“Hey Abe! Don’t forget the Beauty and the Beast tape, okay? I love you. Oh, it’s JJ. Bye.”
“Hi JJ. Hey, Poppy says you have it, she says Uncle Phil probably hid it. I’ll see you soon.”
“Hey Abe, Mommy says Uncle Ray likes to watch it. I asked Aunt Liz, but she says Carl thinks it’s dumb. I think Carl’s dumb. What Mommy? Okay, I won’t say dumb anymore.” JJ’s voice went to a whisper. “He is dumb. But Flynn will watch it with us, and Ingie says she won’t bite him again. But I don’t believe her, so don’t sit by her at the party, okay? Sit by me.” JJ cleared her throat. “Okay so Abe, I’ll see you later. Bye.”
“Hi JJ, it’s me, Abe. Poppy says I hafta sit next to Jude. Daddy wants to know what Marisa wants, but I told him I was gonna sit next to you. Maybe Jude can sit next to Ingie. I’ll see you later JJ.”
“Hey Abe, Daddy says to ask Aunt Julia if she’s been watching the Beauty and the Beast tape. He says she probably has been. He says Marisa wants a Pepsi for her birthday but Mommy yelled at him. I think that’s dumb,” JJ whispered. “Okay Abe, see you later, bye!”
“Hi JJ, this is Aunt Julia. Tell your daddy that we’re not bringing any Pepsis but if doesn’t tell me what Marisa wants he’s gonna get tickled. I’ll hold him down and you and your sisters can go for it. Okay, we’ll see you in about an hour! Love you sweetie.”
At Marisa Edie-Lee Gideon’s second birthday, a plethora of children sat in front of Phil and Crystal’s television, watching for the umpteenth time Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. It was JJ and Abe’s favorite movie, also high on Ingie and Flynn’s list. Carl hated it, so did Jude, but those boys would sit with the rest, Jude beside his older brother Abe, Carl next to Ingrid, who sat near Flynn. Only the birthday girl was absent; two-year-old Marisa was nearly asleep at her mother’s breast.
Phil and Crystal’s last child turned two in September of 1999, and Crystal had said she would breastfeed as long as Marisa wanted. Sometimes Ingie would stand close, never insinuating, but that as if by osmosis she too was that attached to her mother. That day four-year-old Ingrid sat with the rest, swept away in song and animation, even Carl, the most independent of the group. He seemed to have a soft spot for Ingie, even if she had bitten Flynn at her birthday party last month. Abe and JJ were inseparable and Ingie and Carl were attached at the hip. That left Jude and Flynn to fight over Marisa, but she was besotted with her mother’s bosom.
Phil had undergone a vasectomy a few months after Marisa’s birth, so those two boys would have to settle on a compromise, or actually look outside the group for a mate. Phil pondered that frequently as these seven kids were together more often than not, even if Carl and Flynn lived in San Jose, Abe and Jude across the bay. Maybe it was the time of year, birthdays one after another; Jude had turned three just last week, and now it was Marisa’s special day. Phil smiled at the collection of parents and grandparents. Even Chuck seemed to be enjoying himself, sitting on the sofa, engrossed in the movie. Julia often commented that these kids were getting more out of him than she and her sisters ever had. As Jude moved from the group on the floor, Chuck patted the seat beside him. The boy scrambled onto the sofa, and was enfolded in Chuck’s grip, the thin oxygen cord snaking along, but Jude knew to avoid it. Within seconds Jude’s eyes were closed, a wide smile on Chuck’s face.
Chuck griped about the coming new millennium, worried that all his savings would be lost when computers crashed, yet simplistic notions eased him. Phil stood, taking empty glasses to the kitchen. He heard someone follow, and Julia met him at the sink, her gaze back to her father.
“He seems, my God,” she whispered. Then she giggled. “Liz, Diane, and I talk about this, but none of us are jealous. At least someone’s cracked his shell.”
Phil kissed her cheek. “You all did, he just didn’t know how to express it. Came home after dealing with crap all day, then what? It was the times Penn, the times and his life.”
She nodded. “No, I mean, I’m so glad.”
“I know Poppy, I know.”
Julia and Ray had raised Abe from the time he was two, but Jude, the spitting image of his mother Aurora, was equally a carbon copy of his Poppy in his slightly furtive but clingy manner. Aside from his nursing daughter, Phil thought Jude was one of the neediest kids ever, and that Chuck could sense it made Phil smile. Chuck’s emphysema had grown worse, but however long he had left, he showered his grandchildren and Phil’s girls with affection none of his daughters ever felt to possess.
