Then, I slipped her glasses off and placed them on top of the dryer.
“You try to hide. You’re far more beautiful on the inside than pretty much anyone I have ever met. I don’t know if I even realized how much that mattered until I met you. But fuck, woman, you do everything in your power to hide everything else—the physical beauty God also gave you on the outside. I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t see it clearly at first.”
I turned the camera so she could use it like a mirror.
“Look at this. There is no way that someone wouldn’t be threatened by you. This girl…she’s fucking hot, Frankie.”
She squinted. “I can’t see. I don’t have my glasses.”
Shit.
I had forgotten how blind she was.
The sexual tension broke apart as Frankie and I both started to crack up. We got a good laugh out of that one.
The moment I’d been dreading for years was about the happen.
While for everyone else, this was just another morning here at St. Matthew’s, today was the day I was meeting Torrie Hightower for the first time.
Lorelai had agreed to man the class while I headed down the hall to the conference room. It was hard to believe after all these years, I was going to come face to face with her. It was even harder to believe that she’d have absolutely no clue how significantly she’d impacted my life.
I peeked through the door and saw her typing on her phone. She was almost exactly how I’d pictured her: a tall, commanding presence with perfect skin that was slightly lighter than the color of caramel. The curls of her shoulder-length, black hair were neatly sculpted. Donning a beige dress and matching Louboutins, she seemed way overdressed for this meeting. Torrie was even more beautiful in person than in the photos I’d seen years ago. That realization brought on unwanted images of Mack and her together. Exhaling, I vowed to brush off my jealousy.
I finally opened and forced the first words out. “Hello, Miss Hightower. It’s nice to meet you.”
She stood up and extended her long fingers toward me. “Miss O’Hara. Thank you for meeting with me. I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to come in.”
“I understand. You’re very busy.”
Torrie sat back down in her seat before turning her phone on vibrate. “Let’s cut to the chase. Jonah has had a very difficult year, for more reasons than just our move from Virginia. Things at home with him have been very difficult, so I’m curious as to what you’ve noticed at school.”
“Well, first of all, your son is very bright. He’s probably one of the most intelligent students in my class. But, yes, it’s clear that he suffers from a great deal of social anxiety. We used to remove him from those situations that seemed to bring him discomfort, but now we’ve been taking a bit of a different approach.”
“How so?”
“Well, it’s really not benefitting him to teach him to run from situations that make him uncomfortable. So, we’ve been trying to make him stick it out longer, to teach him to cope with those feelings.”
“What’s your take on the medicinal route?”
“Well, I’m not a doctor. So, I don’t feel equipped to answer that, except to say that in my own experience, meds only help ease symptoms. They can’t cure a way of thinking that leads to a cycle of anxiety.”
“So, you think just trying to teach him to deal with it is the answer.”
“I do. But it’s also about teaching him that it’s okay to feel fearful. Once you accept the feelings, often they lose their power over you. Training a way of thinking is more of a long-term tool. But your family doctor would have more information on the risks and benefits of supplemental medication.”
“Is there a pill for a wrecked home life?” she asked sarcastically.
I had no clue what to even say.
“I’m afraid not.”
Torrie crossed her legs and leaned back into her seat. “You’ve met Jonah’s father…”
My throat suddenly felt extremely dry. “Mr. Morrison has volunteered a couple of times in our class, yes.”
“He’s trying to be as active as possible, to make up for the fact that he walked out on his son.”
My heart started to beat faster in anger. Feeling the need to defend Mack, I said, “He seems very involved in his son’s life, actually. We have a lot of students whose parents live in separate homes, and I can’t say I see their fathers as much as I see Jonah’s dad.”
“Well, his moving out was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jonah. Things were bad for a very long time before that, though. My son has never really known what it’s like to have two parents who get along. I often wonder how much our home life has impacted his lack of desire to be among people, in general…if it’s why he shies away from everyone.”
“Well, he’s still too young to truly understand that divorce has nothing to do with him.”
“Oh, we were never married.”
What?
“Oh…I’m sorry. I just assumed…”
“No. I was never good enough for Jonah’s father, apparently.”
They were never married?
Come to think of it, Mack had never mentioned it one way or the other. I’d just assumed that Torrie had chosen to keep her maiden name.
“Anyway, I’d really like you to tell me if you notice things getting any worse with Jonah,” she said.
“Well, we will do everything we can to make sure he’s happy and thriving. But, of course, we’ll notify you if anything out of the ordinary arises.”
“You have all of my contact information?”
“Yes. I’ll be sure to update you soon.”
“Well, I can see he’s in capable hands. I have to admit when Mack insisted on researching the schools in this area, I was so busy with the job transition and the move that I just let him handle it. I wasn’t sure I should trust him to make a sound decision, but it seems that he has.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
“Unfortunately, I’m late for a work meeting.” She checked her phone before standing up. “It was nice meeting you.”
“You, as well.”
