I understand fully where she’s coming from with that, but I also understand where Dan’s coming from. It’s very easy to say something. Even to convince yourself that it actually happened. But it’s hard to convince someone else. Perhaps someone who doesn’t want to believe you. I’m not saying that a counsellor would have turned round and said that Lucy was lying but she is very erratic and does come across as an attention seeker.
I’m not really sure what to make of Dan today. It’s almost as if he’s recently been told from his superiors that someone has to be brought to justice for these allegations so somebody’s got to be the fall guy.
And there’s no better fall guy than Adam. Just an everyday sweet bloke who would go out of his way for anyone. But at the same time a naïve man who thought that he wouldn’t be caught if he was involved with an underage girl. Back then I didn’t think he would have been. I wasn’t in any rush to go and tell anyone and if it wasn’t for Jack then I’d never have spoke a word about it.
But maybe I’m deluding myself. Maybe I’m not as clever as I’ve let myself think I am. I’ve let myself think that everything that happened with Adam and his “friends” was my choice and what I wanted. But was it really? What if I was that lonely, that secluded from society and feeling so worthless, that I was the easiest of easy prey? What if because I was wondering the streets with nowhere to go that I was too blind to see that I was being taken advantage of? It’s always going to be open to interpretation. One person is going to think one thing; whilst the person sat next to them might have a totally different opinion.
However, it’s hard to think about anything when I’ve got Dan’s questions to answer. He’s going back to questions he started asking me last Saturday when Gillian was here. The exact thing that I didn’t want to happen. I hate it when I’ve got to repeat myself. But I want Dan to be honest with me. I just want him to say once and for all what he thinks should happen to Adam and his “friends”.
Whether they should be put on trial and, if convicted, sentenced to many years in prison. Alternatively, whether any of the allegations made shouldn’t be looked into because of the potential problems that they could cause. He doesn’t want to answer me when I ask him that. He knows that I could potentially use it against him in the weeks and months to come.
Although someone else wants an answer. Sandra. She’s been very quiet all day. Just watching. Observing. Perhaps I’ve underestimated her. Yesterday she was coming across as a bit of an airhead and a “yes” woman. But the way she just put her point across to Dan then certainly made him sit-up. And it made his subordinate take notice. She only takes notice of someone when she thinks that they’re going to make things difficult for her.
When Gillian was by my side, they had a compatriot if they wanted to go down the route of not looking into the allegations any further. But Sandra’s new to the job here. She’s got nothing to lose by supporting me. It’s not her reputation on the line. Although she’s coming out with too many dodgy clichés for my liking, she’s saying that it’s Dan’s duty to make sure that justice is done for me regardless of who the allegations are against.
Sandra’s actually proper going for it and Dan’s been reduced to just shaking his head in denial on how he, and the police as a whole, are to blame for all the horrible things which I’ve been put through. His subordinate glares at me, as if to challenge me not to get too confident, but I give her a sly little wink. Anyway, I’m not going to waste my time on concentrating on her mind games, I’m far too interested in what Sandra has to say.
She’s asking, well no, she’s actually demanding to know, what’s being done to catch Adam and his “friends”. Whether they’re still free to cruise the streets looking for fresh victims in a new part of town, or whether they’ve been allowed to flee the country because they know the potential consequences if they are charged with engaging in child prostitution.
Dan just gives his standard non-committal answers but it’s not good enough for Sandra. She’s demanding to know more. She wants to know what evidence the police have and what they’re doing with that evidence. She wants to know how many other girls in the local area are suspected of being victims and whether they are willing to give evidence against their rapists, or if not, what steps are being taken to make sure that they do testify.
Sandra finally stops for breath. Dan’s subordinate jumps in to question Sandra’s integrity and asks her what qualifications she feels she has to talk so eloquently on the matter. But Sandra doesn’t buckle under the attempted pressure. She turns the questions back round on the subordinate.
The subordinate suggests that we’ve discussed enough things today and then tries to suggest that I must be getting tired, but I tell her that I’m happy to stay and discuss things. Sandra again asks Dan how he’s going to make sure that “justice” is done. His subordinate shakes her head defiantly but Dan finally cracks and says:
‘We have five suspects on file from the Lucy Sullivan case. I’ll arrange for them to be brought in for questioning today.’
‘That’s a start. What about the numerous others?’
‘We have suspects we’d like to interview but we need more evidence. When the Megabites takeaway was raided, C.C.T.V. recordings from the previous three weeks were taken away to help gather evidence. A team has been working non-stop to identify potential suspects. That process is nearing its end so we’ll be adding the results to other intelligence that is currently being gathered to bring in those suspects.’
‘And what else will you be doing?’
Sandra sounds so demanding when she speaks today. A total world away from the ditzy old woman who tried to talk to me yesterday. Dan’s actually buckling under the pressure from her and if anything he looks like he’s the one who is on trial and lying through his back teeth.
