Chapter Twenty Three
I don’t know what the logic was in asking Jack to meet me at the spot where Adam first raped me. I suppose I wanted to prove that I could come here without freaking out. I told Jack to give me an hour but it’s been far longer than that. I think. I really should get a watch. I don’t know how he’s going to get here because I forgot to ask, but when I see a car approaching I know it’s him. I’d recognise that haircut anywhere.
I have to get into the back of Jack’s car because there’s some girl sat in the front. Suddenly, I’m a jealous little eight year-old again, but this girl saves her life when she tells me that she’s the sister of one of Jack’s friends. I’ve seen this girl somewhere else before but she’s too busy introducing herself as “Lucy”, to let me think straight.
And Lucy can talk. So much so that Jack’s having to tell her to be quiet so that he’s got a chance to speak to me.
‘What time do you have to be back?’
‘Whenever,’ I say. I haven’t got a clue to be honest. I’ve never fully been aware of my situation. Whether I’m technically breaking the law by going out through the gates. There’s been that many court orders placed against me of who’s in charge and who has the final say that I’m not sure if, Kate, Mrs Robinson or Dan and his subordinate has the final say on how I spend my days. All I know is that the choice is not supposed to me mine, but whilst they waste their time hesitating I’m the one busy being proactive out in the big wide world.
I now know where I’ve seen Lucy before. She came into Megabites one afternoon, drunk, shouting abuse at the staff and how I should get away from that place. She was arrested by the police whilst I was expecting some stranger to turn up for me to fuck, but not even Adam showed his face again that day. It sort of makes sense now.
Lucy’s asking me to describe what Adam looks like, but she says she doesn’t recognise him when I tell her. However, I recognise a couple of blokes she describes, especially some fat old bloke with a greasy beard who insisted that I called him “Daddy”.
I want to ask Lucy how she knows this but I don’t know if it’s my place. She seems to have a temper on her and she’s practically forming at the mouth when she mentions the “revenge” that she wants. And to think that I thought this girl was Jack’s girlfriend. He’s got far better taste.
Jack. He’s the one who I was expecting to talk to, but he can’t get a word in. Lucy’s now bad mouthing the police. Whilst I agree with every word she’s saying, I can’t help but wonder what’s made her get so angry.
I can’t imagine Lucy being groomed like me. She’s far too feisty. She’d have bitten “Daddy’s” cock off if he’d have insisted that she deep throated him. But maybe that’s why Jack once asked me if Adam and his “friends” ever offered me drink and drugs. Maybe they got Lucy paralytic before having their way with her. Maybe she got it far worse than me. She seems to have been seriously affected by something.
When she turns round to me, her sleeve rolls slightly up her arm and I notice that it’s full of scratches, but she pulls is down when she catches me staring. She doesn’t say anything to me but goes silent for a change. Jack notices the uneasy tension and starts the car engine.
I don’t know how long we’ve been in Jack’s car for but when the car’s dashboard lights up the time on the clocks says 1:14 pm. Jack doesn’t say where he’s driving to but I soon get a clear indication.
Chapter Twenty Four
When I first came down this part of town I thought it looked different to anywhere I’d ever seen before. As I’ve said before, I’m not from round here so I didn’t think anything of it, but looking at it now it really does look like we’re in another country. A country far away, with people far different from me, Jack and Lucy.
As we drive down the street, I notice that I don’t see another person who looks like us. When I used to go to Megabites that didn’t really bother me. In fact, I quite liked it because I thought it would mean that no one would be able to tell that I was a teenage lunatic from a psychiatric house.
Of course, there used to be the odd Resource Consumer who’d be wondering around but they were only the ones who were trapped in the area and had no way of getting out. It’s almost as if anyone with any prospects have upped and left and the people who’ve come in their place have been free to evolve their entirely different way of life.
Jack pulls up outside Megabites and Lucy mutters the most swear words and decretory comments about a certain type of men I’ve ever heard in 30 seconds, and that includes anything The Others could say put together.
Megabites is still closed, but there’s a sign on the shutter saying “Under new management. New takeaway opening soon”. This is the first time I’ve been back since I found it closed down. The rest of the street is now open for business again. It’s like life is carrying on and nothing out of the ordinary has ever taken place.
But it always looked more normal in the day time when you’d see women and children in the street. It’s when the sun went down that things would change. At the moment there’s hardly any cars going past but that’s not the case at night. And it’s always the same cars, full of the same men. Always a spare seat inside, just in case.
I can’t remember the last time I had something to eat, apart from the chocolate bar I didn’t really want, so I suggest putting that right. Jack’s more than happy for me to pay, but Lucy won’t let him take advantage of me. I’ve quickly learnt that Lucy’s the kind of person who you have to trick into thinking that they’re in charge before you start manipulating them.
There’s no shortage of takeaways to take the pick from along this road but Lucy looks like she’s looking for a particular type of place. In the end, she’s happy with a place where we can all sit around a table but will be in earshot of the staff behind the counter.