Listening to the sound of her heels echo in the hallway, I stayed in the empty conference room and let out a deep sigh of relief. That hadn’t gone nearly as badly as I’d anticipated. Still, the fact that she knew nothing about my history with her ex made me very uncomfortable.
Reminding myself that I only had to deal with this situation until the end of the year, I put on my big girl panties, got up, and returned to the classroom.
The next afternoon, Mack had come to the school to read another one of his stories to the class. He had asked if he could meet with me first during my lunch break.
His hands were in his pockets as he stood waiting for me under a tree on the school grounds. The colorful leaves of fall were drying up and falling around him, a sign that the New England winter wasn’t too far away.
I hadn’t had a chance to speak to him in great detail since our coffee date, but honestly, not an hour of any day went by when he wasn’t on my mind.
Mack looked beyond amazing in a black, ribbed sweater and knit hat. His unintentionally sexy look was in stark contrast to the conservative atmosphere.
He lifted his hand when he noticed me approaching. “Hey.”
“What’s up, Mack?”
Cutting right to the chase, he said, “I heard she came to see you yesterday.”
“Yes.”
He examined my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. The visit went better than I expected.”
“Okay, just making sure.”
“We mainly discussed Jonah’s anxiety in light of all of the changes in his life.”
“So, she didn’t badmouth me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
His face turned red. “Fuck. I knew this would happen.” He looked down at his shoes and shook his head in disgust before looking up at me again. “Frankie…”
&n
bsp; “Mack, listen. You don’t have to defend yourself. If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re a good father. There is nothing that she can ever say to make me believe otherwise.”
He blew out a breath that momentarily warmed the skin on my face. “Thank you. Some days I feel like a failure. But I swear, I’m trying my ass off.”
“I can see that. I’m not blind.”
“Not anymore, at least. You got Lasik.”
“Yeah.” I smiled.
My body suddenly became all too aware that he was only inches from me. Time seemed to stand still for a bit as the leaves rustled around us. He kept looking at me intensely, and I just stood there soaking him in.
“Thank you for always believing in me,” he finally said.
Trying to fight the feelings of hurt that were also creeping in, I had to ask, “I don’t know why, but I’d assumed you two had gotten married.”
“No. We were engaged for a long time, but the wedding never happened…much to my father’s dismay.”
“I can imagine he gave you a lot of grief about that.”
“I just couldn’t go through with it. Ending it was not easy. I knew she wouldn’t take it well. I put it off for so long because I didn’t want her to taint Jonah’s view of me. I worry about what she says to him.”
“All you can do is your best to show him you love him. As he gets older, he’ll see things for what they are.”
“I hope so.” He sighed. “She’s bringing this new guy around lately. Never told me anything beforehand. I happened to accidentally find him there when I dropped Jonah off recently.” He brought his hand to my forehead, removing a flyaway hair. “Anyway, I don’t mean to vent to you like this. You need to get back to class.”
My body shivered from the contact. Whenever he touched me, it felt like the world stopped.
Touch me again.
I cleared my throat. “It’s okay. I’ll see you in a bit. You’re still coming in at one?”
“Yeah. I’m just gonna take a walk, kill some time. I’ll see you soon.”
We each walked away in separate directions. Almost at the front entrance, I turned back around to look at him in the distance. My heart clenched upon realizing he was staring back at me, too.
A couple of women who’d been volunteering elsewhere in the school weaseled their way into my classroom for Mack’s story time that afternoon. Among them was Clarissa McIntyre, the mother of one of my students. She was single, and it was obvious she had her eye on Mack.
With her long, blonde hair and svelte figure, Clarissa was probably as attractive as the mothers at this school got. Her being here because of Mack definitely made me uneasy. The same thing had happened the last time he’d come in to assist with a Halloween art project. Random women seemed to just magically appear in the corner of the room. Whenever I would hear them whisper the nickname “Mack Daddy,” it made me want to punch someone.
Mack took his spot in the chair at the center of the circular rug. He took out his book, and I immediately noticed a new drawing of the cartoon version of me on the front.
“I’ve brought Frankie Four Eyes back in today for a new adventure. This one is called Frankie Four Eyes and the Boy Band Bathroom Conundrum.”
Oh goodness.
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Frankie Jane, but people called her Frankie Four Eyes because of her gigantic, purple glasses.”
Apparently, all of his stories started out with the same sentence.
“One day, Frankie was at a concert seeing one of her favorite boy bands. She managed to sneak backstage and was so excited, she nearly peed herself.”
Everyone got a kick out of that.
“Frankie found a private bathroom that was supposed to be for employees only. But before she could sit down, to her dismay, her glasses suddenly fell into the toilet bowl.”
The kids thought that was hysterical.
“This was a conundrum because—”
“What’s a con eardrum?” one of the students interrupted.
“Not con eardrum. A conundrum. And that’s a very good question. A conundrum is like a difficult problem…hard to solve.”
