CHAPTER VII
_How Pinocchio Came Face to Face with Our Alpine Troops_
If you had come across him unexpectedly in his new costume I assureyou you would not have recognized him. On his head was a woolen helmetfrom which emerged only his eyes and the point of his nose; on hisback was a short coat of goatskin which swelled him out like a Germanstuffed with beer and sausage; his legs were lost in a pair of bigboots with lots of nails. Around his waist was a huge belt of leatherfrom which hung a number of small rope ends, and in his hand hecarried a splendid stick with an iron point. Captain Teschisso was agentleman and wanted his new orderly to be magnificently equipped.That odd creature of a mountaineer amused himself thoroughly with therascal Pinocchio. It didn't seem real to see him struggling toconquer the mountain peaks and ready to fight those dogs of Austrianswho were up there and with whom he had so many accounts to settle.They had arrived one morning at Fort ---- (censor). Teschisso had beengreeted like one raised from the dead. Finally the soldiers had throwntheir arms about his neck and kissed and hugged him. They all seemedlike one family, and for a fact they did all resemble one another alittle: tall, with extraordinary beards, with muscular legs straightas a column and hands that seemed made to give vigorous blows.
"Where is my company?"
"On ---- [oh, that censor!], at nine thousand feet altitude."
"All well?"
"'Most all."
"And the Boches, where are they?"
"Bah! We've got them on the run."
"Send my things up to me with the first supply division; I'm off nowat once."
"Nine feet of snow and a biting wind."
"Heavens! If I were sure of finding that dog who cut my beard I wouldgo to hell itself."
"I am thinking less of you than of your little orderly."
"Ha! That youngster has a wooden leg and is as hardy as a goat."
Pinocchio, to show off, whirled his leg around and with a shy glanceconvinced himself that in a wink of the eye he had won the respect ofthe little garrison.
* * * * *
"Listen, Captain, if you give me something to eat I'll go ahead; ifyou don't, here's where I stay."
"Indeed!"
"How indeed! Did you understand that I am hungry?"
"And I have nothing more to give you to eat."
"And I stop here."
"You'll get caught in a blizzard and buried in snow and will be frozenhard like Neapolitan ice-cream."
"But ... I'm hungry."
"You have eaten two rations of bread, a box of conserved beef, nearlyhalf a pound of chocolate ..."
"Is it my fault if the air of these mountains makes me as hungry as awolf? You should have told me before we left. Now I know why you arealways saying that you would like to eat so many Austrians. But if youthink I can get used to the same diet you are much mistaken."
"Are you coming or aren't you?"
"Is it much farther?"
"Do you see that cloud up there?"
"I defy any one not to see it."
"When that is passed there is a crack in the mountain called Spaccata;we must cross that and we are there--at least if they haven't gone onahead."
"In the clouds? Really in the clouds?"
"Certainly."
"Listen, Captain, do I really seem to you as much of a fool as that?"
"Just now, yes."
"Thanks, but you can go in the clouds by yourself; I'll turn back andbid you farewell."
He tried to make one of his usual pirouettes to turn around, but thesnow slipped under his feet and he fell, sitting down, and, sliding onthe white surface, was precipitated down the slope of the mountainwith terrifying speed.
"Help! Help!"
"Stick your staff in! Stick your staff in!" yelled Teschisso, whoalready believed him lost.
He had need to yell. Pinocchio was flying along like a little steamerunder forced draught and couldn't hear anything, I assure you.Suddenly he stopped as if he were nailed to the snow. That was to beexpected, you say, with that air of superior beings you assume everynow and then. I know--but I can tell you Pinocchio didn't expect it,nor even Teschisso, who was leaping down to help his little friend.
"Are you hurt?"
"No."
"Do you feel ill?"
"No, not exactly ill, but I suffered terribly from--lack of courage."
"Why don't you get up?"
"I'm afraid of sliding off again."
"Let me help you."
Captain Teschisso took hold of the rope Pinocchio had tied around hiswaist and pulled one end of it through his leather belt, fastened theother end round his body, and, after planting his feet firmly, said:"Take hold of the rope and pull yourself up. You are quite safe; themountain will crumble before I fall."
