“Are you coming, Sara?” Victoria looked back.
“No, it’s fine, you can just go ahead. I am just going to say hi to Joshua real quick.” She turned around and headed to his table, where the band and Elizabeth were breaking up from lunch. “Hi, stranger.” Joshua broke into a big smile.
Sara didn’t comment on it. She knew he was referring to the way she didn’t pay very much attention to him at school.
“Are we still doing homework after school today?” she asked.
Joshua could see she had her serious face on. “I would love that, Sara Singh. Thank you for being my tutor this afternoon. Will we meet by my car after school?” Sara’s smile reached her cheeks. She could see he was making fun of her; she did kind of treat him with distance, as if he was merely a friend, but at least this time, she had approached him. That was a step in the right direction.
As she walked away, she noticed a group of his giggling fans watching her. With the new freshmen class, a whole new tribe of giggling TUA fans had arrived, and they constantly sent her hateful looks, as if to say, “Back off.” Normally, it would upset Sara, but this time it made her smile and she felt proud that she was the girl he loved. That’s right… he told me himself, He. Loves. ME!
As Sara passed the girls, she heard them whispering, and the warrior part of her wanted to turn around and say, “Stop looking at my boyfriend,” but she didn’t have the guts. Instead, she just kept walking while thinking, One day, I will actually do it, just to see their faces.
After school, Sara met Joshua by his car, and he had the most irresistible grin on his face as he stood, casually leaning against his Ford Mustang. Sara could feel her excitement fill her body. She had decided that today was going to be the day when she told Joshua that she loved him, and she was so nervous about it. Joshua observed Sara as she approached him with her long dark hair blowing in the wind and a sweet, nervous smile on her lips. He couldn’t help feeling that she looked like a lamb approaching a wolf. She didn’t say much on the way to his home. Her hands couldn’t decide whether to be sweaty or dry. But Joshua didn’t seem to notice that she was quiet, and he kept the conversation going with his talk about the talent scout who was coming.
“Where is Anna?” Sara asked when they entered Josh’s house. Anna was the indispensable help in Josh’s family who made sure the house was clean, the clothes were washed, and the fridge was full, and that the dinner was prepared and healthy during the weekdays. His parents worked too much to do it all and only cooked on weekends. Anna was a trusted part of their family, and normally she would always greet Sara and Josh with some tasty buns or hot chocolate, when they did homework together.
“Anna had to go visit her sister for a few days.” Joshua grinned.
“Do you mean we are completely alone now?” Sara’s eyes widened. She was too embarrassed to remind him about her parents’ rule. Her mom had specifically told her that she was not allowed in Joshua’s bedroom and that she should stay downstairs where Anna was always close.
Sara was frustrated that her parents didn’t trust her and had felt humiliated when her mom had called Joshua’s mom to make sure his parents understood the rules, too.
“Yep, just you and me, baby.” Joshua laughed at her expression. “We have the whole house to ourselves, so what do you want to do?” Clearly Joshua wasn’t concerned with breaking a few parental rules.
Sara was a mess of conflicting emotions. She wanted to put the nice girl away and play around with Joshua, but she feared she wouldn’t be able to control herself, and she would go too far. She wasn’t prepared for this situation. Normally, they would do homework in Joshua’s living room, and even though Anna would leave them alone, they always knew she could come in at any moment, which made Joshua hold back. At the tree house, someone could pass and hear them. Here, she knew they would be alone for the next three hours, and she suddenly felt scared that Joshua would expect her to have sex with him. She wasn’t ready for that.
“What do you mean, what do I want to do? I thought the plan was homework.” Sara sounded much stricter than she meant to.
Joshua’s grin immediately disappeared, and he just turned around and walked into the living room. She could sense his disappointment, and once again she felt so stupid. Why can’t I just relax more and give him what he wants? Sara followed him, and felt just as confused as she had felt the first time she had been in this living room getting a piano lesson. She looked at Joshua’s back and took a deep breath.