Dan starts to stammer when he speaks, ‘Four more officers have been added to my team.’ I’ve never seen anyone in authority crack like this. He sounds like a little boy who’s being told off in primary school. ‘They’ve been briefed that we’re expecting prosecutions from this case within 12 months.’
I stare into Dan’s eyes but he can’t hold my gaze. I look at his subordinate. Part of me wants to hit her. But then she’s a copper. The one with the rights. Above the law. And I’m not that daft that I’m going to end up with a criminal record because of someone as pathetically flat-chested as her. I rearrange my boobs inside my bra and she looks at me before looking down at herself, at her total inadequacy.
‘I think we’ll leave it at that today, don’t you?’ Sandra says. Dan nods at her and his subordinate pretends to re-arrange some papers so that she doesn’t have to look at me and Sandra as we leave the Interrogation Zone.
For some reason I’m buzzing. I don’t know what it is about Sandra but I’ve got a feeling and she could come in very useful. I can’t wait to tell Jack the good news.
Chapter Thirty
Jack phoned me instead of replying to my lengthy message about how Sandra had Dan squirming and promising to get Adam and his “friends” thrown in jail. In fact, I’ve never heard Jack sound so enthusiastic about anything. It’s almost like he’s pleased with himself that all his hard work has paid off.
I suppose Jack has played a key part in this. If he hadn’t arrived in my life then I’d probably still be prating about with my selective mutism disorder. And if he didn’t know Lucy then I’d never have met her. Because our stories match, the police have to take us seriously. Despite our age. Despite our “difficult backgrounds”. Despite our colour.
As Jack starts to speculate on potential prison sentences that Adam and his “friends” are likely to receive, I tell him not to get too carried away. After all, no arrests have been made. I’m still going to have to identify which ones actually raped me and I’ve got to put together my series of events so that it will stand up in court and get the convictions that are deserved.
E
ven though I am feeling pleased with myself, I’ve learnt in the past not to get too carried away with things and expect too much too soon. The only thing that happens then is that my mind gets over excited and my imagination runs wild, but then the reality is just a let down that leaves me feeling like a total idiot.
Jack tentatively asks me when I want to see him again. I want to say “anytime” but I’ve got a feeling that Dan and his subordinate will be wanting me to give a lot of evidence over the next couple of days. But then Jack asks me a very realistic question:
‘Why does Dan have that woman on the case with him?’
That’s a very good question indeed. At first I thought they were a duo. They both wanted the same thing. Me to keep quiet so Adam and his “friends” could be left alone. But Dan’s not feeling that way any more. I’m not sure how senior he is within the police. Whether he gets the choice of who works on a case with him, but I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t have his subordinate by his side if he a choice. And why would he, she’s got shit tits and curly hair.
Jack laughs when I tell him that and tells me to be stop being so cruel.
‘What?’ I say. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve not noticed yourself.’
‘What’s this Sandra like?’
‘Saggy tits and funny coloured hair that no doubt covers up her grey bits.’
‘No, stupid. As a person.’
I want to say brilliant but I stop myself. I don’t know Sandra properly yet. Whilst she’s just played a blinder with Dan and his subordinate I still don’t know enough about her. And Kate’s still on the scene. She’s technically still my senior Key Worker. This means that she’s still the one who decides how I’m supposed to spend my days. Dan wants to arrange for a specialist rape counsellor to come and see me this week. Sandra thought that it would be a good idea, well would look good for my case, but I’m sure that Kate could veto it if she wanted.
That’s if I see her again after her shift ends today. She’s been looking like she’s had enough for the past couple of weeks, even before Dan and his subordinate decided to turn my life upside down. So it wouldn’t surprise me if she phoned up in a couple of days with a sick note from her doctor advising her to take some time off with “stress”.
That’s what happened with some Key Worker called Carole about a year ago. 18 years’ experience she was proud to tell me she had. Claiming how she’d worked her way up. Six shifts of attempting to deal with me and I never heard from her again. I think she was the first person who’s ever had to deal with me who would have gladly killed me given a chance. I didn’t really have to do anything to her but she was just so far up her own arse she couldn’t see what a pathetic excuse for a human being she was.
Anyway, I don’t like thinking about Carole. I’ll never have to see her again. Well, not unless I mess my life up that much that I have to work in a care home, or some menial soul destroying job like that, to look after her whilst she sees her days out.
I ask Jack about what he’s doing about a job. He doesn’t want to commit to anything but I can tell that he’s sounding like he’s getting to the point where he’s going to have to take just anything. But it shouldn’t have to be like that. Jack got so many skills it’s unbelievable. It’s just that he’s not an arse licker and isn’t prepared to tolerate people who are happy to plod along because it’s what is expected of you.
I really feel like Jack’s starting to open up to me about what he wants from life but I have to cut him short when there’s a knock on my door. I make myself comfortable on my bed because even if it is Mrs Robinson I’m not going to get up to answer the door. She’s got to learn the hard way that I don’t put myself out for anyone like her.
There’s a sharper knock on my door but I still don’t move. I think that Mrs Robinson has given up before my door unlocks and a tentative voice asks:
‘Hello? Is there anybody in here?’