Chuck was especially fond of Julia’s sons, and Phil embraced her, feeling maternal love within her arms. Claire and Arthur ignored Abe and Jude, and the boys had no idea of grandparents beyond Chuck and Lee and Tom and Edie. Ray’s parents had died right after Jude’s birth, but Phil felt no sorrow there with Julia. Neither she nor Ray had been present for Jude’s arrival, but within minutes he was taken to them, Phil and Crystal present too. As Julia stepped away from Phil, he wiped her face. Aurora’s boys belonged to Julia; subsequently they were Chuck’s grandsons too.
“Hey, you okay?” Phil asked her.
“There’s just so little time left for him.” Julia pulled Phil into the laundry room, but she didn’t close the door. Then she giggled. “Don’t get any ideas Gideon.”
He laughed. “You can’t have kids, neither can I, we’re even now Penn.”
She’d had a tubal ligation just days after Phil’s vasectomy, and both had been hobbled for over a week. “Phil, Mom says he’s really starting to have trouble.”
Chuck had spent much of the summer in and out of the hospital, and Phil felt as shaky as Julia when it came to the idea of Chuck’s demise. He had been another surrogate father to Phil, yet when Chuck went, Julia would suffer. She tried to make light of it, always joking with her dad, but her children had introduced tenderness between a father and his daughters. All three girls were closer to Chuck, four little boys the bridge.
Phil’s daughters had been a part of it too, but more were those small men, what Chuck called his grandsons. Abe, Carl, Flynn, and Jude were a roving pack of Civil War-named marauders that could easily upset the daintiest tea party JJ and Ingie had arranged. JJ and Abe were like lovers at times, but if he was with The Guys, as Crystal and Julia called them, he forgot all about JJ as a playmate. She was a female, and was run roughshod accordingly. Ingie had started biting as the girls’ only line of defense.
Phil caressed Julia’s face, but still avoided her temples. Now he only touched Crystal there, and just when they made love. He’d never had sex with Julia, but when Chuck died, Phil assumed they might do everything but to console each other. He didn’t think Crystal would mind, and Ray wouldn’t have any room to complain. Julia had started voicing her concerns about her father’s ill health, not that she could do anything about it. That Arthur and Claire Riley remained spry and annoying in their early nineties seemed grotesque. Julia never went to Florida, but in weekly phone calls Claire grated on Julia’s nerves due to her usual flurry of antagonism, and her silence toward Julia’s children. The Rileys never sent Abe or Jude anything for their birthdays or at Christmas, slapping Julia’s face as hard as their endless, bitter comments about Julia’s father. They were back to calling Chuck a murderer, as enough years had passed since Hilary Jerrold had shredded a part of Phil’s heart, rebuilt between his daughters and therapy. Phil didn’t see his shrink anymore, but had pleaded with Julia to speak to someone. Claire talked so much shit that Julia needed a shield.
Instead she wrote, was still working on that novel. Phil had released his third album, and was preparing to record another. His third CD had garnered good reviews, if not stunning sales, putting him back on the map. Now he felt even more able, and he wanted to set some of that confidence into Julia. She was poised in her role as a mother, or a Poppy; the boys never called her Mama. She was their Poppy, Aurora their birth-mom, Ray their dad. As a Poppy, Julia was peerless. As a daughter she was improving. As a grandchild… Phil kissed her on the mouth.
“Hey
Gideon, no sex in the laundry room,” she laughed. “Or at least not with me. Do I need to go get your wife?”
“Fat chance. Marisa’s got her right where she wants her.”
“No shit. Good thing she’s your last.”
He smiled, then set the edges of his fingers near Julia’s eyes. Both were silent. Then he kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll always love you Penn, not a fucking thing I can do about it.”
She trembled, then giggled. “Guess that makes me the luckiest girl on Earth.”
He chuckled, then leaned against the dryer, folding arms over his chest. “Well, maybe only Crystal would agree.”
“Phil, Mom said he’s made a will.” Her laughter was nervous. “Can you imagine? What in the hell does Dad need a will for? Like he’s gonna parcel out all his shit: Julia, you get this empty oxygen tank. Liz, you get my old uniforms. Diane, here’s the TV remote. Guard these things with your lives girls.”
