Chapter Twenty Seven
Dollop pricked his finger for the umpteenth time. The pain was insignificant, the irritation unbound. Embroidery was proving more difficult than he’d expected. Perhaps Damsel College did have a purpose after all.
The henchman sat with Hugo in the delightful garden the hero was unknowingly imprisoned in. It was Dollop’s third guard shift with the hypnotised bulk of good. Hugo had spent the whole time posturing and relaying stories of his past endeavours. Dollop had stopped listening after the first hour of the first shift. It seemed nodding along was enough to appease the beaming ego. Fortunately the beast had found an embroidery kit in the pocket of his dress. The mysterious art had kept him occupied ever since. He currently worked his way through a quilt depicting chapters of his life. Somehow he’d sewn different ends together and ended up with something cube-like upon his lap.
The needle and thread had saved more than Dollop’s sanity. The henchman had spent the whole first hour staring at Hugo, imagining nothing more than ripping his throat from his body and hiding it under a bushel, then watching the hero scramble around the lawn in a desperate search, his life slowly ebbing away. In the internal fantasy the henchman would then reveal the true identity that lay beneath the fresh faced maiden, reminding Hugo of the scar he had suffered in their last battle. It would be the final thing Hugo Cortizone would ever see. Fortunately the introduction of arts and crafts had quelled those feelings. The occasional intentional stab of the finger released a small amount of the henchman’s desire for violence; however nothing could be done to shut Hugo up. Dollop distracted himself by recalling all his previous bosses. He struggled to remember the shape of his fourth bosses head while Hugo continued.
“….and with that one punch they were all lay out before me. That too felt like a good day to be a hero, as did them all. I shall cherish those memories almost as much as I’m beginning to cherish you.” Hugo stared straight at Fayre Maiden. Dollop nodded and smiled as he did every time there was a silence. He was still trying to remember if his fourth boss wore a helmet. Maybe that would offer a clue to the shape of his noggin.
“You’re a good listener too, attentive yet thoughtful. It’s a quality I’d like my wife to have.” Hugo wasn’t a subtle man and his sentiments had begun creeping in to his words more and more. Dollop felt uneasy about it, when he noticed, but had buried his concerns in the quilt. One patch depicted a damsel throwing up into a bucket while a grinning lump of man leered behind her. It was the only answer. He feared Sid too much to complain. Hugo continued. “Of course now I’m officially retired.” Hugo held back the tears the sentence naturally induced. “I can take a woman to be my own without fear of reprisals, or our love being used to hurt me and ultimately the quest for good.” The light reflecting off his smile caused Fayre to blink and look up. “Imagine the children we could make. Our genes would build perfection. What with my strength, looks, intelligence, wit, morality, honour, and perhaps my greatest attribute, modesty; combined with your beauty and……..sewing ability.”
“Sorry?” Dollop realised he’d clearly missed an important part of the conversation.
“You don’t have to apologise for your short list of qualities. I love you all the more for your simplicity. What’s important is you agree: Our destinies are entwined like two locks of hair in the vastness of space, wound together in order to survive the nothing, unable to be separated even if my own enormous strength attempted to pull us apart.”
“What’s going on?” Dollop tried to piece together what he’d missed. Hugo had gone beyond listening and continued declaring.
“I’d be proud to pass on my perfect jaw to our son if he wished to carry on the family trade of justice. For surely one day evil will show its head once more. No doubt our daughter would inherit your delicacy and charm and go on to be the Queen of damsels.” Hugo hugged Dollop nearly knocking his maiden hat off. Whatever he’d missed he wished he hadn’t. Dollop sat shell shocked as Hugo released his grip and stood at his full, proud height, parading around with a thoughtful air.
