“So what did you eat out there?“ Amber asked curiously.
“Well, we caught fish and rabbits and found berries and plants that we could eat.”
“Sounds disgusting. You must have been starving!” Amber wrinkled her nose.
Benjamin smiled and made a proud gesture. “Oh, you know – it’s in my blood to survive in nature. I’m a natural hunter.”
“Great – so if we ever end up in the wilderness together, you can be my Tarzan.”
Benjamin pushed his chest forward, pounding it and laughing. “I will be Tarzan, and you can be Cheetah.” Amber hit him hard on his shoulder, trying to hide her smile. “I don’t want to be a monkey… obviously, I will be the lovely Jane.”
“Obviously!” Ben leaned over and kissed her.
“Hey, I want to know everything that happened while we were apart.” Benjamin smiled.
Amber told him about Michigan, her dad, her cousins, and she even told him that her mom had made her talk to a coach.
“Cool. What is she like?” Benjamin asked.
“What do you mean by ‘cool’? I thought you would think I was a nutcase to talk to her.”
“No way. I think it’s great, Amber. So, how is she?”
Amber thought about it for a moment. Marie had called her on Skype this morning, and she had been incredibly easy to talk to. Somehow the conversation had just flowed, and it hadn’t taken long before Amber had felt relaxed and comfortable telling Marie about her situation. Maybe Amber had felt so relaxed and comfortable talking to Marie because she had been in her own room. It felt good to be at home, in her comfort zone instead of in a stranger’s office. Marie’s questions had made Amber’s head spin – they made her see life in a different way. They had talked for forty-five minutes, and afterwards Amber had felt clear in her head. Coaching was nothing like Amber had imagined. No diagnosis. No judgment. In fact, talking to Marie felt completely effortless, and although she hated to admit it, she was happy her mom had provided the contact, and she wouldn’t mind talking to Marie again.
“She is okay, I guess.”
“Is she old or young, and how does she look?” Benjamin looked at Amber, waiting for more details.
“I don’t know how old she was. Maybe forty. I spoke with her on Skype. She lives in France.”
“What? Like the country France? Why?” Benjamin looked funny, his eyes wide as if with big question marks inside them.
Amber laughed. “I don’t know why, but I think it’s because that’s where most French people live.”
“So does she have a French accent?” Benjamin said with a French accent. “Ooh la la!”
“Yes, she actually has a French accent. But her English is good.”
“So what did she say?” Amber could see Benjamin getting serious as he thought about her suicide attempt.
“We talked about ways of dealing with bullying, and she said that I was too hard on myself, and that it’s a myth that only weak people commit suicide or get depressed. It’s often people who have been strong for too long.” Amber paused but could see Benjamin was still just listening, so she continued.
“She also gave me some ideas on how to take better care of myself.”
Benjamin looked at Amber with thoughtful eyes. “I am so thankful that you are still here.”
Amber could hear the sadness in his voice, and she put her hand on his knee. “Me, too.” She smiled at him.
“You know–” Ben suddenly sounded happy, as he went to change the subject and cheer her up. “I’m getting my driving license next week when I turn sixteen.”
“Wow, you are so lucky. I have to wait another four weeks.” Amber replied.
“I know a place that I want to take you when I have my license.” Ben looked excited.
“You mean, when you can drive me in six months” Amber sighed.
“Are we really going to stick to that rule, Amber?” Ben gaped at her.
“If you refer to the law, then yeah, we are going to stick to that little rule.”
“Honestly, I think it’s the lamest law in the world that I can only give family a lift for the first six months.”
Amber laughed at his theatrical outrage. “I’m sure we will survive, and I look forward to seeing that place you want to show me in the spring.”
“So you’re not going to drive with me, then?” Ben made sad puppy eyes.
“No, I am a good girl who obeys the law.” Amber looked away and tried to hide the fact that she was cracking up over Ben’s imitation of a begging dog.
CHAPTER 21
Anxiety and pressure
Laura felt sick to her stomach. She was starting school tomorrow, and for the first time she didn’t look forward to it.
School had always been her safe zone, where she could impress and be praised. Throughout elementary and middle school, she had always been the top student in her class, and her parents would brag about her constantly. She was the easy child, the good girl, while her brother Jack was the rebel, who always got in trouble at school and constantly had conflicts with their parents. This summer he had announced that he was planning to take a year off after high school to pursue a record deal with his band, The Underground Amateurs. Laura had expected a big fight about it, but their parents had more or less shrugged their shoulders and said, “Well, do what you want to.” It seemed like they had accepted the fact that Jack was not the academically gifted child in the family, and therefore it was okay.
It would be unthinkable for them to say the same thing to Laura. The whole episode had made it even more obvious that all expectations were on Laura now. Laura’s stomach pain deepened, and she sat down for a moment with her thoughts; the pressure felt heavy. She was afraid of disappointing her parents, and last school year hadn’t been easy. She had been in the gifted program ever since grade 4, but high school was different from middle school. The other students were smarter now, the load of homework was insane, and Laura felt challenged. Her grades were no longer straight A’s, and her teachers weren’t impressed with her work. Suddenly, she felt threatened that her identity as the good girl and gifted child of the family was coming to an end.