Pinocchio did his best to get on his feet, but couldn't succeed. Hishinder parts adhered to the crust of the snow as if some magician hadglued them firmly. Teschisso, who had little patience and thought thatPinocchio was feigning in order not to have to climb the mountain,gave such a vigorous pull on the rope tied to the boy's belt that hejerked him up, swung him through the air for several feet, and flunghim face downward on a heap of snow as downy as a feather-bed. A pieceof gray cloth left behind showed the spot where Pinocchio had beenmiraculously halted in his precipitous descent. Teschisso glanced atit and couldn't keep back one of his loud, honest mountain laughs.Pinocchio, believing he was being swung around for fun, sprang to hisfeet, so furious that the captain's hilarity grew even stronger andlouder.
"Heavens! And you can thank Heaven that you are still in the land ofthe living. Look there and feel the back of your trousers. Hah, hah,hah! Don't you understand yet what has happened to you? You werecaught in a wolf-trap which the Austrians put there to catch some ofus, and instead you were the one, which isn't the same thing at all."
PINOCCHIO DID HIS BEST TO GET ON HIS FEET, BUT COULDN'TSUCCEED]
Notwithstanding the laughter of the captain, Pinocchio's angerevaporated in a second. His eyes were fixed on the scraps of histrousers that still hung on the teeth of the trap and his hands wererubbing the frozen surface left uncovered. He longed to cry, and feltso ridiculous that he was almost on the point of flinging himselfagain down the snowy slope.
"Come on, come on! There's no time to lose. There is a long road to goand the clouds are hanging lower. There's no sense in your stayingthere like a macaw, weeping for the seat of your breeches. When wearrive up there I'll have the company's tailor mend them for you.You've got to march, and no more nonsense. Forward, march!"
"Captain, it's impossible."
"Heavens alive! How impossible?"
"I am not presentable."
"Why?"
"If we find the enemy and the Austrians see me with my trousers insuch a state, they will say that the Italian army ..."
"Fool! The Italian army never turns its rear to the enemy, and youwon't, either."
"But ..."
"If you are afraid of taking cold in your spine that's another matter.If that's the case let's see what can be done."
Captain Teschisso turned Pinocchio over, took a copy of a newspaperout of his pocket, folded it over four times, and stuck it into thehole of the trousers. And he did it so well that the "Latest News"with the headlines seemed to be framed in the ragged edges of thecloth.
"There you are. Are you satisfied?"
To tell the truth, he would have preferred to consider a little beforeanswering, but the captain didn't give him the time. He started offwith a quick stride, pulling the rope after him which he had fastenedto his belt, as if bringing a calf to the butcher.
* * * * *
I do not know if you, my children, have ever been up in the highmountains. You must know that after you reach a certain altitude,whether because the air becomes rarefied or because of the silencethat surrounds you, you seem to be living another life in anotherworld. Your breath
grows shorter; it seems as if you could not draw along one, while the lungs are so full of oxygen that the heart beatsmore rapidly; then fatigue is followed by a condition of strangetorpor. Nevertheless, you continue to climb without effort, as if thelegs moved automatically. If you speak, the voice reaches the earsfaintly as if it came from a distance. Sometimes you have a certaindiscomfort called mountain-sickness, which makes the temples throb andbrings with it such a languor that the traveler is forced to give uphis ascent. Pinocchio, who for some time had been experiencing allthese sensations peculiar to the high mountains, found himselfsuddenly hidden in a fog so thick that he couldn't see a hand's-breathbefore his nose.
Not seeing Teschisso any more, and not feeling his numbed legs move,and feeling himself dragged upward and upward through the darkness asif by some prodigious force, he really imagined himself to haveentered a new world, and was seized by such a terror that he began toscream as if his throat were being cut. But, seeing that his voicedidn't carry far and that Teschisso was not affected by it, he thoughtit easier to let himself be dragged along and to spare his breath fora better cause.
"I'd like to know where that creature is dragging me," he began togrumble in a low voice like a somnambulist in the dark to give himselfcourage. "I'd like to know where he is taking me. I am almostbeginning to believe that I am really in the clouds, but I'd like toknow what need there is to climb 'way up here to fight when there isplenty of room down below. Anyway, I don't believe that we'll find asingle Austrian up here in the clouds; it's just a fancy of thecaptain, who must be a trifle crazy. Once I heard a country priest saythat the Heavenly Father lives in the clouds to let the water downwhen the peasants need it to water their cabbages and turnips, and tokeep the sun lighted to warm those who have no clothes. It looks to meas if He had let the Alpine troops take His place.
