"Danny...I want nothing more than to have sex with you right now..."
"But..." she prompts.
"...but, I want this to be special. I want you to know that I'm willing to wait until it's right. I want it to be perfect for you."
She stands up from the couch and has such a hauntingly beautiful smile on her face. Her dimples slightly wink at me. She steps into my body, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her cheek against my chest. My arms go around her and I squeeze. After placing a kiss to the top of her head, I rest my chin there.
Glancing around her living room, I see several pictures on the end table. One is of a man in a police uniform who I assume to be her dad. I pull out of her embrace and walk up to the assembly of photos.
Danny comes to stand beside me. Bending over, she picks up the one I was looking at. "This is my dad, Clayton Cross. This was taken a few years before he got fired."
I look at the picture. I can see she inherited his dimples as he flashes a toothy grin at the camera.
She puts that picture down and picks up another. This is of a gorgeous woman in her forties and there is no doubt she's Danny's mother. They look like sisters.
I take the picture from her to look at it more closely. The resemblance is uncanny. "There's no mistaken where you get your looks from."
She gives a light laugh. She takes the picture back, gently rubbing her fingertip over it. "That's what everyone says. Her name was Rosalyn."
I jolt in stunned disbelief. "Was?"
I just assumed Danny's mother was alive. Why, I don't know. Maybe because she had told me her dad was dead, but never mentioned her mother. I just assumed wrong.
"She died almost two years ago. Glioblastoma multiforme. It's a very aggressive and usually fatal type of brain cancer."
I don't know what to say. Her words are filled with sadness but she is not painfully grieving. If anything, she is speaking with such a fondness for her mother that I ache for her to speak of me that way.
She puts her mom's picture down and picks up another that I had not noticed. It's of Danny. She's wearing a long black gown that is fitted to her body. It has short sleeves and a very demure neckline that gives no hint of the cleavage below. Danny's hair is a bit shorter, just at her shoulders, and it is streaked with red and black color. She has the nose ring and eyebrow piercing and in all other ways looks the same. It couldn't have been taken that long ago.
I take all of that in but it is not what is most interesting about the picture. What catches my eye and holds it is the fact that Danny is holding a violin in one hand and its bow in the other.
She plays the violin and I'm astounded.
I look over at her and she's enjoying the look of shock on my face. "That was taken my first year at Julliard."
My mouth falls open in astonishment and I look back at the picture. "You were just as beautiful then, but I think I'm partial to the purple hair," I murmur.
Her laugh washes over me and she takes the picture back and sets it on the table. Taking my hand, she pulls me into the kitchen. "Let me make lunch for us and you can ask me any questions you want. I can see them floating all over your face."
I sit down at the counter and watch as she pulls out stuff from the fridge to make sandwiches. Her back is turned to me and I just stare at her for a second. She so beautiful, and complex, and damaged...and yet she's about the most joyful and giving person I know. It is incomprehensible to me and I realize I have something to learn from this girl. Being in Danny's presence makes me realize my life has been pretty lackluster.
"So, tell me more about your mother."
She puts all of the sandwich stuff on the counter and a smile lights up her face. "Oh...let me tell you...Rosalyn Cross was a handful. She was one of the funniest people I've known. And she was beautiful, and kind, and smart."
I watch as Danny puts our sandwiches together while talking. She never misses a beat which tells me that it is both natural and comfortable for her to talk about her mom.
"When my dad spiraled down, she stood by him as long as she could. She loved him passionately. But she wasn't going to let him impact negatively on my life so she made him leave." She pauses and looks me in the eye. "It was the bravest thing I'd ever seen in my life."
I cannot even imagine the sacrifice that Danny's mother had to make to ensure her daughter was safe. I can't imagine what it was like for Danny to love a father that was totally self-destructive. And yet, here she is with deep and abiding love for both of them.
Sliding my sandwich across to me, she turns to pull a beer out of the fridge and holds it up. I nod and she twists the cap off and she hands it to me. "I can't get over how much you two look alike."
