It’s a genie coming out of a bottle, a big map of India, a ballerina twirling on stage, or ...
AWESOME!
Long, comfortable silences between really close friends
“Mmm, want the air-conditioning on or anything?”
“No, no, I’m good . . .”
AWESOME!
Going on a field trip in elementary school
It all starts with the permission slip.
Yes, when teachers send them home before the bell rings so parents can rubber-stamp the bumpy yellow bus trip to the museum, then it’s on, my friends, it’s on.
Soon the days count down and the buzz builds up as the class gets ready for the day away from school. The Middle Ages unit wraps up at Medieval Times, paintings are handed in before the art gallery, and everyone mails a friend a letter before the tour of the post office.
On the morning of the big day you wake up with some extra pep in your step because you know we’re all heading away from school. It’s time to skip the portables, soggy sandwiches , and long afternoons with the Spanish teacher.
It’s time to do something different.
It’s time to go for a ride.
Whether it’s the petting zoo, chocolate factory, or a long hike in the woods, it’s time to enjoy the school vacation with the following big perks:1. Subs in the house. Taking thirty screaming seven-year-olds to the planetarium is a bit much, so most teachers call in backups in the form of parent chaperones. These subs act like a sweet and sweatered army who don’t know enough names or have enough power to mess up the fun. Of course, that’s assuming they’re not your mom or dad. If they are, your day is over.
2. Wheels on the bus. They go round and round on the way there and back. Yeah, we all gang-rush the slippery seat-belt-free seats and enjoy a loud, laughing party on wheels. There are loud, screechy songs, secret makeout sessions, and friendly gestures to passing motorists. This is also when the school social structure is on display—from the cool kids at the back to the awkward nerds sitting with the teacher up front. I really did love sitting up front, though, honestly. I mean, how about those big windows? What a view!
3. Sealing it in. A friend and I were strolling through an art gallery a couple years back when we stumbled on a group of kindergartners holding a rope and looking at splotchy paintings. I’ll never forget the jaw-dropping look of pure head-tilting amazement from the little boy at the end—eyes twinkling, mittens hanging out his coat, his whirring brain soaking and swallowing something beautiful on the wall. And it’s true: Field trips often help seal in the learning. Chalk one up for school.
So ... let’s enjoy the memories, let’s enjoy the moments, and let’s enjoy the parking lot speed bumps. Yes, let’s all love those special days when dusty chalkboards fade away and buses wheel us down the freeway ... far away ... far away ... far away . . .
AWESOME!
The moment on a roller coaster when you get to the top of the big hill and before you go down it
You drive to the park, you walk to the gate, you get your hand stamped, you run to the line, you move up, you grab a hot dog, you move up, you check your watch, you get to the front, you jump in the ride, and then the big moment finally arrives : The screechy cars start moving, there’s some rumbly bumping, and you’re cranking up the big first hill and all you hear is chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk, chk.
Then there’s a short, quiet pause as you teeter on the top and float for a brief second as the cars tip down, your stomach twists around, and your arms wave high as you get ready to scream.
AWESOME!
When that social event you didn’t want to go to gets canceled
Catch you next time, distant cousin’s baby shower. We totally would have been there, new coworker’s birthday party. Sorry it didn’t work out, someone we don’t know’s wedding.
AWESOME!
Rocking out on air instruments
Oh, there’s more than just guitar.
How many of these other air classics have you pulled off?1. Air Drums. Riding shotgun and nailing solos on the dashboard or cooking dinner and feeling the beats on the kitchen counter, you either go with the My Fingers Are Drumstricks method or the My Fists Are Holding Air Drumsticks method. Both sound excellent.
2. Air Keyboard. No Air Résumé is complete without some strong Air Keyboard experience. Nail it by squeezing your eyes shut, raising your brows, biting your lip, and swaying back and forth.
3. Air Harmonica. Use sparingly for Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty songs.
4. Air Cowbell. If you master Air Cowbell, be prepared to be invited to all the coolest parties and hottest dances. Bonus points for playing with a giant openmouthed smile and wildly bobbing head while being really, really tall.
Yes, rocking out in a state of air-playing bliss is one of life’s great joys. When you’re in the zone there’s a tear in the fabric of space-time and you’re suddenly transported to a soldout Air Stage in front of millions and millions of sweaty screaming Air Fans.
Your big buckets of passion and neverending supply of energy help keep our planet spinning, so pump those fists, nail those high notes, and rock on, rock star, rock on.
AWESOME!
Doing anything that makes you feel like a caveman
There’s something about getting in touch with your inner Neanderthal that strokes your brain stem just the right way. Accomplishing something caveman-style feels good—a combination of clenched teeth, throbbing veins, and good old fashioned feistiness that we don’t always get to experience in today’s sophisticated society.
Here are some things that deliver a good cave high:• Building a fire. There’s serious satisfaction to be had from collecting a pile of twigs and logs and sending them up in smoke. You’re in the forest on your hands and knees, coaxing life-giving heat and energy out of dry, dead wood. For the full effect, leave the lighter fluid at home.