"Hum! Let's see how this is going to come out. All I care about is tofill my stomach when we arrive, because I am hungry and can't stand itany longer. I've been eating snow for an hour now, but I don't get anynourishment from that. I am beginning to think I was better off whereI was before. If Bersaglierino hadn't been injured I'd still be withhim and his fine regiment. At least down there I could hear somenoise ... patapin! patapum ... pum! Here there's nothing but snow andice, not a living person to be seen. I should just like to know withwhom we can fight. In any case, if the Austrians are up there it seemsto me it'll be hard to get close enough to bother them.... But it'seasy to see that the air up there isn't for me; I can scarcely go on,but if I slip I'd have to fall all the way, as I did this morning. IfI hadn't been so frightened I should almost have enjoyed it. I wentalong like a trolley-car, and such speed! But I left my trousers onthe way. A nice sight I'll be when I'm introduced to the company withthe newspaper on ... the rear front! And, to tell the truth, itdoesn't keep me very warm. I feel a little cold in my back. I don'tknow whether it really comes from that, but I feel it, almost--if Ididn't feel so well--as if I were going to be sick."
Teschisso noticed the dead weight on the rope he was pulling andabsent-mindedly quickened his pace, so terrifyingly horizontal. If theboy had fainted it wouldn't be an easy matter to carry him to safetyin such weather. Although he knew the rocks inch by inch, it was noteasy to find the way in the whiteness of the snow nor to judge howmuch more of the road there still remained to cover, on account of thefog which hid the landscape. He was reproaching himself for not havinglistened to the advice of his comrades at the fort, who had advisedhim to delay his climb, when he heard a strange metallic noise whichgrew stronger each moment.
"No so bad. Here we are!"
He took a few steps more, then, pulling from his pocket a hornwhistle, he blew several short, shrill blasts. He was answered by adozen voices, one deep one calling:
"Who goes there?"
"Friends."
"Pasquale."
"Pinerolo."
"I'm well. Who are you?"
"Captain Teschisso."
"Bah! Don't believe it."
"Here, you dog! I tell you it is I."
"Captain Teschisso is killed. Too bad. I saw him fall down in thevalley."
"Oh, did you, Sergeant Minestron?"
"I'll be dogged if it isn't he; it really is he!"
From the fog emerged several Alpine figures; they came nearer, growingmore distinct, and then there was a yell of delight.
"It is he in flesh and blood. Hurrah!"
"Hurrah for our captain!"
"Thank God that he is really alive."
"Lieutenant, Lieutenant, come here ... a surprise!"
"Captain, how many surprises?"
"Let me get my breath; you are suffocating me with your hugs. Whereare they?"
"The Austrians?"
"Heavens! Whom do you suppose I'm talking about? I came up here forthe express purpose of getting even with them!"
"They are a long distance away, Captain. We must transport ourartillery up to Mount X [censor]; there we'll go for them."
"And have you got the _filovia_ [aerial railway] in working order forthat purpose?"
"Yes, indeed! They have been working on it for three days."
"And the company?"
"They are intrenched in the hut on Mount X with the battalion."
"It will take four good hours to get there."
"Even more, Captain."
"And how will I manage to tow along this lump of a Pinocchio who ishalf dead with mountain-sickness?"
"Pinocchio?"
"Where is he?"
"Pull the rope and take him off my back; he has tired me out."
Pinocchio, who was in a state of great weakness and curiously sleepy,felt himself lifted up and whirled around to the outburst of loudlaughter. It seemed to him that something slipped down his throatwhich burned and made him cough and sneeze ... then he thought he wasstretched out on a bed that was rather hard, but covered with warm andheavy coverings; then ... he experienced a strange feeling of comfortdisturbed only by a long, monotonous, persistent humming.
If he had been able to notice what was happening to him he wouldeither have died of fright or he would have believed himself in thevery hands of God. Fastened to the gun-carriage of a six-inch cannon,suspended in the car of a _filovia_, he was traveling over the abysswhich separates two of our giant Alps. Below him was a sea of clouds,above the beautiful blue sky, all about him the gleam of white snow,and on the snow here and there a group of little gray points, likegrains of sand lost in all this immensity. Those were our Alpinetroops, the dear big boys who were laughing at the joke played onPinocchio, and defying serenely all the obstacles that nature opposedto their victorious advance on Italian soil which Austria's power hadfor so many years disputed with us.
