Chapter 19
September 29
Early the next day, I made it to see what Dr. Summings wanted with me. I went early because the cafe across the street was the only place I knew close by that had a single stall where I could freshen up.
When I went into the hospital, Dr. Summings saw me right away and pulled me into his office. He sat me in a comfortable chair, which maybe I loved because I was sleeping in my car. I was caught off guard when Jennifer was in a chair next to me.
“You look exhausted, Cassidy,” Dr. Summings said. “Have you been sleeping?”
“Um, yeah,” I lied.
“Uh, I tried to contact you but your cell went—”
“Yeah, it doesn’t work anymore.”
Dr. Summings sighed. “Anyway, you remember Jennifer, right?”
“Of course I do,” I said as I shook Jennifer’s hand. “What did you need me for?”
“Well, I just wanted to know how you are doing. I’m glad I haven’t seen you back in my hospital—”
“Why would she be here?” Jennifer said.
“Like you Jennifer, Cassidy is a former attempted suicide victim,” Dr. Summings said.
“Former?” I said while I hid my fresh scar.
“Well, yes…you haven’t attempted have you?” Dr. Summings said. “Not in a while, right?”
“Well, to be honest—”
“What is the likely of that?” Jennifer said. “Two people like me and you.”
“I want you to be a mentor for Jennifer,” Dr. Summings said.
A mentor? I could barley function with my own life, let alone help someone else. I could not be an adviser to Jennifer. I liked her but I knew nothing about getting better or mental health. If only he knew that day, I was going to cut myself and probably go all the way. If only he knew I had just cut again a few days ago.
“Oh, no I can’t do that. I have school and um…” I said.
“That’s perfect. Jennifer goes to your school,” Dr. Summings said.
“I’ve never seen her.”
“I avoid people in general,” she said.
“Sounds familiar,” I said.
“Can you?” Dr. Summings said.
“And what do I get out of it?” I said.
“Gosh, Cassidy, don’t be so selfish. You’ll be saving a life and you’ll have a new friend.”
“Friend?”
“Yes, a friend.”
I looked at Jennifer and she had a cute puppy dog smile—how could I say no. And the word friend frightened me to death—it immediately made me think of Mandy and not in a good way. “I have to think about it.”
“I would actually like Cassidy to be my mentor,” Jennifer said. “I never had one before.”
“Um, I guess I can squeeze her into my hectic schedule,” I said sarcastically as if I had a life.
“And you’ve been going to see Martha Conan, right?” he asked. “Did you like her?”
“I didn’t like her much; I have a new person who I prefer to help me,” I said.
“Is this person licensed?”
“Um…yes,” I lied.
“Who is it?”
“Eh…”
“So, um can we go?” Jennifer said. “I have class.”
“Not until Cassidy says yes or no,” he said.
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
“You promise?” he said.
“I promise I will stay by her side.”
“Good. We are releasing Jennifer today. So, you can take her to school tomorrow. You’ll be best friends in no time.” Dr. Summings led us out the room.
“That’s all you wanted from me?” I said.
“Yeah. Bye ladies and take this note to class.” Dr. Summings went running off to the nurses’ station and I turned to Jennifer who was smiling.
“That word scares me,” I said little too late.
“What word?” Jennifer said.
“Best friends.”
“Oh yes, that word has never been used in my vocabulary!” she laughed.
“Don’t you have family who can mentor you?” I snapped.
“I’m emancipated.”
“I think me and you can be really good friends.”
Jennifer was what I considered a “cool” kid. She actually had friends and she was fairly good looking. She had medium length red straight her. Her trademark clothes were skinny jeans, flats, and a cardigan. I could not understand why a girl like her was so depressed but then again people said the same thing about me.
I liked having someone to talk to, but I just wished I had a friend who didn’t follow everything I did—like when I decided to skip school, my friend should be the opposite and force me to get to class.
Well Jennifer was like everyone else. Instead of going back to school, we decided to watch a movie at the two-dollar theater and then go to Starbucks to get some coffee, which I didn’t buy because I couldn’t afford it.
“I’m leaving Simon High next semester to go to Simon Academy,” Jennifer said as she drank her hot chocolate.
“Why?” I said.
“I want a fresh start. Plus, the school I’m going to will be ten times smaller.”
“Really?”
“You should transfer too. It’s right outside of town.”
“You mean on the richer part of town, which I can’t afford.”
“What do you mean you can’t afford it?” she questioned.
“I can’t even pay for gas let alone a fancy school like that,” I sighed. “I’m thinking about dropping out anyway.”
“Why would you drop out? That is a bad idea.”
“True but I have such bad grades I think my GPA might be 0.20 if that is even possible.”
