CHAPTER XLIV.
A KNAVE IN OFFICE IN A MAN-OF-WAR.
The last smuggling story now about to be related also occurred while welay in Rio. It is the more particularly presented, since it furnishesthe most curious evidence of the almost incredible corruption pervadingnearly all ranks in some men-of-war.
For some days, the number of intoxicated sailors collared and broughtup to the mast by the master-at-arms, to be reported to thedeck-officers--previous to a flogging at the gangway--had, in the lastdegree, excited the surprise and vexation of the Captain and seniorofficers. So strict were the Captain's regulations concerning thesuppression of grog-smuggling, and so particular had he been incharging the matter upon all the Lieutenants, and every understrapperofficial in the frigate, that he was wholly at a loss how so large aquantity of spirits could have been spirited into the ship, in the faceof all these checks, guards, and precautions.
Still additional steps were adopted to detect the smugglers; and Bland,the master-at-arms, together with his corporals, were publiclyharangued at the mast by the Captain in person, and charged to exerttheir best powers in suppressing the traffic. Crowds were present atthe time, and saw the master-at-arms touch his cap in obsequioushomage, as he solemnly assured the Captain that he would still continueto do his best; as, indeed, he said he had always done. He concludedwith a pious ejaculation expressive of his personal abhorrence ofsmuggling and drunkenness, and his fixed resolution, so help himHeaven, to spend his last wink in sitting up by night, to spy out alldeeds of darkness.
"I do not doubt you, master-at-arms," returned the Captain; "now go toyour duty." This master-at-arms was a favourite of the Captain's.
The next morning, before breakfast, when the market-boat came off (thatis, one of the ship's boats regularly deputed to bring off the dailyfresh provisions for the officers)--when this boat came off, themaster-at-arms, as usual, after carefully examining both her and hercrew, reported them to the deck-officer to be free from suspicion. Theprovisions were then hoisted out, and among them came a good-sizedwooden box, addressed to "Mr. ---- Purser of the United States shipNeversink." Of course, any private matter of this sort, destined for agentleman of the ward-room, was sacred from examination, and themaster-at-arms commanded one of his corporals to carry it down into thePurser's state-room. But recent occurrences had sharpened the vigilanceof the deck-officer to an unwonted degree, and seeing the box goingdown the hatchway, he demanded what that was, and whom it was for.
"All right, sir," said the master-at-arms, touching his cap; "storesfor the Purser, sir."
"Let it remain on deck," said the Lieutenant. "Mr. Montgomery!" callinga midshipman, "ask the Purser whether there is any box coming off forhim this morning."
"Ay, ay, sir," said the middy, touching his cap.
Presently he returned, saying that the Purser was ashore.
"Very good, then; Mr. Montgomery, have that box put into the 'brig,'with strict orders to the sentry not to suffer any one to touch it."
"Had I not better take it down into my mess, sir, till the Purser comesoff?" said the master-at-arms, deferentially.
"I have given my orders, sir!" said the Lieutenant, turning away.
When the Purser came on board, it turned out that he knew nothing atall about the box. He had never so much as heard of it in his life. Soit was again brought up before the deck-officer, who immediatelysummoned the master-at-arms.
"Break open that box!"
"Certainly, sir!" said the master-at-arms; and, wrenching off thecover, twenty-five brown jugs like a litter of twenty-five brown pigs,were found snugly nestled in a bed of straw.
"The smugglers are at work, sir," said the master-at-arms, looking up.
"Uncork and taste it," said the officer.
The master-at-arms did so; and, smacking his lips after a puzzledfashion, was a little doubtful whether it was American whisky orHolland gin; but he said he was not used to liquor.
"Brandy; I know it by the smell," said the officer; "return the box tothe brig."
"Ay, ay, sir," said the master-at-arms, redoubling his activity.
The affair was at once reported to the Captain, who, incensed at theaudacity of the thing, adopted every plan to detect the guilty parties.Inquiries were made ashore; but by whom the box had been brought downto the market-boat there was no finding out. Here the matter rested fora time.
Some days after, one of the boys of the mizzen-top was flogged fordrunkenness, and, while suspended in agony at the gratings, was made toreveal from whom he had procured his spirits. The man was called, andturned out to be an old superannuated marine, one Scriggs, who did thecooking for the marine-sergeants and masters-at-arms' mess. This marinewas one of the most villainous-looking fellows in the ship, with asquinting, pick-lock, gray eye, and hang-dog gallows gait. How such amost unmartial vagabond had insinuated himself into the honourablemarine corps was a perfect mystery. He had always been noted for hispersonal uncleanliness, and among all hands, fore and aft, had thereputation of being a notorious old miser, who denied himself the fewcomforts, and many of the common necessaries of a man-of-war life.
