But some sadistic part of me still had the power to say no, and with a ragged gasp, I tore my gaze away.
I made the smart decision to stay standing by his bedside and not sit. The distance helped. I would stay professional and look after him the way he deserved.
Dunking a fresh towel and lathering it with soap, I studiously focused on washing his legs. Calves and knees. Shins and thighbones.
Not once did I go higher than mid-thigh.
Not once did I look higher than mid-thigh.
His breathing turned harsher with every stroke. His hand lashed out once I’d rinsed him, latching tight around my wrist. “We both know there’s only one place you haven’t washed yet.”
I froze.
He guided my hand past mid-thigh to upper thigh. “If you won’t do it...I will.” His fingers branded my wrist, hotter, fiercer, filled with every frustration I felt. “I’m dirty, Pim. So filthy you’d better spend extra attention with that towel of yours.”
I swallowed a moan as he guided me higher. “I shouldn’t...”
“Yes. You should.” He licked his lips. “Please...”
His plea unlocked my self-control, and I yanked at his hold. “Let me go.”
His eyes flared as if to argue, then hazed over as I twisted my wrist, removed his control, and slid the final way on my own. His head fell back, understanding exactly what sort of demoness he’d unleashed and all too happy to play the victim.
My whisper tasted sweet as sin and sugar. “I’ll make sure you’re extra clean.”
“Holy shit.” He writhed on the bed, sweat gleaming on his freshly washed brow. “Who are you, Tasmin Blythe?”
I didn’t know the answer to that question. Maybe I’d never know. But tonight, I was his just as much as he was mine.
“Be quiet and let me wash you.” Higher and higher, I slid my towel between his legs and grazed the tight twin balls beneath his erection.
“Jesus—” He let out a strangled grunt, clutching the bed with his good hand.
My nipples tingled and belly flopped and breath choked and heart clenched as I slowly, carefully, maddeningly, ran the washcloth over him. I cupped his balls, rolling them gently, cleaning and seducing at the same time.
His head tossed to the side. His neck strained, jaw wide, teeth sharp as he bit into the pillow. His entire body twitched as I slid upward, wrapping my fingers around his hardness.
His tension evolved into outright trembling.
I’d never been so consumed by something before. All I wanted to do for the rest of my life was this—destroy him to this quivering, pillow-biting animal and have my hands on the one part of him no one else ever would again.
Clutching his entire length, I pumped him through the towel. My fingers slid up and over his crest, washing away the past, cleansing him until he was completely, utterly mine.
I’d never owned something...someone before.
I’d gone from being a child and living under my mother’s roof, eating her food, reading her books, spending her money to becoming a possession myself.
But here, now...I owned Elder.
I couldn’t just give that power back. I could never give that back.
Shaking, I somehow managed to swirl the towel in fresh water and wipe away the soap I’d smeared before the possession in my blood forced me to do something I couldn’t possibly deny.
Leaning over him, I threw away the cloth, fisted his erection, and inserted his heat into my mouth.
I wasn’t prepared for my reaction or his.
His hands sank into my hair as his hips thrust up, forcing himself deeper onto my tongue. His groan rattled windowpanes and shattered the glass frosting around my heart.
My legs buckled until I half-kneeled, half-hung in his hold, sucking greedily, not caring how I sounded or seemed.
We both lost our last shreds of decorum.
I almost came just from pleasuring him. The thrill, the whoosh of sensual, overbearing lust returned everything that’d been stolen from me.
I could pleasure.
I could be pleasured.
Everything to do with my body and Elder was right and perfect and pure.
His cock rippled in my mouth as I sank deeper onto him, widening my jaw, wanting to taste every part.
His fingers tore at my hair, ungentle and brutal but somehow utterly worshipping. “God. Fuck. Holy—” Sentences no longer fell from his mouth, just punctuation in the form of crude cursing.
The first splash of salt teased my tongue, hinting that Elder wasn’t equipped with his usual stamina.
I loved it. Loved that he was so undone that it would only take him seconds to come. That I had the control to make him do something he probably wouldn’t want to do. Not yet anyway. Not until he’d had his fill of my mouth. The role reversal made my own orgasm howl through my veins.
Uncasing my lips from around my teeth, I bit him gently as I slid as deep as I could go. Humming, I switched every trick I’d been taught and turned every disgusting skill I knew into something I was proud of.
I wasn’t a virgin.
I wasn’t pure.
But he knew that and accepted me anyway. He’d tried to rent me for pennies and buy my thoughts for millions and now he’d get my everything for free.
I whispered around his erection. “You’re clean now. Every inch.”
His body jerked off the bed, his large hands splaying over my head as his belly curled and cock pulsed at the back of my throat. “Christ, stop.”
I didn’t.
He teetered on the edge. “Pim!”
I sucked harder.
“Stop!” Pushing me away, he hissed as his cock bounced and the smallest spurt appeared on his crown; his face turned ugly with denied release. A few seconds while he glowered at the ceiling and chanted, “Not yet, not yet, not yet,” before he blinked and gave me a rueful, devilish smile.
Not one hint of injury.
Not one note of pain.
Only lust—the strongest drug of all.
