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April 23rd, 2021. That was the last time I left Kentsburg. My cousin Janelle and her friends Amanda and Tasha wanted me to come up to Jackson with them for the weekend since my mom and dad were out of town visiting our grandparents. Seth and I had the next Monday and Tuesday off from school for faculty meetings, and I knew it would just be boring staying at home since there wasn’t anything much to do, so I agreed. They said they’d hook me up on a couple blind dates and I couldn’t argue with that. Their only condition was that I bring plenty of booze, so I packed up a couple bottles of my dad’s vodka and some of Seth’s weed.
It was around 4 p.m. when they came to pick me up. Tasha drove this shitty old red Buick with upwards of 100,000 miles on it that backfired when they pulled into our driveway, but Janelle assured me it would hold up okay for the three-hour journey. She was sitting in the back passing a can of beer back and forth with Amanda. They’d been giggling about how they’d gotten lost on the way and passed my house a couple times before turning around. I thought it was dumb, but I was happy to see them.
“Hey loser!” Janelle laughed, opening the door for me. “Wow, your hair’s gotten pretty long.”
“Yeah, it’s been like two years since I saw you,” I smiled.
“Turn around, let me see. Oh wow, almost halfway down your back? We’re gonna have to cut that shit before you get it caught in something.”
“Hasn’t happened yet,” I grinned.
“Come on, get in the car, we’re on a tight schedule!”
“Not my fault you got lost!” I threw my bag in and shut the door behind me.
“This place is a shithole, I can’t believe you still live here,” she smirked, taking another swig of beer. “How’s the farm going?”
“Ugh, don’t even ask. Rain’s been horrible this year. I can’t even take all the wading knee-deep in mud every day to feed old Joe’s cows every morning. He hasn’t been doing so well, but he still hits on me from the open window every time I have to bend over out there. Fuckin’ creep.”
“Ew!” she laughed, nearly spilling her beer when Tasha geared the car in reverse before high-tailing it out of the driveway. “Slow down bitch, oh my god!”
“This place is like Children Of The Corn, I can’t stand it anymore!” Tasha yelled.
“So you got the goods?” Janelle asked.
“Vodka and a couple ounces of bud from Seth’s hydroponics.”
“Shit, you guys got it made out here. And kids actually buy that?”
“It’s the middle of nowhere dude,” I replied, digging around for my cigarettes. “Easier than meth and a hell of a lot safer. You remember Dave Shelton?”
“The cute kid I had a crush on last time I was here? I think that was junior high.”
“Yeah. Him and his brother had a lab in their basement that exploded last month. They were both okay, but they got sent to juvie.”
“Little Dave?! Holy shit!”
“Not so little anymore. He’s fifteen now, got a whole year to serve, plus he has a girlfriend he knocked up.”
“Oh my god,” she giggled, taking the cigarette out of my hand. “And it’s not his sister?”
“Fuck off, we’re not inbreds.”
“Well I dunno what you country people do! I kinda feel bad for you, you should just move to the city. My mom would take you in, we could get you set up at school and everything. Every weekend we could party, the guys are to die for, and drugs are mad cheap if you know where to find ‘em.”
“I dunno. My dad needs as much help as he can get holding up the farm, and the people around here aren’t the most able-bodied folks either. And Johnny’s dad is on disability-”
“So? Seth can handle it and there’s plenty of kids to help out, right?”
“I guess.” I took the cigarette back and took another drag. Tasha had already gunned the car up to eighty, the scenery now flying past in a merciless blur as the wind whipped harshly through the open windows of the car. It was getting humid out.
“I just don’t think you should feel guilty about what you can’t control. It’s too much responsibility, Kelsey. Like get real, you’re young. You don’t want to stay with these old folks forever! You’re hot, you’re kickass…just face it. You belong in the city with me,” she smiled, brushing a few strands of dyed blonde and black hair out of her face.
“I’ll think about it,” I lied. But what the hell did she know about things like hard work and responsibility?
Janelle’s parents were loaded out the ass from their real estate business while we were stuck doing dirty work out in the country. Sure she had it made and that was cool, but every so often I got sick of her talking about how great it was. I have to admit I’ve always hated that part of our conversations. Fighting with family has never been my thing, so I did my best not to get in over my head. At least we had enough mind-numbing shit to forget.
As Tasha dropped down to a steady 65 mph for the rest of the drive, we closed the windows and I lit up a bowl for the rest of us. I was pretty excited to be leaving the country behind for a while. Janelle was right; I knew I deserved to get out of there. But she had her life and I had mine. Whenever we hung out, the differences expressed themselves in subtle ways.
For my cousin, it was always about the night life and bright lights everywhere, painting a picture I never quite fully understood. The country was quiet and the city was loud, and even that was enough of a contrast to bother me. I was never a loud person, I didn’t go to parties aside from anything Hux would have planned here or there. It’s kinda funny because back then, the truth of it is that things were actually much easier. To have that connection with the rest of the world—or at least the option of it—was something none of us ever quite took notice of until it was far too late. Responsibility to your family roots is important, probably more so where I come from. But not being able to get away? I never even gave it a second thought.
And Janelle had gotten away. Or at least her parents had, and I suppose that because of my dad and his constant arguments with my uncle, it kinda rubbed off on me. I started to realize I had felt deeply resentful for most of my life, and I didn’t even know why. I could feel the tension in the air whenever our separate families got together.
Those were rare occasions of course, but even when I visited with my Aunt Sarah, Janelle’s mom…she sort of got this weird expression on her face. I interpreted it as hatred, although Janelle assured me numerous times that it wasn’t about me. Her uncle would look at me the same way, those dark eyes tearing into me as if I was some sort of scummy outsider. Maybe it’s because I had more of my dad’s personality than Seth, and it didn’t really help that I worked in the fields either. My arms and hands were still pretty torn up from working overtime at the end of the spring season thanks to the swarm attacks from the bees.
After taking a few more hits off the bowl I’d packed, the conversation in the car quickly descended into boys, our plans for the summer, the lives of the people in our communities, general girl talk, and a dab of political issues about the trade war with China thrown in for good measure. I honestly can’t remember all the details.
By the time we reached the city that quickly rose above us in a wave of concrete and lights as we took the last exit off the highway, Janelle was screaming her head off about how much fun we would have and how it was absolutely imperative that she cut my hair before we got to the club. That’s where our blind dates would be. I can’t say I thought it was such a good idea, but it was too late to voice any disapproval now. I knew that if I did, we’d start fighting about some stupid shit.
All the while, I began to get this really bad feeling about the night. At first, I’d convinced myself that it was just me starting to worry too much since I was far away from home and how angry my dad would be if he found out I was gone. The plans worried me too, but it wasn’t just that. Something else was going on, and I could sense it. I’m not sure exactly how. There was some sort of weight to the enti
re day, almost like there was a huge problem someone had forgot to mention. It wasn’t until later that night when we were starting to get smashed that I caught wind of a special broadcast on the news about something that hadn’t reached the country lands yet.
I can only remember small bits and pieces of it now, but that was the beginning of total silence for me. That much, I can recall. Oddly enough, nobody had even talked about it during the entire trip. Maybe we thought it wasn’t really important, or maybe between all the boys and getting dressed up and worrying about all the stupid little things like makeup and outfits and earrings, everyone else just forgot. But after seeing that one tape on the news, I would never forget. Because that was the night the entire world stopped, and by then, there was no turning back. Not for anyone.