Seeing no escape, Scriggs fell on his knees before the Captain, andconfessed the charge of the boy. Observing the fellow to be in an agonyof fear at the sight of the boat-swain's mates and their lashes, andall the striking parade of public punishment, the Captain must havethought this a good opportunity for completely pumping him of all hissecrets. This terrified marine was at length forced to reveal hishaving been for some time an accomplice in a complicated system ofunderhand villainy, the head of which was no less a personage than theindefatigable chief of police, the master-at-arms himself. It appearedthat this official had his confidential agents ashore, who supplied himwith spirits, and in various boxes, packages, and bundles--addressed tothe Purser and others--brought them down to the frigate's boats at thelanding. Ordinarily, the appearance of these things for the Purser andother ward-room gentlemen occasioned no surprise; for almost every daysome bundle or other is coming off for them, especially for the Purser;and, as the master-at-arms was always present on these occasions, itwas an easy matter for him to hurry the smuggled liquor out of sight,and, under pretence of carrying the box or bundle down to the Purser'sroom, hide it away upon his own premises.
The miserly marine, Scriggs, with the pick-lock eye, was the man whoclandestinely sold the spirits to the sailors, thus completely keepingthe master-at-arms in the background. The liquor sold at the mostexorbitant prices; at one time reaching twelve dollars the bottle incash, and thirty dollars a bottle in orders upon the Purser, to behonored upon the frigate's arrival home. It may seem incredible thatsuch prices should have been given by the sailors; but when someman-of-war's-men crave liquor, and it is hard to procure, they wouldalmost barter ten years of their life-time for but one solitary "_tot_"if they could.
The sailors who became intoxicated with the liquor thus smuggled onboard by the master-at-arms, were, in almost numberless instances,officially seized by that functionary and scourged at the gangway. In aprevious place it has been shown how conspicuous a part themaster-at-arms enacts at this scene.
The ample profits of this iniquitous business were divided, between allthe parties concerned in it; Scriggs, the marine, coming in for onethird. His cook's mess-chest being brought on deck, four canvas bags ofsilver were found in it, amounting to a sum something short of as manyhundred dollars.
The guilty parties were scourged, double-ironed, and for several weekswere confined in the "brig" under a sentry; all but the master-at-arms,who was merely cashiered and imprisoned for a time; with bracelets athis wrists. Upon being liberated, he was turned adrift among the ship'scompany; and by way of disgracing him still more, was thrust into the_waist_, the most inglorious division of the ship.
Upon going to dinner one day, I found him soberly seated at my ownmess; and at first I could not but feel some very serious scruplesabout dining with him. Nevertheless, he was a man to study and digest;so, upon a litt
le reflection; I was not displeased at his presence. Itamazed me, however, that he had wormed himself into the mess, since somany of the other messes had declined the honour, until at last, Iascertained that he had induced a mess-mate of ours, a distant relationof his, to prevail upon the cook to admit him.
Now it would not have answered for hardly any other mess in the ship tohave received this man among them, for it would have torn a huge rentin their reputation; but our mess, A. No. 1--the Forty-two-pounderClub--was composed of so fine a set of fellows; so many captains oftops, and quarter-masters--men of undeniable mark on board ship--oflong-established standing and consideration on the gun-deck; that, withimpunity, we could do so many equivocal things, utterly inadmissiblefor messes of inferior pretension. Besides, though we all abhorred themonster of Sin itself, yet, from our social superiority, highlyrarified education in our lofty top, and large and liberal sweep of theaggregate of things, we were in a good degree free from those useless,personal prejudices, and galling hatreds against conspicuous _sinners_,not _Sin_--which so widely prevail among men of warped understandingsand unchristian and uncharitable hearts. No; the superstitions anddogmas concerning Sin had not laid their withering maxims upon ourhearts. We perceived how that evil was but good disguised, and a knavea saint in his way; how that in other planets, perhaps, what we deemwrong, may there be deemed right; even as some substances, withoutundergoing any mutations in themselves utterly change their colour,according to the light thrown upon them. We perceived that theanticipated millennium must have begun upon the morning the first wordswere created; and that, taken all in all, our man-of-war world itselfwas as eligible a round-sterned craft as any to be found in the MilkyWay. And we fancied that though some of us, of the gun-deck, were attimes condemned to sufferings and blights, and all manner oftribulation and anguish, yet, no doubt, it was only our misapprehensionof these things that made us take them for woeful pains instead of themost agreeable pleasures. I have dreamed of a sphere, says Pinzella,where to break a man on the wheel is held the most exquisite ofdelights you can confer upon him; where for one gentleman in any way tovanquish another is accounted an everlasting dishonour; where to tumbleone into a pit after death, and then throw cold clods upon his upturnedface, is a species of contumely, only inflicted upon the most notoriouscriminals.