‘So tell me your story then?’ Lucy says, when we’re waiting for a round of cheeseburger and chips to be made. I did think about ordering chicken nuggets but I couldn’t do it to myself. And for once Jack said that he could forget about his irrational fear of halal meat.
‘Not here,’ I say.
‘Why not? You scared?’
I look at Jack. I want him to tell Lucy to stop trying to freak me out, but I also want him to explain who Lucy is and why he’s introduced me to her. Lucy’s probably only a year or two older than me but she looks like she’s had a harder life. She sits opposite me, next to Jack, and I notice that she’s got her hand on his leg. There’s nothing sexual in it but I wish that I was confident enough to touch Jack like that. Then I could draw from his strength.
‘Do you want me to tell you my story?’
‘Keep your voice down Luce,’ Jack says.
‘Why should I?’ she replies, loud enough for everyone in the takeaway to have to pretend they haven’t heard. Lucy lowers her voice a bit but anyone who wanted to hear could definitely listen in.
‘Do you want to know why I hate the police? Because they won’t listen to a word I say. I was being exploited by this lot,’ she says pointing to the staff behind the counter, ‘but when I put a complaint in the police dropped the case because they said I wouldn’t be a credible witness and that the jury wouldn’t believe my story.’
Mmm, for some reason I feel like I know exactly where she’s coming from.
‘But it gets worse than that,’ Lucy continues, without any prompting from me or Jack. ‘Not only did they drop my case; they also went to court to get me banned from this area.’
Great. So not only am I in the presence of a complete nutter, but the police could swoop in at any time and I’d be taken back to the nut-house and have Jack taken away from me again. When our order is called out Jack goes to collect it and I’m left alone with Lucy. Because Jack’s thigh is not available for her to draw strength from she takes hold of my hand. I don’t dare withdraw it because I need to keep control of her. As long as I keep her from freaking out then s
he’ll eventually disappear and I’ll be left all alone with Jack.
However, before then she’s insistent on telling me what happened to her and asking if any of that happened to me. For a while, I can understand why the police might have thought that she wouldn’t have been a credible witness, but hidden amongst all the hyperbole are some things that I can certainly relate to and fully I believe what she says.
It’s not exactly nice hearing what Lucy’s got to say but I’ve got a feeling that she feels like she’s got to tell as many people as possible until she finds someone who believes her. I’ve certainly felt like that before.
I don’t really like Lucy as a person but we sort of need each other. On our own we sound like lone nuts, but put together then our voices will sound stronger. And if it’s happened to me and Lucy then it’s certainly happened to other girls. Lucy claims that at least 30 girls have been exploited, but she either can’t find them or get them to speak out. That makes me wonder how she found me but I can’t get a word in to ask her.
‘I knew as soon as I saw you sat in the takeaway that day you was involved. Three years ago they started on me. That’s three years they’ve been getting away with it, at least. Who knows how many girls they could have got in that time?’
Me and Jack have finished our food but Lucy’s hardly touched hers. Whilst I want Adam and his “friends” caught and brought to justice as much as she does, I don’t want to spend all day around here. The staff behind the counter keep staring over at us and it only takes one of them to spread the word around and we’re in trouble.
I suggest this to Jack and he forces Lucy to move on. However, she can’t help but make some threatening comment to one of the staff behind the counter. Personally, I think she’s wasting her breath because for all she knows the guy she’s just suggested should be locked up for life could just be your everyday illegal immigrant saving up enough money to bring his family into the country to take advantage of our free healthcare and education system.
I’ve never found this street partially friendly, especially from the women around here, but I notice that today people are avoiding us as we walk back to Jack’s car. People are either crossing the road or going inside shops they had no intention of going into until they saw us approaching.
Lucy’s not exactly helping by making comments at most of them and although Jack’s doing his best to quieten her down I’m relieved when we reach the safety of Jack’s car.
‘Do you think it’s still going on?’ I ask.
‘Probably. But they’re crafty buggers. After I put my original complaint in suddenly things changed for a couple of months. Everyone sort of went underground but I knew it wouldn’t be for long.’
Jack starts driving but I’ve no idea where we’re going. I certainly don’t want to go “home” but I know that if I stay out for much longer then they’re only going to come looking for me. If they find me with Jack then that’s only going to make things difficult for us in the long-term.
Remembering something I had to ask Jack to find out the next time I saw him, I tell him to drive to a certain place to see if something I hid is still there and most importantly still working.
Chapter Twenty Five
Before I started going to Megabites I used to just wonder around in the countryside but that got a bit boring when the only people you’d see were middle-aged types in waterproof clothing carrying little plastic bags full of dog shit. The stories of the countryside being full of dirty old men waiting to pounce on vulnerable and naïve young girls must have been started in another country.
Lucy looks at me like I’m a proper freak when I lead her and Jack into the outbuilding of an abandoned farm house. I don’t know why I made sure I could always find this mobile again if I wanted to, after all I could easily buy a new one, but this mobile is perhaps the most hi-tech and expensive thing which has ever been truly mine.
