Joshua looked around and saw a room full of electronic gadgets and expensive musical instruments. He certainly didn’t lack anything materially, and it seemed that his parents were trying to give him everything they didn’t have as children. Yet he would happily swap it all for supportive parents who understood what he was passionate about.
His phone lit up, and he read Sara’s message eagerly. “Sorry! Phone was dead, I was out shopping with Amber, r u mad?”
He didn’t want to fight with her, too, but he did feel a little mad that she hadn’t called him from Amber’s phone. He was thinking about what to respond when another message from Sara ticked in. “Please don’t be mad. I miss u!”
Arrghh. There was no way he could be mad at her. He just wanted to hold her, smell her hair, kiss her, and hear her wonderful laughter. Sara was like an obsession for him. Ever since they got together in May, he had been on a cloud of happiness. She was so perfect and so damn smart, yet so innocent and fragile, which gave him the strongest urge to protect her from everything. She adored him, and he loved the look in her eyes when he played guitar or piano for her. Sara admired him and supported his dream of a career in music. When Joshua was with Sara, the world was perfect. “Not mad, want to c u!” he wrote with a smile.
* * * *
Sara read his text with a relieved sigh. She had been out shopping and had completely forgotten about time. Joshua could be so persistent when he wanted to know where she was, and she felt bad that he had worried about her. Being Joshua’s girlfriend was different from being Benjamin’s girlfriend. She was still trying to get used to it. All Joshua’s giggling fans at school hated her, and they threw angry looks in her direction whenever she passed them in the hallway. Suddenly, everyone seemed to know her at school. She was Joshua’s girlfriend, not just Sara Singh.
Although Sara was proud to be Joshua’s girlfriend, she didn’t want that to be her identity, so she tried to tone it down and keep their relationship off school premises.
Sometimes, Joshua would get upset with her because she didn’t act affectionately around him at school. He would question her commitment, but for Sara, showing feelings in public was difficult and not something she was accustomed too.
Dealing with the gossip and backstabbing from his fans was bad enough, but overcoming her shyness about displaying her emotions was worse; so for now, she chose to lie low at school, even though Joshua complained that she was acting cold.
“Meet me in 10, our place,” Sara wrote and hurried to get ready. Joshua had shown her a tree house in a forest not far from where they both lived. It was a place where he used to play as a child, and now they would hang out and talk for hours in their own private getaway, hidden from his fans, their parents and the world.
Ten minutes later she met with Joshua. “I brought snacks,” she informed him.
“Thanks.” Josh held her close for a minute and took in the scent of her hair, before releasing her.
“Are you okay?” She looked at him, concerned.
“Yeah, it’s nothing, I just had another fight with my parents.”
“About school?”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you going to do?” Sara asked and handed him a bag of yogurt pretzels.
“I told them I would think about it.”
“Really?” Sara raised her eyebrows in surprise. “So you are applying for college?”
“No, not really. It doesn’t change anything; I am still going with my plan.” Joshua smiled vaguely.
Sara’s big brown eyes were following Joshua’s mouth as he spoke, and per default her lips parted slightly. She couldn’t help it – he was magnetic to her, and she was just waiting for him to kiss her. Joshua saw her expression, broke into a boyish smile, and took the invitation. Soon, all talk about parents and homework was left behind for kissing and laughing.
“You make me crazy, Sara. You know that, right?”
Sara chuckled. “I thought I made you smart! After all, I did help you study for your finals, right?”
“And I have thanked you a million times, remember? You sure did wonders for my report card, but that was before summer, and now you are driving me crazy with your sweet lips and your beautiful eyes. I just want to kiss you all day long.”