“Do you want to go to your room?”
Joshua turned around with a puzzled expression on his face. “My room?” he said and tilted his head as if to figure out what was going on. Sara stiffened as she stood, trying to hold on to the braveness she had just felt a second ago.
“Yes, I want to go to my room,” Joshua said slowly, observing her. “But are you sure you want to see it?” he asked, testing her.
Sara closed her eyes for a second before she answered. “Show me your room.”
Joshua took her hand and led her up the stairs, and Sara followed him as if in a trance.
As they entered his room, she hardly noticed anything but his bed and the nice dusty green color of his blanket. He closed the door behind her, and she willingly took a seat on his bed when he asked her to sit down.
Joshua could feel how tense Sara was, and he was trying to figure out how to make her relax. “Do you want to hear some music?” he asked her, and she nodded.
Bruno Mars filled the room with a soft song that Joshua knew she loved, and he could see her start to breathe more normally.
“So what do you think of my room?” Joshua said and threw himself on the bed next to her.
For the first time, Sara actually looked around in his room and started to relax a bit. Joshua was lying next to where she was sitting, but he looked more like someone who wanted to talk than someone who wanted to gobble her up.
“It’s a nice room.” She smiled, and he continued the conversation they’d had in the car. Suddenly, Sara felt relaxed enough to laugh again, and when he took her hand and pulled her down beside him, it felt natural.
“Close your eyes,” Joshua said and started kissing her face softly and continued down to her neck.
Suddenly Sara pushed him away. “Joshua, I’m not ready to have sex with you.” Her eyes were big and apologetic.
Joshua smiled. “I know, Sara, you already told me. But we can still kiss, right?”
Sara sighed with relief. “Yes, we can still kiss. I just needed to say it because I thought that maybe you thought, that now that we are alone…”
Joshua put a finger on her mouth. “You think too much.” And then he kissed her and whispered in her ear. “I told you I will wait for you, didn’t I?”
Sara held him tight with her mouth to his ear and whispered, “Thank you, Joshua, I love that about you.”
He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. “Did you just say that you love me?” His eyes were glowing with excitement.
“No… I said, I loved that about you.” Sara chuckled as she could see his disappointment. “Now I tell you that…” She paused and looked at him, “I love you.”
The reaction in Josh was radical. His pupils dilated as his desire for Sara exploded. He had been unsure about her commitment for so long, feeling completely lost in his love for her, always fearing that she would find him dull and not intellectual enough. Her declaration of love released all his suppressed longing for her, and he kissed her with such passion that it completely blew her backwards; his breathing changed and his movements became quicker.
He needed her so badly, and she couldn’t refuse his raw lust for her. It felt so good to have actually told him, and her good girl temporarily quitted the room, leaving her with a version of herself she didn’t yet know. This part of her was full of lust and desire, and she felt a thousand butterflies in her stomach. She wanted him and he wanted her.,
It was a chaos of kissing, deep breathing, clothes coming off and
naked skin rubbing against naked skin. Joshua moved Sara underneath him and took off her jeans. She was lying in his bed in only her bra and panties, and he was more turned on than he had ever been in his life. “Oh my God, Sara, you are so beautiful.” He reached for her bra and opened it, and this time she didn’t feel shy; she saw her own beauty through his admiring eyes and her inner Goddess purred and pulled him close.
Josh felt her legs around him as he lay down on top of her. His erection was bursting and all he wanted was to feel release inside of her, but in the back of his mind, he could see her big eyes looking at him, saying, I am not ready to have sex with you. And with a surprising act of rational thinking, he pulled away from her. “We can’t do this, Sara; you’re not ready, remember?”
Sara looked at him with confusion; his voice had broken her spell of uninhibited desire, and her good girl returned to the room with a raised finger, making her feel ashamed of herself. She picked up her clothes and started dressing herself silently.