"Yup. She always called me her 'mini-me'." She has a dreamy look on her face as she is soaking in that happy memory.
Danny takes a bite of her sandwich, chews and swallows "The thing I will always be the most grateful for was the way she encouraged me to be me. My mother was athletic and I know really wanted me to play sports. But I loved music and because I loved it, she encouraged me to be passionate about it. When I wanted to pierce my eyebrow when I was sixteen, she let me do it. Because she knew I craved individuality. I would not be what I am today if it wasn't for her."
"Then I owe your mom a debt of gratitude because there isn't any part of you that I'm not insanely attracted to."
Danny gives me a shy smile and continues eating.
"So, tell me about Julliard. And particularly why you are not there anymore."
Danny nods her head up and down while she is chewing. After she swallows, she picks my beer up and takes a sip. "So, I applied to and got accepted there. I want to get my Bachelor's in Music. And, well...I loved it there, of course. Music is what I'm meant to do. But when mom got sick, I had to drop out and care for her. It took her only eleven months to die after her diagnosis but it was long enough that I lost my scholarship. And after, dealing with mom's funeral and all of her medical expenses...it just wasn't feasible for me to return."
"When you say feasible...you mean it wasn't affordable?"
"Yeah. It's just not affordable right now. I sold my mom's house and got a little money from that, but I'm working to get the rest of her medical debt paid. I'm taking a few classes now but I'll try to get back into a music school once I get back on my feet. It might not be Julliard but I'll find somewhere that will work."
She gives me a brash smile, and again...I'm amazed at her positive spirit and outlook. How in the world did this incredible creature survive it all? Losing both of her parents, in horrific ways, and then losing her music education. And still, she smiles and keeps on truckin'? I mean, who does that? Before I can even think if it's wise to do so, I find myself offering.
"I can help you, Danny. Pay for the expenses."
Her eyes snap to mine and I see a brief moment of fear in them. And then it slips away and she gives me a genuine smile. "No, you can't. This is something I have to do. But you have totally melted my heart that you offered."
I try to give her a smile but it fails. I don't want her to have to do this on her own. I want to help...to protect her...to bring her joy. And why am I feeling this way? I barely know this girl and yet...I feel closer to her than I ever felt to Angeline in the two years we dated.
I get up from my stool and walk over to her. Her eyes are wide as I put one hand behind her head to cup it. Her eyes are more green today than hazel and I hold them. "I didn't make that offer lightly, Danny. I have an incredible trust fund at my disposal and if you need the help, I'll give it. Even if you want to call it a loan. With that said, I understand if you need to do it on your own, too."
Danny reaches up with her hand and runs her finger tips over my bottom lip. It is a surprisingly sweet gesture but still has the power to practically bring me to my knees.
"Thank you for understanding", she says.
And then she replaces her fingertips with her mouth.
CHAPTER 8
Danny
/>
I'm falling and I'm falling hard. I'm at work right now and I'm just counting down the minutes until I see Ryan. He's going to come by here when I get off and then we are going over to my apartment to hang. Which loosely means to make out.
That makes me smile. And feel flushed. The attraction I'm feeling for Ryan is unbelievably insane. He only has to look at me in a certain way and I'm ready to shed all my clothes.
We hung out in my apartment all day yesterday until he had to leave for an evening hockey practice. We spent some of the time talking, and we watched a movie. And the rest of the time we spent fooling around. It was awesome and it is frightening the speed with which I am becoming lost to this man.
I frown remembering our conversation when he offered to help me with mom's medical expenses. I had a brief moment of panic.
For just a moment, a fear so intense coursed through me that my stomach knotted up. His offer to help me was made without reservation, without expectation of something in return, and was made solely because he wanted to help me. It was the sweetest, kindest, most selfless thing anyone has done for me in a long time and that in and of itself scared the shit out of me.