“Then why don’t you?” Sara closed her eyes with a big smile as she leaned back and laid her head on the wooden floor of the tree house. Joshua watched her and felt his hormones surge through his body. He desired her so much, and it was a struggle for him to take it slow and respect the fact that Sara wasn’t ready to have sex yet. He was seventeen and had a burning desire to make love to her. She could be so inviting and playful, and he felt so aroused when they kissed and cuddled. Sara was so indescribably hot, and every night, he had fantasies about making love to her in the tree house. He leaned over and kissed her deeply as he lay down beside her and pulled her closer.
“I want to eat you,” he whispered in her ear and received a wonderful giggle from Sara, who pulled her head back and gave him access to her neck and chest. He kissed her slowly and bit her earlobe before making his way down to her chest, planting soft kisses all the way. He put his hands on her cardigan buttons, looking for permission in her eyes. Sara followed his every move and felt butterflies in her stomach. He had tried to open her blouse before, and she had always stopped him, but this time she felt ready, and she watched him unbutton and pull aside her cardigan without breaking eye contact with her.
Suddenly, she felt embarrassed and naked with her bra exposed, so she pulled him down on top of her and kissed him again. She could feel his t-shirt against her bare skin, and his breathing told her that he was turned on. Her femininity was fully awake, and part of her wanted more, but another part was shy. She felt him grabbing her arms and raising them above her head in a strong and demanding grip. He wanted to see her, and Sara had to look away with embarrassment as he leaned back to watch her. “You are so beautiful, Sara,” Joshua said, leaning back down quickly to cover her. “Why are you so shy about your body?” he asked as he turned her head with his hand.
“I don’t know,” she said and couldn’t look at him.
“Look at me, Sara.” Joshua had an insistent tone that made her look at him. “You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen, and you and your body are perfect.”
She smiled a grateful smile and hugged him tight. “Thank you, Josh.”
Sara felt the need to change the subject and pulled her cardigan together. “I have to be home for dinner by six. Will you walk with me?” Joshua looked disappointed; he had hoped for more time, and today had been special, as she had trusted him enough to show him more of her beautiful body. He smiled and looked at his watch. “That leaves us with fifty minutes.” He kissed her again.
Walking home, they talked about Sara’s day with Amber. “So, how is Amber?” Joshua asked.
“Oh, you know; better, I think.” Sara didn’t really know what to say, because Amber still wasn’t as cheerful and happy as Sara would have liked. Since the suicide attempt, Amber had been different, even more introverted than before. It seemed she only trusted a few friends and kept most people at a distance. Amber hadn’t been back to school since that day, either. She had stayed home the last few weeks before summer, and Sara knew Amber was nervous about starting school again. “I think she is ashamed of what happened. She doesn’t like to talk about it.” Sara looked at Joshua.
“Give her time,” he said gently. “It’s only been a few months.” As they reached Sara’s street, he stopped, pulled her into his arms, and held her for a moment. “I really, really like you, Sara.” With her head resting on his chest, Sara felt bubbles in her stomach. How did I get so lucky?
CHAPTER 19
Amber’s summer
Amber had just returned to Seattle after spending a month with her dad. Seeing old friends from Michigan and hanging with her dad was great. But she missed Benjamin and had driven her father crazy by texting him endlessly.
Amber’
s father had taken two weeks off from work, and they had gone to visit relatives in Canada. Her grandparents and aunt had gone out of their way to make everything perfect for her. It felt like everyone was walking on eggshells, and no one dared mention her suicide attempt.
Her two young cousins didn’t know about it and acted bratty, as usual. At least that part of her world hadn’t changed. Her father had tried to bring up her suicide attempt on the long drive up from Michigan to Waterloo, but she didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it. He talked about how he blamed it on the divorce and how it would have never happened if he had been around. Amber knew he felt guilty and wished he wouldn’t, but at the same time she felt no need to involve him in her love life by telling him about the fatal evening when she and Benjamin had kissed and Sara had found out, so she said as little about it as possible. He knew she had felt bullied and alone, and he reckoned it was because she was the new girl in town. “Did you know that in Canada, they have a national anti-bullying day?” he asked her.