The mobile is still in one piece, hidden amongst a pile of rubble, but Lucy insists that it won’t work. Jack ignores her and says that he’s got a charger that he can plug into his car that might bring some life to it.
When Jack finally finds his charger, the mobile does work and I stare at it like I’m expecting an avalanche of text messages and missed calls to come through from the last few months, but nothing appears. Perhaps they are deleted if the phone isn’t turned on for a certain period of time.
Jack suggests that I call his mobile. When he has my number flashing up on his mobile, I tell him that he can now contact me any time of day. Lucy sniggers at that suggestion but I don’t care. I know that Jack cares about me. Wants to help me. Well, even if he doesn’t he’s going to anyway. I know his address now.
Jack starts to drive me back “home” and all the while Lucy can’t stop talking. She’s making so many plans like she’s convinced we’re going to be BFFs but I couldn’t care less about her. It’s only the person who keeps looking at me through his rear-view mirror that I’m interested in.
I pout at Jack. He looks away and smiles but I know he wants me. Lucy is just an excuse for it not to look too dodgy for us to be seen together. She continues to talk and I’ve realised that I’ve just got to say “Yeah” in the right place and she’ll carry on regardless. It doesn’t matter if I say anything else, she doesn’t take it in. However, she does say something useful when she mentions that she needs to top her mobile up. It’s all very well me having my mobile back but it’s no good having Jack’s number if I’ve got no credit to text him with.
When we pull up at a parade of shops Lucy decides that she needs to make an appointment to get her hair done. I can’t remember the last time I went to a proper hairdresser. We get some frump who comes in to see to our needs every couple of months. The Others like to take advantage of the fact that she will attempt to give them practically any haircut they request, but I tend to stay clear as I can do a better job myself with a pair of nail scissors.
I look inside the hairdressers at the “normal” people and pity them because they actually think that they’re doing something useful with their time. Jack’s stood by my side looking at some girl in the window. Pretty, long flowing hair, great boobs and a tidy body. I can tell that he wants her but that he’s trying to put any thoughts like that to the back of his mind.
Jack looks away when the girl in the window makes it obvious that she knows that he’s checking her out. Except she’s not inside the hairdressers; Jack’s been looking at her reflection in the window. And I’m the only girl out in the street.
So what’s the truth about me? Am I fat and in no way attractive? Am I deluded and see some girl who’s “beyond belief” when I see my reflection in the window? You tell me. I can be whoever you want me to be. That’s what I told Adam.
Poor old Adam who’d never broke the law previously. Well, apart from driving without a licence and insurance, working without a work permit and numerous counts of benefit fraud, but this country just sets itself up to be utilised in that way.
There’s a reason why Lucy didn’t think she knew him. He’d never been involved in a child sex gang before. In fact, he only every wanted to look after me until I made it impossible for him to not seduce me.
And it doesn’t matter that I led him on, I was only 15 and he was old enough to be my granddad. Of course I’d never admit to Dan that I was the one who led Adam on. I’m going to use my vulnerable situation as all the evidence I need. I got what I wanted from Adam so I don’t really care what happens to him now.
Lucy finally reappears from the hairdressers and I can go “home” and torment Kate for a bit. Poor old Kate who has to “cross” herself every time we’re alone together. Kate who doesn’t know how to get through to me and feels so helpless and like she’s let me down. Stupid cow.
Chapter Twenty Six
Kate doesn’t attempt to talk to me when she notices me strolling down the corridor. I’ve got my hand my pocket, holding the mobile, but she doesn’
t make any reference to the fact that I’m obviously hiding something. I go into my room and I’m expecting her to follow me. Instead, my door just quietly closes itself and beeps when it locks.
I can tell that they’ve been searching my room. Everything, including the clothes on the floor, is still in the same place but everything is a bit too tidy. I go into my draw where my money is and straightaway I know they’ve been looking at it because it’s been put back upside down, again.
So they’ll know that I’ve taken some of it. What I don’t understand is why they never ask me about it. I mean it’s not normal for a 15 year-old to acquire hundreds of pounds all of a sudden. But then that’s the care system for you. They only properly notice things in hindsight. I put my mobile into the same draw as the money but I have to close it quickly when my bedroom door beeps open.
Kate walks in so I’m about to go over to my bed to get comfy but she’s followed by another woman. No doubt Gillian’s replacement who’s going to shadow Kate for a couple of days to get “a feel for the role”.
Having two middle women in your room just staring at you never stops being uncomfortable. I think the new one tries to introduce herself as “Sandra” but her accent is too thick. So that’s going to be fun, if I do talk to this one she’ll have to say everything twice because I won’t understand her first attempt.
I’m being asked if I’ve had a nice day out, like I’ve been to the seaside with the “happy club”, but I don’t think Sandra quite gets the difference between someone being born with learning difficulties, which means that their brain doesn’t function properly, and someone who was born “normal” but develops psychotic symptoms.
That’s the thing with me. They can’t prove that I’ve got any mental illness but then they can’t disprove it either. If I start showing systems then they have to monitor me and see what develops. What they can’t ever do is actually get inside my head and find out what I’m faking and what is beyond my control.