Phil grinned. “God only knows what he’s got stored in the garage.”
“I know, Christ! Like the treasures of Fred Sanford or something.”
“He wants to make sure everything’s safeguarded against Y2K.”
Julia laughed so hard that Phil heard footsteps. It was JJ, who stood with hands on her hips in the doorway. “Daddy, Aunt Julia, we can’t hear the movie!”
Phil picked up his still petite daughter. Ingrid was nearly as tall as her older sister. “I know, we’re just joking around.”
“Mommy wanted to know if the door was closed in here. But I said you were being so loud, it couldn’t be.”
Julia started laughing again, and Phil tickled JJ. “Yeah, I bet she wanted to know.”
“Well, you never know with you two,” Crystal said, approaching with Marisa in her arms.
“What, you got nothing left for her?” Julia took the girl, who looked like a mix of her parents. Marisa had Phil’s green eyes but her mother’s kind face, and wasn’t as small as JJ had been.
“You know, she doesn’t even get anything from me anymore, just likes to sit there and suck.”
“Maybe she’s just making sure no one follows her.”
“If she ends up a lesbian, I won’t be surprised.” Crystal giggled. “Just likes boobies, don’t you pretty girl?”
“I like cake,” Marisa said clearly.
“Now cake we got.” Crystal ruffled her daughters’ brown tresses. JJ’s reached the middle of her back, but Marisa’s hung to her jaw, and she shook her head, laughing. “Jeez, like you need anything to hype you up. Okay, cake for the birthday girl.” She smiled, then giggled. “It might wake up Jude and Chuck.”
“Are they both out?” Julia whispered as they left the laundry room. From where she stood in the Gideons’ kitchen, Chuck’s head was just visible over the top of the sofa.
“Both are snoring like logs. We could barely hear you guys over that din.”
Setting JJ down, Phil took Marisa from Julia. “If we don’t wake them, both’ll be pissed as hell.”
“I’ll do it. Come on Marisa. Let’s go get Grandpa Chuck.”
Julia retrieved her niece, the two-year-old repeating Grandpa Chuck as Julia stepped toward the living room. JJ followed, chanting the litany, as Phil pulled his wife close, kissing her forehead, savoring the moment.
“Hi Aunt Crystal! Thanks for having Jude and me over to your house. Can you have JJ call me back please?” A hushed whisper. “Oh yeah, this is Abe.”
“Hi Aunt Julia. Can you tell Abe to call me? Thanks.” A muffled admonishment. “Oh yeah, this is JJ. Bye!”
“Hellooo…” A long giggle. “Aunt Julia, is Carl there?” Another chuckle. “I heard Carl was at your house today. This is Ingie. Tell Carl I love him, okay? Mama, is that okay? Oh and Aunt Julia, if you see Flynn, tell him I promise I won’t bite him again. Okay Mama, is that enough? Oh, okay. Bye Aunt Julia, bye Uncle Ray. Bye Abe, bye Jude.” Long giggles as Ingie hung up the receiver, all by herself.
“Hi JJ, it’s me, Abe. Okay, so the plan is we’re gonna trick or treat there first. Then go to Grandma and Grandpa Penn’s. Then Poppy says we’re going to Grandma Edie’s. That’s where everyone’s gonna meet, Carl and Flynn too, for Uncle Phil’s birthday party. Carl says Flynn’s not mad at Ingie anymore. Carl says he’s gonna marry Ingie, but I don’t think he will. I think Ingie will bite Flynn again. Don’t tell them I told you. Bye.”
“Hey Abe? This is JJ. Call me about Flynn, okay?”
“Hello? Hello, hello, hello?” Copious giggles. “Poppy, Abe? Mama, Daddy?”
“Say goodbye Marisa.”
“Goodbye Marisa!” Followed by shrieks of three girls’ laughter.
“Hello, Ingie, you there? I’m, it’s Jude. Ingie, don’t bite Flynn. Happy Halloween!”
Thanksgiving was spent in Berkeley at the Gideons’ house. All were in attendance, except Chuck, who since Monday had been in the Alta Bates Summit Hospital with heart problems. He had insisted that everyone spend their afternoon at Phil’s, but Lee merely dropped off deviled eggs, and would be spelled by her daughters throughout the latter part of the day. By the end of the evening, Julia and Phil were at Chuck’s bedside, which to Chuck was ridiculous. Phil should be at his house, he was the host after all.
