“Look at me.”
Opening my eyes again, I see Pierce. All the doubt melts away as I watch him slip my panties off.
I feel the realness. The connection. Even if this isn’t forever, it won’t be a regret. I want this … I want every part of him.
He kisses me tenderly, easing my nerves as he enters me. He does it slowly all the while keeping his lips on mine. He fills me completely—body and heart. Over and over.
“Amazing,” he says as he picks up pace. “You’re absolutely amazing.”
I wrap my legs around him, creating even more friction. He pushes in quickly then pulls out slowly—not all the way but enough for me to crave more.
“Oh my God,” I pant as the first orgasm hits.
“Jesus,” he groans as I pulse around him.
He pulls my nipple between his teeth. I whimper. He thrusts into me harder. My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling at it until his mouth is back on mine.
Pierce is desire, but he could be love. I feel him everywhere—places I haven’t been touched in a while.
His lips suddenly halt as he pushes inside me one last time, whispering my name over and over again. And for several minutes, we stay like that, our heavy breaths mixing.
My mind wants to wander off to the last time someone touched me like this, but I focus on the feel of his skin against mine—his heart beating against mine. Making comparisons between what I can and can’t have would be worthless.
“Pinch me,” Pierce says, breaking through my thoughts. His voice is huskier than usual.
“What?”
“Pinch me.”
And, I do … on his bare ass.
“So, I wasn’t dreaming,” he mumbles, lying his head on my chest.
“I hope not,” I say softly, curling his hair around my fingers. It’s nice just to lay like this with the comfort of a man’s warm skin. “Do we have to go to that party tonight? I’d much rather lay here with you.”
He rests his chin on my chest, staring at me. “If you put another dress on, we’ll have something to look forward to later.”
All I can do is grin. There’s no reason to worry about the past when what I have now is pretty sweet.
Those things we had to take care of before Wade’s get together ended up being sex, a short nap, and showers. I can’t complain.
My phone rings just as I’m about to head back over to Pierce’s room.
“Hi,” I answer, using my free hand to slip my black heels on.
“Hi. What are you up to?” Mallory asks. “You sound out of breath.”
“Just getting ready to go to an event for all the people working on the New York project.”
“Oh, God. I need to tell you something.”
“Why do I have a feeling this isn’t going to be good?” I ask, holding my clutch as tightly as possible.
I can practically hear her pacing on the other end of the phone. “The guy you’re working with—Wade I think it is—he called Blake for the same project.” There’s a long pause … too long.
“And?” I ask, my voice practically shaking.
“He accepted,” she whispers.
“I can’t … I haven’t. Shit.”
“There’s more,” she interjects before I get too far in my ramblings. “I just talked to him. He’s going to an event tonight, too. He didn’t say where, but—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I finally say, looking over at the digital alarm clock. “There’s going to be a lot of people there. I probably won’t even see him.” I don’t believe a word I’m saying, but it makes me feel better.
“I just thought you should know.”
“Thank you,” I answer quietly, suddenly searching for any reason not to go. This day has been so perfect. Why does my perfect always get ruined? “Can I ask you one thing?”
“Of course.”
“Why did he come back now? After all this time, why now?” I ask.
“Ask him. He didn’t tell me, but I think we both know why he’s back.”
With no more time to waste, we say a quick goodbye. I was sort of looking forward to tonight, and now I can’t wait for it to be over with. The timing of it all couldn’t be worse. After debating telling Pierce, I decide not to because, knowing Blake, he won’t even show up tonight. Or, if he does, we won’t see him.
At 8:33, I open my door to let Pierce know I’m ready only to find him standing in the hallway with his back against his door. He looks edible in a black suit and tie. He’s all I’ve thought about the last hour with exception to the last few minutes. Seeing him now brings him back to the forefront.
“Ready?” I ask, grinning big to mask my nerves.
His lips part as he starts toward me, wrapping his arm around me to pull me to his chest. “Maybe we should skip the party. I can think of something else I’d rather be doing.”
He could convince me with a kiss.
“I already offered that, remember? Besides, we can have the best of both worlds. Let’s go have a drink or two, and then we can come back, and you can do what you said you were going to do.” I need to know if what Mallory said is true, I think to myself. My affections lie with Pierce, but Blake has my curiosity
He grins. Fuck me. “I’ll be thinking about it the whole time we’re there. Remember that when I’m staring at you.”
I swallow hard. Just thinking about it makes me want to push him into my room, but this is business. Business and pleasure can’t be mixed, but they can be stacked. “One hour. We’ll stay one hour then come back here.”
“What are we waiting for then?” he asks, grabbing my hand. “The quicker we get there, the quicker we get back here.”
By the time we step outside to climb in the waiting car, it’s dark outside. This is when I love New York the most—seeing the city lights.
As the car pulls away from the curb, Pierce’s hand grips my thigh. The sleeveless black cocktail dress I’m wearing leaves him lots of room to explore, and he does—his fingertips tracing circles on my inner thighs.