“No.” She turned her head to look out of the window and to signal that she didn’t really want to talk about this anymore.
“It’s true! I think it’s the last Monday in February, or wait, no, maybe it’s the last Wednesday.”
Amber didn’t respond. This was so typical for her dad – every detail was important, and he always interrupted his own stories trying to get an insignificant detail right. Sometimes, he would have to look up that small detail before continuing with his story.
“We will have to look that up. Maybe you could do that on your phone?” he suggested and waited. When he didn’t get a response from Amber, he continued. “So anyway, the story behind the bullying day is really cool, because there was this guy who started his freshman year wearing a pink shirt to school. He got bullied because of the shirt. Then, two of his classmates… Or maybe they were his friends. Hmm. I am not sure… but anyway, they went out and bought fifty pink shirts and handed them out at school.”
Amber looked at her father. “And did that help?”
“I guess so; now it’s a national ‘pink shirt day’ against bullying. Cool, right?”
Amber nodded. Though her dad’s carrying on bothered her, she was impressed by the story.
“It’s all about having the right friends,” her father said.
Amber looked out the window again, and thought about her friends: how Benjamin and Sara had saved her life, and how it made her feel grateful. She pushed the thought away, because thinking about that day always made her sad. She changed her focus, admiring the beautiful scenery as they drove. Nature here in Michigan was so different from Seattle. All the flat fields they passed were a contrast to the mountain landscape in Seattle, and she couldn’t decide which she liked the best. She wondered what Benjamin would think of it. She missed him so much!
When Amber finally got home from seeing her father, Benjamin had just left town to go to something called “Survival Camp.”
-He had talked about it for months, and she knew it was something he had looked forward to, but she just wished it had happened while she was gone, too. Their timing was awful! He was somewhere in the Olympic Rainforest, four hours west of Seattle, with a group of young Native Americans. They would survive only on what they could find and hunt in the wild, and Benjamin thought that the experience would help him connect to his roots. Amber smiled; she loved that about him: his interest in history and social studies, combined with his desire to learn more about his Native American heritage.
With an artist mother and a father who was an independent contractor, Benjamin lived a life far away from the Indian reservations – a comfy lifestyle among an international community. His mother was Native American and had been raised on a reservation, and although her artwork did show a connection to her past, she herself seemed uninterested in that part of her life. His father would joke and say that she had married the best-looking paleface in town, and Benjamin could tell his mom enjoyed her life in the suburbs. It was clear that her childhood had been anything but easy, and that she had some good reasons not to want to see her relatives or her childhood home anymore.
Benjamin, however, always took pride in his ancestors and wanted to know more about them. When he talked about going on a survival camp with other young Native Americans, he said, “It’ll be like having a time machine.” Time travel, Amber smiled, to learn how his ancestors lived their lives.
Amber looked at her phone. Six days without a sign of life was like a Benjamin detox, not something she wanted to go through again. Good thing he was coming back tomorrow, and she could finally give him a hug again. She laughed as she thought about how bad he probably smelled by now. I wouldn’t even care, she thought, I would still hug and kiss him.
Her mom brought her back to the here and now with her sudden appearance in Amber’s doorway. “Are you ready for school?”
“Mmm.” Amber nodded and looked up at her mom. She couldn’t help thinking that her mom looked older than she really was. Being a single mom, working in the law firm, getting through the divorce, and realizing her daughter was unhappy enough to attempt suicide had aged her five years in one. Amber hated that her mom treated her like a fragile vase and tried to cheer her up constantly. The smile on her mom’s face was not real – it was covering the worry and sadness that filled her. She was trying too hard, and it made Amber feel that she could never unload her troubles with her mom, because her mom was already carrying a heavy load of her own. Her mom Grace, came in and sat down on Amber’s bed. “Honey, there is someone I want you to meet.”
“Right now?” Amber looked confused.