She hated the thought of disappointing her parents. Hate was a feeling that had been sneaking up on her a lot lately. She used to be friendly to everyone, but the past year she had experienced a side of herself that had surprised her. The mere sight of Sara brought out the worst in Laura, and she had done and said things last school year that she wasn’t proud of, but she honestly hated Sara for having such an easy time at school and for being so damn smart.
For a short while, Laura had almost felt sympathy for Sara when she heard how her boyfriend Benjamin and best friend Amber had betrayed her, kissing behind Sara’s back. Laura had felt sorry for Sara, but that sympathy turned into even deeper hatred when she found out that Sara was now dating Josh. What he saw in Sara was a mystery to Laura. After all, Sara wasn’t that interesting. She wasn’t exactly fun or talkative like Laura, and she always imagined that Joshua would want a blond girl like her, and not a brunette.
It was all wrong! Joshua was a cool rock star, and Sara was an introvert nerd. Why would someone as cool as Joshua want to be with someone as uncool as Sara? Laura felt irritated and couldn’t relax anywhere in her room, so she went downstairs to get some water and found her mom in the kitchen. “Oh, hi, honey, are you okay? You look pale.” Her mother came over to look at her.
“I’m fine, thanks. Just thirsty,” Laura replied and headed for the fridge.
“Are you excited about school tomorrow?” Her mom smiled at her.
Laura didn’t reply but simply shrugged her shoulders, as she filled a glass of water.
“I am so proud of you, honey. You are my little star, and I know you will do wonderfully this year.” Her mom sounded so joyful.
“I hope so.” Laura swallowed a sip of water.
“Of course you will. You always do, and your Dad and I are so proud to have such a beautiful and gifted daught
er. You have always been the best in your class. I am sure you will be this year, too.” The stomach pain grew stronger, her head started to ache, and she felt almost dizzy. Laura excused herself and headed for bed, feeling the pressure on her shoulders.
* * * * *
“What are you doing in my room?” Laura hadn’t expected to find Jack in her room, and she immediately got upset when she caught him going through her things. Jack ignored her and kept searching for something.
“Get out of my room,” Laura commanded in a high-pitched voice.
“Or what?” Jack turned and pinned her with a condescending look, making Laura feel intimidated and powerless. He was much stronger than she was, and he had been physically aggressive toward her so many times that she had learned to stay away from him.
“Or else I will call Mom and Dad.” Laura was in full alert mode in case he might attack her.
Jack’s laughter was cold. “Oh, now I am really scared.”
“Just get out, Jack, right now,” Laura hissed through gritted teeth.
“Fine.” Jack turned around and approached her in the doorway. He used his body to push her aside so harshly that she almost fell over. “Get out of my way,” he snapped as he passed her.
Laura could feel her stomach pain grow, and tears on the edges of her eyes. She hated her brother, and he clearly hated her, too. He was such a bully, and he had no right to walk into her room without her permission. She knew what he had been looking for, and she was happy he didn’t find it this time. He had stolen money from her in the past, but this time she had hidden it well, and she hoped he would never find it.
The best part about starting school was getting away from Jack, who had been insufferable this summer. He had spent most of his time rehearsing in the basement with his band, and the noise was driving Laura insane. He didn’t seem interested in spending time with the family, and when he wasn’t rehearsing or out with friends, he would lock himself up in his room and listen to music.
Their parents had complained about the way he refused to participate in family activities, but it made no difference. To Laura, it seemed that Jack had already left their home, mentally, and he was just passing time until he could move out physically. Agitated by his behavior, Laura closed her door and thought to herself, The day Jack moves out will be a day to celebrate.
* * * * *
Jack slammed the door behind him. He hadn’t been able to find money in Laura’s room, and he desperately needed fifty dollars. Damn it, I know she has the money. Laura was always so sensible, saving all her money. He would have paid her back before she even noticed that the money was gone – or at least that was his intention.
School was starting tomorrow, and he had promised to pay back Elizabeth fifty dollars. She had been kind enough to lend him the money a while back, and he had promised to pay her the next time he saw her. But now he was completely broke. The band made a little money on their concerts, but somehow he managed to spend it very quickly. His parents refused to pay him any allowance, because he never did any of his chores, and he didn’t want to ask them for money and face the discussion of how he was such a disappointment to them.
Jack thought about his options for a while. He could lie to Elizabeth and say that he had forgotten the money and left it at home, or he could ask a friend to lend him the money. He decided on Joshua and sent him a text. Joshua replied within thirty seconds, and Jack sighed with relief. He could pay Elizabeth tomorrow, and then he would have to figure out a way to pay Joshua back. Their next concert was in two weeks. Hopefully, Joshua could wait that long, and anyway Jack felt convinced that his monetary troubles were temporary, because their band was bound to become famous. When that happened, he would be loaded and would never have to ask anyone for money ever again.