There...I said it...I'm afraid of what Ryan Burnham can make me feel. I'm afraid because I barely survived the trauma of losing my mother and my music education all in one fell swoop. I've since that time purposely avoided things that could hurt me again. And let's face it...falling in love is a risky venture.
But I cannot ignore the fact that I feel very alive when I'm around Ryan. The barest trace of his fingertip across my skin makes me squirm. The timber of his voice can make my pulse flutter. He has come into my life for a reason and I've decided that I just can't turn my head if that bitch Karma wants to pay me a visit. I think I'm due for a measure of happiness. I just hope Ryan is that measure.
"Hey, gorgeous."
I spin around and my mouth instantly waters. Ryan is standing there wearing a pair of dark jeans that hang low on his hips. He has on a charcoal gray, long sleeved Henley. His hair is artfully unkempt and I want to run my hands through it.
"Hi, back at ya."
"You about ready?"
I nod and take off my apron. I step from behind the counter and all of a sudden, I'm shy. I look down at the floor but then he's tilting my chin up with his forefinger. When I meet his eyes, he swoops down and gives me a sweet kiss. One of the customers at the counter hoots his approval and I pull back with a huge grin on my face.
As we drive the short distance to my apartment in Ryan's Range Rover, he holds my hand the entire time. Before he pulls over to park, he brings my hand to his mouth and gives it a kiss.
"My fraternity is throwing a party tomorrow and I was wondering if you would come with me? If you don't want to, we can do something else. But I'd really like you to come and meet some of my friends."
I squeeze his hand and grin at him. "Are you sure? This will be our first step out into public."
He shoots me a smirk. "Of course, I'm sure. I really want you to meet Mike and some of the other guys on the team. The non-asshole ones. But, I can't promise everyone will be nice. So are you ready for it?"
"Sure, why not. And besides...I have it on good authority if anyone speaks bad about me that my boyfriend will beat the shit out of them."
Ryan laughs as he pulls over into a parking space. Putting the car in park, he leans across the console and gives me a scorching kiss. He pulls away and I'm breathless.
"What was that for?"
"Because that was the first time you called me your boyfriend and it turned me on."
"Oh," I say as I rub my bottom lip that's still tingling from his assault. "Then let me just say...boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend!"
Ryan bursts out laughing and pulls my face to him. He resumes his kiss and I am aching and needy when he draws away again.
"Come on," he says opening the car door. "Let's go get something to eat."
***
I whip up an easy dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread. This is quite the splurge from Ramen noodles. Ryan insists on washing the dishes and I happily sit on the barstool watching him while he works.
For such a large guy, he moves with fluid grace. I can't wait to see him on the ice. I also can't wait to see what he looks like without his clothes. God, I am turning into a hussy. But even as I think that about myself I am admiring the way his shirt molds to his frame. There is not much left to imagine as to the cut of his chest, arms and stomach.
We've only known each other a few days but there is not a doubt in my mind that I am going to give my virginity to Ryan. I just don't know when it will be. Like Ryan, I am savoring the anticipation and I figure we will both know when we just can't stop the momentum. When that time comes...I'll be so ready. I'm all grown up now and I am with someone that completely rocks my world.
Ryan dries the last plate and puts it in the cupboard. Turning toward me, he leans back against the counter, his hands gripping the edge beside his hips.
"Can I ask you a favor, Danny?"
"You just cleaned my kitchen and I hate that chore more than anything so I'm in your debt. Shoot."
"Will you play your violin for me?"
Oh, why did he have to ask that?
Tears immediately well up in my eyes and I see panic fire across Ryan's face. I turn and sprint for the bathroom before he sees me break down into a sobbing mess.
I no sooner close the door and make a dash for the tissue when Ryan is knocking on the door.
"Danny...what's wrong? Please, what did I say? I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you."
Oh, his sweet and kind voice is hurting because I am hurting and the floodgates opened. I start sobbing and sink to the floor with my back against the door. I know Ryan can hear me crying but I can't stop.
