes flooded with all the tears he seemed to always bring out. “So you’re giving up? You’re just going to let them have you? All because you don’t want to try anymore?”
He took three steps and pushed between my legs, getting right up in my face. “You have no idea what it’s like. How hard I fight to keep from hurting you, killing you. Do you know what it takes for me to be here tonight? How long I worked to cross that goddamn property line? You have no idea. And you never will. I gave up my soul to protect you and I’m fulfilling that end of the bargain. But that’s all I’m going to do for you because I cannot make myself do more. I’m a slave to this now and you would be smart to steer clear of me. If we meet again, it will be as enemies. No more mixed messages, no more hot and cold. We’re through, Stella. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get your head on straight and possibly survive one of our future meetings. I wash my hands completely of this. Completely of you.”
While he spoke, his hands had gripped my biceps only to slide up my body and around my neck. He wasn’t hurting me but he was in the obvious position to strangle me. The message was clear.
Stupid but clear.
Tears pushed hot and wet against my eyes but I refused to let them fall. This wasn’t Seth. This wasn’t who he was or why he’d sold his soul. I could give him this. I could let him walk away from me and save us both from that tragic end.
But we weren’t over. And we couldn’t walk away from each other any more than we could disentangle our futures. I had been living with only bits and pieces of him over the last few months; I would survive it if I didn’t see him again for another year.
Maybe.
But chances were, we would run into each other. It was hard not to when I was trying to kill his Team Darkness mentor and he was trying to kill me.
“Fine,” I said evenly. “Do what you have to do. A year from now… things will be different.”
His fingertips flexed against my throat. “Maybe.”
I nodded in acknowledgment that they very well might not be different. His soul might never come back. His… goodness might disappear forever.
Especially if he didn’t have me to hold onto.
“You should go,” I whispered as his fingers dug deeper into my neck. This was now a losing battle for him. I could see that. I could admit how damaging my presence would be for him.
He crooked a wicked smile at me. “I’m glad you understand. I expected more weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
I shrugged one shoulder. “And I expected you to last longer.”
“Guess we can both be disappointed then.”
“Guess so.”
His hands dropped to his sides and he took a few steps toward the door. This was it. This was goodbye.
At least for a year.
Just at the door he turned back around to have the last word. “Oh, and Stella, if the human ever gets that close to your bedroom again, I’ll slit his throat.”
He took off then and I tried not to smile. Obviously, I was a little concerned for Tristan’s safety, but I could see the value in maintaining a healthy distance with him.
Because Seth had just broken up with me and then revealed his secret… that he still cared… that he would still be watching… that we weren’t really over.
Seth had risked everything, given up everything to protect me.
Now I would do the same thing.
Chapter Seven
“Obviously, we have to kill him,” Nate declared, tossing his battle sword on the kitchen table.
I sucked in a breath and tried not to get frustrated. “We’ve been trying to kill him, Nathaniel. Nothing has worked thus far.” Okay, I was a bit snappish and I didn’t really have a legitimate reason to be. Other than Seth… abandoning me twice now. Gosh, I was too emotional for this line of work. On movies the broken-hearted girls got to sit around in their three-day-old pajamas and eat buckets of ice cream. That sounded amazing compared to what I had to do.
Which was to devise a foolproof plan to kill Aliah.
Plus, Seth had ruined ice cream for me forever. In no way would another pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough be emotionally therapeutic.
In fact, it would very much be the opposite.
Although, thinking this through now, I really couldn’t wait to plunge my katana through Aliah’s large intestines until the tip of my sword came out through the other side of his spine. Then I would pull it out only to bring it down across his throat until his head detached from his body and his open neck became a geyser of blood that would paint the streets with his foul carnage.
Deep breath. I might have been just a touch over enthusiastic about that Aliah’s end.
“Stella,” my mom scolded. Her contacts were back in and her unnatural brown eyes frowned at me with disappointment.
“It’s alright, Celina,” Nate assured her. “I would be just as unpleasant if Serena left me. Twice.”
I kicked his shin underneath the table and he jerked forward with a smug smile on his face. “I’m not unpleasant.”
He barked out a laugh, “No, it’s much worse than that.”
“Viperish,” Serena chuckled with him.
If they weren’t careful, I would practice my Aliah takedown on them.
Ahem, maybe I could see their point.
“Jude,” Jupiter announced seemingly from nowhere. “Jude will be the key.”
“In what way?” I couldn’t even stomach the idea of seeing Jude again. With Seth gone, and Tristan at a safe distance- safe, as in for his life, not our relationship… we were beyond that now- Jude felt like a cheap replacement for both of the boys in my life that meant so much. Jude’s stalker-like behavior and role in my life were issues of severe contention and disappointment. I didn’t want anything to do with him. Ever again.
“He’ll lead us to Aliah,” Jupiter finished.
“Only if it’s a trap,” I snorted. “Jude would never help us.”
The kitchen fell silent as we digested that. It was true, but something felt wrong about it. I couldn’t place my doubt, but for some reason I wondered if there was actually a scenario in which Jude might consider helping our side. He was obligated to help me only if my life was in danger. But that wasn’t by choice.
Right?
“Okay, so maybe he doesn’t lead us to Aliah because he wants to,” my father suggested.
“You want to what? Like torture him for information?” I asked coolly. I was on board with that. I smothered my excited grin.
My parents gaped at me, Nate and Serena burst into amused laughter while Jupiter looked as though he were seriously considering it.
My dad shook his head, “I’m sorry Seth did such a number on you, Stella-bean. Men are jerks.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Thanks for the support, Dad.”
He winked at me. “I meant, that maybe he leads us to Aliah on accident. Maybe he doesn’t know we’re following him or that he’s leading us straight back to the nest.”
“Like I follow him.” The light
bulb above my head clicked on.
Nate, Serena and my parents nodded their heads in unison.
“You could text us when you’re close,” Serena suggested. “We surprise them this time. We get a step ahead and don’t stop until he’s finished.”
“He lives alone,” Jupiter added. “You’ll have to follow him when you know for sure he’s headed toward Aliah.”
“And when will I know that?” I felt a little of my enthusiasm fade. “When he gets the Bat-Signal in the sky?”
Nate started cracking up and almost on cue, Jupiter asked, “What is a bat signal?”
“How am a going to figure out when Jude is meeting up with Aliah?”
“Instinct, Starling. You were born with an ocean of it.” Jupiter was less amused with my surly attitude than Nate and I couldn’t really blame him.
I had been pretty awful to be around since Seth left two days ago. My mom had been more than a little concerned about me, which was why she called this meeting of the minds.
“Can I kill Aliah?” I asked bluntly. “What does the contract say exactly? What happens if I kill him?”
“We don’t know,” Serena growled. “And I’m not sure there’s a way to find out.”
“Then I shouldn’t be the one.” As much as that would kill me. As much as I would hate not being the final nail in Aliah’s long-time-coming coffin, I needed to pass off the job. “If Seth were to lose more of himself because I violated some ridiculous contract I would never forgive myself.”
“We should find out exactly what it says,” my mom agreed. “Before we hunt down Aliah, we should read the fine print.”
“We also need to figure out someone to trust in the Council.” My dad pushed back in his chair, making the wooden legs holding him up scrape across the tile floor. “If Aliah really is working for the traitor, then we need to send word to someone. Taking down Aliah might solve a whole host of problems, or simply eliminate the middle man. We need to figure out who the traitor is and destroy him before he retaliates.”
“Can I claim that kill?” I asked seriously. “Now there is a life I would like to take brutally. And no contract involved.”