“I often think this jaw is the only reason I ever became a hero. People take strength from its perfection. It appears expectancy is embedded within it, an expectancy that makes people feel at ease and reassured that things will be fine from here on in. And they are usually proved right. I never wanted to be a hero though. I wanted a simple life. Always liked the idea of being a space mechanic, but whenever trouble appeared the village always looked at me and my jaw and expected us to send it on its way. With an ever growing fan base I didn’t wish to cause disappointment, and so I obliged. When my planet was destroyed, along with one of the fastest growing fan clubs the universe has ever seen, I vowed to build a new club, one that stretched across the entire universe. Nobody should be denied the chance to wear my face in badge form upon their lapel.” Hugo stood on the sun-lounger and stared yonder.
“Children? Does he mean?” Dollop started to piece together the puzzle.
“I wake each day and thank the dealer of genetics that my hand was the best, as must you Fayre Maiden?” Hugo jumped dramatically down to Dollop’s eye level.
“I do, every day.” Dollop did genuinely feel thankful that his genes had offered him a profession, but if he was honest his heart had never been in the pain he had to cause. He’d always dreamt of being an intergalactic fireman but every time he went to the station to apply they evacuated the building and called the local hero to get rid of him. He’d never really considered how life could have been had his face fit in to society's jigsaw of acceptability.
Physically Dollop felt confident he could match Hugo in any contest. Had he been prettier it could have been his face splashed across the entirety of all that is. The adoration instead of contempt could have been focused on him. A wave of sadness washed over the henchman as a realisation struck: The constant turmoil he’d felt, never being able to resolve the question of who he was. His actions belied the personality that lay beneath the heavily scarred monster the world saw. He’d allowed the expectancy of others to form his own image of his self. Well no more. He vowed this would be his last mission.
“Are those tears of joy welling up inside?” Hugo had been watching Dollop come to his realisation. As with most emotions Hugo misread their genesis entirely. Cuddling Fayre he continued talking. “Can you see the family portrait too? Imagine the children growing as we enter age so gracefully, together.”
Dollop stared back at Hugo confused and uncomfortable beyond words, but instead of the usual hatred he felt he saw the man behind the persona, the same sad, lonely, insecure man he saw every time he looked at himself in the mirror. Were they so different?
A sense of affinity drowned the pair as they looked wistfully towards one another, only Hugo’s was fuelled by lust. Finally the hero knew what all those love songs had meant: What he felt could only be described by the pain he would feel were it to be lost. Dollop’s expression came from the fresh perspective he had on himself and everything he’d been fighting all these years. It had never been about good versus evil, he’d only ever been fighting himself. Believing they were thinking the same thing Hugo stood to tell the world, starting with the garden.
“I believe Hugo Cortizone has found the new purpose his life needed. Without evil to defeat he had crumbled, and he’s man enough to admit that fact. It has been a dark time for our hero of heroes. He had never realised the extent to which Hugo the man had become at one with Hugo the hero. Without the hero who was the man? Despite the days spent in thought he had no answer, until the light of realisation shone down upon him and pointed to a new purpose, a new reason to be, a source of energy, my everything……” Dollop began to grow nervous. He knew Hugo fancied Fayre Maiden but this was some serious emotion being thrown around. “…….Fayre Maiden, you are my all.” Hugo slid on his knees towards the maiden, grinning as every fear Dollop had been processing came true. He checked behind in the vein hope of another Fayre Maiden being there. There was only foliage.
“Well I
have to leave for a moment or two. Gather my thoughts.” A large penny dropped straight on to Dollop’s head, leaving an imprint to go with his many scars.
“True love is a meal best eaten slowly, I understand that. We have an infinite number of courses to get through, and we’ll do so together. I await your return with a tenderness in my heart that is yours to cherish at your own pace.” Hugo flexed his teeth in a final attempt at an alluring grin. It merely exposed a piece of strawberry pie he’d been eating earlier.
Dollop turned and walked as quickly as possible, the long, flowing gown trailing behind. He’d been practising walking in a non flirty manner but the panic and attire made it impossible. “I must go and do many female, emotional things now.” He called out as he scuttled to the door. He had to speak to Sid urgently. Surely becoming somebody's wife wasn’t covered in his contract.
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