“No, no – tomorrow.” Grace smiled.
“Sure, who is it?”
“It’s my coach.” Her mom’s voice was friendly.
“Seriously, Mom, you want me to see your counselor?” Amber replied, looking away.
“She is not a counselor, sweetie, she is a coach.”
“Why do I have to meet her?” Amber was alert and on the defensive. “I don’t need a coach.”
“Just meet with her once, okay? For me?” Grace looked at her with pleading eyes. “Her name is Marie, and she has helped me a lot. I know you will like her.”
“When?”
“At 10 a.m.; she will call you on Skype.”
“Doesn’t she have an office?” Amber asked in a condescending tone.
“I am sure she does,” Grace laughed. “But she lives in Nice, France, so you would have to leave early to get there by 10 a.m.” Her mom got up, and to end the talk, she said, “Having a coach is a great thing. Every world champion has one, remember?”
Amber watched her mom leave the room and thought to herself, I’m not a world champion and I don’t want a coach. She decided not to let this French lady ruin her good Sunday. After all, Benjamin was coming back in the afternoon, and that was all that mattered.
CHAPTER 20
Coming home
Benjamin was more than ready to go home after eight days in the wilderness of the Olympic Rainforest. Somehow, sleeping in the wild and eating berries, fish, and rabbits was a lot more intriguing in a catalogue than in actual life. He longed for a Coke and a home-cooked meal. He smelled worse than he cared to admit, had at least fifty mosquito bites, and was so tired that he felt like sleeping for a year. One of the good parts, though, was all the great friends he had made and the stories they had shared around the campfire at night.
In three hours, he would be home, and he had his priorities straight. First thing: take a shower. Second thing: call Amber. And third thing: eat, eat, eat. It was Sunday, and tomorrow he was starting high school as a sophomore. He remembered how nervous he had been to start last year as a freshman, and he thought about the pact he and Sara had made together. Last school year had been crazy, and he wished he could change a lot of the things that had happened.
He wished he had been there for Amber when she had needed him and felt rejected and alone. It was a miracle that Sara had called her at the mo
ment when she had taken all the pills, and he was deeply thankful that the doctors had managed to save her life. He couldn’t imagine life without Amber. She was the first thing on his mind in the morning when he woke up and the last thing before he went to sleep. Even when he was hanging out with his friends at the ramp or playing videogames, he felt she was a part of him.
They had been together as much as they could before their summer plans had kept them apart for almost six weeks. It felt like a year, and he thought about all the texting between them, smiling at how witty and sexy Amber could be. Even from two thousand miles away, Amber turned him on with her messages. Somehow, being far apart made it easier to talk about all the things they would do to each other if they were together.
He wondered if she was really ready to do the things they had texted about. It was a world apart from his relationship with Sara, who had shown no interest in exploring that part of life with him. Amber was so different, and he knew she genuinely desired him. But would she go all the way? He would never pressure her, but with every fiber of his body he hoped she would, because his desire for her had built up over so long that he felt like he was going to burst. He would take anything she offered him; he was so madly in love with her.
When the van pulled up, Benjamin’s parents were excited to see him, and to his surprise, Amber was there, too. He was torn between feeling bad about how he looked (and smelled) and being overjoyed to see her pretty face. She looked healthy and glowing, and she smiled at him with such love and affection.
“I was going to call you after I had a shower!” Benjamin said to Amber, looking down at himself with an apologetic smile. She laughingly rose on her toes, so her lips could reach his ears for a whisper. “I wish I could join you in the shower.” He looked at her with surprise, and his facial expression made her laugh even more. “Call me when you are ready to hang out, okay?” Amber turned around to walk away. Benjamin stood paralyzed and watched her leave until his parents bombarded him with questions and led him to the house. One quick shower, one quick parental update, and three of his mom’s sandwiches later, Benjamin was out the door to see Amber. They hung out in her room and talked about his adventure in the rainforest.