“I’m in so much trouble with you.”
The smile on my lips wasn’t from me but from sex itself. I owned it. I matched him dirty for dirty. I was finally whole enough to admit it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He laughed, torture and addiction equal tones. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He grabbed my hand. “You’re a temptress who’s going to give me a goddamn heart attack if she doesn’t get naked and sit on my cock right now.”
My entire body flushed. “I can’t.”
“You can.” He tugged me forward. “I’ll even show you how.” His attention fell to my rapidly breathing chest. “Undress, Pim. Let me see you.”
“I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you need to rest.”
“I am resting.” He winked. “You’ve got me on my back, woman. I can barely see straight from wanting you. I’m utterly paralysed unless you fuck me.”
“Paralysed?”
“Completely.”
“That’s my fault.” My cheeks pinked. “I shouldn’t have sucked you.”
His face darkened, buying into my blush, the predator in him revealing itself. “If you knew you shouldn’t, then why did you?”
I licked my lips. “I couldn’t help it.”
His throat worked as he swallowed. “Why couldn’t you help it?”
His questions sent yet more liquid heat pooling. Should I be honest or do the right thing? Should I tell him it was a final part of the wash down service or because I literally couldn’t imagine not tasting him?
I settled for honesty and breathed, “I needed you in my mouth.”
He groaned loud. “And I need you on my cock.”
“We shouldn’t have sex.”
“Who said anything about sex?” He visibly trembled. “This isn’t sex, Pim.”
“It is sex.” I stumbled as he yanked me harder against the bed. “It’s—”
“It’s so
much more than just sex, little mouse.” His tongue wet his bottom lip, sending another coil of desire. “It’s the only thing keeping me alive right now.”
Every second we discussed reasons for yes and no, my mind blacked out every argument. We needed this. But I also needed him to be healthy.
And this...it wouldn’t be healthy.
“We can’t.” Standing firm, I tilted my chin. “I’m not going to sleep with you, El. Not until you’re stronger.”
His eyes blackened. “Stronger?”
“Better.”
“I am better.” He never looked away as he grabbed the IV needle and yanked it from his hand. “See? All better.”
Throwing the medicine off the bed, his voice slipped to dangerous seduction. “Now strip, Pimlico, and get into bed. I won’t ask again.”
Chapter Thirteen
______________________________
Elder
IF SHE WANTED a fight, I’d give her a fight.
Even broken and living in eternal damnation, I would happily leap off the bed and chase her if she so much as looked at the door.
Compared to the agony she’d injected into my cock, my body could shut the fuck up. Sex wasn’t just a past time to indulge in anymore; it was my cure.
Literally, figuratively—every way I needed.
“Naked. Now, Pim.”
Nibbling on her lower lip, she slowly nodded.
I didn’t trust her, but my hands stayed still from grabbing her, forcing her to be a full participant and strip. As much as I’d like to tear her clothes off that would have to wait until my shoulder and elbow remembered how to work.
My show of strength and belief at being able to pounce on her was as fictional as my ability to fly. Only, she doesn’t need to know that. As far as Pim was concerned, I was one hundred percent better and in total control of my faculties.
Inhaling like wary prey, she grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it over her head. Bare breasts beckoned: perfectly rounded flesh with pert pink nipples. The agony in my cock grew to mind-seizing discomfort.
It hadn’t escaped my notice that she was no longer in her Bruised by Beauty gown. It lay discarded and torn over a chair—almost a voyeur to us now. I hated to think of her showering in this place, eating in this place, talking to the people living in this place while I’d slept like a fool.
What conversations and experiences had she enjoyed without me? Had she talked about me? How long exactly had we been here?
My questions vanished as Pim’s fingers drifted to her waistband and undid the button before slipping the zipper down. She didn’t mean to be a seductive minx, but fuck, everything about her was seductive.
I couldn’t look away as she inched the denim down her legs. Once again, no underwear.
My breath caught as I feasted on how drop-dead gorgeous she was. How her hips had filled out and formed curves instead of edges. How her body had strengthened and showed muscle instead of bones.
“Christ, you’re beautiful.” I patted the mattress for her to join me. “Get into bed.”
Climbing up, she lay down smoothly beside me. She moved like water while I jerked like machinery. She was healed, and I was wounded. The stark contrast to how it was when we first met scrambled my thoughts.
Rolling onto her side, she pressed her hand against my bandaged chest. “I can’t stop comparing this to when we first met.”
A smile tugged my lips. “Me, too. It was hard for me to be gentle with you while, at the same time, I wanted to do anything to protect you.” I reached out and traced a fingertip over her shoulder. “Even if it meant protecting you from myself.”
“I feared you at the beginning but not because of what you would do to me.” She shivered as I ran my touch down her arm.
“Why were you afraid?”
She blushed. “I feared what you made me feel. I was weak to want to end my life, but I could forgive myself for it as long as I felt nothing. But then you went and made me feel everything.”
Mimicking her, I rolled onto my side—hissing with agony I couldn’t hide—and clamped my hand on her hipbone. In one move, I pulled her to me and jerked myself forward. Our skin connected. Our lust ignited. We shuddered as lust trampled over our desire for talking. “I want to feel you, Pim.” My hand slid up the dip of her body to cup her breast. “I want to—” I couldn’t finish. My head bowed, and I crashed my lips against hers.