Josh looked at her getting dressed and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “I am so sorry, Sara, I shouldn’t have kissed you that way… you just turn me on so easily, and when you said you loved me, I couldn’t control myself. Please forgive me.” Joshua tried to get Sara’s attention, and finally she was done putting on her shirt and jeans and turned around to face him. The minute he saw the loving expression on her face Joshua sighed with relief. She wasn’t mad.
“Maybe we should do our homework now.” She smiled and reached out her hand to him.
CHAPTER 26
Selling cakes
That Friday, Amber, Sara, and Victoria were ready for the big bake sale.
Benjamin showed up as promised, with a huge smile and a huger cake.
“Here it is, ladies,” he said with triumph and presented an angel cake so perfectly made it had to have come from a factory.
“No way you made that cake yourself,” Sara protested and raised her eyebrows.
“Sure did! It’s the secret Coleman recipe, remember?” Benjamin’s smile lit up his entire face.
Sara crossed her arms. “You know, Ben, I have known you for a long time, and I can totally see when you are lying. Tell me the truth, or I will call your mom and ask her.”
Benjamin placed his too-perfect angel cake on the table and laughed at her. “You wouldn’t.”
“I so would.” Sara narrowed her eyes but couldn’t help smiling back at him.
Amber didn’t believe Benjamin either, but she played along, and to her surprise, his cake outsold her brownies and was surpassed only by Victoria’s Swedish cinnamon rolls. After three hours, they had sold 123 treats and received donations of 257 dollars.
“Hey, we did good, didn’t we?” Benjamin asked Amber.
“I think so,” Amber nodded. But truthfully, it was her first bake sale, and she had no idea what to expect.
Benjamin had them all do a group high five. “Okay, ladies, it is time for me to go; I have duties elsewhere, but I hope you will not suffer cravings for the Coleman angel cake tonight. See you.” And off he went on his skateboard, leaving the girls to clean up after the bake sale.
“I really have to go, too.” Sara looked apologetic. “I have to watch my brothers, and I’m already late.”
“Don’t worry. It’s fine,” Amber replied. “I’m happy to clean up. Thank you so much for doing this with me.”
Victoria stayed around to help with the table and the leftover cakes. “So, have you thought about doing a talk about suicide?” she asked Amber.
“You know, I did, and I like the idea, but I can’t see myself doing it. Although I was thinking that maybe you could do it, and then I could just help you?”
Victoria looked at her for a moment. “You are scared of being in front of people? Is that why?”
Amber nodded. “I really don’t like it.”
Victoria gave Amber a hug and looked at her with kindness. “But, Amber, it is not about you. It’s about that one person who is thinking about killing herself, the person you might save from doing that by giving her hope.”
Amber got chills. She wanted to help, but she wasn’t ready for this responsibility “But how am I supposed to do it? I’m just me. Why don’t you do it?”
“It has to be you, Amber, because you have a story to share, and you have a message that could save lives, right?”
Amber looked at Victoria with big eyes. “Right.”
“So will you do it if I do it with you?”
“I guess I could give it a try,” Amber muttered and was impressed with her own bravery. But inside she was still doubting whether she could actually do it.
“Great. I will set it up and let you know when. Just start thinking about what you will share when you get thirty minutes in front of a group of middle school kids, okay?”
“Okay, I will.” Amber looked really pale and scared.
Victoria saw her fear. “Don’t freak out, Amber, you can do this. And I will do it with you, okay?”
“Okay.”
When she woke up the next morning, Amber couldn’t understand how Victoria had gotten her to agree to do a talk about bullying and suicide. It was Saturday morning, and she was happy to have her weekly call with Marie.
“I should have said no,” Amber exclaimed “It’s a really bad idea.”
“Why is it a bad idea?”
“Because I will make a fool out of myself and waste their time.” Amber looked down.
“I can hear that you are scared, so let me ask you this. If you could save a life by making a fool of yourself, would you do it?”