But whatever we mess-mates thought, in whatever circumstances we foundourselves, we never forgot that our frigate, had as it was, washomeward-bound. Such, at least, were our reveries at times, thoughsorely jarred, now and then, by events that took our philosophy aback.For after all, philosophy--that is, the best wisdom that has ever inany way been revealed to our man-of-war world--is but a slough and amire, with a few tufts of good footing here and there.
But there was one man in the mess who would have naught to do with ourphilosophy--a churlish, ill-tempered, unphilosophical, superstitiousold bear of a quarter-gunner; a believer in Tophet, for which he wasaccordingly preparing himself. Priming was his name; but methinks Ihave spoken of him before.
Besides, this Bland, the master-at-arms, was no vulgar, dirty knave. Inhim--to modify Burke's phrase--vice _seemed_, but only seemed, to losehalf its seeming evil by losing all its apparent grossness. He was aneat and gentlemanly villain, and broke his biscuit with a dainty hand.There was a fine polish about his whole person, and a pliant,insinuating style in his conversation, that was, socially, quiteirresistible. Save my noble captain, Jack Chase, he proved himself themost entertaining, I had almost said the most companionable man in themess. Nothing but his mouth, that was somewhat small, Moorish-arched,and wickedly delicate, and his snaky, black eye, that at times shonelike a dark-lantern in a jeweller-shop at midnight, betokened theaccomplished scoundrel within. But in his conversation there was notrace of evil; nothing equivocal; he studiously shunned an indelicacy,never swore, and chiefly abounded in passing puns and witticisms,varied with humorous contrasts between ship and shore life, and manyagreeable and racy anecdotes, very tastefully narrated. In short--in amerely psychological point of view, at least--he was a charmingblackleg. Ashore, such a man might have been an irreproachablemercantile swindler, circulating in polite society.
But he was still more than this. Indeed, I claim for thismaster-at-arms a lofty and honourable niche in the Newgate Calendar ofhistory. His intrepidity, coolness, and wonderful self-possession incalmly resigning himself to a fate that thrust him from an office inwhich he had tyrannised over five hundred mortals, many of whom hatedand loathed him, passed all belief; his intrepidity, I say, in nowfearlessly gliding among them, like a disarmed swordfish amongferocious white-sharks; this, surely, bespoke no ordinary man. While inoffice, even, his life had often been secretly attempted by the seamenwhom he had brought to the gangway. Of dark nights they had droppedshot down the hatchways, destined "to damage his pepper-box," as theyphrased it; they had made ropes with a hangman's noose at the end andtried to _lasso_ him in dark corners. And now he was adrift among them,under notorious circumstances of superlative villainy, at last draggedto light; and yet he blandly smiled, politely offered his cigar-holderto a perfect stranger, and laughed and chatted to right and left, as ifspringy, buoyant, and elastic, with an angelic conscience, and sure ofkind friends wherever he went, both in this life and the life to come.
While he was lying ironed in the "brig," gangs of the men weresometimes overheard whispering about the terrible reception they wouldgive him when he should be set at large. Nevertheless, when liberated,they seemed confounded by his erect and cordial assurance, hisgentlemanly sociability and fearless companionableness. From being animplacable policeman, vigilant, cruel, and remorseless in his office,however polished in his phrases, he was now become a disinterested,sauntering man of leisure, winking at all improprieties, and ready tolaugh and make merry with any one. Still, at first, the men gave him awide berth, and returned scowls for his smiles; but who can foreverresist the very Devil himself, when he comes in the guise of agentleman, free, fine, and frank? Though Goethe's pious Margaret hatesthe Devil in his horns and harpooner's tail, yet she smiles and nods tothe engaging fiend in the persuasive,_winning_, oily, wholly harmlessMephistopheles. But, however it was, I, for one, regarded thismaster-at-arms with mixed feelings of detestation, pity, admiration,and something op-posed to enmity. I could not but abominate him when Ithought of his conduct; but I pitied the continual gnawing which, underall his deftly-donned disguises, I saw lying at the bottom of his soul.I admired his heroism in sustaining himself so well under suchreverses. And when I thought how arbitrary the _Articles of War_ are indefining a man-of-war villain; how much undetected guilt might besheltered by the aristocratic awning of our quarter-deck; how manyflorid pursers, ornaments of the ward-room, had been legally protectedin defrauding _the people_, I could not but say to myself, Well, afterall, though this man is a most wicked one indeed, yet is he even moreluckless than depraved.