“Chuck, if I’d stayed there, Crystal would’ve had me pick apart that turkey carcass, Christ! You think I wanna spend my evening doing that?”
“More on that turkey right now than what’s underneath this stupid gown.” Chuck laughed, then choked, then caught his breath. “Julia, what about Ray?”
“He’s got the boys. They missed you.”
He nodded. “I missed them too. Too damned bad I can’t see ’em till I get outta here.”
“Soon Daddy, soon.” Julia squeezed her father’s hand as Phil watched the TV flicker. Football was over, but the screen oozed a sickly glow. Then Phil gazed at Chuck. He didn’t look much better.
“So Chuck, when are we busting you outta this joint?”
“Oh maybe on Monday. Gonna keep me in over the weekend.”
“Daddy, I thought Mom said Saturday.”
“Nah, gonna bilk the insurance for all they can get.” Chuck stared at the door. “With Y2K coming, they just wanna make all the money they can before everything takes a shit.”
Phil’s smile was small but Julia sighed. “Dad, nothing’s gonna happen.”
“You don’t know that. I’ve already told your mother we’re taking…” He lowered his voice. “We’re taking all the money outta the savings account.”
“Dad, that’s nuts!”
“No it’s not. If things turn out okay, I’ll just put it back in.”
Phil imagined Chuck Penn snoozing on a few thousand dollars, and Lee not sleeping at all.
Julia continued to argue, but it was mild in comparison to what Phil recalled from their early days. Not that she and Chuck had bickered constantly, only average quarrels between a young woman and an overprotective father. Chuck hadn’t guarded any of his girls more than the other, and much of it was due to his job. If he hadn’t been a cop, Phil imagined that Chuck would have let the girls run wild, or he wouldn’t have been quite so wary.
Chuck shooed them away as a nurse adjusted the PICC line near his chest. Phil remembered this with both of his grandparents; PICC lines were used instead of IVs when various meds and fluids were necessary for more than a few days. Chuck seemed unbothered about the length of his stay, but hadn’t wished his daughter to witness his actual care. As Phil led Julia to his car, she rambled about how feisty he acted. Phil drove them toward the Bay Bridge, but Julia asked to be taken to Helen’s house. “You mind Phil?”
“Not quite ready for home yet?”
She needed to debrief, and he felt the urge too. They reached the small dwelling, and once inside, Julia called Ray, then Phil rang Crystal. Both Julia and Phil were told to take their time.
Julia stood at the sliding glass door as Phil hung up the phone. “So, Happy Thanksgiving Penn.”
She turned w
ith a smile. “Happy Thanksgiving Gideon. We’ve spent a few of them together.”
He sat on the sofa. “We have. Here, well, not here,” he chuckled. “But in Berkeley, at your place, down in San Jose.” He paused. “I remember Grandpa’s last Thanksgiving like it was yesterday.”
It had been nearly ten years since Daniel Reese died, and Julia sighed. “Seems that way sometimes. I like spending Thanksgiving with you, no matter where we are.”
Julia joined him, and Phil put his arms around her. “Grandpa’d be so pleased we’re still carrying on the tradition. God, I wish he was here.”
“Dad might be with him next year.”
“I know. You okay with that?”
“Might be better for Dad. Phil…” She shook her head against his chest. “I feel like maybe Arthur and Claire are gonna outlive him.”
“They’re waiting for it.”
“Yeah like they’d actually come out here and spit on his grave. God, that’s an awful thing to say.”
“They’d do it Poppy.”
She giggled. “They’d have to acknowledge my kids then. Maybe not.”
Phil couldn’t help his laughter. “God, what a decision. Spit on Chuck Penn’s grave, but then have to face kids they’ve basically said fuck you to for the last six years. Man, I dunno. I really don’t know.”
“Why are they like this?”
“Because they’re the most…” Soulless assholes, but Phil bit his tongue. “They don’t have a single ounce of grace in their lives.”
Julia giggled. “Crystal has all their religion.”
“She does,” Phil smiled.
“Hey Phil, can I ask you something?”
He nodded.
“Do you believe in God?”
“I believe that what Crystal believes in has some ring of truth to it.”
“That’s a cop-out Gideon. What do you believe?”
“What does it matter?”
She sat up. “I just need to know.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanna know.”