She liquefied in my arms as her mouth opened. No hesitation. No refusal. She kissed me back as hard as I kissed her. Sharing body heat, sharing electricity, sharing all the things we knew and felt.
It was the best kind of fantasy.
Was I dreaming? Was I awake? Having Pim in my arms, thrusting against her soft belly and dipping my tongue into her sweet mouth felt real, but was it?
Does it matter?
All that mattered was it felt so goddamn good.
With my heart pounding and my injuries flaring hot, I pressed Pim as tight as I could against me.
Nothing between us.
Nothing stopping us.
Nothing was better than this.
Her lips moved beneath mine, matching me lick for lick. Each meet and retreat, every lip bruise, and wet, warm arousal sent my heart hissing with lust. Our bodies listened to the same song, hardening me, softening her, preparing us for something primal and true.
I groaned under my breath as my need grew unavoidable. I’d never been so sensitive in my life.
Her breasts wedged against my chest as I slung my arm over her and hugged her impossibly closer. Our noses brushed as we kissed faster, deeper, diving into the cyclone we’d created. Our legs tangled, and I didn’t care about the pain in my ankle or shoulder or any other piece of me.
All I cared about was her.
She’d worshipped me by washing me. She’d understood my need to wipe away the grime and blood without me having to admit the level of exhaustion I battled. I hadn’t had to confess or ask for help and reveal my worst nightmare of looking weak.
I couldn’t remember a time when I’d been so close to depletion. I hated it because I needed her to see me as someone strong and never doubt my capabilities of looking after her.
Clutching her harder, our teeth clacked together.
She smelled different. She smelled of this place. It tore me apart to think of her on her own, defending me when I should’ve been fulfilling that role.
Did he talk to her?
Did the asshole who shot me dare speak to my woman?
Jealousy mixed with desire, robbing me of peace. I shifted, wedging my leg between hers and rocking, making her ride my thigh. “I missed you.”
Her eyes snapped closed. “I’ve always been here.”
“I need you to remember me.”
“I never forgot you.” She groaned as I rocked higher, rubbing against her clit.
“I shouldn’t do this.” I kissed her fast, deep. “I should stop.”
“Yes...you should.” Her breathlessness didn’t match the grasping demand of her fingers. “You’re not well enough.”
“Don’t tell me what I already know.” Removing my thigh, I lowered my hand between her legs. I found her instantly. Drenched and scorching, she clamped her legs instinctively around my wrist as I plunged a finger inside her. “Nothing can stop me from having you, though.”
“God, El.” Her head fell back as I drove upward, filling her body and thoughts of me.
I knew what arguments she wanted to deliver. I argued the same thing even as I ignored common-sense. I shouldn’t undertake anything that would drain me of what little energy I had left. Everything pounded. Everything hurt. One moment I was hot, the next I was cold.
I was lightheaded and heavy with pain.
If I was smarter, I would swallow more painkillers and possibly high-strength antibiotics to ensure nothing festered in my wounds.
After all, I’d fallen into the harbour.
Not exactly sanitary.
But despite all that—desp
ite knowing this was a terrible, terrible idea—I couldn’t stop.
Arching my fingers, I thrust into her, relishing in her cry and moan. “Could a sick man make you feel like this?” I inserted a second finger, stretching her, touching her as deep as I could. “Could a broken man get so fucking hard for you?” I thrust against her leg while feathering my fingers inside her.
She convulsed, lips wide, eyes tight.
“Answer me, Pim.” I rolled my thumb on her clit, attacking her with sensation.
She moaned, her forehead crashing against my shoulder as her body clenched around my invasion. “No, he couldn’t.”
“So I’m capable of fucking you?” I grabbed her chin with my free hand, holding her prone for a depraved kiss while my fingers worked deep.
“Yes!” she cried beneath my lips. “God, yes.”
“Good answer.”
I wished I could take her once. Just once to ease the frustration at having her stolen from me.
But one wasn’t a pretty number.
It was single and straight and ugly.
Three was a much prettier sum with its curves and hollows.
Goddammit.
Sex for me wasn’t a normal endeavour just like most things in my life—constantly hounded by that cruel number three. I wished I had another trick to tame my crazy brain.
But I didn’t.
And tonight was even worse because I was exhausted and didn’t have self-control. Pim wasn’t entirely safe around me just like I wasn’t entirely safe around her.
But none of that mattered anymore.
She was mine.
I would take her.
“I need you.” The gruffness of my voice rasped across the softness of her skin.
Her breath hitched, eyes heated. “You have me.”
“I want you in every possible way.”
“Name it. I’ll do it.”
Positions and filthy commands dripped off the tip of my tongue, but for once, I stayed within my limitations.
I would fuck her.
But I would make her do all the work.
“Get on top of me.” Withdrawing my fingers, I rolled onto my back. My shoulder screamed, pain tugging at torn ligaments. With an agonised snarl, I placed my arm over my belly, discomfort from my elbow joining in the screaming.