Besides, a studied observation of Bland convinced me that he was anorganic and irreclaimable scoundrel, who did wicked deeds as the cattlebrowse the herbage, because wicked deeds seemed the legitimateoperation of his whole infernal organisation. Phrenologically, he waswithout a soul. Is it to be wondered at, that the devils areirreligious? What, then, thought I, who is to blame in this matter? Forone, I will not take the Day of Judgment upon me by authoritativelypronouncing upon the essential criminality of any man-of-war's-man; andChristianity has taught me that, at the last day, man-of-war's-men willnot be judged by the _Articles of War_, nor by the _United StatesStatutes at Large_, but by immutable laws, ineffably beyond thecomprehension of the honourable Board of Commodores and NavyCommissioners. But though I will stand by even a man-of-war thief, anddefend him from being seized up at the gangway, if I can--rememberingthat my Saviour once hung between two thieves, promising onelife-eternal--yet I would not, after the plain conviction of a villain,again let him entirely loose to prey upon honest seamen, fore and aftall three decks. But this did Captain Claret; and though the thing maynot perhaps be credited, nevertheless, here it shal
l be recorded.
After the master-at-arms had been adrift among the ship's company forseveral weeks, and we were within a few days' sail of home, he wassummoned to the mast, and publicly reinstated in his office as theship's chief of police. Perhaps Captain Claret had read the Memoirs ofVidocq, and believed in the old saying, _set a rogue to catch a rogue_.Or, perhaps, he was a man of very tender feelings, highly susceptibleto the soft emotions of gratitude, and could not bear to leave indisgrace a person who, out of the generosity of his heart, had, about ayear previous, presented him with a rare snuff-box, fabricated from asperm-whale's tooth, with a curious silver hinge, and cunningly wroughtin the shape of a whale; also a splendid gold-mounted cane, of a costlyBrazilian wood, with a gold plate, bearing the Captain's name and rankin the service, the place and time of his birth, and with a vacancyunderneath--no doubt providentially left for his heirs to record hisdecease.
Certain it was that, some months previous to the master-at-arms'disgrace, he had presented these articles to the Captain, with his bestlove and compliments; and the Captain had received them, and seldomwent ashore without the cane, and never took snuff but out of that box.With some Captains, a sense of propriety might have induced them toreturn these presents, when the generous donor had proved himselfunworthy of having them retained; but it was not Captain Claret whowould inflict such a cutting wound upon any officer's sensibilities,though long-established naval customs had habituated him to scourging_the people_ upon an emergency.
Now had Captain Claret deemed himself constitutionally bound to declineall presents from his subordinates, the sense of gratitude would nothave operated to the prejudice of justice. And, as some of thesubordinates of a man-of-war captain are apt to invoke his good wishesand mollify his conscience by making him friendly gifts, it wouldperhaps _have_ been an excellent thing for him to adopt the planpursued by the President of the United States, when he received apresent of lions and Arabian chargers from the Sultan of Muscat. Beingforbidden by his sovereign lords and masters, the imperial people, toaccept of any gifts from foreign powers, the President sent them to anauctioneer, and the proceeds were deposited in the Treasury. In thesame manner, when Captain Claret received his snuff-box and cane, hemight have accepted them very kindly, and then sold them off to thehighest bidder, perhaps to the donor himself, who in that case wouldnever have tempted him again.
Upon his return home, Bland was paid off for his full term, notdeducting the period of his suspension. He again entered the service inhis old capacity.
As no further allusion will be made to this affair, it may as well bestated now that, for the very brief period elapsing between hisrestoration and being paid off in port by the Purser, themaster-at-arms conducted himself with infinite discretion, artfullysteering between any relaxation of discipline--which would haveawakened the displeasure of the officers--and any unwiseseverity--which would have revived, in tenfold force, all the oldgrudges of the seamen under his command.
Never did he show so much talent and tact as when vibrating in this hismost delicate predicament; and plenty of cause was there for theexercise of his cunningest abilities; for, upon the discharge of ourman-of-war's-men at home, should he _then_ be held by them as an enemy,as free and independent citizens they would waylay him in the publicstreets, and take purple vengeance for all his iniquities, past,present, and possible in the future. More than once a master-at-armsashore has been seized by night by an exasperated crew, and served asOrigen served himself, or as his enemies served Abelard.
But though, under extreme provocation, _the people_ of a man-of-warhave been guilty of the maddest vengeance, yet, at other times, theyare very placable and milky-hearted, even to those who may haveoutrageously abused them; many things in point might be related, but Iforbear.
This account of the master-at-arms cannot better be concluded than bydenominating him, in the vivid language of the Captain of the Fore-top,as "_the two ends and middle of the thrice-laid strand of a bloodyrascal_," which was intended for a terse, well-knit, andall-comprehensive assertion, without omission or reservation. It wasalso asserted that, had Tophet itself been raked with a fine-toothcomb, such another ineffable villain could not by any possibility havebeen caught.