For once, I close my eyes to the passing lights. It’s nice to have someone who helps you forget. There’s a lot I’d like to forget right now. “How long is the ride?” I ask, resting my hand on his knee.
“Just a few more blocks.”
I run my hand up his thigh—all the way—until I feel just how much he’s affected by the simple touches between us. “That’s too bad.”
He leans in, whispering against my ear, “One hour, Ms. Fields.”
He presses his fingers between my legs. My breath hitches. I look up to see if the driver is watching, but he isn’t.
“One hour,” he repeats before pulling his hand away.
The car pulls up in front of a well-appointed brick building on Park Avenue. I wouldn’t be surprised if Wade owned the whole damn thing.
My knees are weak as I step onto the sidewalk, probably a mix of Pierce and needing to eat and who I might see once we’re inside. I hope Mallory is wrong because if she isn’t, I have no idea what I’m going to do. “These things make me kind of nervous,” I admit.
“Stay close to me, okay?”
I nod, letting him lead the way to Wade’s top floor penthouse.
WE’VE BEEN HERE FOR ten minutes, and I already want to evacuate. It’s a room full of people I don’t know … people who I feel are better than me. I’m a frog on a Lillie pad while everyone else in the room owns a pond.
When we first stepped inside, I scanned the room for any sign of him and was relieved that he was nowhere in sight. It wouldn’t be unlike him to not show for something like this.
I smile, walking through the room with Pierce as others greet him.
“Stanley, I haven’t seen you in ages. Where have you been?” It’s the fourth person who has stopped him since we walked in. I haven’t even made it to the appetizers yet.
He squeezes my hand. “I’ve been working on a few projects in the Midwest. You?”
“I just got back from Paris. Did a renovati
on on a nineteenth century.”
“That’s exciting,” Pierce states. I’ve learned the differences in his tone when he does and does not like someone; this is someone he’d rather pass by. “Royce, I’d like you to meet Lila Fields. She’s my new partner.”
“Nice to meet you,” Royce smiles, holding his hand out to me.
“Like wise,” I respond, dropping Pierce’s hand to accept Royce’s.
As they continue in conversation, my mind drifts off. My eyes scan the room, full of well-dressed men, many with beautiful women on their arms. A few of them look lost like me, but most own the room like professional socialites. This could never be my whole life, I think to myself.
And, as I continue scanning, I see him.
He’s here. The man who stole my soul is standing across the room with his back against the wall. My eyes are locked on him, but his eyes dance around the room like I’m not here. Maybe to him, I never was. Maybe he’s looking for the next one—the girl he’ll show the world to then disappear.
I look beside me—at Pierce—and I feel sick that any part of me even wants to go across the room. I feel sick because there’s a man here who I know could make me happy—who does make me happy—and yet I’m willing to throw it all away. He looks away from Royce, eyes instantly finding mine. He smiles, and I return it the best I can because for just a few more minutes, I need him to think that nothing has changed. And, maybe nothing has.
“I’m going to find the restroom,” I whisper to Pierce.
“I’ll come with you.”
Shaking my head, I say, “No, you stay. I’ll be right back.”
He nods, hesitantly, and I wait for him to turn his attention back to Royce before blazing a path through the crowd, anxious to prove to myself that this isn’t a dream.
The shield cracks.
My heart races.
His eyes still roam, taking in everything … everything but me.
I’m not going to let him out of my sight … I’m not going to let him hide from the anguish he’s buried me in the last several months. He has nowhere to run. Even if he did, I wouldn’t let him, not this time.
A few long strides and I’m standing in front of him, staring into those familiar pained eyes. When you love someone, it’s impossible to look at them and feel hate. You may want to feel it. You may think you feel it, but love and hate can’t co-exist. I hate that I love him, but I can’t hate him.
And, I want to hate him. It would make it easier to love someone like Pierce who deserves my heart. This man stole it months ago, and I don’t think he has any intention of returning it. Sometimes I don’t know if I want it back.
But then, I think of the last few days—few months actually—and I realize another man may be winning it back for me. Maybe it’s not gone forever but simply misplaced.
His hair is a little longer, but he’s the same. The way he stands … the way his fingers curl around a beer bottle. He’s exactly the same.
“Blake,” I whisper, afraid of what he’ll say, what he’ll do. Still afraid he’ll find a way to run away, and I won’t be able to catch him.
He stares at me like he’s never even met me, or maybe he’s spent the last several months trying to forget me. I can’t say I haven’t tried to do the same. There’s not enough alcohol in the world do erase him.
“Does he make you happy?” he finally asks, practically staring through me. He sounds so broken, so sad.
“Who?” I ask, caught off guard by his question.
“Pierce. Does he make you happy?”
My eyes well with tears I’ve left unshed … tears I left for him to see. “Yes,” I whisper, doing my best to hold them in. He deserves to watch every single one of them run down my cheek but not here … not now.
He nods, reaching his fingers up toward my cheek before quickly pulling them back away. And just as quickly as he came back into my life, he’s gone.
