CHAPTER XLIII.

  SMUGGLING IN A MAN-OF-WAR.

  It is in a good degree owing to the idleness just described, that,while lying in harbour, the man-of-war's-man is exposed to the mosttemptations and gets into his saddest scrapes. For though his vessel beanchored a mile from the shore, and her sides are patrolled by sentriesnight and day, yet these things cannot entirely prevent the seductionsof the land from reaching him. The prime agent in working hiscalamities in port is his old arch-enemy, the ever-devilish god of grog.

  Immured as the man-of-war's-man is, serving out his weary three yearsin a sort of sea-Newgate, from which he cannot escape, either by theroof or burrowing underground, he too often flies to the bottle to seekrelief from the intolerable ennui of nothing to do, and nowhere to go.His ordinary government allowance of spirits, one gill per diem, is notenough to give a sufficient to his listless senses; he pronounces hisgrog basely _watered_; he scouts at it as _thinner than muslin;_ hecraves a more vigorous _nip at the cable_, a more sturdy _swig at thehalyards;_ and if opium were to be had, many would steep themselves athousand fathoms down in the densest fumes of that oblivious drug. Tellhim that the delirium tremens and the mania-a-potu lie in ambush fordrunkards, he will say to you, "Let them bear down upon me, then,before the wind; anything that smacks of life is better than to feelDavy Jones's chest-lid on your nose." He is reckless as an avalanche;and though his fall destroy himself and others, yet a ruinous commotionis better than being frozen fast in unendurable solitudes. No wonder,then, that he goes all lengths to procure the thing he craves; nowonder that he pays the most exorbitant prices, breaks through all law,and braves the ignominious lash itself, rather than be deprived of hisstimulus.

  Now, concerning no one thing in a man-of-war, are the regulations moresevere than respecting the smuggling of grog, and being foundintoxicated. For either offence there is but one penalty, invariablyenforced; and that is the degradation of the gangway.

  All conceivable precautions are taken by most frigate-executives toguard against the secret admission of spirits into the vessel. In thefirst place, no shore-boat whatever is allowed to approach a man-of-warin a foreign harbour without permission from the officer of the deck.Even the _bum-boats_, the small craft licensed by the officers to bringoff fruit for the sailors, to be bought out of their own money--theseare invariably inspected before permitted to hold intercourse with theship's company. And not only this, but every one of the numerous ship'sboats--kept almost continually plying to and from the shore--aresimilarly inspected, sometimes each boat twenty times in the day.

  This inspection is thus performed: The boat being descried by thequarter-master from the poop, she is reported to the deck officer, whothereupon summons the master-at-arms, the ship's chief of police. Thisfunctionary now stations himself at the gangway, and as the boat'screw, one by one, come up the side, he personally overhauls them,making them take off their hats, and then, placing both hands upontheir heads, draws his palms slowly down to their feet, carefullyfeeling all unusual protuberances. If nothing suspicious is felt, theman is let pass; and so on, till the whole boat's crew, averaging aboutsixteen men, are examined. The chief of police then descends into theboat, and walks from stem to stern, eyeing it all over, and poking hislong rattan into every nook and cranny. This operation concluded, andnothing found, he mounts the ladder, touches his hat to thedeck-officer, and reports the boat _clean_; whereupon she is hauled outto the booms.

  Thus it will be seen that not a man of the ship's company ever entersthe vessel from shore without it being rendered next to impossible,apparently, that he should have succeeded in smuggling anything. Thoseindividuals who are permitted to board the ship without undergoing thisordeal, are only persons whom it would be preposterous to search--suchas the Commodore himself, the Captain, Lieutenants, etc., and gentlemenand ladies coming as visitors.

  For anything to be clandestinely thrust through the lower port-holes atnight, is rendered very difficult, from the watchfulness of thequarter-master in hailing all boats that approach, long before theydraw alongside, and the vigilance of the sentries, posted on platformsoverhanging the water, whose orders are to fire into a strange boatwhich, after being warned to withdraw, should still persist in drawingnigh. Moreover, thirty-two-pound shots are slung to ropes, andsuspended over the bows, to drop a hole into and sink any small craft,which, spite of all precautions, by strategy should succeed in gettingunder the bows with liquor by night. Indeed, the whole power of martiallaw is enlisted in this matter; and every one of the numerous officersof the ship, besides his general zeal in enforcing the regulations,acids to that a personal feeling, since the sobriety of the menabridges his own cares and anxieties.

  How then, it will be asked, in the face of an argus-eyed police, and indefiance even of bayonets and bullets, do men-of-war's-men contrive tosmuggle their spirits? Not to enlarge upon minor stratagems--every fewdays detected, and rendered naught (such as rolling up, in ahandkerchief, a long, slender "skin" of grog, like a sausage, and inthat manner ascending to the deck out of a boat just from shore; oropenly bringing on board cocoa-nuts and melons, procured from a knavishbum-boat filled with spirits, instead of milk or water)--we will onlymention here two or three other modes, coming under my own observation.