“It’ll be cool. We would already have each other on the first day. And I heard the richer kids are nicer.”
“Jennifer, I can’t just leave to that school. I don’t think you understand that I’m poor. How do you even have money to attend there?”
“I have a money tree,” she joked. “Enrollment starts next week. So, if you do…we can enroll together.”
“You’re not convincing me.”
“Do you have a boyfriend you don’t want to leave behind?” Jennifer said. “Or a girlfriend?”
“Not anymore.”
“So, you like girls?”
“No! I don’t like girls,” I said. “Does it look like I like girls?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Can we talk about something else, like why I found you half-dead at the bowling center,” I snapped. “What happened to you?”
Jennifer rolled her eyes and stared out the window. “Well, I’m not exactly emancipated. I have a family but they treat me like dirt. I have a sister who they admire so much. And I was over it, so I slit my wrist.”
I thought about Mr. Rivers and how he thought I had some attention disorder. I never understood why someone would cut for attention, but it made sense. Jennifer was an example of everything he tried to make me. “Oh…”
“You’re not judging me, right?” she whispered. “Who are you to judge?”
“I’m not judging you,” I lied.
“I know you are, what makes you so better to be suicidal? Why do you always get put before me when it comes to this stuff?”
“I’m not trying to challenge you! I just have been through a lot more than I assume you have been.”
“Like what?”
“Well, my best friend who I’m sure you have heard of name, Mandy was murdered. I had to go to the hospital and recognize her decapitated body because her family didn’t want to see her like that. And not only that I had to live with the fact that she begged me to pick her up before she was killed. Then, I had everyone blame me for it. It doesn’t end there, she stalked me for months in my head. Now about my dad. I had to live with the guilt knowing that my mother killed him. I lied to the police and said he died in his hospice bed but in actuality he was in his chair alive and healthy, joking about the Laker game
—”
“Okay, okay…you’re really messed up in the head. I feel bad for you.”
“Don’t feel bad for me, Jennifer,” I smiled. “I’m fine now. Life goes on, right—”
“Cassie?”
I turned around to see Jordan with his motorcycle helmet in his hand. He was all wet, as if he walked in the rain again. Without permission, he sat across from Jennifer and me.
“Jordan?” I said.
“Cassie,” he said. “I’m sorry. I thought about everything and I just want to let you know…”
“Um, should I leave?” Jennifer said, while sipping her coffee.
I grabbed her hand to stay. “No, because he is leaving.”
“Cassie, let me speak!” Jordan said.
“No!” I said as I shoved him away.
“I’m leaving for California this weekend,” Jordan said as quickly as he could. “And I’m not coming back.”
“What?” I gasped. “Why?”
Jordan dug around his leather jacket. “I went to the office today and they said my GPA is a 2.0; I can’t graduate with that. So, I’m leaving and I guess I’ll get my GED.”
I stared at this paper and knew my GPA had to be lower than his based on I didn’t attend class often. “What about your parents?”
“What parents? I see my mom once a month if I’m lucky or if there is a funeral in town, and my dad works all day. They won’t even notice I’m gone.”
“So, what is in California?” I snapped. “Why there? That place is expensive!”
“My cousin is in this band and he just got signed with a record deal. They are going to be touring with an all-star band.”
“Okay, and?”
“I want to know if you want to come with me?”
“I can’t come with you,” I giggled.
“Why not? You have nothing here.”
“I would be like your little follower.”
“I promise I won’t get mad and I hate when we fight.”
I looked at Jennifer, then at Jordan. If I were to leave with Jordan, I would be like any other girl who chose boys over friends. Even though I did not know if Jennifer was my friend, I made a promise that I would stay by her side. “I can’t do that.”
“I have tons of money so we can buy an apartment.”
“I’m sorry, I have to finish school.”
“School?” he laughed. “You’re joking, right? I’m sure your grade point average is worse than mine.”
“Jordan, just leave me alone.”
“Cassidy, this is the last time I’m telling you this!” Jordan attempted to kiss my hand, but I shoved him away.
“No!”
He jumped up and slammed his fist on the table. He gave me an evil look and walked away without a word. We both watched him hop onto his motorcycle and drive off down the street. I would miss him, but I had a feeling he would come back to me sooner or later.
“Awkward,” Jennifer said.
“Ex-boyfriend.”
“You should go with him.”
“No, I would just make myself crazier. I am still trying to get better. And if I don’t learn about myself now, I never will.”
Later that day, I went back to Raymond’s house to pick up the last things I had. I did not tell him I was living in my car, because he would just want to shelter me like a dad.
When I entered the home, there were boxes everywhere. I spotted Raymond in the den, drinking wine. I didn’t want to bother him, but he looked so upset.