He sighed. “Julia, I dunno. I used to, I mean, assume there was something. Then after Hilary, shit. I mean…”
“I think there might be.”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because you didn’t jump off the bridge. Because my dad interacts with my kids and Carl and Flynn. Because I even have kids. Shit Phil, I have two sons!”
He laughed. “Yeah, you sure as hell do.”
They said nothing, staring toward the lights shining on the deck. “Beautiful night out there Julia.”
“Phil, I wanna believe.”
“Why?”
“Because,” and she sniffed. “I wanna meet your dad.”
Phil stroked her face, inching his fingers toward her temples. As he did so, she flinched, then relaxed. “Touch me there Phil.”
“Where?”
“On my head.”
As if her skin burned, Phil carefully eased his fingertips along the sides of her face. When he reached her hairline, he stopped.
“Phil, it’s okay you know.”
“Sometimes Julia, sometimes I think why? I was just a baby, how in the world could that man have actually stood beside my father and shot him cold. He’d seen me, he’d held me, according to Grandma. Larry Jerrold held me in his arms, then pulled a trigger along my dad’s face. I will never understand that.”
“But you don’t sound angry.”
Phil nodded. For a time, he had been enraged. Only his wife, their children, and this woman had lessened the fury. “I had to let that go, that, oh Christ, that ugliness. Crystal complained, wouldn’t have sex with me.”
Julia giggled. “What, were you rough with her or something?”
“No, she said she wasn’t gonna let a stranger into her body.”
“Oh Phil!”
“Really set me straight. I mean, I felt like a different person right after we found out, like someone else had taken over. I’ve never felt that, well…” Finding Sunshine’s corpse had leveled him, but not as deeply as learning his father had been murdered.
“You know Phil, we’ve never talked about this.”
He nodded. “I wasn’t sure if I ever could.”
“You can tell me anything. God knows I’ve told you everything.”
“Some things are better left alone.”
“Try telling that to Arthur and Claire.”
Phil set his hands along Julia’s head, then ran his fingers through her blonde hair. She was still blonde, although he owned a few grays. “They wouldn’t hear jack squat. I didn’t want to either, not after she said all that stuff.”
“I’ve never seen the video, his actual confession.”
“You haven’t missed much.”
“Did he seem, I mean…”
“He was contrite. And he cried.”
“Arthur would never cry.”
“Or Claire.” Phil had only met them once, but from all Julia ever said, and their heartless attitudes toward Julia’s children, Phil knew they would never change.
“Phil, is this okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. Are you gonna be okay when Chuck goes?”
“Maybe. I mean, he’s not gonna live forever. Jude might not remember him, but Abe will, and maybe that’s enough. Abe, Carl, and Flynn will keep him alive, JJ and Ingie too.”
Phil leaned down, kissing Julia’s cheek. “We have some pretty amazing kids Penn.”
“I know Gideon, seems kinda…”
“Weird,” Phil laughed.
“Very weird, no kinda about it.” Julia sat up, then stroked his face. “You know, if I’d ever had your baby…”
Phil laughed. “Oh God, can you imagine? It’d be a mon-sta!”
She nodded. “I think Abe and JJ should get married. That’s the closest we’ll get to a kid genetically ours.”
“She’d drive him nuts.”
“No more than what I’ve done to you. Or what my grandparents have done to me.”
“Or Larry Jerrold to my whole family.”
“Yeah. Plenty of insanity to go around.”
“No one’s got a corner on the market.” Phil stood, then stretched. “You ready to hit the hay?”
She laughed, then nodded. “Take me to San Francisco Gideon. I sleep around a lot in that town.”
“You’ve got three men in one apartment waiting for you.”
“And four women are hunting for your ass. Can’t keep them stewing forever Phil.”
He helped her off the sofa, then she retrieved her purse. Glancing over her shoulder, Julia noted the lights twinkling outside the sliding glass door. Then she leaned into Phil and walked away.
Christmas dinner was served at Julia’s. Chuck sat on the sofa, surrounded by his grandsons. JJ, Ingie, and Marisa sat at the table, allowing an ill man time with four little boys who hung on every raspy word Chuck offered, tales of cops and robbers toned for small ears. Finally Ingie joined them, promising she wouldn’t bite anyone. Chuck took her on his lap, and gently Ingie traced his oxygen tube until it reached the piece at the bottom of his throat. From there it split into two, but Ingie didn’t investigate further. She folded her hands in her lap, ignoring the tank sitting on the floor, not far from Abe. As the eldest grandchild, Abe was the protector of Grandpa’s tank, and Ingie knew better than to mess with it.