* * * * *
When Pinocchio regained his senses he found himself lying on theground wrapped up in coverlets and warm as a bun just out of the oven.Above his head dangled horizontally the huge basket from which he hadbeen flung by the shock of its sudden halt, and which swung on thesteel cables of the _filovia_ as if it were weary of being up thereand eager to set about its job. All about was the gleam of the snow,even though the light was growing paler every moment. I bet you asoldo against a lira what hour it was. But Pinocchio guessed it fromthe odor of cooking which sweetened the air all about, an odor whichwould have brought a dead dyspeptic to life. He sniffed the air like abloodhound, rolled his eyes in every direction, in all corners, todiscover the spot whence came the delicious fragrance, but couldn'tsee anything but snow, nothing, not even a curl of distant smoke. Hewas so hungry that he thought he would faint.
"I am dreaming with eyes open. How is it possible that there should bein this desert pastry covered with caramel sauce? Because I know I amnot mistaken ... the odor I smell is just that. If I had only a pieceof bread, by means of my nose and by means of my mouth I could foolmyself into believing that I was dining magnificently, but ..."
But the odor affected him so strongly that he had to get up to limberup hi
s muscles. He had scarcely got to his feet when a strange thinghappened--from the very spot where he had been lying a puff of smokerose gently upward, and this smoke had precisely the odor of pastrycovered with caramel sauce.
Pinocchio crossed his hands over his empty stomach and stood for amoment pondering. Never in all his life had he had presented to himso difficult a problem as this to solve. He thought and thought, and,like Galileo, had recourse to the experimental method. He knelt downin the snow and began to scrape it away with his hands on the spotwhere his body, covered by the latest issue of the newspaper, had leftan impression. The smell of caramel sauce kept growing more fragrant,and Pinocchio's tongue licked the end of his nose so solemnly that hewould have made the inventor of handkerchiefs blush with shame.Suddenly a deep opening appeared under the snow. Pinocchio stuck hisarms in up to the elbows and uttered a shriek of terror. His hands andwrists were held as in a fiery vise and his arms were pulled soviolently that he was jerked face down on the earth and his nose stuckinto the snow.
If he had not been in such an uncomfortable position and had been ableto look over his shoulder he would have seen four devils of Alpinetroopers advancing very quietly, guns pointed and bayonets fixed. Itcould be only a starved Austrian who would attempt to enter throughthe dugout's little window cut through the snow into the officers'mess, and they intended giving him a fine welcome. A corporal with areddish beard which hung down to his stomach stood two paces away,ready to give him a bayonet thrust that would have run him throughlike a snipe on a spit, but suddenly he focused his eyes on a certainpoint, advanced on his hands and knees, and began to read the "LatestNews" which he had caught sight of in the seat of Pinocchio'strousers.
The Alpine troops are the bravest soldiers in the world; if any onedoubts this let him ask the hunters of that foolish gallows-bird of anemperor; but they are not all well educated, and for this reasonCorporal Scotimondo, as soon as he had spelled out the interestingheadline, signaled to his comrades to advance cautiously.
You can't have the faintest idea of how important a newspaperbecomes, even if it is not a particularly late one, up there amongthose snow-clad peaks where our soldiers were fighting for a greaterItaly. So this editorial, which contained the news of the miraculousconquest of the Col di Lana, deserved to be preserved in the archivesamong the masterpieces of our glory, instead of in the seat ofPinocchio's trousers.
As I have told you, Corporal Scotimondo could scarcely spell, butamong his three comrades Private Draghetta was looked upon as agenius, because as a civilian he had been a clerk in Cuneo. ButDraghetta, who could see the Austrians a mile off and when he saw themnever failed to knock them over with a shot from his gun, wasnearsighted as a mole, and when he wanted to read had to rub his noseinto the print.
When Pinocchio felt Draghetta's nose tickle him he began to kick likea donkey stung by a gadfly.
"Hold him tight; tie him. We've taken the Col di Lana! The Col di Lanais ours!"
"Really?"
"Is it true?"