He smiled and threw himself down on the bed, thinking about Elizabeth. When he became a millionaire, he would invite her out for a fancy dinner. He wondered what she thought about him. Jack wasn’t as social as Joshua or Dylan in the band, but he had his fair share of screaming girls to surround him, and fans to praise him after shows and ask him for an autograph. He turned his head and looked in the mirror on his closet, wondering how Elizabeth would describe him. Did she find him as hot as he found her? He doubted it, because she had never as much as flirted with him, but then again, Elizabeth wasn’t really the flirtatious type. She was the kind, wise, always happy type of girl.
It seemed to Jack that Elizabeth had no idea about how attractive she was. Her long blond hair and big blue eyes betrayed her Scandinavian origins, but because she had arrived from Sweden when she was nine, her English was flawless and had a local accent. Everyone liked Elizabeth, and she just had this energy around her that made her attractive without even trying. Her hair always seemed like she had just gotten out of bed and done nothing besides parting it down the middle. It looked the right amount of messy and the right amount of awesome. He wished his hair would be that magical, but even when he spent time styling it, it would never behave as he wanted it to.
Elizabeth wasn’t a rock star, and as far as Jack knew, she didn’t even play an instrument. She wasn’t a sports star, either; in fact, Jack doubted that she did anything athletic, and yet she was interesting in her own way, because she always made people feel good. That was her gift. She always saw the best in everybody and brought out the best version of anyone she was with. Jack had no idea how she did it, but when he was with her, he behaved differently. He talked politely, even – it was not the same as being around anyone else.
Maybe that was why he was so attracted to her. He wanted to be the person she brought out in him, and with her, it was effortless, as she simply expected it of him and treated him with the same amount of respect and kindness.
At home, he could never make anyone happy, so he had stopped trying a long time ago. It made him sick to see how his parents favored Laura and how they measured success in letter grades. His parents had not been to a single one of his concerts. The only positive thing to say about them was that they allowed the band to practice in the basement. For that, Jack was grateful, although he had never told them directly.
At first, Jack had been excited that his parents didn’t put up a big fight when he told them he was taking a break after high school to focus on the band. He knew that Joshua was going through hell with his parents, and Dylan and Kevin were under pressure, too. The guys all agreed that Jack was lucky that his parents were so relaxed about it. But the more Jack though about it, the more he felt like their reaction was the final proof that they had given up on him. They expected nothing from him; he was just one big disappointment to them, and they didn’t really care anymore.
Laura had seemed as surprised about their reaction as he was. By instinct, Jack knew that Laura understood that it was all up to her now. She was the smart kid. He was the dyslexic kid who found school hard and who would never amount to anything. Jack tried shaking off the feeling of inadequacy and his hatred for his sister, the perfect kid. He had only one year left of high school, and then he would be out of here, on the road with the band, and he knew one thing for sure: he wouldn’t look back.
CHAPTER 22
First day of school
Elizabeth always loved the first day of school. She found herself hugging friends she hadn’t seen since before summer break, and she felt genuinely happy to see everybody again. To Elizabeth, school was a social thing, and she felt surrounded by brilliant people. When she saw other students, she saw future social workers, lawyers, police officers, doctors, nurses, and scientists. She was curious about them and found herself asking people questions about their lives, their families and their dreams.
She knew her younger sister, Victoria, felt the same way. With a mom who was a life and business coach, they had spent much time discussing human emotions and analyzing people and situations. She was grateful to have her mom in her life and admired her mom’s gift of looking through people and seeing behind their words. As a coach, their mom was an emoti
onal detective who helped people break their disruptive patterns. She made a great consultant when it came to Elizabeth’s own emotional life as well.
For both Elizabeth and Victoria, the many hours of talking with their mom and each other had paid off, and they had developed a rare maturity that they were both grateful for. They always looked for greatness in people and often detected sadness before it was expressed. They could read body language, and they both had a sixth sense that made them say the right thing at the right time without always realizing it.
“Hi, Jack.” Elizabeth opened her arms to hug Jack as he walked right toward her in the hallway. She saw his face light up as he hugged her back.
“I have your money.” He handed her the fifty dollars with a big smile.
“Thanks. How was your summer, Jack?” They walked together to the next class, and Jack started to tell her but got interrupted by the bell. He felt disappointed because he wanted more time with Elizabeth. She smiled and went into her classroom, and he turned around to find his.
“Hey, Jack!” He immediately turned and saw Elizabeth’s head popping out from the door she had just entered. “I want to hear about your summer at lunch, okay?”
“Okay,” he said as casually as he could, but deep inside, he did the happy dance. He mattered to her: first the hug and then her interest in his summer break. That was the thing about Elizabeth; she made him feel important and special. He entered his class with a big smile on his face. His senior year had certainly gotten a good start.
* * * * *
At lunch, the cafeteria was buzzing, as everyone was catching up. Sara looked over at the tables where the freshmen were sitting. Some were chatting with new friends, and her eyes fell on a boy who looked so young and fragile as he carried his tray of food. He had that look of panic in his eyes as he scanned the entire cafeteria searching for a place to sit. Sara elbowed Benjamin and nodded towards the freshman. “Look at that guy, Ben… remember when we started last year?”