Marisa went to Crystal’s chest as JJ joined the rest, and Phil watched his wife and daughter, then his other girls, all these kids drawn to a man who seemed not quite ready to die. Julia had mentioned Claire’s phone call from that morning; not a word was spoken about Julia’s sons, but plenty of queries were raised about Julia’s father. Claire and Arthur were definitely hoping to outlive Chuck, and the pointed nature of Claire’s conversation had chilled Phil, as if Larry Jerrold stood in that dressing room, shooting Phil’s father over and over. Phil stood, kissed his wife, tickled Marisa’s chin. She laughed, then went right back to gnawing on Crystal’s nipple.
Phil motioned for Jul
ia, and they met in the kitchen. He smiled at the mess; Ray and Julia created havoc no matter how large or small the meal. Granted it was Christmas, but Phil recalled far less chaos in Lee’s tiny kitchen; how Julia managed to spread disorder still astounded him.
He found himself biting his tongue, and that troubled him; Julia had few issues with truth anymore. Her relationship with Ray had settled into about what Phil and Crystal shared. Julia and Ray hadn’t married, but then neither had Liz and Adam, and while Diane and Wayne were legally wed, the three sisters were contented with their partners, nuptials or no. Children had calmed Julia, and had somehow balanced her still miserable grandparents. She had never finished her novel, but maybe it didn’t matter anymore.
“This place’s a disaster zone,” Phil said. “It amazes me how you and Ray can cause such upheaval. It was Christmas dinner Penn, not The Last Supper.”
“Same difference Gideon. Wanna Pepsi?”
He laughed. “Yeah sure. Gonna need the caffeine just to get this tornado sorted.” He sipped from the can. “This’s gonna take ages to clean.”
“It’s my house, my mess. But I don’t think that’s why you hauled my butt in here Phil. What’s up?”
“Don’t talk to them anymore.”
“What?”
“Start the new millennium off with that resolution. Please, for me, the boys, for yourself. If Claire calls again, just tell her you can’t talk to her right now.”
“Phil…”
“Honey, they’re not getting any better, age is making it worse. They don’t acknowledge your children, they will never drop it.” He took her hands. “Honey, send them the box. Get them out of your life.”
She trembled. “I can’t do that.”
“Yes you can. They made it so you couldn’t even keep your own baby.” Phil usually never broached that, but felt compelled. “For everything Larry Jerrold took from me, he didn’t steal that. But honey, Claire and Arthur are…”
“What?” Her tears were soft but audible.
“They’re evil. Okay, so maybe there is a God, but I’ll tell you sure as shit there’s a Satan. And honey, they’re it.”
Laughter floated from the living room, and it felt like a slap on Phil’s face. His daughters had been so long desired, his wife so coveted. Julia’s family wasn’t his flesh and blood, but they were as close as Daniel and Helen had been. The sting of his father’s murder prickled, but then it eased, for it was the past, like losses Phil had suffered with Sunshine and the humiliation early in his career. Now at forty, Phil could poke at those disturbances, didn’t feel such agony. Yet the woman in front of him suffered. “Julia, I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”
“Phil, it’s okay, really.”
“No, it’s not. And the worse Chuck gets, the more bitchy they’ll be. Not even bitchy. They’re downright…” He sighed. “Evil exists in this world. We can call it whatever we want, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Rwanda, shit! It never ends, like we just get better and better at hurting each other. Claire and Arthur have had close to forty years to perfect their bullshit. And with our luck they’re gonna keep right on going. But Chuck’s got another year, maybe two. I talked to Lee today…”
“And?”
“And you know exactly what she told me ’cause she said she told all you girls the same damned thing last week. She said she thought you were gonna tell me. Tell me what I asked, because I could see it was the last thing she wanted to hash out again.”
“Phil…”
“Don’t fucking Phil me.” He swallowed, then picked up a bowl. Phil began loading the dishwasher, keeping his eyes from Julia. “She said he’s got congestive heart failure. Which I knew, from Thanksgiving, but she also said between that and the emphysema, if he lives another eighteen months, she’d be surprised.”
Julia tapped her foot.
