rector's vexatious importunity, and Ciutazza hada jolly night and earned her shift.
(1) An augmentative form, with a suggestion of cagnazza, bitch-like.
NOVEL V.
--Three young men pull down the breeches of a judge from the Marches, whilehe is administering justice on the bench.--
So ended Emilia her story; and when all had commended the widowlady:--"'Tis now thy turn to speak," quoth the queen, fixing her gazeupon Filostrato, who answered that he was ready, and forthwith thusbegan:--Sweet my ladies, by what I remember of that young man, to wit,Maso del Saggio, whom Elisa named a while ago, I am prompted to lay asidea story that I had meant to tell you, and to tell you another, touchinghim and some of his comrades, which, notwithstanding there are in itcertain words (albeit 'tis not unseemly) which your modesty forbears touse, is yet so laughable that I shall relate it.
As you all may well have heard, there come not seldom to our citymagistrates from the Marches, who for the most part are men of a meanspirit, and in circumstances so reduced and beggarly, that their wholelife seems to be but a petty-foggery; and by reason of this their inbredsordidness and avarice they bring with them judges and notaries that haverather the air of men taken from the plough or the last than trained inthe schools of law.(1) Now one of these Marchers, being come hither asPodesta, brought with him judges not a few, and among them one thatcalled himself Messer Niccola da San Lepidio, and looked liker to alocksmith than aught else. However, this fellow was assigned with therest of the judges to hear criminal causes. And as folk will often go tothe court, though they have no concern whatever there, it so befell thatMaso del Saggio went thither one morning in quest of one of his friends,and there chancing to set eyes on this Messer Niccola, where he sate,deemed him a fowl of no common feather, and surveyed him from head tofoot, observing that the vair which he wore on his head was all begrimed,that he carried an ink-horn at his girdle, that his gown was longer thanhis robe, and many another detail quite foreign to the appearance of aman of birth and breeding, of which that which he deemed most notable wasa pair of breeches, which, as he saw (for the judge's outer garmentsbeing none too ample were open in front, as he sate), reached half-waydown his legs. By which sight his mind was presently diverted from thefriend whom he came there to seek; and forth he hied him in quest ofother two of his comrades, the one Ribi, the other Matteuzzo by name,fellows both of them not a whit less jolly than Maso himself; and havingfound them, he said to them:--"An you love me, come with me to the court,and I will shew you the queerest scarecrow that ever you saw." So the twomen hied them with him to the court; and there he pointed out to them thejudge and his breeches. What they saw from a distance served to set themlaughing: then drawing nearer to the dais on which Master Judge wasseated, they observed that 'twas easy enough to get under the dais, andmoreover that the plank, on which the judge's feet rested, was broken, sothat there was plenty of room for the passage of a hand and arm.Whereupon quoth Maso to his comrades:--"'Twere a very easy matter to pullthese breeches right down: wherefore I propose that we do so." Each ofthe men had marked how it might be done; and so, having concerted bothwhat they should do and what they should say, they came to the courtagain next morning; and, the court being crowded, Matteuzzo, observed bynever a soul, slipped beneath the dais, and posted himself right underthe spot where the judge's feet rested, while the other two men tooktheir stand on either side of the judge, each laying hold of the hem ofhis robe. Then:--"Sir, sir, I pray you for God's sake," began Maso,"that, before the pilfering rascal that is there beside you can make off,you constrain him to give me back a pair of jack boots that he has stolenfrom me, which theft he still denies, though 'tis not a month since I sawhim getting them resoled." Meanwhile Ribi, at the top of his voice,shouted:--"Believe him not, Sir, the scurvy knave! 