It’s really over.
If any part of him wanted me, he would have fought for me.
“There you are,” Pierce says, wrapping his strong hands around my shoulders. Through the corner of my eye, I see Blake standing in the doorway. He nods then disappears. He left for me this time instead of just leaving me, but there was so much I wanted to say.
I take a deep breath and pull myself together before Pierce has a chance to see my face. He’ll know I’m not okay. “Actually,” I groan, rubbing my fingertips against my temples, “can we head back to the hotel? I’m not feeling well all of a sudden.”
His warm hands run down my bare arms then slowly slide up again. “Let’s get you something to eat.”
“No,” I snap, shrugging his hands away. “I need to go back to the hotel. Now, please.”
He comes around to look at me, holding my face in his hands. I want him to hold on to me but for all the wrong reasons. I’m tired of falling for the wrong guy. I’m tired of being alone. Fifteen minutes ago, he was my guy.
He made me smile when I thought my face was paralyzed.
He brought in sun when all I saw was clouds.
Now, I just feel unsteady.
He leans in, his forehead resting against mine. Closing my eyes, I try to forget everything else. I try to pretend that everything is okay, but I’ve never been good at pretending. “What’s the matter, Lila?” he whispers, gently brushing his lips against mine while his hands circle my hips.
“I saw him.”
“Who?” he asks quietly, forehead still pressed to mine.
My heart stops, just for a second. I’m going to say his name, and it will be real. And Pierce will know it’s real. “Blake.”
His body stiffens. His fingers dig into my skin. “Where?”
“He was here, but I think he left. I only talked to him for a minute.”
His hands slide up to my stomach, holding me tighter. “What did he say?”
Those damn tears are threatening. “He asked me if I’m happy. That was it … he just wanted to know if I was happy.”
He inhales.
My heart aches no matter how much I tell myself everything is okay—that nothing has changed. It’s taken me so long to get to where I am, and now, I’m lost again. Torn between two worlds … new and old, perfect and damaged. That line between right and wrong faded a few minutes ago. I thought I knew what I wanted; confusion is a nagging little bitch.
“What did you tell him?” he finally asks, drawing me away from the internal battle that’s raging. I just want it to go away.
“You know you make me happy,” I whisper, thinking of last night … the last few days. For at least a few seconds, the thought of him on me—inside of me—erases everything else.
It’s just temporary then the fleeting, contradictory feelings return, dragging my heart to my knees.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says, cradling my elbow to pull me through the crowd. My eyes are locked on the fancy travertine floors. I don’t want to see or hear anything; I just want out.
Before long, I’m tucked into the backseat of a waiting car. Pierce’s strong arms wrap around me, pulling my head to his chest. Gripping the lapels of his jacket, I hold him as close as I can, breathing in the subtle cologne he wears. He reminds me of the warm fleece blanket I carried around as a kid; it fixed everything.
“I knew he was going to be there tonight,” I finally acknowledge. My voice is purposefully quiet.
His fingertips that had been tracing small circles on my back still. “What did you just say?”
“Mallory warned me before we left the hotel. He’s working on the project, Pierce. Wade hired him on to complete the artwork.”
Silence follows. Too much silence.
“I should have told you,” I add. “I just didn’t want to believe it … I didn’t believe it.”
“I’m going to kill that asshole. It’s not a coincidence that he ended up on this project.” His hands leave me, and without looking, I know he’s combing his fingers through his hair. It’s what he does when he’
s thinking. “We can leave in the morning if you’d like. I’ll tell Wade he needs to find someone else to design the project. That’ll through a fucking curveball at his timeline.”
I shoot up, looking at Pierce’s angry expression under the faint glow of the streetlights. “No,” I answer, shaking my head.
He holds my cheeks in his hands. “I would never ask you to do this … to work with him after what he did to you.” He pauses, brushing his thumbs along my cheekbones. “You just found your way back, and I’m not going to lose you again. I won’t let him—”
“Pierce,” I interrupt. “I’ve worked so hard on this. For months, it was my everything, and I’m not going to let Wade or Blake take it away from me.”
“Then I’ll ask Wade to pull him from the project.”
“No.”
Taken aback, he loosens his grip on me. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want him looking at you, talking to you … you’re mine now. I don’t share. After last night, there’s no way I’m ever going to let you go.”
“Nothing’s going to happen. We just need to be professional about this.”
“It’s not us I’m worried about,” he snaps. “Can you tell me something?”
I stare at him. I’ll tell Pierce anything he asks, and he knows it.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Lila?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t go. Your business means—”
“Cut the bullshit. Why didn’t you tell me?”
My heart skips. Like a ton of bricks, it just hits me … the real reason I wanted to go tonight even though I knew Blake would be there. “I needed to see him. Partly, because I wanted to make sure he’s all right, and partly because I needed to know how I’d react. Closure I guess.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What did you feel? When you saw him … what did you feel?”
I cross my arms over my chest, forming an even stronger barrier. My heart pounds. My hands tingle. “Do you really want to hear this?”