I’ve got no idea what kind of life Mrs Robinson has had to endure before she crawled her way into this job, but she really hasn’t got a clue of how to behave in a specialized care home for teenage girls with moderate to severe mental problems who’ve never committed, or in my case my been suspected and convicted of, a crime punishable by prison.
She closes the door behind her and smiles at me as if she’s expecting some kind of recognition and thanks for the fabric softener that I requested that has been used on the clothes that I’m wearing today. I don’t really know what she wants from me and she’s not exactly in any rush to get to the point. I roll my eyes at her when she mentions some progress that may have taken place and this puts her on the back foot.
I pull my pillow out from behind my back and fluff it up to make myself more comfortable. Mrs Robinson takes this as a sign that I’m tired, after my long day, and I yawn subconsciously. She looks as if she’s putting me out and looks over her shoulder like she’s checking to see if there’s some panic button she can smash to call for help in case I suddenly drop dead.
With my eyes closed my ears take over as my main sensory function and I hear my door slowly close to. I’ve got to open my eyes again though when my mobile vibrates.
Chapter Thirty One
‘Where did you get the mobile from?’ Sandra asks, as she wonders in unannounced. I deny that I’ve got a mobile, but she pulls out some kind of devise that’s beeping and tells me the make and model of my mobile, not hiding that fact that she finds it hideously out of date.
‘You’re not going to take it off me, are you?’ I ask, trying to slide my mobile from underneath my quilt and down the side of my bed.
‘Not for now. I’ll just wait until you’ve left your bed and take it from where you’ve just hidden it.’
‘They bought it for me. They thought that it would be easier for me to communicate.’
‘Look, I’m not bothered about you having a mobile, if anything it might make you more normal. It’s just that we need to know who you’re contacting and that you’re not putting yourself in any danger.’
‘I just had to warn Adam that the police might be coming for him soon.’
Sandra laughs at me. This catches me off guard slightly because I was expecting her to take me seriously or give me some warning about how stupid and dangerous that would be. I know she went up in my estimation today with how she handled Dan and also put his subordinate well and truly in her place, but that still doesn’t give her to right to sit down on the edge of my bed like we’re about to have a little girlie chat.
‘Well at least you’re not touching yourself,’ Sandra says with a totally straight face.
‘I didn’t know she’d told anyone about that.’
‘Oh yeah, loads of people warned me about it. It’s sort of a running joke that everyone has behind your back.’
I bolt upright and head towards my en-suite bathroom before Sandra pulls me back and tells me to chill my axe. Sandra’s grip is firm and her hand is so cold on my bare arm that I feel like fainting. She indicates for me to sit down and says that she wants to talk to me properly. I hate this bit. The bit where I get the big speech about how they want to help me and how they’re going to be the one to turn my life around. This is the bit where I normally switch off. Where people’s voices start to grate on me. But I’ve got a feeling that Sandra’s going to be different.
She’s definitely on my side. Well, if not me as an individual then the type of person I’ve unfortunately become. She’s on the same side as Jack. She wants the same outcome as him. To make sure that a certain group of men are removed from the street so that they can’t continue with their feast of “Cheap White Meat”.
‘Kate didn’t tell me. Well, not directly. She did drop a few hints and I’ve read extensively over the past couple of days a lot of the notes on file about you. Especially what Kate and that Gillian have been writing about you. One of the things that I picked up on was the way that you’d behave different towards them and that your behavi
our would change from day to day depending who was on shift. So I dug a little bit deeper. Looked at how previous Key Workers had written about how they’d dealt with you. And of course a pattern emerged. Each Key Worker had their own way of dealing with you, but you had a different way of dealing with them. Depending on what they were like as a person.’
I feel like I’ve been rumbled and that I’m in so much trouble. I’ve sort of got used to not speaking or the past year or so but right now I feel like I’ve been stunned into silence.
‘You shouldn’t really be in a place like this, should you?’
I nod my head. Not because I agree that I shouldn’t be here but because I’m saying that I should. Sandra is perhaps the scariest person I’ve ever had to deal with. But she’s so calm and in control all the time. I have to strain to hear her properly, but I’m hanging on to every word she saying.
‘There’s nothing wrong with you mentally. You’re just a 15 year-old who’s had a tough time. Didn’t know how to cope. Perhaps didn’t want to cope.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper. I really think like I’m in so much trouble. I’ve never felt like this. Never. Not even when Mum asked me if I pushed Lottie into the water.
Lottie.
The jealous little bitch that ruined my life. She was the daughter of Mum’s boyfriend. Mum had taken us down to the river one Sunday to play. Lottie was a proper little daddy’s girl and always trying to wind me up. I tried not to let her get to me but when she told some tale about how Mum was going to leave me to live with her, and her dad, I didn’t like it.
We’d been walking on some rocks but the tide must have been coming in, or something, because all of a sudden we were what looked like miles away from the riverbank. Mum was out of sight around the corner so she didn’t see me push Lottie.