'Tis but that he knowsthat I am come to demand restitution of a valise that he has stolen fromme that he now for the first time trumps up this story about a pair ofjack boots that I have had in my house down to the last day or two; andif you doubt what I say, I can bring as witness Trecca, my neighbour, andGrassa, the tripe-woman, and one that goes about gathering the sweepingsof Santa Maria a Verzaia, who saw him when he was on his way back fromthe farm." But shout as he might, Maso was still even with him, nor forall that did Ribi bate a jot of his clamour. And while the judge stood,bending now towards the one, now towards the other, the better to hearthem, Matteuzzo seized his opportunity, and thrusting his hand throughthe hole in the plank caught hold of the judge's breeches, and tugged atthem amain. Whereby down they came straightway, for the judge was a leanman, and shrunk in the buttocks. The judge, being aware of the accident,but knowing not how it had come about, would have gathered his outergarments together in front, so as to cover the defect, but Maso on theone side, and Ribi on the other, held him fast, shouting amain and inchorus:--"You do me a grievous wrong, Sir, thus to deny me justice, nay,even a hearing, and to think of quitting the court: there needs no writin this city for such a trifling matter as this." And thus they held himby the clothes and in parley, until all that were in the court perceivedthat he had lost his breeches. However, after a while, Matteuzzo droppedthe breeches, and slipped off, and out of the court, without beingobserved, and Ribi, deeming that the joke had gone far enough,exclaimed:--"By God, I vow, I will appeal to the Syndics;" while Maso, onthe other side, let go the robe, saying:--"Nay, but for my part, I willcome here again and again and again, until I find you less embarrassedthan you seem to be to-day." And so the one this way, the other that way,they made off with all speed. Whereupon Master Judge, disbreeched beforeall the world, was as one that awakens from sleep, albeit he was ware ofhis forlorn condition, and asked whither the parties in the case touchingthe jack boots and the valise were gone. However, as they were not to befound, he fell a swearing by the bowels of God, that 'twas meet andproper that he should know and wit, whether 'twas the custom at Florenceto disbreech judges sitting in the seat of justice.
When the affair reached the ears of the Podesta, he made no little stirabout it; but, being informed by some of his friends, that 'twould nothave happened, but that the Florentines were minded to shew him, that, inplace of the judges he should have brought with him, he had brought butgowks, to save expense, he deemed it best to say no more about it, and sofor that while the matter went no further.
(1) It was owing to their internal dissensions that the Florentines werefrom time to time fain to introduce these stranger Podestas.
NOVEL VI.
--Bruno and Buffalmacco steal a pig from Calandrino, and induce him toessay its recovery by means of pills of ginger and vernaccia. Of the saidpills they give him two, one after the other, made of dog-gingercompounded with aloes; and it then appearing as if he had had the pighimself, they constrain him to buy them off, if he would not have themtell his wife.--
Filostrato's story, which elicited not a little laughter, was no soonerended, than the queen bade Filomena follow suit. Wherefore thus Filomenabegan:--As, gracious ladies, 'twas the name of Maso del Saggio thatprompted Filostrato to tell the story that you have but now heard, evenso 'tis with me in regard of Calandrino and his comrades, of whom I amminded to tell you another story, which you will, I think, findentertaining. Who Calandrino, Bruno and Buffalmacco were, I need notexplain; you know them well enough from the former story; and therefore Iwill tarry no longer than to say that Calandrino had a little estate notfar from Florence, which his wife had brought him by way of dowry, andwhich yielded them yearly, among other matters, a pig; and 'twas hiscustom every year in the month of December to resort to the farm with hiswife, there to see to the killing and salting of the said pig. Now, oneof these years it so happened that his wife being unwell, Calandrino wentthither alone to kill the pig. And Bruno and Buffalmacco learning that hewas gone to the farm, and that his wife was not with him, betook them tothe house of a priest that was their especial friend and a neighbour ofCalandrino, there to tarry a while. Upon their arrival Calandrino, whohad that very morning killed the pig, met them with the prie
st, andaccosted them, saying:--"A hearty welcome to you. I should like you tosee what an excellent manager I am;" and so he took them into his house,and shewed them the pig. They observed that 'twas a very fine pig; andlearned from Calandrino that he was minded to salt it for householdconsumption. "Then thou art but a fool," quoth Bruno. "Sell it, man, andlet us have a jolly time with the money; and tell thy wife that 'twasstolen." "Not I," replied Calandrino: "she would never believe me, andwould drive me out of the house. Urge me no further, for I will never doit." The others said a great deal more, but to no purpose; and Calandrinobade them to supper, but so coldly that they declined, and left him.
Presently:--"Should we not steal this pig from him to-night?" quoth Brunoto