• Eating a meal that is just meat. Have you ever been that person at the buffet who loads their whole plate up with just meat? You know, slab of steak, couple pork chops, maybe some ribs on the side? Sure, you see that potato salad, you see those steamed baby carrots, but you can’t justify eating anything other than meat. Don’t worry, your inner caveman thanks you. Bonus: filling your plate with drumsticks, chicken wings, and ribs so you can just eat messily off the bone with your bare hands.
• Ignoring body hair for a really long time. Your chin fuzz grows out and connects with your unkempt muttonchops, your hair gets long and scraggly, and you suddenly start getting Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Back. This will keep you warm in the cave for winter.
• Breaking something. Maybe you’re tossing an old dresser at the dump or splintering the brokendown shed for firewood. Either way, after you’ve delivered a few devastating boots, hammer swings, and stick smacks, make sure you let out a victorious roar to let the whole forest know you won the battle.
• Throwing a temper tantrum much more aggressively than normal. If you’re the kind of classy gal who usually politely bee-beeps the horn when someone cuts you off, but then one time you hold it down for ten seconds, flip the bird, and scream out your window, then that’s the one. That’s your Beautiful Cavegirl Moment.
So I say love it. Love those caveman days, because they’re a throwback to the simple life—when instead of eating processed cheese and watching reality TV we were clubbing saber-toothed tigers and painting caves, baby.
AWESOME!
That teacher
Put your hand up if you ran from doorbells, hid behind pant legs, and avoided eye contact with grown-ups as a shy little kid.
Brothers and sisters, if your hand is up right now, you are not alone.
Yes, mute as a mouse, quiet as a cat, I was a short, snotty, bedhead-smeared ghost of a child until about eight years old.
That was when I was head-yanked out of my turtle shell by a cotton-white curly-haired, crinkly-smiled teacher who pushed me every single day. For some reason Mrs. Dorsman cared, she just cared, and she had me
reading to the class, talking out loud, and practicing my cursive on the blackboard.
Sadly, when I was ten years old, my family moved away and we completely lost touch. But the little germs of ideas she planted in me rooted deep and grew slowly as the years bumped on and on and on and on ...
Just after The Book of Awesome came out last year, I woke up and found this in my inbox:From: Stella Dorsman
Neil, I just read an article in the paper this morning about your interesting life and upcoming book. I just need to know ... are you the Neil Pasricha who was in my grade 3 class at Sunset Heights P.S.? If so, reading about you has been my truly awesome moment for today. I have been retired for ten years, but always remember my good students and hope that some of the emphasis
I placed on writing skills eventually paid off. Please confirm your identity!
Best wishes,
Stella Dorsman
From: Neil Pasricha
It’s me! It’s me!
Mrs. Dorsman, you did indeed inspire and encourage me. I remember our class fondly! You are a fantastic and passionate teacher and I’m sure you encouraged thousands of students in your career. I count myself amongst the lucky! Thank you for calling my name on your attendance list that cold morning after Labor Day.
Neil
From: Stella Dorsman
Neil, SO HAPPY to hear from you . . . and you’re old enough to call me “Stella” now! I also remember your Sunset Heights class as one of the highlights of my career ... not all classes were as much fun.
I will indeed check out your book . . . I’m very proud of you . . . Stella
Well, we’ve all got those teachers who plant seeds inside us. Maybe it’s the baseball coach who leaves you on the mound after giving up some runs, maybe it’s the language teacher who helps you with that stutter after class, or maybe it’s the college professor whose inspirational talks fill you with the power to follow your dreams.
Mrs. Dorsman ended up coming to the book launch for The Book of Awesome, where she joined me onstage and took the mic and told stories from decades ago to hundreds of people. After she spoke I gave her a big hug and a signed book . . . and told her to check out the Acknowledgments buried deep in the back where every single copy has a tiny little note waiting there just for her.
“Special thanks to Mrs. Dorsman for pushing me out of my shell in third grade.”
AWESOME!
When somebody holds the elevator door for you
Close Door people, we see you.
Don’t pretend you don’t know what we’re talking about. We see you duck into the elevator twenty steps before us in the lobby and tap-tap-tap that Close Door button so you can score a slightly faster ride. What, you think we don’t notice your attempts to avoid eye contact? Oh, we do, and we don’t like you for it either.
No, the people we like are a different sort of people. They’re Open Door people. They’re the ones with the bruises on their forearms, tapping the Open button, and popping their head out to ask innocently, “Going up?”
Why yes, we are going up. Why yes, we would love to share the lift with you. Why yes, we’ll smile and thank you for holding it. And why yes, we’ll keep it open when we see you coming the next time too.
Now let’s all hug and chug-a-lug home.
AWESOME!
Setting the new high score on a video game
It’s a big deal.
When I was a little kid my friends and I took pictures of the TV screen after setting new high scores. It was so important to us we’d even mail the photos to video game magazines hoping they’d splash them across their pages as a late-breaking scoop.
Two eight-year-olds defeat Bowser in epic battle
No-holds-barred cave fight features
fireballs and flying hammers
Yes, if you’ve been there you know the road to setting a new high score is paved with lots of swearing, tossed controllers , and empty soda cans. Blurry eyes, all-day bedhead, and slowly expanding pit stains are the mark of these basement-dwelling champions.