“And I said whoa, okay, because this was the first I’d heard of a timetable.” He stood straight, then gripped the counter. “He’s got less than two fucking years, maybe not even that long. Now, if you wanna keep torturing yourself, fine. I love you, can’t do a thing to change that, loving you, that is. But I absolutely hate seeing you get torn to pieces by two old fuckers who’re hell-bent on making the last months you have with your dad full of shit.”
Phil squeezed three more glasses into the top rack, then added soap, and started the machine. The dull hum eased his small anger. “I’m thinking about Chuck now. If you wanna keep beating yourself with the Claire and Arthur stick, that’s your choice. But why him? What’s he done to you, to your kids, to Carl and Flynn and my daughters? Nothing but fall in love with them despite what he probably wanted to do. He would’ve probably preferred not to have cared, not that much. He loves those kids more than Crystal’s folks do, more than, well, more than Aurora loves her sons. Your dad Julia, believe it or not, loves those two little boys more than the woman who brought them into this world.”
“Fuck you Phil.”
“No fuck you Julia. It’s the goddamn truth.”
“What’s the truth Daddy?”
Phil turned, finding JJ hand in hand with Abe. She looked tiny compared to him, but her face was stark.
“The truth is that I love your Aunt Julia so much that I poked her.”
“Why’d you poke Poppy?” Abe asked.
“Because sometimes Ingie bites people even though she loves them.”
That made perfect sense to the six-year-olds. “Daddy, how’d you know?”
Phil watched Julia pretend to wash dishes. “How’d I know what honey?”
“Ingie bit Flynn again,” Abe sighed.
Phil rolled his eyes. “Sounds about like what I’d expect. Some women Abe, they never listen.”
“Mama’s got her in a time-out,” JJ said, following her father out of the kitchen.
Phil took JJ’s hand, Abe on his other side. Only then did the commotion reach his ears, and Julia’s too, Phil assumed, but he didn’t look to note her reaction.
“Hey Penn, just wanted to tell you I love you. Listen, thanks for having us all, and, uh, sorry my daughter bit your nephew again. Talk to you later.”
“Hey Crystal, it’s me. Just wanted to see if Ingie had gotten her shots. Just kidding. Tell the girls Aunt Julia says hi.” A brief pause. “You don’t have to tell Phil anything.”
“Hey Abe, Jude, it’s Uncle Phil. Just wanted to wish you a happy New Year’s Eve. Sorry that Abe’s got a cold, we’ll sure miss you guys tonight. So, yeah, give your folks a kiss from us, especially Poppy. Abe, be sure to give Poppy lots of kisses, nice wet sloppy ones. Bye guys!”
“Hey JJ, it’s Aunt Julia. Is Ingie still in a biting mood? If she is, just tell her to take a chunk out of your dad, okay? Bye, bye girls and happy New Year!”
“Hey Julia, pick up, will ya? I’m over at Grandma’s, had to run out for soda. JJ’s got Abe’s cold, go figure. They probably have mono, Crystal said it first. I think they just hold hands too much. Anyway, if you get this in the next five seconds, call me. Happy New Year Penn. I hope it’s a good one for us all.”
“Hey Phil, I, uh, yeah. I hope the rest of you don’t get Abe’s cold. Happy New Year.”
“Hey Julia, it’s Crystal. I just wanted to wish you and the guys, well, some sleep. And a happy New Year too. Phil’s out getting some soda. Julia, he told me what he said to you. Honey, I have to say I’m in agreement. But whatever happens, I love you and I’m praying for you all. Happy New Year Poppy. We’ll chat in a day or so.”
“Hey Crystal, tell Phil when he gets home that I left him a message at Helen’s. No big deal, but I, uh, yeah. Happy New Year to you too and thanks for, uh, thinking of us.”
“Hey Penn, just got home. Pick up if you’re feeling chatty.”
“Hey Phil, it’s Ray. Julia just got off the phone with Claire, and, uh, I know JJ’s got Abe’s crud, but if Crystal doesn’t mind, is there any way you could come over? Julia’s, uh, pretty freaked, you know? Okay, so, yeah. Chat with you soon.”
“He
y Ray, it’s Phil. Tell her I’ll be right there.”