Amber looked at Marie and didn’t know what to say. What was it with this woman and her questions? She always looked at the world upside down. Marie sat patiently waiting for Amber’s answer. “Yeah, if I knew I was saving a life, I guess I would,” Amber finally said.
“Is it possible for a fool to save a life?” Marie had a vague smile on her face when she asked that question, and Amber felt confused. Was this another trick question?
“Ehhh… I think so?”
“You know, Amber, public speaking is the number one fear of all fears. What you are feeling is very natural. I help people deal with their stage fright, and I can tell you that even famous actors feel it. It’s your brain’s way of helping you take it seriously, but it’s just your ego talking. Once you move your focus from your own vanity and self-doubt, you will find that you are there to serve, and the audience wants you to succeed just as much as you do.”
Amber was quiet for a while thinking about Marie’s words; it was hard to imagine Sandra Bullock or Brad Pitt being afraid of an audience.
“If you would like, I would be happy to teach you some techniques to help you make a great talk. Would you like that?”
“I think I need all the help I can get.” Amber rolled her eyes.
“Okay, then. But for now, I want to salute you for taking action with your bake sale. I am impressed with your initiative. It kind of reminds me of a very short story.” Marie smiled. “Would you like to hear it?” she asked. Amber nodded.
“Four people were sitting on a beach bench, and one decided to take a swim. How many people were left on the beach bench?”
“Three people?” Amber replied.
“No!” Marie laughed. “Four people, of course… It takes more than a decision to actually do something. It takes action, and with your bake sale, you took action, Amber.” Marie’s voice and facial expression were filled with admiration and made Amber feel warm inside.
“I believe you can do anything you set your mind to, and you will impact more people with your talk than you can ever imagine right now.”
Amber nodded. Right now, she felt elated and confident.
“I’m going to do it,” she said with determination.
Marie nodded and smiled back “I know you will.”
CHAPTER 27
Nightmares
Laura was doing homework in her room and felt exhausted. She hadn’t slep
t much since school started two and half week ago. Every night, she would stay up to finish up her homework, but it wasn’t as easy as it used to be. She needed to study harder, and even though she poured her heart and soul into her work, she still felt as though she was falling behind. On this year’s first math test, she had gotten a C, which was unheard of in her world.
Internally, she was freaking out, and could feel how all her thoughts revolved around schoolwork and grades. She had hidden the math test from her parents in shame and was filled with anxiety about failing. How did I go from being gifted to being stupid? she constantly asked herself, and her inner voice became harsher the more tired and afraid she got. Laura feared her days as a gifted honor student were soon to be over, and now, humiliating nightmares haunted her nightly.
Her parents could feel a difference in her, but whenever they asked her if she was okay, she always responded that everything was just fine. Laura found herself in the bathroom searching through the medicine cabinet for Jack’s medicine. Besides being dyslexic, Jack was also diagnosed with ADHD, and his medicine helped him stay more focused. When he was diagnosed in fifth grade, it was a huge relief to their parents. With his diagnosis, they could explain why their son was not behaving normally. They would mention his diagnosis to other parents as a shield against judgment. After all, it wasn’t their fault that their son was a troubled kid, it was because of his condition.
It was back then that Jack had gotten his first drum kit, and it had worked wonders. In the basement, he would practice for hours, using up his energy and releasing his frustration. It was not long before he discovered that he had a talent for music, and he enjoyed his time in the basement more and more. Nobody would tell him what to do and how to do it. It was just him and his drums.
If I can only stay more focused, I could do better in school, Laura thought as she opened Jack’s bottle of Ritalin pills. She swallowed one pill and counted the twenty-five remaining ones as she emptied them into her hand. She hid the pills in her room before walking downstairs to find her mom in the kitchen.
“Mom, you have to help me,” Laura said with big frightened eyes.
Her mom turned around. “What’s up, honey?”
“I accidently dropped Jack’s pills and they all fell down on the floor,” Laura lied.