Now, while cracking top spot at home offers a big rush, there’s something to be said about the rare moment you actually pull it off in an old arcade.
After all, you probably dumped a few buckets of quarters into the machine just to get to M. Bison, so the payoff was your treat for spending weeks of allowance and candy money. Also, you got to put your initials into the machine, which means you can go with your actual initials, the AAA default, or the filthiest three-letter word you know. Just make sure nobody unplugs the machine, and have a couple witnesses so you’ve got proof of being the A.S.S. at Tony’s Pizza Slice who racked up 171,000 points on Ms. Pac-Man.
Setting a new high score on a video game is a moment of total euphoria. Your heart speeds up and your brain flies off as you realize you’re making it big. Yes, you turned tightly on Rainbow Road, nailed a Tetris when the screen was full, and hit all the right notes on the guitar.
The blisters, eyestrain, and malnutrition were worth it, you think to yourself, as you survey your dark and seedy den of empty chip bags, greasy pizza boxes, and dirty socks. And as that slow smile curls across your face make sure you take a long, quiet moment to stare at the TV screen and bask in your glowing moment of guts and glory.
AWESOME!
Taking a spin on a shopping cart
Hey, baby.
Take a ride on the wild side.
Yes, while walking down that empty grocery store aisle look left at the Cocoa Puffs, look right at the rice cakes, nod confidently, and then step on the cart and fly.
Apples bounce, bread slides, and there are some intense g-forces on your salami. But a few seconds later, a few feet away, how much are you smiling after that dangerous floortile thrill ride to the yogurt?
Now, there are a few different ways the dangerous deeds go down. Here we go:1. Pedal to the Metal. This is the classic one-foot ride to heaven. Two hands on the bar, one foot jammed underneath, and your back leg hanging out like a wobbly figure skater. Just make sure you’ve got a watermelon and a sack of potatoes in your cart to hold her steady.
2. Two-Footer. This is the Pedal to the Metal with more commitment. Without your skiddy-soled runners providing an emergency brake, anything could happen. Remember to know your limits and play it safe out there.
3. A-Tisket, A-Tasket. Someone’s riding in the basket. Make sure you don’t crash into a wall of soup, because the only air bags in this thing are full of onions.
4. The Station Wagon. Remember that backseat in old station wagons facing the opposite direction? This is the shopping cart version. Hold on tight to the front of the cart and cross your fingers the driver doesn’t steer you into the egg wall.
5. The Submarine. Highly not-recommended. This deep-sea move consists of riding underneath where the soda cans and diapers usually sit. It also consists of being at the mercy of the lunatic driver above you. Remember to be safe in that grocery store jungle. Nobody wants to go home with a forehead full of kidney bean can dents.
Yes, taking a quick spin on a shopping cart is a coffee aisle vacation.
It’s juice and jam jubilation.
It’s a diaper dash temptation.
And it’s a supermarket celebration.
AWESOME!
Slurping hot soup on a cold night
Say it’s a cold, bone-shivering night.
Say there’s snow shooting sharp, shooting sideways, shooting into your eyes, and the wind is just howling and twirling into mini-tornadoes, slicing and dicing deep through your coat and into your chest. Your fingers are icicles, your nose a dented, frozen strawberry, and your cheeks look like someone ran them over with a cheese grater a few times.
On nights like this, just face it: You’re an ice-cold mess.
You need to get home fast and eat some soup.
Yes, you need to stomp your boots, shake the snow off your jacket, let your glasses steam up, and touch-feel your way to the kitchen to heat it up, pour it up, snag those saltines up, and
sit right down to slurp up one of life’s great pleasures:• Temperature check. That soup’s steaming hot and you’re ice cold and now is not the time for First-Degree Tongue Burn. Make sure your slurps force cooler air into your mouth to chill the soup out a bit. It’s like cooling beer bottles in the freezer for a few minutes or nuking the cold half of your dinner for ten seconds to heat it back up—just some temperature knob twiddling to get it jussssssst right.
• Our ancestors did it. What, do you think cavemen sipped their soup politely? No, I bet they slurped it straight from the saber-tooth skull and loved doing it. Next time your date pops up from her steak with gravy on her cheeks, meat in her teeth, and mashed potato in her hair, just flash a big thumbs-up and start slurping your soup. It’s all about embracing our common roots.
• Get closer. To slurp properly, you may need to hunch right on over the soup bowl. Yes, lean those shoulders forward and let that steam fog up your glasses and thaw your face. You are a few inches closer to being at one with the soup. It’s your Chicken Noodle Moment of Zen.
So next time you get home from a long and cold walk home, just heat up some soup and start laying down some wet and juicy slurps.
Also works with hot chocolate.
AWESOME!
Turning off all the lights during a thunderstorm
Hey, it’s not like you can play outside, go swimming, ride your bike, or walk to the store. So just flick off the lights, yank open the blinds, and stare out the window at the majestic streaks of bright lightning cracking down all around you.
AWESOME!
The Perfect Egg Crack