Mack repeated his previous line, “This was a conundrum…because Frankie was a germaphobe.”
Mack looked out at his audience anticipating a question.
A boy named Cayden raised his hand. “What’s a germaphobe?”
“Good question! A germaphobe is someone who is afraid of germs.” Mack continued, “Frankie didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to stick her hand down the dirty toilet to get the glasses, but if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be able to see. She was also embarrassed, so she chose not to yell for help. Frankie ended up keeping herself locked in the bathroom for several minutes. This was another conundrum. If she opened the door, someone would see her glasses in the toilet. If she didn’t, she’d be stuck in that bathroom unable to see.” He put the book down momentarily. “What do you think Frankie should do?”
“Call for help,” someone yelled.
“Yes. Let’s read on and find out what she does.” Mack turned the page. “Frankie didn’t have to decide, because there was a knock at the door. It was one of the singers from the band who needed to use the bathroom. She once again didn’t know what to do. This was another…” He paused.
The class answered in unison. “Conundrum.”
“That’s right.” He continued, “Before Frankie could open the door, a boy barged his way in. Frankie squinted to see who it was. Turned out, it was Mackenzie Magic, the lead singer of the band. Not only was Frankie embarrassed, but she was starstruck.” He turned the page. “The boy noticed Frankie squinting then looked down and saw her glasses in the bowl. Without thinking twice about it, Mackenzie Magic reached into the toilet, retrieved the glasses, and cleaned them off with soap and water. Not only that, he even joked about it, making Frankie laugh. She never expected that someone as famous as Mackenzie could be so nice. Later that night, he even ended up calling Frankie up on stage during the evening performance. Frankie realized that sometimes help comes from the least likely of places and sometimes—with the right person—a conundrum can turn into something great. The End.”
As the children clapped, Mack’s eyes darted toward me to gauge my reaction. He chuckled when he realized I was smiling. He knew he’d once again brought back a memory for me.
Mack spent the next several minutes discussing the theme of the book with the children.
While he was wrapping up, the mother I’d had my eye on waltzed her way over to him. Clarissa was going in for the kill. Straining my ears through the noise of the class, I struggled to hear what they were saying.
She held out her hand. “Clarissa McIntyre, Ethan’s mom.”
“Mack Morrison, Jonah’s dad. Pleasure to meet you.”
Just seeing her hand in his made my skin crawl.
“I’ve been meaning to look you up in the directory. Ethan’s been telling me how much he’d love a playdate with Jonah sometime.”
“Really? That’s interesting, considering my son generally keeps to himself.”
“They have similar personalities. I think that’s what appeals to Ethan, actually.”
Sure, it does.
She continued, “You’ll have to give me your number. I’ll program it into my phone. Maybe sometime later this week?”
“I’m actually only with Jonah on the weekends. His mother has a nanny who’s with him after school.”
“The weekend would actually work better for us.”
I bet it would. Much better for your purposes.
Mack was non-committal. “Alright, well, maybe.”
“Okay, I’m ready for your number whenever you are.”
She was so pushy. I watched as she entered his digits into her phone.
Mack then walked toward me without saying anything further to her.
“Sorry about that,” he said.
“No, it’s fine. Clearly she’s eager f
or a playdate.”
He’d picked up on my sarcasm. “I won’t be playing in the sandbox with Clarissa, Frankie.”
“I’m sure she’d love for you to play in her box.”
He seemed amused by my apparent jealousy. “Yeah, well, I won’t be.”
“Thanks for coming in.”
I shivered when he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “When can I spend some time with you again?”
“I don’t know, Mack.”
We just stood there staring at each other for a bit. The look in his eyes this time was different from the other times we had silently connected recently. His eyes were telling me he had a lot of fight left in him. In fact, they were telling me that he hadn’t even begun to fight. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead, he just turned away, grabbed his coat, and left.
For some reason that night, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him. Well, more so than usual.
While Victor wrapped his arm around me as he drifted off to sleep, something in my bones told me that things in my life were about to get very complicated.
PAST
Mack was leaning against my bureau as I was putting on my earrings. He had his arms crossed and looked preoccupied.
“So, what do you really know about this Emmett?”
“He’s a car dealer now, but he used to be in a Boston-based boy band when he was younger.”
“Are you kidding me? He sounds shady. And cheesy.”
“You don’t even know him. Don’t judge him based on something he used to do. That’s like me judging you for ever thinking about going into politics.”
“I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you did. Politicians are the shadiest—my father included.” Mack let out a deep breath. “Well, at least you’ll be with Moses.”
“Even if I wasn’t, I can take care of myself.”
I didn’t really understand what was happening between Mack and me. All I knew was that with each week that passed, I felt more physically ill each time he’d go home to D.C. to be with Torrie. The jealousy monster had fully overtaken me. Yet, sometimes it was even harder having him around on the weekends, because it would give us more time together. My feelings for him had torpedoed into something that was seriously dangerous for my well-being.