  While in Rio, a fore-top-man, belonging to the second cutter, paid downthe money, and made an arrangement with a person encountered at thePalace-landing ashore, to the following effect. Of a certain moonlessnight, he was to bring off three gallons of spirits, _in skins_, andmoor them to the frigate's anchor-buoy--some distance from thevessel--attaching something heavy, to sink them out of sight. In themiddle watch of the night, the fore-top-man slips out of his hammock,and by creeping along in the shadows, eludes the vigilance of themaster-at-arms and his mates, gains a port-hole, and softly lowershimself into the water, almost without creating a ripple--the sentriesmarching to and fro on their overhanging platform above him. He is anexpert swimmer, and paddles along under the surface, every now and thenrising a little, and lying motionless on his back to breathe--littlebut his nose exposed. The buoy gained, he cuts the skins adrift, tiesthem round his body, and in the same adroit manner makes good hisreturn.

  This feat is very seldom attempted, for it needs the utmost caution,address, and dexterity; and no one but a super-expert burglar, andfaultless Leander of a swimmer, could achieve it.

  From the greater privileges which they enjoy, the "_forward officers_,"that is, the Gunner, Boatswain, etc., have much greater opportunitiesfor successful smuggling than the common seamen. Coming alongside onenight in a cutter, Yarn, our boatswain, in some inexplicable way,contrived to slip several skins of brandy through the air-port of hisown state-room. The feat, however, must have been perceived by one ofthe boat's crew, who immediately, on gaining the deck, sprung down theladders, stole into the boatswain's room, and made away with the prize,not three minutes before the rightful owner entered to claim it.Though, from certain circumstances, the thief was known to theaggrieved party, yet the latter could say nothing, since he himself hadinfringed the law. But the next day, in the capacity of captain of theship's executioners, Yarn had the satisfaction (it was so to him) ofstanding over the robber at the gangway; for, being found intoxicatedwith the very liquor the boatswain himself had smuggled, the man hadbeen condemned to a flogging.

  This recalls another instance, still more illustrative of the knotted,trebly intertwisted villainy, accumulating at a sort of compoundinterest in a man-of-war. The cockswain of the Commodore's barge takeshis crew apart, one by one, and cautiously sounds them as to theirfidelity--not to the United States of America, but to himself. Threeindividuals, whom he deems doubtful--that is, faithful to the UnitedStates of America--he procures to be discharged from the barge, and menof his own selection are substituted; for he is always an influentialcharacter, this cockswain of the Commodore's barge. Previous to this,however, he has seen to it well, that no Temperance men--that is,sailors who do not draw their government ration of grog, but ta
ke themoney for it--he has seen to it, that none of these _balkers_ arenumbered among his crew. Having now proved his men, he divulges hisplan to the assembled body; a solemn oath of secrecy is obtained, andhe waits the first fit opportunity to carry into execution hisnefarious designs.

  At last it comes. One afternoon the barge carries the Commodore acrossthe Bay to a fine water-side settlement of noblemen's seats, calledPraya Grande. The Commodore is visiting a Portuguese marquis, and thepair linger long over their dinner in an arbour in the garden.Meanwhile, the cockswain has liberty to roam about where he pleases. Hesearches out a place where some choice _red-eye_ (brandy) is to be had,purchases six large bottles, and conceals them among the trees. Underthe pretence of filling the boat-keg with water, which is always keptin the barge to refresh the crew, he now carries it off into the grove,knocks out the head, puts the bottles inside, reheads the keg, fills itwith water, carries it down to the boat, and audaciously restores it toits conspicuous position in the middle, with its bung-hole up. When theCommodore comes down to the beach, and they pull off for the ship, thecockswain, in a loud voice, commands the nearest man to take that bungout of the keg--that precious water will spoil. Arrived alongside thefrigate, the boat's crew are overhauled, as usual, at the gangway; andnothing being found on them, are passed. The master-at-arms nowdescending into the barge, and finding nothing suspicious, reports it_clean_, having put his finger into the open bung of the keg and tastedthat the water was pure. The barge is ordered out to the booms, anddeep night is waited for, ere the cockswain essays to snatch thebottles from the keg.

  But, unfortunately for the success of this masterly smuggler, one ofhis crew is a weak-pated fellow, who, having drank somewhat freelyashore, goes about the gun-deck throwing out profound, tipsy hintsconcerning some unutterable proceeding on the ship's anvil. A knowingold sheet-anchor-man, an unprincipled fellow, putting this, that, andthe other together, ferrets out the mystery; and straightway resolvesto reap the goodly harvest which the cockswain has sowed. He seeks himout, takes him to one side, and addresses him thus:

  "Cockswain, you have been smuggling off some _red-eye_, which at thismoment is in your barge at the booms. Now, cockswain, I have stationedtwo of my mess-mates at the port-holes, on that side of the ship; andif they report to me that you, or any of your bargemen, offer to enterthat barge before morning, I will immediately report you as a smugglerto the officer of the deck."

  The cockswain is astounded; for, to be reported to the deck-officer asa smuggler, would inevitably procure him a sound flogging, and be thedisgraceful _breaking_ of him as a petty officer, receiving fourdollars a month beyond his pay as an able seaman. He attempts to bribethe other to secrecy, by promising half the profits of the enterprise;but the sheet-anchor-man's integrity is like a rock; he is nomercenary, to be bought up for a song. The cockswain, therefore, isforced to swear that neither himself, nor any of his crew, shall enterthe barge before morning. This done, the sheet-anchor-man goes to hisconfidants, and arranges his plans. In a word, he succeeds inintroducing the six brandy bottles into the ship; five of which hesells at eight dollars a bottle; and then, with the sixth, between twoguns, he secretly regales himself and confederates; while the helplesscockswain, stifling his rage, bitterly eyes them from afar.

  Thus, though they say that there is honour among thieves, there islittle among man-of-war smugglers.