Phil sped through relatively light traffic for the last day of 1999. He wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring in the way of internet chaos, it couldn’t be any worse than the state of Julia’s kitchen on Christmas night. Or the state of Julia on that New Year’s Eve, weeping in the middle of her king-sized bed. Phil said hello to the boys, even giving Jude a cuddle. Abe was groggy with a sore throat and stuffy nose, and Phil made mental notes on how JJ’s cold would progress. That night she was only achy, but as Abe went, so would Phil’s daughter. Yet neither of those children was as debilitated as Abe’s mother.
“Julia, oh baby!” Phil sat on her side of the bed, but didn’t reach out. They hadn’t even said goodbye to each other when he left on Christmas night. But Julia seemed to have forgotten that, or had at least set it aside. She crawled his way and Phil took her in his arms.
“Baby, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”
“Phil, oh Jesus fucking Christ! It’s over, all over.”
“What happened?”
“I told them that unless they wanted to speak to me about my kids or my writing, I didn’t wanna hear from them. Claire called, and the first thing she asked was how much longer was Dad gonna live.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Yeah and it just went downhill from there. So as soon as she shut up, I said what I told you, that unless they wanted to drop this thing with Dad, that was it. She was silent, I mean, I could hear a fucking pin drop. Then she cleared her throat and told me that all these years they’ve tried to save me from him, oh Phil!”
She wanted to say more, but Phil wasn’t sure it was good for her. “Julia, it’s okay, it’s all over now.”
“No, Phil, you were right. They are fucking evil. Satan lives in Florida Phil, right near the Gulf of Mexico.”
He kissed her face. “Honey, that’s all over now.”
“When she started talking again, Ray was standing there, he heard most of it, well, then Abe started hacking up a lung. But she knew Ray was listening, and she even told him a few things, God, she seems to hate anyone I love. Ray, Dad, you,” Julia sighed, her voice lowering. “Then she said that my mother would be so disappointed in me for not giving them legitimate grandchildren.” Julia took deep breaths. “She had the fucking balls to tell me my kids were bastards, that they didn’t consider them any part of my life, of their lives, and that, get this, they were gonna change their will. That if I was going to be so, and I quote that fucking bitch, intractable, that they were gonna leave everything to the goddamn SPCA. Phil, they don’t even have any fucking pets!”
She laughed, then sobbed. “All they have is me, I’ve been their fucking lapdog for the last forty years. Even before I was born they probably thought they owned me, like they thought they owned her! Laura was theirs, I was theirs, but not my kids, not anyone or anything that doesn’t do as they want. Phil, she hung up on me! Can you believe it? The fucking gall! That bitch hung up on me and I didn’t even get in the last fucking word!”
Phil wasn’t shocked at all, but he acted slightly stunned. “Oh Julia, baby!”
“I know, can you imagine? So, you know what I did?”
“What?”
She took a breath. “I took the box down to the garbage. I threw the whole fucking thing in the trash.”
He stared at her. “Are you shitting me?”
She shook her head. “I did it so fast, didn’t wanna lose my nerve. Then I called them back, left a fucking message.” She laughed. “I never leave them messages, she hates that thing! I don’t know if they’ll ever check it, but I told them I wasn’t their grandchild, didn’t care about the goddamn will, and that all of Laura’s trinkets, all those pieces of bullshit, were down a San Francisco garbage can. That if they wanted I’d be happy to send them Dad’s ashes, just so one day they’d have proof, not that it was actually gonna make them feel any better. Phil, goddamn your fucking ass, you were right. They’re just, just…”
“Honey, it’s okay. Julia, I’m so sorry.”
“No, I mean, oh Phil! I did it, I threw all her treasures away.”
He kissed her head. “You’re the only treasure that ever mattered and you’re right here in my arms, and Abe and Jude are just outside your door. The biggest treasures Laura ever produced are you and those boys.”
Julia’s eyes went wide, then she began to howl. Phil rocked her, seeing from the corner of his eyes Ray with Jude in his arms. Phil hoped Abe was sleeping, as some of this might have made sense, but Phil nodded to a three-year-old who was probably coming down with his brother’s cold. “Poppy’s okay Jude, she’s just tired.”
“Is Poppy sick Uncle Phil?”
Phil nodded. “Yeah but you know what? She’s already starting to get over it. By tomorrow, she’s gonna be feeling a little better, won’t you Poppy?”
Julia said nothing, but Ray came forward, letting their son kiss his mother, what Phil agreed would most benefit a Poppy and her youngest.
Chapter 16