"Danny...please let me in."
I have for so long hidden my grief from others, that my first inclination is to bar him from seeing me this way. But all of a sudden, I have the most overwhelming urge to sink myself into his embrace so I can have just a bit of help to ease the pain.
I immediately jump up and open the door, falling into his arms. He wraps his arms around me and puts his lips to my hair. He is whispering words of comfort, soothing away my pain. "It's okay" and "I'm sorry" and "What can I do to make this better?"
And all I can do is cry and cry and cry.
Ryan eventually picks me up and carries me into the living room. He sits on the couch with me in his lap and continues to soothe me. I lay my head on his chest and let him and I revel in the cocoon of understanding he is giving me.
My tears eventually dry but Ryan continues stroking my hair, my arms, my face. He kisses my temple, my cheek and the corner of my mouth, then squeezes me in a hug. I have never felt so cherished in my life.
"I'm sorry," I eventually mumble.
"What for?" he asks gently.
"For being a basket case."
He chuckles. "Well, I have heard a rumor that women are prone to fits of emotion at times."
I laugh into his chest and take in a deep breath. God he smells good. His cologne is subtle but spicy and it exudes masculinity.
I pull back and look at him. "I can't play for you because I don't have my violin anymore. I had to sell it to pay for some of the medical debt."
Ryan gives me a look of horror, understanding and sympathy, all rolled into one, and my tears threaten to build again. He pulls me back to his chest and hugs me. "I'm sorry, Danny. Can I do anything for you?"
I know what he is asking me. If he can get me a violin, but he won't come out and say it. I shake my head.
But then I pull back and put my hand to his cheek. "Actually, you can do something."
"What? I'll do anything."
I give him a wicked smile. "I want you to take me into my bedroom and make me forget about my music for tonight."
Ryan's inhales sharply and I swear his copper eyes turn amber. As I sit in his lap, I immediately feel the growing evidence of the affect my
words have on him and it makes me feel incredibly powerful. He searches my eyes as to some clue of what I really want but I don't offer a hint.
Ryan takes my face in his hands and pulls it close to his. "I'm not making love to you tonight, Danny. But if you let me, I promise I will take your mind off your music for a while."
I give a little sigh and nod my head.
"Please," I whisper.
Ryan shoots off the couch with me in his arms and walks down the hallway. I point to my door and he pushes it open with his foot. I have a bedside lamp on with a red scarf thrown over the top and it provides incredible romantic lighting. That certainly wasn't my intent when I had originally put that scarf there months and months ago, but hey, that works out wonderfully.
Ryan puts one knee on the bed and lays me upon the top. I scoot over to make room for him and he follows me.
We both lie down and face each other, and for just awhile, we lay there and look at each other.
Finally he brings his hand to my face and then curls his fingers around the back of my neck. "You are so beautiful, Danny."
"I could say the same about you."
He gives me a hint of a smile but then his look turns molten. He leans in and kisses me gently. I follow his pace, soaking in the experience. I know I'm not losing my virginity tonight but I know I'm going to learn something new and I am tingling with anticipation.
Before long, our kisses turn more urgent. I feel like I am spinning out of control and Ryan masters my mouth. He commands it and it obeys him. My tongue and his move together and then apart. Needing to be together, then needing to roam.
Ryan's hand grabs a hold of my waist and he pulls me closer to him, his fingers digging deliciously into my tender skin. He brings my pelvis flush with his and he groans when we make contact.
Sliding his hand up the back of my shirt, he gently caresses my back while moving his lips to my neck. He's driving me crazy and every point of contact is burning where he touches and then freezing when it leaves. I'm in sensory overload and when his hand moves around to my front and gently cups my breast, I'm almost embarrassed over the guttural moan that escapes my lips.
"Sssshhhhh," he soothes me, yet his hand fondles me with more urgency and I want him to slip it beneath the barrier of my bra.