"Read it, Draghetta ... don't be afraid ... I'll hold him for you."
Scotimondo sat astride Pinocchio's back and squeezed him with hisknees so hard that he took his breath away.
"'Yesterday our brave Alpine troops, supported by infantry regiments,by means of a brilliant attack gained the highest summit of the Col diLana, which is now safely in our possession.' ... Hurrah!"
"Hurrah for Italy!"
"Hurrah for the King!"
They were crazy with joy and danced about on the snow like fiends,throwing their plumed hats up into the air, waving their guns abovetheir heads. Suddenly, just as if they had risen from the ground, ahundred soldiers appeared and surrounded them.
"What is it?"
"What has happened?"
"The Col di Lana is ours!"
"Hurrah for Italy!"
"Who told you so?"
"Where did you hear it?"
"In the latest news of the _Corriere_."
"Are you certain?"
"Where did you find it?"
"If you don't believe it, ask Draghetta."
All this noise, this rushing out of the trenches and the soldiersstaying in the open, was against regulations, so that LieutenantSfrizzoli couldn't let it pass without giving vent to one of his usualfits of rage. Red as a radish, he rushed toward Draghetta, shovingapart the group of rejoicing Alpine soldiers, and stopped in front ofhim, legs wide apart, and with fists clenched.
"Is it you, Draghetta, who have set the camp in such an uproar?"
"Not I, sir; it is the Col di Lana."
"What? What? What?"
"We've taken it, sir."
"Who told you?"
"I read it myself."
"Where?"
"On ... on ..."
"Well?"
"I don't want to be lacking in respect, sir, to my superior officer,no matter what the occasion may be ..."
"Stupid! Tell me where you read it."
"On the frontispiece of a book without words belonging to an Austriansoldier who ..."
Draghetta didn't succeed in getting out another word. Somethinginterposed between him and the lieutenant with a lightning-likerapidity ... and he felt a terrible kick in the shins which made himroll over on the ground with pain.
"Mr. Lieutenant, it is I ... the scout Pinocchio, under CaptainTeschisso's protection. I took part in the campaign on the Isonzo andleft a leg there and in its place I now have a wooden leg of perfectItalian manufacturing. He told you what he thought was so, but I begto convince you of the contrary. But the news about the Col di Lana istrue, as true as can be. Here is the _Corriere_ which was on thefrontispiece ... of my book without words, in the seat of my trousers.But, as I can't stand the cold, I beg you to have a patch put on andto have served to me a plate of that pastry cooked under the snow,because I am so hungry I could eat even you."
Shortly after the delighted Pinocchio sat in front of a dish piledhigh with spaghetti, and surrounded by soldiers of the company whonever stopped asking him questions about how the war was going down inthe plains. With his mouth full he kept turning to this one and thatone, uttering inarticulate sounds that might have come from a suckingpig.
* * * * *
The arrival of Captain Teschisso was the signal for a furious attack.He had seen in the distance a long file of the enemy clad in whiteshirts moving across the snow; he had hurried to the dugout to givethe alarm and, taking command of the company, had flung himself on thefoe, who, relying too much on the secrecy of his attack, was beatenand put to flight.
Pinocchio had assisted in the action at a loophole in the trench,armed with the finest of spy-glasses. The Alpine troops had performedprodigious deeds of valor. The captain came back with two prisoners,one a Hungarian and one a Croat, whom he held by the collars as ifthey were two mice surprised while robbing tripe from the larder.
"Heavens! What blows!" he cried, happily, to the soldiers whosurrounded him, rejoicing. "But, boys, I won't let them sleepto-night. We must get ready for an attack in force. We must make thesepigs sing!"
There was no time to pay any attention to them. A few moments later arain of shells began to fall around the neighborhood of the dugout.The Austrians wanted to revenge themselves from a distance for theirsudden rout. Teschisso ordered four mountain guns which had justarrived by the _filovia_ to be mounted on the gun-carriages, assembledhis men, and ran to take up his position in an excavation nearly amile away whence it was possible to observe the enemy's position.Pinocchio and Ciampanella, the company cook, remained behind to guardthe dugout, and to them had been assigned the care of the twoprisoners from whom Teschisso hoped later to obtain some definiteinformation.
CIAMPANELLA, THE COMPANY COOK]