“I thought you don’t drink?” I said.
“Me and Marla are divorcing,” he said.
“Then, why aren’t we having a party,” I teased.
“I’m sorry about everything we put you through. I’m surprised you’re not at the top of the Empire State building—”
“Not cool.”
“Sorry.”
I walked over to him and rubbed his shoulder. “Is she kicking you out?”
“Sadly.”
“I could have told you that.”
“Where are you staying? If you want I can buy a little old house, and we can get jobs and split the rent—”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. I know you’re not—”
“Okay, I’m not fine. I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow or if I’m finishing school. I don’t have anywhere to stay. I don’t want to ask Jennifer or Rebecca to stay with them—”
“Who is Jennifer?”
“Some girl whose life I saved.”
“You saved someone?” he gasped.
“Yes, didn’t I tell you this?”
“You did?”
“Typical…”
“What about Jordan?”
“He’s leaving me.”
Raymond smiled.
“It’s not funny,” I said.
“I can’t say I’m not happy about it! He doesn’t deserve you.”
“How rude. I actually like him,” I said.
“You didn’t like him. You thought you did, but you didn’t.”
“You can’t tell me who I like or not.”
“Well, I know you didn’t like him.”
“This is why I don’t want to talk to you. You never listen—probably a reason why Marla is leaving you and why I have to leave too.”
“You’re not gonna leave me,” he winked. “I always win.”
“I’m going to rent out an apartment and I’m going to find a job—”
“Good—”
“But, not with you,” I snapped. “I just came by to get my last box. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“I’m not letting you go!” Raymond stood up as if he were shielding me. “I won’t let you go!”
“You’re scaring me now,” I said as I turned around to walk. “I have to go.”
“Wait!” Raymond ran over to me and it felt like my heart stopped. “You can’t leave me.” With little force, Raymond grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him.
I tried to push him back as he tugged on me to go with him. “Stop it!”
“Just don’t be difficult!” Raymond snapped as he leaned in to kiss my lips. He shook me forcefully to the ground and the only person I could think about was Mandy. As I tried to crawl away, Raymond pulled me by my hair and dragged me back.
“I’m going to call the police! Karen was right! You’re a psycho!”
As he stopped to think about Karen, I jumped up and belted for the door as fast as I could go. With shaky hands, I tried to stick my key to unlock the car door but like a horror movie, it wouldn’t fit.
Right when I opened it, Raymond came running out. “Wait, Cassie! Wait!”
Before he could approach my car, I went driving off down the street. I lost control of the car a few times as my heart raced out of control—luckily no one was on the wet road. I turned onto my street and before I could fully stop my car, I jumped out as I noticed a police car parked in front.
“Cassidy?” Kevin ran to my car.
“Where is Mama? Where is Valeria? I need her right now.”
“Um, well she is down at the police station. I think they might lock her away in an institution; she is talking like a maniac—something about her poisoning her husband. Police have a warrant to raid this home. ”
“She told you guys that?” I said. “Why are you raiding it?”
“Maybe it’s all the meds she’s on. We found loads of cocaine and meth in the home. If anything, she will be arrested for that. Did you know anything about that?”
“Oh god no! Mama would never do drugs.”
“That could explain why she became so manic toward you.”
“How long has she been on drugs?” I gasped, realizing it could have explained a lot.
“She said about five years now—everyday all day. That could explain how she got the AIDS from contaminated needles.”
“She doesn’t have AIDS, she has HIV.”
“Nah, she has full blown AIDS now. The others think it’s safe if you get teste
d too. Especially since you two used to get into fights a lot.”
“But, they tested me the last time I was there for a drug overdose. That was probably the last time I was around her.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
I began to breathe normal again, but my thoughts were going haywire. I couldn’t believe Mama was doing drugs. Now everything made sense—our fights, her yelling, and the murder. It wasn’t her, it was the drugs.
“Do you have somewhere to stay?” Kevin said. “Isn’t that Jordan behind you?”
I turned around to the loud sound of his motorcycle. In shock, I walked over to him, ignoring Kevin’s question. “Jordan?” I said.
“Cassie, what happened here? Is your mother alright?” he said as he got off his bike to hug me. He brushed my hair out my face and kissed me.
I wrapped my arms around him, “No, she’s not, but it will be okay.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, it will be okay.”
“Okay, I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where?”
“It's a secret.”
“That sounds scary.”
“Don’t be silly. Can you come or are you busy with the cops?”
“Maybe later tonight or tomorrow. A lot is happening and Mama is at the police station,” I cried. “I'm so happy to see you!”
“What happened?” he asked again as he hugged me.
“Just stay with me, please.”
“Alright, Cassie. I'm not going anywhere.”